#WTF: About Friday night ... can I get a rundown? (one night scandal #SBfest)

So, on Friday morning, while jogging, I bumped into my buddy @acoolong. I asked her what she was up to (usual small talk) and she said she was headed to the Silicon Beach Fest. (LA's booming tech scene is called "silicon beach")

Great! I said, are there any events or after parties I should check out?

Yeah! she replied, come to the Hotel Erwin at 6.

Bea.utiful - see ya there.

I then went about my business which included going to this fancy pants Nike event where I got to check out their new Nike+ kicks. They're pretty cool, it's got a chip or something in the shoe that then tracks your movements and records it on an app. You can test things like how fast you're running, or how high your vertical is on your dunk ... pretty gnarly shit man.

I didn't get to try them on first hand - but being a jogger, it's something that interests me.

THENNNNNNN, I got on the bus and headed from downtown to Venice to head over to the Hotel Erwin.

Dudes, look at how freaking BEAUTIFUL this place is ...

The rooftop bar has HANDS DOWN one of the best views I have ever seen. WOW WOW WOW - so pretty.

We kicked it there for a bit, but because the space was getting cluttered we then decided to scope out the Giant Media party on Abbot Kinney.

As I was getting out of the cab there was a group of people also waiting to go in - I walked over to introduce myself.

Hi, I say as I approach the group ...

One woman steps out towards me and SCREAMS ...

OMG OMG OMG Jen! Nerd girl! Dominatrix!!!

I start laughing saying yes, and thank you for reading (and also w2g on branding!! This woman not only knew who I was, but the brand as a whole, and my latest social experiment. YAY LIFE!).

I'm into s&m too!! I want to talk to you about it!!!

Mind you, I'm literally not even inside the building at this point - this conversation is happening on the stairway up ... she was so SWEET and so freaking EXCITED!!

I then grab a drink (yay for open bars) and sit down upstairs with my new friend.

I dated this guy, she said, he was a school teacher - and he was REALLY into it.

How did that make you feel? I ask

I LOVED it, she replied. I grew up with a strict background, but really enjoyed the time I spent with him.

Spent?

Yeah, we're no longer together.

AHH!

What do you think about everything so far, she asks?

Um ... I don't know. I've definitely ALWAYS been curious about exploring s&m but after not having a serious relationship in almost 6 years - it's made it hard to build that trust with someone. But yeah, this was always inside of me - I just finally decided to let my freak flag fly.

It's SO inspiring, she said!! I can't begin to tell you how much I love the site and how OUT THERE you really are. It's been really beneficial for me.

This is exactly why I do what I do though - this exact moment with you. Everywhere I go now in LA someone, somewhere, will say something and they will get all excited to tell me their deepest darkest secrets because they've been able to relate to mine.

It's so wonderful, she said.

I then looked at this woman and realized what an incredible life moment this was.

Here is this beautiful beautiful woman who looks like any other classy lady (rocking Marc Jacobs glasses and all), with her super fancy pants big job, and she's sitting here telling me all about her experience with s&m. HOW FREAKING AMAZING IS LIFE?!?!?!

I then bid good bye to my new friend, and out of the corner of my eye saw this guy I'm Facebook buddies with. See, he's roommates with one of the guys that I was trying to go out on a date with on OKC. I don't remember exactly why we never went out (we might not have been matched at 85%) but either way, I walked right up to him and said hello.

As he hugged me back he didn't ask how I was doing, instead went right in there and said, so have you dated half of this room right now?

Excuse me? I replied back.

He then smirked to his friend feeling rather pleased to diss me.

The only problem with said diss though was that it was the worst one ever - he wasn't even being funny. At least if you're going to diss someone to their face do it well. Yes, I date a lot ... so what?

Way to be the most MEDIOCRE douche on the planet. Go big or go home baby ... and you sir are not only an asshole, but you're vanilla.

I immediately decided to remove myself from the conversation by saying it was truly lovely to bump into him and I will talk to him soon.

