#NerdsUnite: Comfort Zone Be Gone!

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Chelsea. She's a newbie to our loverly state of California and is currently trying to find her own voice and find her own way. Gosh, aren't we all??? She's here today to talk about her journey in life, love, and all things nerd.  I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT CHELSEA!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @chelofthesea

Baby Mario and Luigi. Larger than life Gandalf. Sexy Storm Troopers. And too many Doctor’s to count. WonderCon 2013 was a whirlwind of greatness and adventure.

As a nerdy-con virgin I was pretty intimidated to wander the floor alone and sit in on panels. I didn’t know what to expect but I couldn’t wait to get in on the action! Not wanting to waste any of the pass I was so kindly given by @Leah_Cevoli, I got there bright and early to soak it all in.

The first half of my day was spent sitting in on panels about queerness in comic books, meeting the League of Extraordinary Ladies, and running away from a guy I used to date (awkward!). Worried about not feeling comfortable, and scared I would not fit in, I was surprised by how easily I blended in with the WonderCon crowd. Seriously, nerds, we are an accepting group of people!

But the real reason I was there came a bit later in the afternoon, in the form of Leah’s panel -- All Shapes and Sizes Welcome: Body Image & Women’s Issues in the Entertainment Industry.  Though I’m not in the industry, I have recently found a real passion for feminist and body positive issues, so the timing was perfect. Sometimes the universe just knows, right?

As I saw the women walk in for the panel, I was a bit surprised. I’m a curvier girl, weight has always been an issue in my life, and so I think I was expecting to see a bit more variety in the shapes and sizes of the women. But I kept my mind open, knowing that Leah had a real vision behind this panel and trusting her judgment on the guests.  And I mean, seriously, it’s a line up of some pretty impressive women so who was I to jump to conclusions?

Leah opened the panel, giving us a glimpse into her life and sharing the story of her inspiration for the panel. It all started because of an insanely rude comment someone left on her photo. Leah is very patient and understanding so she didn’t speak poorly of this man for commenting on the photo but you can feel everyone else on the panel and everyone in the audience fill with a little bit of rage towards him. This man went out of his way to comment on Leah’s photo to say that he had seen her look better… Seriously? Can you believe that? Ugh! People make me so mad… But anyway, moving on.

The panel continued on and each of the women spoke about their history with body image, their struggles, and where they stand today. Each of the ladies had something different to bring to the table. Many of them are people the rest of the world would label as skinny but in their industry they feel a pressure I can’t even imagine. A pressure I can’t really understand. Any of my early reservations were put to rest and I understood why Leah chose them to join in the conversation.

My biggest take away from the panel was that these women look like the women I see in magazines, the people media tells me I need to look like, and even they have struggled with body image and finding the right balance between healthy and happy. When I saw them walk in, I passed quick judgment, assuming they hadn’t known my struggles but I couldn’t have been more wrong!

Throughout the discussion, I found myself nodding, totally empathizing with the women as they talked about their battles with fad diets and rejection from those around them. But the main thread that linked them all together was finding peace with their body. They have all come to a place where they know they must maintain a certain body type to be successful in the industry but are no longer willing to sacrifice their health or happiness to make it happen. From working out for hours a day (who doesn’t love those endorphins) to taking pictures of every food they eat (we all do that anyway, right?), each of these women has fought this struggle and found a way to accept themselves. And seriously – how rad is that?

As the panel came to a close, there was so much buzzing in my mind. I walked around the rest of WonderCon with a new outlook. I wondered if this atmosphere was body positive.  I loved seeing ladies of all shapes and sizes showing off skin, and embracing both their bodacious and boney bodies. I don’t think there was any shape left unrepresented and when comparing this to what we see in mainstream media, I was VERY impressed! But I couldn’t help by wonder how the young girls wearing hoodies and baggy jeans felt to not be wearing a sexy version of their favorite comic book character’s outfit. I wondered if the girls in those sexy outfits felt confident in it, or felt forced to hyper-sexualize themselves because that’s why the community encourages.

