#NerdsUnite: When it comes to dating, do you pay? or not pay? that is the question

We interrupt this post to bring you a sex tip PSA from our friends over at LuckyBloke.com: Condom Size is the most important factor for PLEASURE as well as safety.

Pre this site and pre becoming this extreme accidental dating expert - I truly didn't understand just how VALUABLE some of these actions really were. In my one adult relationship I was totally a sugar mama. He was great, and obviously took care of a lot of the living expenses (we lived together) ... but when it came to dates, and even surprise gifts (I bought him an Xbox randomly one day) that shit was my jam. What I didn't understand, however, was how emasculating that could be for the guy. In my head, I just assumed that every chick should always always always pay her way ... isnt' that what being an "independent woman" was all about?

No.

No.

Oh ... and HELL NO.

I've mentioned this in a previous post on gender roles, but dating is a courtship ... dating has a rhythm and is a dance. I can't two step while he's waltzing - we just aren't going to jive (pun intended).

Lemme personalize this a bit more ...

This week, I had my 4 date with this one guy. He's super ... awesome ... totally into him ... yet, I have not paid for a single bit of anything. You have NO idea how much that makes me want to jump out of my skin and screammmm ahhhhhh!! but I'm always always always about paying my way (even when it came to the 103 dates in 9 months, I wouldn't let guys buy me dinner because at the time I knew I couldn't afford going halfsies). That need, that desire and want to pay is my ego speaking; dating is primal. Guys don't WANT to feel like they can provide for a girl, psychologically speaking they NEED to provide for her and in return a woman NEEDS to FEEL like a guy can provide for her. If I'm coming in and offering to pay for that round of drinks or pay for my half of dinner I'm all of the sudden unintentionally emasculating him and messing with the rhythm of the courtship.

Men at their primal core need to protect and provide for the female. In return, she bonds with him, and together they form a family. Evolution dictates this - period end of sentence. For a woman to become emotionally attached to the guy (where the root of the orgasm is, and where oxytocin aka the bonding hormone is secreted) she has to feel like he CAN provide and protect her. I may know how to throw a punch, take a punch, fire a gun, and wield a knife based on things that I had to do to protect myself in my past (even taking a brick to my head and STILL surviving that shiznat) - but I ABSOLUTELY have to let my guard down with guys to let THEM step up to the plate just so I can then bond with them and feel that connection. Letting my guard down is obviously something I have struggled with, but through working with a shaman and spending 10 months doing self work, I have definitely come leaps and bounds.

I can't be the "tough chick" that my ego wants to say that I am - nor do emotionally I want to be. I've done what I've had to do to survive in the past ... but that's not me. I'm TOTALLY a romantic and TOTALLY all about the guy stepping up - but the problem was I was guilty of emasculating them too much financially to the point where I just eventually lost interest in the guy.

ABSOLUTELY none of that was the guy's fault, of course, but I didn't realize what I was doing and what a failure I was setting up for regarding our courtship.

Here are the current rules I abide by that have been helping TREMENDOUSLY:

1) First date: Female offers to go half. SUPER IMPORTANT to offer. 9/10 guys won't take you up on it - but I can say the 1 that did, check him out closely. From personal experience, mine recently turned out to be gay. I'm NOT saying this is a staple and a blanket statement but definitely an interesting observation to note on how he just "didn't get it." He wouldn't even buy me a cup of coffee, and when we split a dish once he STILL took me up on my offer to go dutch.

2) Second date through committed monogamous relationship: Male pays 100%. Sorry to say that guys, but until we're in a relationship - I won't pay. Dates don't even have to be expensive either. I am a frugal, frugal, bitch. Grab a bottle of two buck chuck and have a netflix night. Absolutely ANYTHING is appreciated ... but it's courtship, and bottom line - your girl is hot property and for you to be taking her out on prime real estate nights (ala Friday and Saturday nights) you HAVE to pony up.

After the monogamous relationship, however, dates should have a budget. I know that a "dating budget" doesn't seem terribly romantic, but I can speak from personal experience that in running a business for myself it's a necessity and that clear communication from the get go ALWAYS makes this easier in dating.

Agree or disagree? lmk on Twitter or Facebook.