It was incredibly abrupt - it was awesome. That guy is SUCH a dick and clearly just needs to get laid more to calm the fuck down. 

I then met up with some friends of a friend and grabbed some drinks over at this sushi restaurant on Abbot Kinney. I was neither here nor there on eating, but I was SUPER stoked to get an outlet to charge my then dead iphone.

There were 4 people total (3 guys 1 girl) - everyone had a fairly large and impressive tech background.

We started talking about what I do, and one of the guys said well if you're in the "nerd business" you must know the Attack of the Show dudes.

Yeah, actually, I do. One of my very dear friends is the producer and he hooked me up with a visit last year.

He then grabs his phone and DMs Kevin Pereira.

Hey, the DM read, do you know Jen Friel with Talk Nerdy To Me, Lover.

I quickly realized this was turning into one big pissing contest - and I said to him that I ABSOLUTELY want nothing to do with this.

It's not my scene, dude, I said. I don't brag about who I know, I'm a bit more on the DL.

He then gets a DM back from Kevin saying "yeah, sounds familiar."

Anyone could just photoshop a photo of them on set, pipes up another guy.

I then realized that this was probably a term of endearment the teasing they were doing on "me and my little brand" - but having just dealt with the other douche at Giant Media, I was less inclined to want to stand for it.

The bill then arrived, and I peaced out.

I was pissed. This is EXACTLY why I don't do the tech scene. So. Many. Fucking. Egotistical. Maniacs!!!!

They're all so proud of what they've done, and have NOOOOO problem telling you. I think it's great when people are successful, don't get me wrong - but these were the nerds that got picked on so much in high school they're now taking it out on everyone else in the real world now that they're "baller status."

I'm not mad at it ... go do your thing ... but this is why I have literally no desire to be around you.

I BOLLLLTTTTEEEEEEDDDD to the next destination. I wasn't going to let the dinner ruin my evening, but those guys were horrible, horrible people, and I'm sure punch baby seals in their spare time.

I then headed over to the Brigg to meet up with Amanda (who was going to give me a ride back). I walk in and immediately see her.

I JUST HAD THE WORST HOUR EVER, I said. Those people I went to the restaurant to were total douches. (It was really only the two guys I was sitting next to. The other guy and girl I genuinely didn't get to talk to.)

I'm sorry, she said.

It's fine - I just need a drink.

I slightly stormed off over to the bar wanting to kill all of my brain cells from the last hour.

As I was standing at the bar, I realized getting a drink was going to be more difficult than anticipated. For the LIFE of me, I couldn't get the eye of the bartender.

The girl then next to me hits my back by accident.

Whoops! I'm sorry, she said.

Oh no worries, I say back.

I then stare at her for a second ...

I just want to say, you're really beautiful. Chicks don't compliment other chicks, but well done! You look great tonight!

Thanks! She said with a smile.

Come meet my friends!

I then turn around and see a group of 5 guys - each one cuter than the next. 

I laugh to myself thinking, oohhhhh this is going to be trouble.

I then strike up a conversation with one of the guys who works in advertising. He was super cute and had something so genuine and sweet in his eyes.

Let me get you a drink, he said.

He then orders me a corona (no lime) and we get to chatting.

He was super easy to talk to ... I can't describe it but IMMEDIATELY I felt comfortable with not only him but the entire group.

Amanda then approached me .... sweetie, I'm gonna go. Are you ready?

I then looked back at my new friends not wanting to leave.

UMM, no ...

She can sleep in my hotel room if she wants to, replies the girl.

Done! I said not sure if I wanted to "go home with the boy."

In 27 years, btw, I have never ever ever gone home with a boy straight from the bar. If I meet someone that I'm into I'll only get their number that first meeting and then will call a few days later or whatever ... but never ... ever ... met someone and said BOOM back I go!! I'm EXTREMELY particular about going home with people since you never know.

Everything in my body with this group though just kept screaming, yes yes yes and yes. I want more.

We then all did a round of shots and cabbed it back to their apartment in Marina Del Rey.

Everyone at this point was pretty schloshed, but remarkably awesome.

We then get inside, and me and the advertising boy start making out like it's the end of the world.

We then go back into his room, and I wake up in his bed.

At 9 am I look over and see him staring at me.

Hi, I say with a kiss. (screw drunken morning breath)

Wait, what time is it?

It's 9, he said.

Okay great, I replied, I have a condom sponsorship call at 11 am. I need to access skype.

You can use my computer he said.

Thank you, but I can download the app on my phone.

I then realized the first sentence out of my mouth after waking up in a bed with a guy that I met at a bar the night before was, "I have a condom sponsorship call at 11 am."

Way to be the classiest broad on the planet, Friel. Well done!

We laid in bed for about a half hour before he asked me if I wanted to join in for volleyball today.

I wasn't sure if he was just being nice or if he legit wanted to kick it - but instead of slut shaming myself, I realized how much FUN I had with these guys last night, and before I realized it I was saying yes.

He then offered to drive me back to West Hollywood so I could freshen up, and I don't know ... everything about this guy was so effortless. Sure at that point we had only known each other for 12 hours, but he's a GREAT conversationalist, and with us both working in advertising it was pretty cool talking about the future of media.

En route back we decided to stop off at Toast to get some breakfast.

We both wound up ordering the same thing (eggs, bacon, toast) and right around the time I was half way through I realized it was 11 and time for my call.

I'm really sorry, I said, but I genuinely have to take this.

(I had messaged the condom chickadee on Facebook earlier explaining that I was at a place other than my apartment and I was wondering if we could turn it into a phone call instead of a skype. She was TOTALLY game!)

We then talked about her condom company, and she informed me on the importance of education within condoms.

Did you know, she said, there is an entire line of "slim fit" condoms? They're more popular in Asia and Europe, but this is why most condoms fall off during sex.

Having had that happen multiple times, I said, wow! I never realized!

Can you imagine going into a shoe store being a size 7 and just taking a pair of 12s? It doesn't make sense! So why do we do it with condoms? And ESPECIALLY with so much at risk!!

She then started telling me about super strands of gonorrhea and chlamydia that do not have a cure.

I then laughed realizing I was sitting across the table from a guy that I had sex with after meeting him at a bar discussing sexually transmitted diseases over breakfast.

Life ... I love you!!!

As I was hanging up the call, I then looked over to my right and said - HOLY SHIT! I know her!!

It was my buddy, Kristen Wagner, from the awesome LA based band Bullet & Snowfox.

Uber uber talented chica, and SO FREAKING TINY YOU CAN PUT HER IN YOUR POCKET!!

Bah!

I ran up and gave her a big hug introducing her to the boy and she introducing me to her guy.

We talked for a minute but then my guy took me back to Marina Del Rey for a day of fun.

I'm not very good at volleyball, I admitted.

In fact I actually haven't played since 3rd grade.

You'll be fine, he said.

We then drove all the way back to the beach dropping our stuff off at his place and walking over.

Actual view from my towelIf I lived here, I'd never leave, I confessed. It would be an occupational hazard.

He laughed saying, yeah, we get that a lot.

The others joined us shortly after and then for literally the entire afternoon I got to stare at gorgeous, topless guys playing beach volleyball.

::well played life!::

It was great, and exactly what I needed .... a full and complete disconnect.

Later in the afternoon the guy and I walked back to his place to pick up some more beers and use the restroom.

As we got inside one thing quickly lead to another and what do you know ... there I am back in the bedroom.

WHOOP WHOOP!!!

Smoking hot. What a great guy. So easy to talk to, the entire day was foreplay - and I was readyyyyy to go!

By the time that we were done and had showered, everyone was already back at the place.

I literally cannot stress this enough - these guys are HANDS DOWN one of the coolest groups of people I have ever met in LA. They're all so rad, and EXTREMELY hospitable. It's my same mentality of "the more the merrier" and let's drink, eat, and just be merry.

It legit made me question if I could move to the beach - there must be more people out here like this versus Hollywood, I thought.

The day then turned into night ... and sometime after consuming a cheeseburger and a few pieces of sausage my phone was beeping that it was time for me to go.

My foot slave is picking me up, I say to my guy. 

He starts laughing, as we had been talking about what I did for most of the day. (I'm ALWAYS nervous about meeting people organically, because being a lifecaster means that I post on things that happen in my life, and I want people to be okay with that. Click here to read my dating disclaimer)

I'm not sure if this guy was better at hiding it than most, but he genuinely seemed pretty okay with everything. If nothing else, he seemed genuinely intrigued by all of it.

Please just read the site, I said. If it's too weird, I get it - but its my jam and what I do, so I just want you to know.

He then walked me outside to where my foot slave was parked.

He kissed me, and asked if we could go out this week.

Absolutely! I said excited. I'm going out of town Tuesday - Thursday, but when I get back ... ohhhh it's on!!

He laughed as I got into the car.

And the story for what happened last night taking my foot slave to an s&m club?? Well that's another post. Check back manana!!

Peace love and lollipops all! Thanks for reading!! xoxo

#nerdsunite

Editors note: thanks again to all my new friends for your AMAZING hospitality!! Here's my twitter, and Facebook. Rock on!!

#NerdsUnite: The Ramblings of a Raconteuse (It's Good to Be a Geek Girl)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Helenna. We met on twitter not too long ao, and she's totes mcgotes one rad chiquita banana with a flare for all things flair! That's right, Helenna here is what we call an artsy fartsy nerd. She's a poet, into all things dramatic arts, and she's going to come on board to write each week about her love of said drama. Well not like actual drama drama, like some cat fight shit - but you get the idea. I only have one thing left to say ... HIT IT HELENNA!!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Helslevy

y whole life I’ve been intensely passionate about a lot of things, many, many, many things.  I’ve never hid it.  Instead I’ve always shared my love for whatever I was jonesing on with anyone that I thought would care to listen.  Little did I know that the whole time I was a closet geek, or at least, I hadn’t as yet labeled myself as a geek. 

All I have to say is thank god for the Geek Girls Create panel that I was so lucky to be a part of at both Comikazee and Wondercon w/ Kristen Nedopak, Stephanie Thorpe, Leah Cevoli, Jessica Mills, and Crix Lee.  (see photo below)

When I was asked to be on the panel because I was an actor who was actively creating their own work, I was super worried about being “geeky enough.”  Would people boo me off stage because I didn’t have enough geek cred?  Was I an impostor?  But the opposite happened.  All of the things that I had an intense love for and somewhat obsessive knowledge of, including Joss Whedon’s works and what I assumed was probably a troubling love for zombies, was actually applauded and celebrated!  I had found my tribe, the place where I truly belong.  

Fast forward about 9 months later and I am flying my geek flag high for the whole world to see and have never ever been happier.  In fact, I am kicking myself that I wasn’t able to find this amazing community sooner! 

I wake up every day super excited and I can’t wait to see what awesome things you all have to do and say and share.  I used to passionately love things all by myself, in a Helenna bubble, and now I feel like I’m part of a cool stealth army that has superhero costumes under their clothes and is saving the world one tweet or blog post at a time. 

The best part of being a geek girl?  No matter what it is that I am freaking out about whether it’s Joss Whedon, zombies, steampunk, fantasy and Game of Thrones, sci-fi flicks, horror movies, becoming a superhero, getting in wicked shape so that I can be a master swordsman/archer/gun toting zombie slaying baddass…the list goes on and on and on…I know that there is someone else out there who loves whatever I love just as much as I do, and that I am not alone. 

I once had a boyfriend who said, “Helenna your life isn’t a movie,”  because often lines from whatever film or show I was obsessed with at the time would creep into my every day speech (ie. Buffy….).  Well, to that comment of his I say, “while it’s true that life isn’t actually a movie, I now have an army of people who live and love life so large that we’ve created our own passionate, gorgeous, vibrant practically cinematic world, and it’s beautiful. Come and join us if you want to play.”

#xoxo hels

tweet me at: @helslevy

browse me at: helennasantoslevy.com

email me at: contacthelenna@gmail.com

#NerdsUnite: The Missing Games of E3

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Sean. He has a really rad site called Violent Gamer, and he's here today to talk about some of the latest and greatest in the gaming industry. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT SEAN !!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @violent_gamer

After Violent Gamer’s trip to E3 this year, I feel confident in saying we were all a bit…underwhelmed. Which makes sense, I suppose. This is probably the last year of the current generations of consoles, so of course E3 will lack some of the drama and excitement of other years. It was a kind of Swan Song for the current generation, and while I understand that in itself is hard to make exciting, I think they could have gone out with a bit more of a bang. In any case, there are a few games that I did not see at E3 that I believe have no excuses to have been missing. All of these games should have lit up E3 and had us talking in hushed whispers of awe, and yet they were all absent. To be honest, I felt a bit cheated. But I haven’t given up hope. And with that in mind, here is my list of the missing games of E3 2012:

1. The Last Guardian

If the ICO Shadow of the Colossus HD Collection taught us anything, it is that Team ICO + HD = Awesomeness. ICO and Shadow of the Colossus are universally acclaimed titles, and rightly so. They are truly unique in telling compelling stories that make us laugh, cry, and feel every emotion possible. So needless to say when The Last Guardian was announced, I was ecstatic. And that trailer looked so cool! But ever since then it has just been more and more bad news: the director leaving Sony, delayed release dates, rumors and hearsay. This game was supposed to come out this year, and there was no word about it at E3. Now we have a nebulous release date of 2013, and nothing but waning hope that this game will ever see the light of day. I thought this year’s E3 would be a wonderful chance for Sony and Team ICO to reassure our faith in The Last Guardian by showing us some gameplay, and maybe by even having a short demo. At the very least, a solid release date would have been nice. Now we must face the big question all alone: even if this game ever does come out, will all of the inner turmoil cause the game to be less than what its creators imagined? Team ICO is all about imagination – I cannot imagine a game where they were forced to reign in their creative vision.

2. Beyond Good & Evil 2

Beyond Good & Evil is one of my favorite games of all-time, hands down. The story, the characters, the world, all of it was incredibly engaging and compelling. That game made me care about what happened in it, and I had an incredibly fun time experiencing it. When the sequel was announced, I was astonished. After playing the HD version of the original, I could not wait to see what Ancel did with the sequel. That teaser trailer was so tantalizing, and yet it left so many questions. And then there was the “leaked footage” of Jade running through a city, which looked awesome. I was a bit bummed to learn it had been delayed (although Rayman Origins is a pretty awesome placeholder), but now with the announcement it will be on next-gen consoles, I am a bit worried. Ancel is already working on Rayman Legends for the Wii U – how long are we going to have to wait for BG&E2?

3. Final Fantasy Versus XIII

This game confuses me to no end. We’ve seen trailers, we’ve seen gameplay footage, we’ve seen Nomura talking about it for years now. I will say that one thing has become clear – apparently, Nomura wants to use Square Enix’s new Luminous Engine to do the lighting for the game. Well, if that is the case, then that means that Versus is probably going to come out for the next gen consoles. And if that is the plan, then why announce the game in 2006? It seems a bit unfair to me to make fans wait 7 years (minimum) for a game that still has yet to receive a set release date. And after all of those years of waiting, how in the world can it live up to the hype?

4. Final Fantasy X HD

Yet another puzzle from Square Enix. They announced quite a while ago that Final Fantasy X was going to be updated for the PS3. This sounded really cool, not only because seeing the beautiful world of X in HD would be amazing, but for the potential path it could lead to for Square Enix. If the X remake was success, then what would stop them from making the famed VII remake? Unfortunately, Square Enix has said virtually nothing since the announcement, other than the fact that it is due out in 2012. If that is still true, wouldn’t E3 be a wonderful place to show us a trailer or something?

5. Tales of Xillia

Unlike all of the other titles on this list, this game has already been released. In fact, it was released to universal acclaim. I am a big fan of the Tales series as a whole, and when reviews of the game began to come in from Japan, I was ecstatic. Many claimed this to be the pinnacle of the tales saga, on par or even besting Symphonia. I could not wait until they announced the US release date. Instead of doing so, however, Namco announced a sequel. For Japan. So the game is definitely a success – why is Namco not bringing it to the States? I was really excited about the new artistic design they seemed to be going for, and the more mature feel in general. I really, really want to play this game, and I am sure I am not the only one in America who feels that way. Namco, don’t forget about us!

6. Zelda Wii U

For me personally, the Wii U is a giant question mark. I was able to play it a bit at E3, and I felt that while the concept was really cool and innovative, I still wondered what it would be like in practice. Sure, some of the new controller concepts were intriguing, and it was cool to see Nintendo games at 1080p, but I was still not convinced that the Wii U was worth the risk. I feel like what I really need in order to believe in the Wii U is a game that will make me take that leap of faith without any hesitation – a Legend of Zelda title. Nintendo showed us with Skyward Sword that Link and Zelda are enough to go back to Nintendo anytime. And I think an announcement/trailer/gameplay footage of a new game for the Wii U would have given us all a lot more confidence in the console. In my opinion, Nintendo really wasted an opportunity.

7. Final Fantasy XIII-3

I have already written two articles about why we need Final Fantasy XIII-3, so I will keep this one brief. Square Enix created two games that were absolutely wonderful. They told a story that drew me in, created characters that I grew to love, and offered me an experience that I will never forget. However, they did not offer a resolution to that experience. I know that the people working at Square Enix have hearts – and I am confident there is no way they would only tell 2/3 of a story. I believe in Final Fantasy XIII-3, and I believe it will be a truly amazing game. I just wish they had given us something at E3. Even if it was just an official announcement. I suppose we’ll have to wait for TGS 2012. In the meantime, we’ve got to keep hope alive.

Thanks for reading! 

#thatisall

#NerdsUnite: Life revelation through paying for a BJ? Shut the front door!

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Eric. He is a MAASSTTEERRR social dynamics expert that will be talking about his experiences in the field from both an expert, and experience perspective. He's not just saying "this is how to get the girl" he's here to share his actual life stories and lessons learned from them. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT ERIC !!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Redolpho

The night that I met Jen and started talking about the topic of social dynamics I had no idea she was looking for someone to bring on her team nor that I would take my first student right then and there. Steve (name is made up of course) has been texting me and although I knew that I would be confronted with some interesting questions from students this one still caught me by surprise.

I received the following text:

The fact that Steve paid for a blow job is not that interesting to me but here is what is:

There are a couple lessons that we can all take from this:

Number one is fuck societal norms! Sex is one of the greatest things a human can experience. Honestly, what feels better than a body rocking orgasm or giving the like to someone with whom you have a connection? The feeling of your naked body meeting another’s is, to me, one of the most spiritual experiences that two (or more ;)) humans can experience together. I grew up in a very conservative household so I can relate to how Steve feels. I know women face a challenge here as well, no one wants to be called derogatory names or judged (slut, whore etc.) but if you want to date multiple people do it. There needs to be a book called Everybody Fucks. There is no shame in sex and if the world did it more often we’d all be happier people. Steve came to this conclusion in an interesting way but none the less it’s something that many people struggle with.

Number two is the balance of Want vs Need. The fact is that neediness is not an attractive quality but knowing what you want and going after that is. I have found that the hardest step to dating multiple people is finding the first one. Once I am dating one person my neediness for sexual satisfaction and companionship dissipates. Women can feel that I want them but am willing to walk away. This palpable effect is very powerful. This is what Steve is talking about when he said. “not giving a shit because he always has access to sex”.

Powerful stuff!

#thatisall

If you’d like to share your stories please feel free to tweet me at @redolpho or email me at eric dot rudolph dot carrillo at gmail dot com

#NerdsUnite: I can haz funny (one nerds journey around the comedic circuit)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Brandon. We started talking on the Facebook not too long ago, and lemme tell you, this guy can throw in quite the few kneeslappers in his emails. Yep, see Brandon is a comedian who is here today to tell you the real deal on what it's like being "on the circuit." I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT BRANDON!!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @BrandonComedy

I’m starting the next phase of my comedic journey this summer. I’ve already moved all of my stuff out of my place in Oklahoma, now I’m hanging out at my parents’ house (woo) saving up money to move to Chicago in August. 

Oklahoma was a cool enough place to start comedy, but at the end of the day there are too many comics for such a small scene. There comes a time in every young comics life where they look at the situation they are in and they have to say either “I’ve done everything I can do in this scene, it’s time to move” or “It is time to consider this a hobby and not a job.” Comedy is more than a hobby for me so the decision was an easy one, I’m getting the fuck out of Oklahoma.

Chicago seems like it is going to be the perfect scene for me. I can get on stage every night, there are enough industry showcases to get seen, and get TV work, and it isn’t as competitive as LA or New York for stage time. From what I hear Chicago seems like it is a really helpful place for a lot of comics to take it to the next level.

Anyway, enough about that, here are some terms and definitions that you can use to talk to comics, and they make you sound like you are totally in the know. 

Comedy, like every other esoteric occupation has its own language. Fortunately for you, that language is based in english! But in discussing comedy I noticed I have slipped in some of this lingo. Now we both know YOU are smart and able to use context clues, but the person next to you... ugh.

Alt Comedy: A comedy show where anything goes, the jokes tend to be a bit longer, laced with more pop cultural references. Alt is weird to define because it covers a huge spectrum. But usually a crowd that goes to see an alt show, and knows that’s what they are going to see, doesn’t have any expectations.

Bachelorette Party: The worst most obnoxious group of guests at any comedy venue.

Bomb: bombing can be defined in many ways, but it boils down to not getting the laughs you expected.

Booker: Someone whose job is to book shows, they don't really care who they book, so much as they get a guy to fill a slot.

Bringer Show: Bringer shows are more popular in big cities, and are a terrible burden on beginning comics. The way a bringer show works is you get a slot, and to keep your slot you have to bring a certain number of people to the club/venue. The problem with this model is you only have a finite number of friends/people who will come watch you talk, so doing these types of shows causes you to burn through your friends rather quickly, and sometimes before you were ready to have a lot of people you know see you.

Closer (joke): USUALLY the biggest joke of your act. Guys like Bill Cosby just close on whatever joke, Paul Mooney also does this. One time Carlos Mencia closed a set with some weird advice piece he probably stole? I don't know, it was weird.

Crowd work: Interacting with the crowd. Some comics see this as taking the easy way out, those comics are dumb and probably terrible, and you probably don't know their names. F*ck those guys.

Emcee: The worst, dumbest slot in a show. And sometimes the first paid slot you can get. The emcee has to set the tone for the crowd, go on cold, and bring up all the comics. It isn't that being an emcee is bad, it's just that people don't see you as a comic just a guy who works at the club and you have to do dumb things sometimes. Basically the emcee is the opener, the most forgettable person on the show. Some guys are great emcees, awesome.

Feature/Middle: The awesome spot in the show, you do 20-30 minutes, you can come to the show kind of late and you can leave early. 

Hack: A comedian who consistently fails to generate original material, and often results to stealing other comics hard work. Also a comedian whose jokes lack any sort of depth.

Headliner: Highest billed/highest paid comic on any given show. Usually does upwards of 30 minutes a set.

Open Mic: Anyone can sign up and do time, you have to do these to do showcases.

Set: an allotment of stage time, in minutes.

Showcase: A chance for advancing comedians to show bookers, club owners, or other industry types a tight  set.

Urban show: A show with a mostly black or Hispanic audience.

Well, now you know all of that stuff. Feel free to lie to comics and pretend you are one of them to sneak back stage!

#nerdsunite

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