#NerdsUnite: Open Up and Say Aaaah

<editorsnote> Jordan is a dating coach. But not like "a" dating coach ... lemme rephrase that, he is THE dating coach. He has a show on SiriusXM called "Game On" and he's a super smarty pants when it comes to examining social dynamics. No ... like for real. </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

The easiest way to get what you want is to ask for it. We’ve talked here immensely about asking for what you want and how high value people are comfortable doing so. They are fine whether they get what they want or not. They would rather leave an interaction knowing that they went for what they wanted than wondering, “What if?”

Why be scared to ask for what you want? Is it because you might be seen as weird? We all have quirks. Is it the rejection? Well I’d rather be rejected than not ask for what I really wanted.

Everyone has kinks, quarks, fetishes and weird things they are into. You may think you are the only one who thinks this way. Truth is, you are not. There are sick, crazy weird people just like you and they get off on things that you get off on. The problem is, you are afraid to talk about it.

Everyone wants to experiment and everyone has needs, wants and desires. The best relationships are the ones that explore these fantasies together. Being young is all about exploring and most partners will be happy to participate as long as they feel safe. They just want someone who will help them facilitate the fantasy. If you are open and fun, you can be the one she is willing to explore with.

To be able to have an exploratory conversation about these kinks, you have to set up a platform where both parties feel safe about sharing. This is important. Without this, people can feel judged or vulnerable. To set this up you cannot be judgmental. You can’t make fun of people for how they play. This only makes things uncomfortable for your partner to share.

Keep the initial conversations light. By doing that your partner will be able to banter back on the subject. If she is having fun with it you can be assured that the subject can be looked into further.

When you are in bed together exploring each other’s bodies, ask her what she wants. Allow her to answer; she will want to do the same thing for you. Sex is supposed to be somewhat of a mutual exchange. There is giving and taking on both sides. Let me do something special for you and in exchange that you would do something special for me.

Open up about what you want first. This will allow her to feel comfortable sharing. When you open up first, others will want to share as well. In fact sometimes they will share because it can seem unfair not to.

Be careful what you ask for.

Perhaps you might need to explore a few of her fantasies before she feels comfortable in a few of yours. Remember, you might be asked to return the favor as well.

If you want a weekend pass to be with some other women, you better be comfortable with her asking for the same. If you think exploring some back door activities would be fun she might ask you how open you would be to it. I personally know for myself, that’s a non-starter.

Have your rules for how you want to handle things and don’t pressure anyone into doing anything they are uncomfortable with. If you think bringing other girls into the mix is intriguing to you, she might want to explore the same with a male friend. If you are not cool with that, let her know. She might be down for having it your way, but you can’t throw a fit when you bring it up and she asks for the same.

Throw it out there see what things are on both of your plates and what can be mutually explored between the both of you happily. Those who play together stay together.

You would be surprised what you find yourself doing if you just ask.

#nerdsunite

Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach.  He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company.  If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm team, then visit http://www.theartofcharm.com.  You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook.

#NerdsUnite: Why is perception so important in the bedroom?

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Fabio. Yes. Real name. We're friends in the digispace and he owns and blogs at the fantastically awesome site LetsTalkSex.net. He's here today to share one of his latest and greatest tips on sex, and I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT FABIO!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Fabio Black

In your challenge to last longer in bed you need to realize how important a role your perception plays.

First.

Your mind is the biggest and most powerful sexual organ you have. While sleeping, sometimes you get horny and even come without any sexy lady stimulating you.

It all happens in your mind. The dreams you recreate are so vivid and feel so real that your body reacts ejaculating.

If you think this only happens when you sleep, you’re wrong.

While you’re having sex your mind works against you and if you aren’t conscious of what it does you can’t do much, you can’t “fight” it.

After you realize what your mind does to you, you’ll feel determined to take control of it.

I really challenge you to take a pen and a piece of paper and next time you’re having sex, pay attention to what you’re thinking.

It’s gonna be hard, and I tell you, the harder it looks the more you need this exercise. (Unless of course you’re thinking about nothing at all during sex, in which case you don’t need this post).

Pay attention to what you’re thinking and write it down when you finish. Write down all the images that flash in your mind, all the voices you hear…

You’ll realize that a lot of crap is going on in your head while having sex. And it’s this crap that makes you come sooner that you would like.

Second.

Perception is your ally. Write this word around your bedroom to help you remember. Remember to stay in the moment, feel the sensations in your body and “relax into them”.

The idea of relaxing yourself “into your sensations” might sound strange until you try it. When you feel pleasure and your body is not used to it, it will contract and the contraction will lead you closer and closer to ejaculation.

Your genitals, penis and pelvic muscles are the ones that contract the most. Your back and shoulders follow.

Relax.

Go with the pleasure.

When you feel pleasure in a specific area of your body, know that in that specific point you’re also feeling a contraction. Release it! And breathe.

Take your time. Go slowly. Breathe.

There is no hurry.

Let your body relax in the moment and again, take your bloody time.

After you’ll have exposed your body to pleasure for extended periods of time, it will build a resistance and your stamina will slowly increase.

Remember: No hurry.

#thatisall

Fabio Black writes about sex, sex and sex. But not necessarily in that order. Read more about him here.

#NerdsUnite: The Creativity Tactic to spice up your sex life

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Fabio. Yes. Real name. We're friends in the digispace and he owns and blogs at the fantastically awesome site LetsTalkSex.net. He's here today to share one of his latest and greatest tips on sex, and I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT FABIO!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Fabio Black

So, I’m sure you’re now an expert on the diversion tactic to spice up your sex life, but how did you go with the exploration tactic? Got lost between the round silky hills?

I know how you feel.

The old sage once said:

“Will power is the ability to look a naked woman in the eyes”.

Now, let’s do a little personality test:

If exposed to a heavy, dusty, 2,900 page Chinese grammar book, what is the first thing you would think?

A) Oh yeah, man! Finally something exciting in my life! Let me study it!

B) Oh nooo, Chinese grammar is so boring, almost like having sex with my partner!

C) Chinese?? Why not Korean? At least then I could have translated Gangnam Style!

Whether you chose A, B or C you urgently need to read this post. Actually I suggest you print it, cut it in little pieces, put it in your tea and drink it all in once! (Maybe with a squeeze of lemon :))

We want to spice up your sex life, and tonight we’re going to use the creativity tactic. Creativity can make things very exciting if properly used, so get ready to discover 4 sexy, cheeky games you can enjoy with your partner; the warm alphabet, the sweet honey, the crazy candle and the hidden chocolate.

After you read the instructions for each game below, write them on 4 little pieces of paper (by hand - no computer and no printing, alright?), fold them and place each underneath a candle. Try to choose 4 different candles in different colors and shapes… I know what you are thinking: “Come on, man, do I really need to do all of this??”

This is my answer: no, you don’t need to. You can just dunk your spoon in the milk like anyone can, or break up with your partner, find someone else, wait for your new exciting sex life to become boring again and come back to this website, read this post once more and go for the candles this time… I don’t know, if I were you, I would give it a try tonight.

And by the way, if real candles are too expensive for you, just draw candles on a piece of paper, she’ll smile 100% guaranteed.

Now. Take her into a room of your choice with a comfortable surface for lying down. Switch off the lights, and light up the candles (that at this stage should already be on the table or floor with the instructions underneath them). Play some soft music, ideally from a smooth female singer and explain the rules to her: each of you has to choose a candle, of course she starts, and follow the instructions underneath them.

The Warm Alphabet:

Have your partner take off their underwear and lay down. Then unfold your tongue from your mouth and draw the alphabet on your partner’s jewelry. ;) Do it very slowly and let the jeweler choose the letters.

The Hidden Chocolate:

Blindfold your partner and turn them around (just to be sure they can’t see you), hide a little piece of chocolate somewhere on your body. Then, have them finding it – with their tongue. Hands are strictly not allowed.

The Sweet Honey:

Undress your partner and lay them on their side, naked. Squeeze some honey on their body, starting from the ankle and going up to their tights and hips and underarms and neck. Then slowly lick it away. Mmmm.

The Crazy Candle:

Grab the candle that was covering this piece of paper and put it next to your partner. Have them lay down and open their legs. Then, mirroring the movement and rhythm of the candle, lick your partner’s piece of cake until you drive them crazy.

Right!

All of these games are about oral sex, so tell her to warm up her tongue before starting out,maybe give her something warm to drink.  ;)

Since you know what there is underneath each candle let her choose first. If you have troubles arriving to the end of the game because you’re too horny, just calm down (cue oriental music) and meditate on what the old sage said: “Will power is the ability…” repeat this in your mind over and over again, :) like a mantra. This should give you the inner strength you need to get to the end.

But if it doesn’t work... free the beast inside you!

#thatisall

Fabio Black writes about sex, sex and sex. But not necessarily in that order. Read more about him here.