#nerdsunite

click the screen cap to join in on the conversation on Facebook

#NerdsUnite: The Ramblings of a Raconteuse (My First Comic Con!)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Helenna. We met on twitter not too long ao, and she's totes mcgotes one rad chiquita banana with a flare for all things flair! That's right, Helenna here is what we call an artsy fartsy nerd. She's a poet, into all things dramatic arts, and she's going to come on board to write each week about her love of said drama. Well not like actual drama drama, like some cat fight shit - but you get the idea. I only have one thing left to say ... HIT IT HELENNA!!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Helslevy

Well, this week I’ll be going to Comic Con for the first time ever.  To say I’m excited is a gigantic understatement.  

I’m ecstatic, elated, freaking joyously jumping up and down feeling like I should run around in circles excited.  I’m Christmas morning when you are 4 years old excited, a zombie seeing brains excited, my cat getting pet by two people at once excited.  So excited I can barely type the word ex-ccccc—iiii—ttteeeddddd!!  

So why I am so crazed you ask?  

I have never been to Comic Con and for me it has always kind of been the holy grail or mystical emerald city.  I’ve been on the yellow brick road headed there for awhile, but never took the final steps to see the wizard.  And in this version, the wizard is AWESOME.  I’m not quite sure why I’ve never made it there before.  Part of it was always finances, or other obligations, and then I had this silly pact with myself that I wasn’t going to attend until I was on a panel there.  Who knows why I made that dumb rule.  But this year when Geek Girls Create wasn’t an accepted panel I was like, “hellzzz yes, I’m still going!”  

Now ironically, I have a family wedding to go to this weekend so I’ll only be there for preview night and then the full day on Thursday.

(NOTE: next year no one is allowed to get married, have a baby, even the apocalypse will not keep me from attending Comic Con for the entire length of the festivities. Actually, apocalypse during Comic Con might be the best way to ensure survival.  After all, aside from a army base where else would you find so many people with knowledge about how to survive the end of the world?)  But I digress….

So I’ll be there on Weds and Thursday!  Tweet me if you are there, and maybe in the midst of the madness we’ll run into each other, or come and visit myself and the other Geek Girls Create ladies at the Geekscape booth! Here are the deets! 

GEEK GIRLS CREATE - appearance/signing

Thursday, July 12th (11am – 12pm) The Geek Girls Create Meet Up!

 The Geekscape SDCC Booth #3919

 in attendance: Kristen Nedopak (Skyrim Parodies), Stephanie Thorpe (ElfQuest), Helenna Santos Levy (American Reunion), Crix Lee (COO GirlGamer.com), Leah Cevoli (Robot Chicken), 

And we’ll be signing copies of these, so please drop by and say “hi!”

#xoxo hels

tweet me at: @helslevy

browse me at: helennasantoslevy.com

email me at: contacthelenna@gmail.com

#NerdsUnite: Play on playa! (Breaking down the world of sports so you don't have to!)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Derek - I met him when I was professor for a day at CSF. Really rad dude, and he wants to come on board to help explain to us nerdy folk the wild world of sports. Smart dude, and knows his shizzy shiznat. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT DEREK!!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @DerekJ_AllDay

Hello everyone! I hope you are all surviving the impending zombie apocalypse and stocking up your bomb shelters effectively. (Is it too late for a zombie man reference? What about bath salts?) REMEMBER! You survive three weeks without food, only three days without water. In the mean time, let me take you away from the bullshit for a few minutes and lets talk sports.

There has been a lot of drama across the sports world lately. Not a ton of action on the field neccesarily, but super star drama queens like Dwight Howard, center for the Magic, have taken the diva image of athletes to a whole new level.

 Just last year, Dwight Howard had an option in his contract to either stay with the Magic for one more year or forego his final year and enter free agency to presumably go to a much more serious contender than the Magic. Dwight has had a lot of public issues with his team about how they are not competing for a championship, and he has also gone as far as to request a trade to a contender.

For whatever his reasons may be, amongst years of Howard complaining and requesting trades, he decided to stay with Orlando for one more year. Now, in the most recent twist in the story, Howard came out and complained once again about his team with some reports going as far as saying he claimed he was "blackmailed" into agreeing to take his one year option. I don't doubt he said this, but I also don't think he knows what he is saying. I especially don't think he realizes the legal reprocussions of accusing an NBA team of blackmailing you. Anyways, that's not the point. I suppose the point is, it's just one more dramatic event you can add to Dwight's long list.

I guess I forgot, Dwight also bitched and moaned his way to getting his coach Steve Van Gundy fired last year.

We all know how frustrating it is to see an athlete complain so much while theyre making millions every month, but lets take a step back for a moment. Yes, Howard is immature, but he is also 26 and had a city's worth of pressure put on his shoulders at the age of 19. He was drafted into the NBA straight out of high school and never really got the normal chance to mature that most people get. I am not saying that he is doing anything correctly or the right way (other than playing basketball), but I am saying that I can understand how a person could end up like that after enough pressure was put on him. Here is a story I cannot understand...

One of the greatest managers of all time and a no doubt hall of famer, Tony LaRussa, has recently proven that 67 year old men can often times act just as immature as 26 year old super star centers. Even though LaRussa retired last year after he managed the Cardinals to a World Series Championship, he still has the right to manage the NL All-Star team because of last years WS win. The NL manager has the right to choose 9 All-Stars to represent their league, and after the dust settled and LaRussa made his decisions some people started to notice something; he didn't choose any of the Reds who seemed to deserve it.

The most glaring "snub" in my opinion was Reds starting pitcher Johnny Cueto who is currently fourth in his league in ERA and is tied for sixth with nine wins. Considering 13 pitchers made the NL roster, none is this seems to add up. Until...you remember all of the drama that occured between LaRussa's Cardinals and their division rival Cincinatti Reds. It truly is a scene words can't really explain, so that's why there is YouTube...!

That was....AWESOME! My favorite part is the old umpire sitting back adjusting his hat while the brawl was occuring. Can't say that I blame him.

The instigator of that fight was Reds second baseman Brandon Phillips, who couldn't shut up about how much he hated the Cardinals the day before that brawl happened. Phillips, was the second worst snub by LaRussa this year. So it seems fair to deduce that LaRussa is clearly not choosing these players based on merit, but rather he is doing this to fulfill some grudge from a year ago. I get it, baseball players never forget, but if you retire you aren't allowed to directly affect the game like this anymore. Cueto and Phillips are hard working athletes who deserve to be All-Stars, but because a retired old man can't get over a baseball grudge they are stuck at home missing something that truly is an honor for these players.

There are two ways to look at it, yes it's unfortunate that Vueto and Phillips got screwed, but this also opens doors for a lot more controversy and good baseball from these two teams. I just hope that they can keep it all on the field this time.

Thanks for reading again guys! You all rock and I'll talk to you next week!

#nerdsunite

Click here to follow Derek on Twitter!

#NerdsUnite: Who wants to be my date for the #WalkingDead press event at #SDCC??

Hi friends,

Fancy seeing you all round these parts again.

Thanks to my buddy @paulfierce - I got the heads up last week about the Walking Dead Comic Con party sponsored by Hyundai.

The cast will be there, and obvi, it's the big party Friday night - red carpet and all.

Super fun, and I'm genuinely a big Walking Dead fan (although the first half of season two was deplorable) .... so this is going to be a great event!

Rather than take some random OKC dude, I'd love love love for a reader of this site to be my date. Guy or girl, I don't care.

To win all you have to do is submit your best zombie impression.

Maybe you're a graphic designer and can design a gnarly zombie graphic ... or maybe you're an actor and want to submit a video ... maybe you're even a comic and just want to submit a zombie joke.

Any and or all of the above ... I just wanna see some brains and some good zombie schtuff ... so SHOW ME WHATCHA GOT NERDS!!!!

Email your submissions to JenFriel at TalkNerdyToMeLover d c no later than midnight pacific time on Wednesday July 11th.

In addition to the event, I'm sure the whole TNTML crew will be up to something weird and random, so this will no doubt turn into an adventure and you're very very very welcome to come along for everything.

To win you MUST be in San Diego on Friday the 13th (the night of the event) at 8pm. The winner is responsible for their own transportation, accommodations, and all that other fancy pants stuff. I'll getcha into the event it's your job however to look the part and not be a douche to the celebs.

Submit away nerderinos!! Can't WAITTTTTT to get some nasty brains in my inbox!!! (I feel like this might be a that's what she said moment)

Oh yeah! And even if you can't make it to the event, you can still submit for bragging rights. (Just make sure you indicate that you can't physically be there.)

Thanks so so much for reading TNTML everyone!! Look forward to meeting more of you while at comic con!! Tweet me! @jenfriel

#YAYLIFE

#NerdsUnite: How to Identify a Gold-Digger

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jordan; he's a dating coach. Wait, not like "a" dating coach ... lemme rephrase that, he is THE dating coach. He has a show on SiriusXM called "Game On" and he's a super smarty pants when it comes to examining social dynamics. No ... like for real. HIT IT JORDAN!!!  </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

Here’s a quick guide on how to identify a gold-digger.

First of all, let me distinguish between a gold-digger and a woman who wants you to treat her to dinner from time to time. The difference is the “time to time.”

See, most women will want a man to take her out as a romantic gesture on occasion. Sorry, but it’s true; splitting absolutely everything all the time might be financially practical, but it’s not sexy.

What makes a woman a gold-digger, though, is that she’s made it her job to find a man to pay for everything. And when I say job, I mean that literally—in the same way that most of us get an actual job to make money, a gold-digger has made finding a rich man her means of “making” money.

In other words, for a gold-digger, having you take her out or buy her a gift isn’t a nice romantic treat. It’s her financial plan for life.

You can spot a gold-digger because her questions will be very materially oriented. For example, she will ask questions about what kind of car you drive, or she will comment on your clothing label (different than just a compliment on clothing like “nice shirt.”). A woman that’s genuinely seeking a romantic connection will be much more concerned with finding out about you and your personality.

So, you can screen out a gold-digger right away by finding about her and her personality. A gold-digger will typically be very fascinated with wealth and wealthy people and will talk about all the stuff she wants to have “one day,” but she works a low-paying job and seemingly has no career plans or aspirations to obtain said riches herself.

A gold digger will also throw out the names of expensive places to see if you’ll take the bait and say,“Yeah? You’d like to try that restaurant? I’ll take you there some time…”

That’s the sucker’s response.

A better response is something like, “Oh, I know a place that’s way less expensive but the food is actually better.” A gold-digger will be disappointed and move on to find a sucker. A non-gold-digger will likely be impressed by your knowledge of cool places to get good food without paying through the nose for it.

If you’ve already been on a few dates with her and she keeps dropping hints that she likes jewelry from Tiffany’s, you can respond with a low-budget gesture. Take her to Tiffany’s to get a Cracker Jack ring engraved.

Yes, that’s straight out of Breakfast at Tiffany’s and thus you doing it will probably result in you getting laid—unless she’s a gold digger, in which case it will probably result in her leaving you for someone who will happily fork out for the real thing. Good riddance. Now you’re free to find a woman who is worth you taking her out and picking up the tab–from time to time. 

#nerdsunite

Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach.  He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company.  If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm team, then visit http://www.theartofcharm.com.  You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook.

Here’s a quick guide on how to identify a gold-digger.

First of all, let me distinguish between a gold-digger and a woman who wants you to treat her to dinner from time to time. The difference is the “time to time.”

See, most women will want a man to take her out as a romantic gesture on occasion. Sorry, but it’s true; splitting absolutely everything all the time might be financially practical, but it’s not sexy.

What makes a woman a gold-digger, though, is that she’s made it her job to find a man to pay for everything. And when I say job, I mean that literally—in the same way that most of us get an actual job to make money, a gold-digger has made finding a rich man her means of “making” money.

In other words, for a gold-digger, having you take her out or buy her a gift isn’t a nice romantic treat. It’s her financial plan for life.

You can spot a gold-digger because her questions will be very materially oriented. For example, she will ask questions about what kind of car you drive, or she will comment on your clothing label (different than just a compliment on clothing like “nice shirt.”). A woman that’s genuinely seeking a romantic connection will be much more concerned with finding out about you and your personality.

So, you can screen out a gold-digger right away by finding about her and her personality. A gold-digger will typically be very fascinated with wealth and wealthy people and will talk about all the stuff she wants to have “one day,” but she works a low-paying job and seemingly has no career plans or aspirations to obtain said riches herself.

A gold digger will also throw out the names of expensive places to see if you’ll take the bait and say,“Yeah? You’d like to try that restaurant? I’ll take you there some time…”

That’s the sucker’s response.

A better response is something like, “Oh, I know a place that’s way less expensive but the food is actually better.” A gold-digger will be disappointed and move on to find a sucker. A non-gold-digger will likely be impressed by your knowledge of cool places to get good food without paying through the nose for it.

If you’ve already been on a few dates with her and she keeps dropping hints that she likes jewelry from Tiffany’s, you can respond with a low-budget gesture. Take her to Tiffany’s to get a Cracker Jack ring engraved.

Yes, that’s straight out of Breakfast at Tiffany’s and thus you doing it will probably result in you getting laid—unless she’s a gold digger, in which case it will probably result in her leaving you for someone who will happily fork out for the real thing. Good riddance. Now you’re free to find a woman who is worth you taking her out and picking up the tab–from time to time.

Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach.  He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company.  If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm team, then visit http://www.theartofcharm.com.  You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook.