#RealDeal: Cha ... cha .. changes ...

We interrupt this post to bring you a sex tip PSA from our friends over at LuckyBloke.com: 80% of people who have an STD experience no noticeable symptoms whatsoever. Most have no idea they are infected.

Ah, bah, and yah - what a gnarly couple of days. So, happy few days after the 4th everyone! I spent my holiday over on the beach with my new friends from the Silicone Beach Fest. In the smallest world ever category, one of the guests at the party is the current roommate from a chick I went to middle school with in CT. I told her what I did for a living, and she goes OH! I know you!! You know Steph Belsky? She was in that stage show you guys do (The Dirty Truth About Nerdy Girls - next show August 3rd!!)!

Steph and I have known each other since we were 12 at King Philip Middle School. She was literally one of my first friends when I moved there in 8th grade, and now she just moved out to LA earlier this year so obvi we've been chatting again. That shit cray!

So yeah ... that was cool randomly meeting this guy at a bar and then a few weeks later finding out that his roommate works with your old friend's roommate. THE WORLD IS COMPRISED OF THREE PEOPLE THAT JUST KEEP DOING COSTUME CHANGES!!!

Outside of that, we're going through what they call in business a "hyper growth phase." The next step with TNTML is making this brand as mainstream as possible. I just started writing for GoFoBo.com, and also am branching out to a RIDICULOUSLY huge online brand (which has already been written so me thinks will be going live next week). For them, I'm going to be co-authoring a column on personal branding from the grass roots and corporate side (the other chickadee works for a major computer company, so she's corporate, I'm grass roots).

THEEENNNNNN, I'm also taking all of the popular stories on this site right now and revamping them a bit and will be submitting them through my management to big magazine companies (how 1999). The story of this brand has already been told, but it's my job right now to add structure to the business side of it regarding our advertising model, and then BUST MY ASS as much as possible to align with bigger brands to get the TNTML name out there more.

It's pretty cool, and again with anything in life - all about networking, and all about working your fanny off.

Also, one thing that came up this week in meetings a few times is the fact that I need to also learn when to step back. I set up the foundation of this brand on my personality - but this brand will one day be a lot bigger than me. I laid the structure, I'm opening the windows - but like with anything, you need to know when to step back so it doesn't dilute the product. We have a VERY specific niche, it's my job to also not only have a fabulous selection of other writers (we currently have over 75), but also build out the other lifecasters that will come on board. I don't know who those lifecasters are yet, but I'm confident I will find them. Producing and storytelling is in my soul, so I'm excited for what the future holds!!!!

We're also going through our site redesign right now ... and ahhhhh!! it looks so so PURRTY!!! I can't show you guys yet, but very very very soon it will all be up and running which makes me happy.

Oh! Oh! And next week I'll be at another TV network pitching one of the shows based on this brand. BAHH!!

I can't begin to tell you how grateful I am for all of you, and for this brand as a whole. This site is my life's work and the fact that so many of you read us, and respond - literally makes my life .... thank you. Thank you so so much.

I am not going to lie, this extreme hyper growth period is on an emotional level making me very uncomfortable - but knowing that you all are there cheering our team on makes me so unbelievably grateful.

More good news this weekend for all you Walking Dead fans that will be at Comic Con ... so stayyyy tuuuuunnneedddd!!! =)

#somuchfreakinglove

#NerdsUnite: On a Quest to Find my (Bat)manhood (It’s Been a Long Night)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Taco. (Funny how the important the word "buddy" is in that sentence.) We've been Facebook buds for sometime now, but he's about to embark on a personal quest and has asked to write about it. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT TACO!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Redknave

I don’t want to kill myself. Mostly ‘cause I don’t want to hurt Alfred, she never did me wrong. It’s not fair to her. Also, Assassin’s Creed 3 comes out in October and I have to know how the story ends. And I’ve got projects that I want to complete. And there’s a future I want to make for myself. But that doesn’t change the fact, that every morning for the past few days/weeks/months I woke up thinking “I want to die.”

And the feeling just gets stronger and stronger. I’ve thought about at least 2 or 3 different plausible ways for me to end everything. Thing is, I need a fucking job to do it. This isn’t right. What happened to me isn’t right. And I’ve looked online for help because that’s all I can really afford. A lot of the advice is to trust in God… and that’s where I stop listening. I can’t believe in a god that would allow my One Bad Day to happen. That would allow this to happen to children everywhere. I came up with this idea that God died trying to make the universe, which is why there was no one around to stop what was happening to me, what is currently happening to many others.  I really don’t know where I’m going with this. I just want to stop feeling this way.

I want to stop feeling like I’m worthless, like I’m not good enough. I keep forgetting that what happened to me was out of my control, that it wasn’t my fault. I’m not the one to blame. That Joe Chill fucked it all up for me.  And right now, I just want him to fucking die. I want him to take a gun to his fucking head and pull the fucking trigger. I don’t fucking care if it’s wrong to want this. This is how I fucking feel. And I want him to fucking pay. I want some form of justice. I want SOMETHING to happen. But it’s far too late to take any legal action and there probably isn’t any evidence left to use against him. And if there was, what lawyer would take the case? I’m fucking broke.  

I’m so sick and tired of waking up wanting to die, or of living the past few days, just sitting there in front of the computer, waiting to die. I feel so exhausted looking for help online because none of it really helps. All the advice says is “go seek therapy.” Well, if I had the cash, I’d fucking be in therapy and not online looking for help. But the past few months, one of the reasons I haven’t been updating regularly is because I feel like shit. And the past few weeks was the worst yet. Each day for the past few weeks I had a nervous breakdown, or a mini-breakdown and it all culminated into one massive breakdown on June 16^th. Almost every day leading up to the 16^th I’d waste away in my room, crying and screaming silently at the universe. And I’d cry on the phone to Alfred. I’d stuff my face with cookies thinking eating would help. It didn’t. And I kept wondering how God would let this happen, which eventually lead me to my current theory that god died while making the universe. And then the 16^th came, I went to go see Puscifer live. The concert was amazing, though, I felt like shit before and after the concert I was happy during it. But that night I was desperate and in a lot of pain and tried to cut thinking, that the pain would make me feel better because it usually did. But nope, not that day. I ended up calling Dawn who did something, I forget if it was reiki or EFT or what, but she used it to calm my ass down.

And it’s fucked up that I feel this way, and he doesn’t. It feels like he got away with hurting me. And that’s not right. Every time I think about it, it’s like I don’t matter. That he got away with this because I don’t matter, there’s no justice for me ‘cause I’m not important enough. And I want to fucking matter. And I want him to fucking pay. Problem is, I know him getting his head blown off doesn’t really fix anything and me wanting him to die breaks my One Rule to Love Everyone. But I just don’t know what else to do or think. I just want some piece of mind. One of the things that has helped is that one line from The Dark Knight, “The night is always darkest before dawn, but I assure you dawn is coming.” Well, this has been the longest fucking night ever. I can’t wait for the dawn, that one moment where I’ll wake up and not want take a gun to my head. And I know I’ll get there, I just don’t know when.

#thatisall

click here to follow Taco on the twittah!

#NerdsUnite: Comfort zone be gone!

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Chelsea. She's a newbie to our loverly state of California and is currently trying to find her own voice and find her own way. Gosh, aren't we all??? She's here today to talk about her journey in life, love, and all things nerd.  I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT CHELSEA!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @chelofthesea

Almost every week when I sit down to write my post, I have a solid idea in my mind of what I am going to write about. I’ve usually jotted down some notes in my phone about it. I’ve usually constructed sentences for it while in the shower (man… I should be thinking of dirtier things in the shower, huh?) or on my drive to work. But, almost every week, as I’m writing the post, pouring my thoughts out, I hit a brick wall. Literally halfway through a post I make the decision that this is not what I want/need to be writing about and cannot continue. It’s like all of a sudden something in my brain clicks and I realize there is something else dying to get out of my brain. So I save my half post and move on…

This week was no different. Today at work, I knew exactly what I was going to write about when I got home. I had a half post I wanted to add to and was ready to work on but after hearing myself say a sentence, for the second time in twenty-four hours, and not being happy about it, I decided this was what I needed to talk about this week.

What is the sentence you ask? “I’m not going to do it. But if I saw someone else do it, I would be totally jealous and wish I’d been ballsy enough to.”

What were these in reference to? 1) I was talking about buying some fun glasses to add to my rotation of frames.  2) Asking a dude out on a date via Twitter.

Let’s talk about each of these.

1) This is probably such a silly, girly thing to worry about. If you like a pair of glasses, why the hell not go for it and order them? As someone who wears glasses every single day (to help me see, not just for decoration), they have become a way I identify myself/my personal style. So I wanted to order a pair of glasses that were different than what I’m used to and literally said out loud to my friends that I wasn’t going to order them because I didn’t think I’d have the balls to wear them, but that if I saw someone else wearing them I’d be so pissed I hadn’t just gone for it. After I said this I didn’t really think about it – just moved on with my day and forgot about it all together.

2) I was joking with my friends about asking a guy on a date via Twitter. This would not only have been the first time I asked a dude on a date via social media, but it would be the first time I asked a guy out in general. I’m all about saying fuck gender roles but there’s something to be said about the tradition of a guy asking a girl out. I will do my best to make it known I’m diggin your dougie* but I’d like you to make the first move. (After that, I’ll make all kinds of first moves, though, no worries.) I decided against doing so for a multitude of reasons, but again I found myself saying that I’d have nothing but praise for a girl who did in fact have the balls to go for it. Ie: Ms. Jen Friel. But c’mon her life and my life are worlds apart. She has the luxury of asking dudes out via Twitter, I have yet to gain that.

This got me thinking (realizing I say this in almost every post) about why I don’t do things I want to do. No, I can’t make a blanket statement and say I never do anything I want. Very rarely do I allow fear to have any say in the decisions I make but every now and then it creeps its way into my mind and commands me to listen. But what I’m really thinking about is whether or not this is a bad thing. After I basically pussied out of both of those things, I was pissed at myself. But maybe I wasn’t pussying out… Maybe my rational mind was just making judgment calls and the Chelsea in the moment didn’t want to agree with them.

After trying to determine which of these was true, I’ve come to the conclusion that it is a combination. As far as the glasses go, I’m just being dumb and worrying about what other people will think of how they look. But ya know what? Fuck it. I like those glasses and I’m the one who has to wear them. Don’t like ‘em? Don’t look at my face! I bet they don’t like you either. Okay I just want to clarify that I understand making the decision on what glasses to buy is really not that serious and I’ve turned it into something so much more but this absurd internal dialogue is helping me learn more about myself and you can’t blame a girl for embracing that.

As far as the extreme flirting on Twitter, I think it was my brain exhibiting self-control. Sure, had it resulted in the dude being psyched and us kickin’ it, I would have been pretty damn excited, but it wasn’t worth the risk. Sometimes we have to calculate what we want, and what it’s worth. Worth being embarrassed the next time I saw the person? Nope. Worth dealing with rejection when my confidence has been at an all-time high lately? Nope. Worth ruining a possible friendship? No. So I let it go. Also, I think I want to take my dating life to the real world a bit more.  I’ll go into details about that statement another day but just know, asking someone out on Twitter was not the right thing for me to do today. But maybe one day it will be.

All of that being said, I’ve decided that I can’t always use the cop out that I “don’t have the balls” to do something, because thanks to my second X chromosome, I will in fact never have balls. Guess this means I’m off to order a new pair of glasses and see what happens with the cute fella. Waiting is part of the fun anyway, right?

*Diggin your/his/her/my dougie is a phrase one of my dear friends started saying about a year ago. It means someone is romantically interested or attracted to someone else. At first, I criticized her and refused to give in. I constantly made fun of her for saying it and swore it sounded like some new sex position. But lately I find myself using it and non-stop and not able to find a better phrase to describe what I mean. So this is me waving my white flag and saying you, my lovely friend stuck in a flyover state, you win this one.

#nerdsunite

click here to follow Chelsea on twitter!

#NerdsUnite: No glove, no love! (Introducing @LuckyBloke)

HAHAHA I can't even type this sentence out without laughing ... but here we go ...

After having MY VERY FIRST straight from the bar one night stand (see I'm still slut shaming myself over the experience), while we were having breakfast actually, I had a sponsorship call with this loverly condom sponsorship.

<tangent> There is NOTHING more spectacular than waking up in a bed other than your own btw and shouting - WHAT TIME IS IT?!!? I have a condom sponsorship call at 11!! High-larious! </tangent>

Contrary to recent actions dictating otherwise, I have actually greatly toned down the sexual hanky panky (yay for personal growth) but the one thing that truly fascinated me about this company was the philanthropic and educational component to it.

Here, let me have them tell you a little more ... here's some more info on them courtesy of the fabulous Minna Life ...

What could be better than great (and safe) sex? Maybe great sex that can save the world! That's right, it's a fantastic concept dreamt up by the gang at Lucky Bloke Condoms. The more sex you have, the more condoms you use, all adds up to more money that goes to charity. Let's do the math, shall we?
That's a win + a win + a win = a super sexy trifecta!

How does it work? Lucky Bloke sells a subscription package (or one-time sale) of condoms in a wide variety choices. They make it quick and fun to find just your perfect protection with a rather hip filtering interface. Once the order is placed, it shows up discreetly at your doorstep to keep you stocked for frisky fun times so you never need to think about it or make a late-night dash to the drugstore. Insanely cool, right? To sweeten the deal, part of their sales are donated to such venerable charities as UNICEF, Charity:Water, & It Gets Better Project. So, just as their tagline shouts, "Have more Sex & Save the World", so now you too can become a sexual superhero.

You can tell the crew running the show at Lucky Bloke loves their work cause they make the entire experience so playful. And why not? They know that sex should be fun. You can find them spreading their entertaining content all over the webisphere and, of course, always reminding us to keep it safe. Pop on in their Tumblr or Pinterest boards to catch some of the sexy shenanigans. Or check out this lusty YourTango piece they wrote hypothesizing on condoms that Einstein might have used for a quantum physical tryst.
Who knew that MC² =♡!

And they're not kidding about the discreet packaging - check out how mine arrived ...

A traditional manila envelope but LOOK AT THE GOODIES INSIDE!!!

It's cool because not only does a portion of the sale go to charity AND it's a subscription based service (you'll never run out again) BUUUUUTTTTTT they sell all different brands and sizes.

Like did you know the reason why condoms fall off during sex so often is that some men are a size "slim fit?"

True story - they're super popular in Asia and Europe, and I can't tell you how many times that has happened to me and how embarrassing it is searching your cooch for the pooch.

Lucky Bloke will be interrupting posts throughout the month with some awesome sexual information for you guys, and I'm really stoked and honored to have them on board. It's also run by a female CEO so the whole chicks rule and can empower themselves through having THEIR OWN condom stash is pretty freaking fantastic!!!

Click here for more info on Lucky Bloke, and don't forget to like 'em on Facebook. They post some pretty funny pics!!

Happy humping everyone!!

#YAYLIFE

#NerdsUnite: The Ramblings of a Raconteuse (A Week in the Life...)

editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Helenna. We met on twitter not too long ao, and she's totes mcgotes one rad chiquita banana with a flare for all things flair! That's right, Helenna here is what we call an artsy fartsy nerd. She's a poet, into all things dramatic arts, and she's going to come on board to write each week about her love of said drama. Well not like actual drama drama, like some cat fight shit - but you get the idea. I only have one thing left to say ... HIT IT HELENNA!!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Helslevy

Holy crap this was a jam packed week!  It was one of those weeks in LA where I was floating around trying to stay on top of everything and praying that it will all work out in the end.  A number of the things that I was trying to accomplish ended up being moved around which was a relief, but a lot of things still stayed on the schedule.  Here’s an overview of what is often the craziness of a typical LA week…

*NOTE:  I even got in 4 days of workouts, but this week only 1 shift at my “thrival job” because everything was so busy, which means that more money was going out than was coming in with the exception of…

MONDAY: ”Shoot Day” 

I did a shoot for fellow Geek Girls Create panelist Kristen Nedopak’s Skyrim parody video where I play one of the Forsworn. 

I had an absolutely amazing time filming a short fight sequence as well as hanging out with the cast and crew. It was a long day but SO MUCH FUN! 

 

TUESDAY: ”Admin Day” 

Among a plethora of other administrative type things, I spent the day speaking with my publicist and finishing off the press release announcing my attachment as a series regular in a new Game of Thrones style web series/transmedia project called “Legendary: A Tale of Blood and Steel” filming in Portland this fall. 

I’m SO excited to be a part of this ground breaking new show, and will be playing an exiled Queen.

I also started putting together outfits for a photo shoot I have today out in Long Beach. 

WEDNESDAY: “Errand Day”/VidCon preparty

The team from “Legendary” was in town from Portland for VidCon so after doing a ton of house errands like grocery shopping and paying bills, I headed out to Anaheim for the pre-party. 

It was a fantastic event and I had a blast running into tons of great New Media peeps, and afterwards the “Legendary “team headed to what turned out the be the best dive bar in Anaheim!

THURSDAY: “Submission Day/Hollywood Schmoozing” 

I’ve been looking for a great agent to add to my team and have been taking meetings over the past few months.  Having been in LA now for 5 years I have had a slew of different types of agents and managers.  In fact, last year when I booked “American Reunion” I was without representation at all because I had left the companies I was with shortly before that.  

It really is difficult to find people who are on the same page you are.  At the moment, I’m looking for a theatrical agent who has a similar, if not the same view that I do, of where my career is headed and how to get there.  This takes a lot of time, research, submissions, researching potential referrals, the list goes on… 

My press release also went out on this day and by 6pm had already received 1500 hits.  Today, when I’m writing this, it has 3,297. Phew!  Hopefully these numbers will be able to churn out a few write ups.

At the end of the day, I headed to a party at the W Hotel to do some schmoozing with the team from “Legendary” and kick back with a few bevies.

FRIDAY: VidCon Day 1

I headed out to VidCon early in the am and spent the day catching up with New Media folk, going to panels, introducing the “Legendary” team to some key new media players, and hanging out with friends.

I had another event in Hollywood that night but ended up not making it back in time and was pretty darn sleepy.

SATURDAY: VidCon Day 2

Left early again to head out to Anaheim.  The majority of this day was spent connecting with some key New Media types and supporting my friends in Machinima/Fearnet’s show “Bite Me” at their panels and main stage show.

I didn’t get back until 2am that night because there was an accident on the I-5.  I always  wonder why on earth I get surprised by the fact that the times you are in a rush or exhausted, are the times when the good ol’ LA traffic monster will rear it’s ugly head even when it’s like 1am. *sigh*

SUNDAY: Zzzzzz….

So sleepy…… After getting an average of 5 hours of sleep per night through the week, I slept for 11 hours straight.  That night I headed to my “thrival job” and when I got home crashed super hard. Zzzz….

MONDAY, today:  Photo Shoot

I’m up and at ‘em early again about to run to the beauty store to buy some fake lashes for my shoot today, getting some last minute outfits together, and doing my hair before I head to Anaheim.  

All in all this is a typical busy week in my life.  Usually there are auditions thrown in there as well, but it’s been quiet for me lately.  Also, I usually get a couple more workouts in per week as well as a couple more shifts at the ol’ “thrival job” and my husband Barry and I usually have a “date day.”  But all in all, this is a pretty accurate “week in the life.”

Until next week!

#xoxo hels

tweet me at: @helslevy

browse me at: helennasantoslevy.com

email me at: contacthelenna@gmail.com