I’ve yet to come to a conclusion about this issue and what cosplay’s role is in body image, but this hour long panel and spurred weeks of thought about this issue and I think that’s the best part of it all. These are the conversations we need to stop running away from and these are the questions we need to start asking.

As one of the ladies explained, our bodies are the only thing we have total control over. What I’ve learned is that regardless of what anyone around you says – we must love the skin we’re in and if there is something you’re not happy with, change it, but only because it is something you want. Never because it’s something anyone around you says.

Huge thanks to the ladies of All Shapes and Sizes Welcome for being so open with their stories. I think everyone in the room connected with you guys and were so appreciative of the chance to meet you all. An even bigger thank you to Leah for inviting me to take part in this and popping my nerdy con cherry! So much love.

#nerdsunite

click here to follow Chelsea on twitter!

#JBLTakesCoachella: My swag = up for grabs!

Hi friends! 

I'm back from Palm Springs and my very first Coachella courtesy of JBL. 

I got to kick it in an RV with Scoble, Chris Voss, Sam Levin, and Thomas Hawk. 

It was GREAT!!! Talk about an eclectic group of insanely, insanely smart people just having an authentic experience. No one pitched anything, no one said things "just to sound smart." We commented on the state of tech, our favorite apps & products, and the rest was groovy, man. 

While we were there, we were all hooked up with this INNSSAAANNNEEEE swag bag courtesy of JBL, Seagate, and GoPro. Instead of keeping all the goodies for myself, I thought it would be better to repay back some karma and give it to you guys. 

Due to the INCREDIBLE amount of comments received though (totally badass btw, and I'm going to see if any of these brands want to chip in some more), I decided to turn the give away into a contest. Instead of giving it to the "saddest" story though (aka my sister has cancer and I want to film blah blah blah. Super sorry she has cancer, but we're all going to die. How about we make a conscious effort though to REALLY START TO LIVE!!!), I am going to celebrate passion and find a compelling story truly "worthy" of the prizes. 

<tangent> I'm FASCINATED right now with this concept of value. I'm going to break it down in the formal announcement, but it's really rad how these products to the companies have very little cost -put in the right hands though, they can be LIFE CHANGING!!! More on that in a bit ... </tangent> 

So take a look at what will be up for grabs below. Get ready to show me whatchoo got, nerderinos!!!! 

click the screenshot to comment on Facebook

#thatisall

#NerdsUnite: Reflecting on How Far I've Come

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Eric. He is a MAASSTTEERRR social dynamics expert that will be talking about his experiences in the field from both an expert, and experience perspective. He's not just saying "this is how to get the girl" he's here to share his actual life stories and lessons learned from them. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT ERIC !!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Redolpho

As I said before in my last piece, I want to write about the future and what is to be done instead of over-analyzing my past. I do however want to touch on some things that I have been thinking about the last couple weeks. I think that there are some elements that contributed to my depression and when I changed those elements it made a big difference. Moving forward I have a clearer vision of what my future needs to look like if I want to be successful in being free and being happy. 

First thing was changing my environment. For those of you who aren't my Facebook friends, I had quite the debacle with the Venice Beach Hostel this week. {insert eric is not allowed in the building.jpg} I don't think that I have ever worked in such a negative place. Every day when I lived there I was confronted with the policies of an abusive owner and his disgruntled staff, many of which were my friends, all of which were my house-mates. That kind of work place is really hard to stay positive in. Instead of enumerating all the wrongs that were done I want to focus on what is important. I got out. I think that this is something crucial for anyone who is unhappy to reflect on. Is where you’re spending the majority of your time an environment that fosters success? My answer to this question would have been a resounding "No," a couple weeks ago and let me tell you, the change in environment is huge. 

The second was taking care of my body. I think more importantly there was a change in mindset that was centered in power and growth. Every day that starts with a workout, starts in the win column. The focus on hydration I think also helps a lot. There is an immediate clarity that comes with properly hydrating yourself. Every time the dopamine flows into my body as I eat it is associated with positivity. The focus on diet has the added benefit of keeping your head on self-empowerment. It is a constant reminder that I am bettering myself. 

Last but far from least, and the first step for everyone, is the importance of starting the conversation. Nothing was changing for myself until I let go and talked about how I was feeling. Talking publicly about things like my depression and sexuality was the foundation for my ability to get to where I am now. There is still a lot of work to be done but I am on the path to my goals. I am confident that it would have never happened had I not let go. I am not saying that everyone has to do this publicly as I did but I am saying that the conversation needs to happen with someone where accountability is present. I felt as though I had no other choice when I committed to happiness. The support that I found gave me the strength to start on a path of healing. I am ever-grateful for that gift from so many awesome peeps. 

So now looking to the future...

I had a week in between moving into my new place and leaving my old place so I spent that hopping around my friends couches. Big thanks to them. Sometimes friends are the only things that separate you from sleeping on the streets. I took the week off from training since I didn't have access to a kitchen. Now that I am moved in with my things packed, and groceries bought, I started on my training again. Training has given me new insight into my business approach moving forward and it's influencing some big decisions in how I handle my life, discipline in particular. 

I am the type of person that wants to do everything all at once. When I see those 5 Hour Energy commercials where the guy does all these ridiculous things in the matter of five hours I wonder if they're mocking me. I just find so many things fascinating, but right now discipline is crucial. I want the tandem10 to be the catalyst for the next adventure and that requires that I focus my effort with a greater precision than I have previously. What I was reminded of while I was training was that it's a daily effort. It's that period of the day where I invest in my body. There is no overnight cure and there won't be for anything else either. The road to success is going to be carved one brick at a time. So I am committing myself to the things that are most important to me now. I have done my best to narrow down everything that I didn't feel was absolutely necessary. First is my training. Second is my writing (I am including reading in this as well.). Third is business development. This is a little vague but it's going to focus mainly on building a social media audience and selling sponsorships. That's it, it's simple, and all other things come after these. I am committing myself to 1-3 hours per activity per day, a minimum of 5 days a week. I figure I'll give it an average of around 1 hour per day but I set a cap on the time so that my efforts are concentrated and balanced. 

#thatisall

If you’d like to share your stories please feel free to tweet me at @redolpho or email me at eric dot rudolph dot carrillo at gmail dot com

#NerdsUnite: Confessions of a Videogame Journalist

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy John. We started talking on the twitter not too long ago, and then he reached out and asked if he could write for us regarding his journey through the nerdy realm. I was all DUDDEEE!! That's so raaaddd!! And now, here we are. Like right now, in real time, this is happening. Pretty cool huh? HIT IT JOHN!!! </editorsnote> 

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @JohnSollitto

So, I’m a huge comic book fan (if some of you don’t know). The fact that there is a game out about the heroes of the DC Universe fighting each other made by the studio that made Mortal Kombat has officially made this half of my year.

That and the fact that you can play as Aquaman and beat the crap out of people.

Fun character choices aside, there’s something interesting going on with the game Injustice: Gods Among Us that hasn’t really been seen for gaming franchises: a mobile iOS tie-in game.

Now, some of you might be saying, “Well, that’s not entirely unique or new. Those things have been done.” Yes, of course they have.

However, what I think separates this tie-in game on from others is that this one will actually affect your console version of the game. Most mobile tie-ins do nothing but capitalize on the hype and rush of enthusiasm for a title. There are numerous time-waster games that only relate in name and nothing more.

Injustice’s tie-in grants rewards in the form of alternate costumes for your console game. That’s right, they’re cosmetic rewards, but let’s take a second to think about that. Another game that actually rewards you with game content. Sure, it’s kind of lame content, but the idea that there is more to do with the franchise is actually kind of cool. Plus, this also gives you a way around having to purchase all of the costumes with real money.

Of course, getting the costumes is hard and you have to really spend some time to do the work, but I really feel this is a good step for mobile gaming.

There are very few titles that I can think of that really rewarded the owner of a console after playing a mobile game. The only one that really jumps out for me is Pokemon because if you owned any of the Pokemon Stadium games, you could import your team from the Gameboy and play with those on your N64. That’s really it.

The difference there is that the mobile platform was made by Nintendo as well. The fact that mobile iOS devices are now being recognized as a viable platform for a company like Warner Bros. is actually surprising.

I talked a little bit about the mobile market growing a while back, and I think this is quite possibly the best thing that I’ve seen in terms of big titles and tie-ins.

This type of project is the exact kind of thing that could keep smaller companies in business and give some opportunities to new people getting into the industry. Mobile gaming companies are becoming larger and larger in the market place.

Sure, they may be content mills, producing game after game to keep the lights on. But, if a company could produce a few solid titles, they could continue to build off of those and make a really great reputation.

Mobile games might actually be something to look forward to, rather than just the next installment of Angry Birds.

Just some food for thought.

#nerdsunite

Want more from John? Click here to follow him on the twitter!

Check out his gaming site too!

So, I’m a huge comic book fan (if some of you don’t know). The fact that there is a game coming out about the heroes of the DC Universe fighting each other made by the studio that made "Mortal Kombat" has officially made this half of my year.

That and the fact that you can play as Aquaman and beat the crap out of people.

Fun character choices aside, there’s something interesting going on with the game "Injustice: Gods Among Us" that hasn’t really been seen for gaming franchises: a mobile iOS tie-in game.

Now, some of you might be saying, “Well, that’s not entirely unique or new. Those things have been done.” Yes, of course they have.

However, what I think separates this tie-in game on from others is that this one will actually affect your console version of the game. Most mobile tie-ins do nothing but capitalize on the hype and rush of enthusiasm for a title. There are numerous time-waster games that only relate in name and nothing more.

"Injustice’s" tie-in grants rewards in the form of alternate costumes for your console game. That’s right, they’re cosmetic rewards, but let’s take a second to think about that. Another game that actually rewards you with game content. Sure, it’s kind of lame content, but the idea that there is more to do with the franchise is actually kind of cool. Plus, this also gives you a way around having to purchase all of the costumes with real money.

Oddly enough, neither of them are using their rings.

Of course, getting the costumes is hard and you have to really spend some time to do the work, but I really feel this is a good step for mobile gaming.

There are very few titles that I can think of that really rewarded the owner of a console after playing a mobile game. The only one that really jumps out for me is "Pokemon" because if you owned any of the "Pokemon Stadium" games, you could import your team from the Gameboy and play with those on your N64. That’s really it.

The difference there is that the mobile platform was made by Nintendo as well. The fact that mobile iOS devices are now being recognized as a viable platform for a company like Warner Bros. is actually surprising.

I talked a little bit about the mobile market growing a while back, and I think this is quite possibly the best thing that I’ve seen in terms of big titles and tie-ins.

This type of project is the exact kind of thing that could keep smaller companies in business and give some opportunities to new people getting into the industry. Mobile gaming companies are becoming larger and larger in the market place.

Sure, they may be content mills, producing game after game to keep the lights on. But, if a company could produce a few solid titles, they could continue to build off of those and make a really great reputation.

Mobile games might actually be something to look forward to, rather than just the next installment of "Angry Birds."

Just some food for thought.

#NerdsUnite: Five Moves That Make You Look Bad in Bed (and How to Avoid Them)

<editorsnote> Jordan is a dating coach. But not like "a" dating coach ... lemme rephrase that, he is THE dating coach. He has a show on SiriusXM called "Game On" and he's a super smarty pants when it comes to examining social dynamics. No ... like for real. </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

As a talk show host and dating coach for The Art of Charm, I speak to thousands of guys every year who entrust me with their deepest fears and insecurities. One of the most common, by far, is that women will think a guy’s bad in bed.

If you’re a two-pump chump, can’t get it up or think “labia” is a country in Africa, they’ll find out pretty damn quick that you can’t take care of business. But what’s more disturbing? A woman can tell a guy’s hopeless long before you glimpse her undies—and that can actually prevent any action from even happening.

Even if you’re a superstar in the sack, telltale signs can kill your chances of proving it. Here are five my expert sources (a.k.a. hot chicks) say are dealbreakers—and how to fix them.

Problem: Fidgeting

Art of Charm coach Kim assumes a guy will be bad in bed by how he moves. Quick, jerky or nervous movements show plainly that “he’s not comfortable in his own body, and won’t be comfortable with mine.”

Fix it: 

The quickest solution is exercise, especially a masculine sport such as boxing or MMA. If you don’t enjoy getting punched in the grill repeatedly on a daily basis, go for Crossfit—it totally changes how you move, increases body coordination and obliterates stress. Say goodbye to nervous, jerky movements and say hello to a new body type and level of fitness. As an bonus, most Crossfit boxes (gyms) are jam-packed with hot, fit women.

 Problem: Queasiness

You’re grossed out by the human body and freak when a girl has leg hair, you spot menstrual blood, etc. Our girl Andrea, 27, tells us, “the yard shouldn’t have to be perfectly groomed for you to play in it.” If you’re verbally or visibly uneasy with the female body or your own, she senses that you’re probably going to be a pretty sterile, unimaginative lay.

Fix it:

Get over it, bro. Sex is sometimes down and dirty. The more you learn to dig that, the more comfortable she’ll feel letting her guard down around you both on the streets and between the sheets.

Problem: Indecision

Think “I don’t know, what do you want to do tonight?” That kind of wishy-washiness hardly impresses Leyla, 26. “When he leaves everything to me on a date, it leads me to expect that he’s going to be the same way in the bedroom, and women don’t want that.”

Fix it:

Man up and plan a date. It doesn’t have to be perfect—just putting forth the effort goes a long way. Quick tip: invite her to something you’re already planning on doing. “Hey, have you been to the Chinese Market downtown? Some friends and I might check it out this weekend. They’ve got all kinds of unidentifiable things that you can eat. Feeling adventurous enough to join us?” The added benefit is, if she flakes, you’re not stuck sitting around. 

Problem: Bad Touching

This is one of the top complaints women have about men regarding foreplay and sex. It’s something that even many experienced guys get totally, horribly wrong. Emily, a sexologist and friend of The Art of Charm, explains that she “has to like the way his casual touch feels. If I unconsciously tense up and pull away from his touch, I listen to my body. Also, if he touches me too much or not enough, I can tell he won’t know how to please me when things get more intimate.”

Fix it:

Your touch should be natural, and escalate from friendly to something more over time. In other words, the exact opposite of the ultra-common mistake—not touching until you’re trying to “make a move.” Also, don’t look at the area you’re touching or call undue attention to it, which will creep her out big time. All this requires practice. Learn more here.

Problem: Lack of Adventure

Saying things that make you sound boring in the sack is unforgivable. Among the worst blunders is being judgmental about other people’s sexual proclivities. Katie, 29, was turned off when a guy expressed a bit of revulsion about a past sexual exploit. “He basically labeled himself a dead cow in bed when he told me that the last girl he dated was ‘kind of a freak’ because she wanted him to pull her hair. Sorry, but almost every girl I know loves that at the right time. If he thinks that was weird, I’m going to have to teach him everything, and it’ll probably fall on deaf ears.”

Fix it: 

Keep an open mind, and, if you can’t, shut the hell up. The saddest part is, the poor schmuck in the above example was probably just testing the waters to see if Katie would be into it—he just handled it all wrong. The best way to introduce something new, by the way, is to gently give it a try while you’re in the act and go from there. Just, maybe don’t bring out the handcuffs right away.

#nerdsunite

Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach.  He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company.  If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm team, then visit http://www.theartofcharm.com.  You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook.