<editorsnote>Hi, I'm Jen Friel, and we here at TNTML examine the lives of nerds outside of the basements and into the social media, and dating world. We have over 75 peeps that write about their life in real time. (Real nerds, real time, real deal.) Sit back, relax, and enjoy some of the stories!!</editorsnote>
This exchange is totally making my afternoon ... check out the latest and greatest from the Sexter Jester ...
(He obviously read my post)
DID YOU REALLY JUST ASK ME IF I'VE HAD AN ORGASM TODAY?? Way to be the creepest Creeper McGee that I have ever featured on this site.
I genuinely don't know if age is a factor here and with this guy being at best guess at least a decade older than me - maybe he thinks sexting is like Yahoo! circa 1997 - but NONE OF THIS IS OKAY!!!
Do not ever ... EVER ... send unsolicited sext messages to a girl ... EVER!!!!
Never ever ever. Ever.
Ever.
Ever.
Excuse me, but now I have to go suffocate myself with the fake bubble I live in in LA ...
So, obvi, I post my life online. This is great for me because I cut out the bullshit "how you doing" conversations with everyone - and really get to the heart of things with people 100% of the time, always.
The downside of this dynamic, however, is the fact that people genuinely think that they know you and think they can text you anything ... at anytime.
Normally I don't respond - simply laugh to myself and move on ... but this afternoon's latest attempt was pretty intense.
Read ...
I had to black out some of the info to not identify the freak a leak ... but this is not okay. I don't care if you're someone like myself who posts their life online, or even just some random chick you met at a bar - do not under ANY set of circumstances EVER text a chick like this.
You will IMMEDIATELY be placed in the creeper file which basically means no pussy ... ever.
The rules of sexting are as follows:
1) Prior to said sexting session, one must either have already had sex with the party, or be about to have sex with the party.
Sexting can be GREAT foreplay. Think about it, you're at work grinding away, and your love muffin drops you a note reminding you about last night, or the adventure you're about to partake in! It's SUPER FREAKING HOT but only reserved for that special person. Sexting is NOT cybering and should NEVER be sent out at random.
2) Keep sexts short and sweet.
Sexting isn't a romance novel. Keep all sexts short and to the point. Brevity is the king when it comes to titillation!
3) Pictures help, but penis pictures do nothing for women.
Guys love love love sending chicks pictures of their penis. I'm convinced it is going back to our kindergarten self where when we painted something we wanted to run up to our mommy's shouting look at me look at me! Females aren't turned on visually - we are stimulated emotionally. Sending someone a straight picture of your penis won't really do anything for the female. UNLESS however, she is in a relationship with you and then based on her domination of your penis she will appreciate it - but other than that, keep the penis pictures in the pants. Focus on the written word ... drive her wild!!!
4) Back it up!
If you're sexting your chick all day going into great detail what you are going to do to her when you get home, MAKE SURE YOU FREAKING DO IT!!! Chicks appreciate a man of their word - so choose yours carefully, and back that shit up!!!
Just because I am a public figure does NOT mean I appreciate these kind of messages - and if I am not responding to your texts ... there. is. a. reason.
Hope this lesson helps clear up some of the confusion!!! Rock on!
Alrite, so I started using OkCupid in July of 2010 in an effort to break the pattern I had of dating douches. See, their site uses math to get you dates so rather than just saying, oh! this guy is cute, or oh! this guy gave me butterflies - I could try their algorithm to say yes, statistically speaking you are compatible with this person. No fuss, no muss and in my head at least eliminated a few more variables in dating.
The result? 103 dates in 9 months later - and all I did was learn about myself. I'm not mad at it clearly since self awareness is the key to EVERYTHING in life ... but after starting work with a Modern Day Shaman (@realityadjacent), I toned down the public documentation in real time of my dating and started speaking my own personal truth (understanding the universe will automatically attract like energy so I didn't need the dating site as much).
I still dated on OKC, obvi, but I did start also dating "organically."
On January 26th I got hit in the head with a brick (it was a Thursday), but after writing about it the following Saturday I decided when all was said and done I was going to get RIGHT BACK on the saddle and go back to Sunset (where I got attacked) and not be afraid to still continue living my little nomadic lifestyle.
I then went to one of my fav bars, and after a few hours of being there I got recognized (the guy told me he read the site and even asked if it was an OkCupid date).
I turned around to look at him, laughing while doing so, and when I saw the guy it was BBBAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. I had sonar for this guy from the second I laid eyes on him (and at this point I hadn't had that kind of response from a guy since Romeo).
It shocked me.
Yes, this guy was incredibly attractive but having dated so many models and actors looks are the LAST thing that ever ever ever interest me in a guy.
<tangent> I can't describe that visceral response ... it's energetic ... it's this wavelength that we all send out. </tangent>
Whatever it was, this guy had it, and I wanted more.
We then started dating, and it lasted for about a month before he sat me down one night (in my bedroom) and told me that he wasn't in the right headspace to be in anything serious.
Tears streamed down my face.
You're emotionally unavailable too?
He smiled as he comforted me wiping away the tears; because he read the blogs he also understood part of my baseline and why that was so frustrating for me.
I then picked myself back up, and accepted a date with a new guy. (It's funny because the one thing that usually keeps guys away from wanting to date me is the ONE thing that always keeps me dating!! As humbly as possible, there is never ... EVER a short supply in LA.)
He and I dated for a few months, but then in April - Romeo came back into my life.
Romeo being my kryptonite, however, I decided to put an end to our contacting each other since after 8 years he STILL has yet to arrive at a place in his life where we could be in a serious and committed relationship.
Flash forward to a few weeks ago, and I met this guy at a bar. He sat down with a group of my friends and IMMEDIATELY commanded the attention of everyone.
Not in the "look at me kinda way" but in this energetic manner that he presented himself; he was one of the most present people I had ever been around.
Again, my spidey animal instincts kicked in ... and I can't describe what this guy had, but I knew I wanted it. It wasn't quite the "sonar" that I had felt with the guy I met after the brick incident, but his presence was UNDENIABLE and the HOTTEST THING EVER.
We then went back to my place and made out like 8th graders.
It was hot ... really really really hot ... but low and behold ... because HE also read the site he knew that I wasn't looking just for a make out sesh and wanted to be a good guy and give me the heads up that he wasn't looking to commit to anyone anytime soon.
I laughed saying it wasn't like I wanted to put a ring on it tomorrow, but after spending almost all of my 20s single, and only being in one real relationship my entire life - I was ready for the next step in the process.
Hey, we all have to start somewhere and I am MORE than ready to start learning.
I asked him from an extremely genuine place to be 100% real with me and address some of my issues. I'm here to learn and I'm here to be transparent so I can better myself.
The problem might not be you though, he said - you just have to change your screening process.
There are subtle words you can drop into a conversation to see how a guy responds.
You can't just ask guys right off the bat if they are looking for something more committed, but you can say, I am now in a STABLE place in my life and am excited to be in this wonderful RELATIONSHIP with my work.
My biggest problem though is in my animal instinct; my wiring is off, I can literally feel it.
What do you mean, he said.
With the guy that I met after I got hit in the head with the brick, I remember laying on top of him one night, post sex, and feeling his chest saying I could feel the love coming from his heart.
He tilted his head and said, that's not love.
I remember that moment and remember IMMEDIATELY feeling this big - red flag - but I couldn't deny PHYSICALLY what this guy was doing to me.
That feeling, that energy, that vibration causes a TANGIBLE and PHYSICAL reaction. My body can't HELP on a VERY VERY VERY physical level BUT to be attracted to these kinds of guys.
Even with the algorithm, I picked the only 4 emotionally unavailable. I had a breakthrough with the finance guy, but I'm still not there yet and as a female it is a VERY scary thing to not be able to trust your animal instinct.
You shouldn't discredit though the guys that you are physically attracted to. (I mentioned to him always being weak in the knees for tall, dark, and handsome. I was 6 running around the house saying over and over how I was going to marry Antonio Banderas.)
How can I not discredit it though when it is that VERY PHYSICAL response that has lead me to a place of unavailability?
He wasn't exactly sure, but after spending the rest of the night thinking about it - I realized the answer was already inside of me.
If I need to rewire and reprocess maybe I need to redefine what "self love" means to me. Again, if life is reflective and if like energy is attracting, do I love myself enough to understand how much another guy could ever love me?
What vibration AM I sending out to these guys and what in me can place my hand on someone's chest and BE SO FAR OFF on their vibrational level.
Me time ... need to go and explore my own personal truth.
How am I going to do that??
Through motherfucking domination!!
It's HILARIOUS how all of these steps just end up clicking without me ever realizing it.
So, tonight, I am taking a new foot slave over to an s&m shop to pick up some bondage gear. (I am taking him to a club Saturday night on a leash, so I want him to wear a hood so he can maintain his anonymity.)
And then tomorrow night, I am going to be dominated. A dear friend of mine is also a "switch," and offered to teach me anytime I wanted to learn.
Even though being a domme is coming INCREDIBLY naturally for me, I need to learn what responses will create certain dynamics for the subs and what better way to learn than to literally have it done to you.
Reprogramming love through becoming a dominatrix??? Not bad ... not bad at all.
Now go away, you're not interesting me anymore ...
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Eric. He is a MAASSTTEERRR social dynamics expert that will be talking about his experiences in the field from both an expert, and experience perspective. He's not just saying "this is how to get the girl" he's here to share his actual life stories and lessons learned from them. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT ERIC !!</editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Redolpho
First a little background ...
I grew up an awkward gangly guy. In elementary school I commanded a strong 4th (out of 5) place in the hierarchy of the nerdiest group in class. In high school I found my way into a reasonably popular group but found out in later that they valued me very little. When I was seventeen I lost my virginity (more on that in a second). The unlucky other half of this experience was so impressed with my sexual ineptitude that she felt compelled to express my ranking in her long list of sexual experiences. I’ll leave you to infer where I sat in the ranks. My freshman year in college I mostly drunk fucked anything that came my way and gracefully soiled a few beds along the way. I came too fast and had no standards to speak of.
At 23 I broke up with my first love, we were together for three years. My ex and her parents taught me about standards for myself and the people that I associate myself with. We have a limited time on this planet and who we spend that precious time with is important. Although I am atheist, I believe that God/Karma/The Universe does work in mysterious ways. In a divine act of heavenly deliverance VH1 produced a show called The Pickup Artist. During the final days of my co-inhabitation with my ex I snuck in episodes every chance that I got. I watched as 10 or so guys, whom would be called socially challenged by anyone’s standards, became charismatic social beings.
At 26 I entered a new relationship with two beautiful women who loved each other as much as they loved me. It was fucking awesome! Along the way I dated models, rockstars, artists, business women and made more friends than ever before. These friends were true friends, they answered when I called and invited me on all the fun friend trips. Beyond sex and friends I became an intuitive person and that asset has had a ripple effect from my business savvy to my family life. I am keen to the subtleties that scream people’s real feelings and know how to socially dance with both men and women. (Learning to woo men is just as important as wooing women. They are one of the many gate keepers you’ll encounter.) Most importantly I am exponentially happier than I was when I was younger. The women I have dated each taught more about myself and the friends I have garnered have had a profoundly positive affect on my life that it is beyond my linguistic ability to express.
Everything that I have learned is teachable and if you have read this far I look forward to teaching you what I know and learning from you ... and now something we can all relate to - here is how I lost my virginity:
The night started like most nights when I was in high school -multiple blunts and cheap beers.
I was 17 years old and decided that I definitely wasn't going to make it 'til marriage.
I was on the hunt to feel that amazing moment where I slide into a beautiful girl.
We would do it like the porno's that I had been going number 3 to ever since Jesse Gibson told me that if I played with myself "it" would grow bigger.
Little did I know that this would be that night and although it would be eventful it would be far from the smut flicks that I had been watching. I was sitting in the backyard, eyes half mass and ready to rock and roll. Then the girl that would pop my cherry came into my life. She sat down with a smile and she was hot. I mean hot. I got chubbed up the second that I saw her. I knew that this was the girl when she responded to one of my comments with ... "Let's turn this into a blow job party!"
Just my type of girl. She was perfect. The only other thing that I remember was her telling me about how she stole a condom from my friend. As naive, young and stupid as I was I knew what that meant.
The next thing that I remember we are in a bedroom in the house and I am fully boned up. Ready to fuckin rock! I nervously pulled the trigger and asked her where the condom was. She happily grabbed the condom and based on my kissing ability probably thought that she was in for a good night. Thank god for stealing your Dad's condoms and practicing putting them on when no one's home. I strapped up and was ready to roll.
I thought that I had it on lock.
I had a plan. I was thinking of Grandma before I even got inside her. Grandma, Grandma, Grandma. One pump, two pumps, three pumps SQUIRT! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!! I should have known that my virgin ass was going to blow my load of man love but I really thought the Grandma thing would work.
I looked down and to my immediate shock THE FUCKING CONDOM FELL OFF!!!!!!! Wait! By Scott, I know where that little latex bastard is. So with my index and middle finger I went on a deep hunt in her already frustrated vagina to find that fucker.
No luck.
The condom was on the bed and if the fact that I spent a whole whopping 30 seconds inside this girl wasn't enough I had just aggressively gone on a condom hunt without any warning to her. EPIC FAIL! But wait once again folks it still gets more uncomfortable. Next thing you know someone comes bursting in through the bathroom door.
So let me paint the picture of what this person saw. I am bent over putting my pants on. I am sure that deep view into my ass was a pleasant start. Then came the shriek as my lady friend slammed her legs shut so that the view of her entire vagina was as brief as possible. And that is all that I can remember from my first beautiful night of making love. EPIC FAIL ERIC, EPIC FAIL!
After being consoled by some close friends I felt ok about the situation. It was my first time and apparently it’s supposed to be awkward and horrible. Who knew? But just in case you’re not convinced that it was that bad let her tell you how bad it was.
I'll need you to fast forward a couple years and I am a reasonably confident 20 year old visiting home from college. Hanging at a party with my band feelin like a pretty cool dude.
Then I see her again.
She is looking even hotter then I remember and walking towards me. Realizing that she is definitely coming to say hi to me I stand to meet her with a hug.
About half way in she stops me and says "I just wanted to let you know that you were the WORST sexual experience of my life."
Judging by the shit that was coming out her mouth the first night we met that means that I am at the bottom of a long list. What an asshole! I sat down. Confidence shot and ready to head home the last thing that I remember was her group of all hot females laughing as she rejoined them.
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Helenna. We met on twitter not too long ao, and she's totes mcgotes one rad chiquita banana with a flare for all things flair! That's right, Helenna here is what we call an artsy fartsy nerd. She's a poet, into all things dramatic arts, and she's going to come on board to write each week about her love of said drama. Well not like actual drama drama, like some cat fight shit - but you get the idea. I only have one thing left to say ... HIT IT HELENNA!!! </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Helslevy
When I started out with “Project Helenna,” I made the decision that I wouldn’t force anything as far as my career is concerned, instead I would let go of the reigns a bit, just sit back and relax for the first time in well…forever.
Now, of course I’ve still been very focused on my career goals, but focused in a different way. I’ve been doing my best to allow things to happen rather than have preconceived ideas or plans as to how those things would turn out. As the saying goes, “the path is the goal,” and I have to say I’m really happy with the way things are going. Turns out, when you give yourself some space to grow, the world/the universe/God, whatever you choose to call it, does a darn good job of supporting your decision.
Case in point, I made the firm decision that for the rest of 2012 I will not be producing anything. Instead I will focus solely on acting and working with fantastic people on fantastic projects. I also decided I wanted to get in the best shape I’ve ever been in so that I am in the physical condition needed to play the types of roles that really excite me outside of the comedy genre.
Now what’s awesome is that things are starting to materialize in really rad ways. Unfortunately, I can’t reveal the biggest news until next week, but let’s just say that I will be playing one of the types of roles that I’ve been dying to play, ever since I graduated theater school, in a really cool project. But more on that next week…
Two other very cool things have also come my way. One is that Alan Sizzler Kistler named me in his article “Women of the DCU Who Deserve Their Own Films” for Comic Book Resources as his choice to play DC Comic’s Hawkgirl if it were to be adapted into a film.
This makes me all sorts of excited. I would LOVE to play a superhero, and Alan totally made me even more motivated to get into “superhero shape” so that when that role comes calling, I’ll be completely ready for it!
This is amazeballs because not only do I get to get all sexy and tribal, I’ll also be wielding a sword and doing some fight choreography which is UBER exciting!! Plus, I’ll be wearing a costume hand made by Kristen herself that will look a lot like this…
And this is what she’s crafted so far…
Pretty incredible right?!?
Now, it’s only June so I can’t wait to see what other kick ass roles I’ll get to play in 2012!
Right now, aside from the project I can’t talk about yet, I’m hoping some of the roles are a lot like this…
or this…
or perhaps this…
But no matter what, I can definitely say that I am having a blast. “Project Helenna” is definitely turning out to be my most important project to date!
Tuesday, June 19, 2012 at 4:18PM
