#NerdsUnite: The What If: Part 3 - Falling for the 4th time

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jordan. He was one of the first writers here on TNTML and he's a really rad mofo. I forget how we first started talking - but he lives allllllll the way over in Kansas and wants to talk to you about life from his side of the monitor in the keyword of nerd. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT JORDAN!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @SaintPepsi

Upon arriving it was cold out. A chill that captures your soul. I entered her house and viewed a girl I had not seen in ages. Time had been kind to her and I was taken back. Her hair was much shorter now, yet still she was for all intents and purposes the Ophilia I had met. Little did I know just how much about her had changed. I sat on her couch across from her Ex whom was still staying there. This was a social call mind you so I judged not. Red whom also lived in that town came over that night. We shared tales of old for a bit and then I ended up being volunteered to take her Ex to work. He was car less thanks to multiple infractions with the law. On we went to a seedy bar in Haysville, KS. This is not a place you would ever go unless it was the only bar in town. For some there, it was. We laughed and talked some more. Ophelia was hosting karaoke that night and to my surprise she had quite the singing voice. Together we brought in the New Year. Had I had it my way, I would have shared a kiss with her. I’ll tell you true when it comes to matters of the heart I rarely get my way. There was a rather large alpha male like cowboy whom had decided that was his right. I let him have it. He was overly possessive of her and always had a hand on her if he could. This is how you can tell a jealous boy. Having a hand on a girl at all times signifies his ownership. Take that into account when you are eyeing a girl with a guy near her. It is rarely wise to provoke a jealous man. They tend to freak out and punch you for no reason. I think most girls find this kind of visual assertion to be annoying as it leaves them on a short leash.  He was not happy I was there. I kept to myself though, sang a few songs, and drew at a table with a pitcher of beer.

That night after the bar had closed and we had packed up our things we rolled out together, much to the horror and dismay of the cowboy. I handed her a rose and a T-shirt as a late B-day gift and timely New Years gift. We got back to her place cuddled up and watched a movie. Then slipped into bed together. Still platonic, she found that perfect position for cuddling and like Legos fit perfectly into me. The next day we awoke and prepped for the party happening later that night. Where I got to meet the rest of her rather eclectic group of friends. I was tired from the Days before so I crashed out early. Right around 4 in the morning. Apparently the party raged on. I awoke alone. She had fallen asleep amass a mix of men on the couch and as we all rose I beckoned her back to her bedroom. Told her I must away, for I worked later that day. We cuddled up once more for a bit and I kissed her. She looked me in the eye and I asked if that was ok. She said it was, but it just complicated things. How many things I wish I had known because this part of the story has only just began. The trip home was a joy. I was on cloud nine, I had finally gotten to kiss her. I mean I kissed her, there wasn’t a full kiss back yet, still I was excited.

When I got back home I quickly plotted a good time to see her again.  I made a few return trips to Wichita, but each was on my day off and her scheduled day to host karaoke in Haysville. Seriously, grew to hate that bar. Each subsequent trip the cowboy grew more and more wary of my presence. Even though I was making friends with the locals at this point... As you may know I can be quite the social butterfly. The people at that bar... well, they just weren’t my kind of people.  I was still playing it safe though. I didn’t want to rush a girl so soon after a divorce. This came to be one of my rules. I didn’t want to be the rebound guy. So I wasn’t jealous of the other affections men would lavish upon her, nor was I worried. In the back of my mind the timing had finally been right. All I had to do was wait. She would even show me texts from the cowboy, describing his vehement hatred for me. After a few months my friends, being of sound mind and body told me I wasn’t allowed to go see her again, until she came up to see me. Seemed fair, as I was the one doing all the driving. With that in mind I looked about for a good reason for her to come back to Manhattan. That time came but a month later. We shared calls back and forth. I like to communicate and when you live 2 hours away from someone, that’s the only resource you have to deepen the relationship. She hated it. She’s the type of girl that rarely talks or texts a lot. Add to that her phone had a minimum text limit... WTF is this the early 2000’s.  Still catching her when I could, became a challenge and it was like pulling teeth to get her to agree to come up and see me. A sign I should have taken. I offered her Fake Paddy’s Day and a Flogging Molly Concert. Whom could say No to such temptation. Well she didn’t and so it was finally her turn to come to me.  

Next up, part 4 - Tangled

#nerdsunite

click here to follow Jordan on the twittah!

#WTF: About the last 48 hours ... can I get a rundown? (@brokeassstuart, documentary, @harveylevinTMZ)

Oh what a wonderfully productive little weekend this was. 

First up, here's the song that goes with the post ... 

So, last week I started working at the SUPER FREAKING AWESOME co-work space @iola. They're a marriage of Hollywood and the tech scene offering both an incubator (coming soon) and an ecosystem of very creative minds coming together to help further each other's projects. You have mentors here from Courtney Cox to Shepard Fairey and various Oscar winners literally just kicking it. The energy here is palpable and I've done more networking in one week here than I have in the last 2 years flying solo. It's AH-mazing!! 

That being said, on Friday io/LA hosted a Lean LA start up event. I invited my buddy @brokeassstuart to come along since he was in town and I was SUPER stoked to get to meet him for the first time ... 

There were drinks sponsored by Diablo, and our attention spans made it through the power point presentation by dicking around on Twitter. The speaker kindly asked the audience not to tweet out quotes or anything during the event but we're both not the type of people that ever listen, and we were more interested in talking about John Tesh and his star outside of io/LA than anything else. 

HOW DOES JOHN TESH HAVE A STAR?!!?! WHY!?!?! 

The speaker btw was a total freaking genius at community building having built out both Facebook and Twitter - and I'm not gonna lie, he was also pretty hot. I totally asked him out on twitter on Saturday and now we're going to kick it next time in the bay area. 

WINNING!!! 

Anywhoo ... after the event Stuart and I putzed around Hollywood getting into all shades of trouble - it was pretty great but the two of us together are definitely trouble. You can't have two firestarters in a group. We literally at one point were contemplating going up to the Griffith Park Observatory and lighting fireworks. (Stuart had a bunch in his car from his trip to New Mexico.) Since I NEVER say no to anything us two together is just a bad bad thing. 

I got home somewhere around 2am and then had to get up early to film this documentary this director is doing on the site. He's been a reader for a while but wanted to sit down with me, my family, and friends talking about the movement and how everything got started. 

It was pretty cool seeing my bedroom being turned into a set, but I ABSOLUTELY lost it at one point. The director had asked me a series of pretty surface questions but at the very end he goes, "and what would you like to say to your readers of Talk Nerdy To Me, Lover?" 

Simple question, right? 

WRONG! 

I lifted my head up looking into the camera and immediately started choking up. 

This wasn't even pretty girl crying, this was baby sea lion level ... 

I didn't realize until that very moment just how powerful the two words "thank you" were. I'd still be doing everything I'm doing even if no one was watching - but the fact that you guys read, and are SO engaged allowed this to become a business and it has literally changed my life. 

I've written out the words 1,000 times on this site but to look dead into the lense of a camera and know that I was speaking just to you guys was a very, very moving thing. 

I was such a blubbery mess. It was pathetic and awesome all rolled into one. 

I'll letchoo guys know when it's going to come out but it'll be about a month or so. 

After we were wrapped filming Eric and I had our second social dynamics workshop class. See, he and I not only teach guys the basics of social dynamics and interactions in general, but we then take the guys out into the field and have them open and build up rapport. We're of course right by their side, but to watch these guys go from being SO shy and SO scared of their own shadow to these CONFIDENT and OUTGOING men in literally ONE NIGHT is truly astounding. 

Like everything, it is going to take practice with these guys, but we have a private Facebook group where we all encourage each other outside of the workshops. Here read what one of the students wrote ... 

How. Amazing. Is. That? 

It's one thing to be this "dating expert" and to have obviously SO much experience - but it's all about giving it back. I KNOW the nerdy brain and how wrapped up we can all be in our own neurosis so to be able to now help guys get out of their own way and have them be able to live up to their own potential and awesome is TRULY a specfuckingtacular existence. 

I am very very very humbled to get to be of service and these workshops really do mean the world to me. 

Oh! And in the most random experience ever btw, during the workshop this COMPLETELY glittered out transsexual gave us palm readings. 

My reading was surprisingly extremely accurate. She even picked up on the fact that I danced previously and she told me that I needed to get back into a dance class to feel more fulfilled. It was COMPLETELY random but pretty cool. 

 THEENNNNNNN, on Sunday morning I had scheduled to have lunch with Antonio. I had texted him on Saturday asking when we were going to meet, but it wasn't until 8am that I actually heard back from him. Seeing as to the fact that he's such a planner and strategist the fact that we hadn't even picked a time to meet up seemed out of character. As I was getting ready to head out, I said to Eric (who was crashing on the couch) that I had a really bad feeling about what I was walking into. 

I even tweeted about it actually (only to then have to delete it once I realized his friend who was chilling at his place knew who I was). I may do a lot of random and crazy things, but it's actually a pretty calculated thing. I KNOW so through and through how to get myself out of situations and am genuinely always prepared for whatever life has for me. After being shaken to my core two weeks ago (read more here) I didn't know what I was getting into. 

There is no predicting Antonio. He's not linear at. all. 

Everything with him is hot and cold hot and cold. He's balancing what he feels in his heart with his logical brain that screams that he and I could not be any less compatible. 

I was literally shaking as I got into the cab to head over to meet him. Breathe Friel, breathe I kept reassuring myself over and over. 

After about 20 mins I arrived at the arranged place, and he, as usual, looked incredible. 

I hadn't seen him at that point since our lunch which was after the 18 hours I spent in Vegas puking on myself and hookers. 

Our meeting had gone well the first time, but I was still confused over what everything meant. Why couldn't we still see each other without having to place boundaries or expectations on things? Can't people date for the purpose of emotional growth? Isn't that what we are all here for anyway? 

We then started to have brunch and Antonio called me out within the first 5 minutes. 

I leave you for one week and already your guards are back up. 

I smiled not knowing what else to do. I genuinely am not even expecting anything from him anymore, but how is someone just supposed to so blindly place their heart in someone's hands without knowing if it will be cared for or not? 

I got really quiet and what little I did speak was always about business. 

As the champagne went down however, I could feel myself starting to loosen up and remember just how. much. fun. he and I have together. 

We then continued to bop all around town as I met up with some of his friends. Meeting Antonio's inner circle has been absolluutteelllyyy incredible. All of his friends are so accomplished and SO intelligent - it inspires me to do even more with my own life and push MYSELF that much harder. 

<tangent> While we were out and about btw, I totally saw Harvey Levin from TMZ.

Apparently he lived in the area, and dudes he's WAY more buff than I anticipated. Holy shit, I would not cross that little duderino!!! </tangent>

After dinner we both then passed out on his friend's bed and I fell asleep on sheets smelling like lemon and ginger. 

Our bodies kept tossing and turning on the king size bed, but they always remained touching.

This is true intimacy, I kept thinking to myself. This is HANDS DOWN the most intimate relationship I've ever had with someone. We STILL haven't had sex yet, yet this man is inside of my mind, body and soul. 

It's like every dimple, every freckle, every curve on my body was made just for his hand to touch. Every time he touches me it sends these shockwaves through my system that remind me of what it is like to be alive. 

I've absolutely never felt anything like it. 

After having fallen asleep so early we both woke up this morning at dawn. 

He then laid his body ontop of mine and I just stared into his eyes. 

If this is all I get to experience in this life is just this moment with this person - I know I have lived well. The power in that statement is enormous. 

Men have fought wars for women like you, he said lovingly. 

I laughed as I then rolled over ontop of him placing all of my long hair in his face. 

I then had to get back to Hollywood so I could head over to work, but I was so grateful for yet another day with Antonio. Sure, he and I may want different things out of life but I don't necessarily need to have all of those things tomorrow. We enjoy each other's company and whatever that means I am just going to have to accept it. 

Be present, Friel. Be. present. always. 

Whatever tomorrow brings I'll be there with open arms and open eyes. 

#yaylife

Oh yeah and btw ... 

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#NerdsUnite:The Ramblings of a Raconteuse (When I Grow Up)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Helenna. We met on twitter not too long ao, and she's totes mcgotes one rad chiquita banana with a flare for all things flair! That's right, Helenna here is what we call an artsy fartsy nerd. She's a poet, into all things dramatic arts, and she's going to come on board to write each week about her love of said drama. Well not like actual drama drama, like some cat fight shit - but you get the idea. I only have one thing left to say ... HIT IT HELENNA!!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Helslevy

I think I’m still waiting to grow up.  Or maybe it just so happened that I woke up one day all grown up and my mind and body were like “what the heck?”  It’s like a weird “Freaky Friday” or “Big” feeling where I have suddenly found myself in the world of the adults in an adult body, but the core of me is still a child.

Why do I bring this up?  Well, I recently had a birthday and what’s fascinating to me is that every year somehow I feel younger even though my external body is aging.  I have more information, more experiences, have become more mature, but inside I feel more childlike and my heart expands and is more willing to grow and develop and learn.  It’s an interesting paradox.

My grandmother has Alzheimer’s and I remember when she first started to show symptoms, she would tell me how unfair old age is, that no one should ever get old.  She said that she felt like a 20 year old in a body that’s breaking down, because her mind and heart are still young.

It’s heart breaking to hear this, but it’s so true and reminds me of Jaques’ speech in Shakespeare’s “As You Like It”:

JAQUES: ”All the world’s a stage,

And all the men and women merely players;

They have their exits and their entrances,

And one man in his time plays many parts,

His acts being seven ages. At first, the infant,

Mewling and puking in the nurse’s arms.

Then the whining schoolboy, with his satchel

And shining morning face, creeping like a snail

Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,

Sighing like a furnace, with a woeful ballad

Made to his mistress’ eyebrow. Then a soldier,

Full of strange oaths and bearded like the pard,

Jealous in honor, sudden and quick in quarrel,

Seeking the bubble reputation

Even in the cannon’s mouth. And then the justice,

In fair round belly with good capon lined,

With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,

Full of wise saws and modern instances;

And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts

Into the lean and slippered pantaloon,

With spectacles on nose and pouch on side;

His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide

For his shrunk shank, and his big manly voice,

Turning again toward childish treble, pipes

And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,

That ends this strange eventful history,

Is second childishness and mere oblivion,

Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.” 

I have such a warm place in my heart for all of the elderly people in our world, especially those who are alone and have no one left to take care of them.

Sorry this post is such a downer, but with every year that passes I feel more and more grateful for my time on this earth with the people that I love.  I also am so happy that I am pursing my dreams and inching closer to my goals.

I always said that when I am all grown up, 80 years old and sitting on my porch swing, I want to be able to say that I gave it my all.  Well, here I am, doing just that for another year, the difference is now I’m starting to realize that every day I’m achieving the goal.  Every single day that I wake up and listen to my heart and pursue my dreams tenaciously I am achieving, and that feels pretty darn good.

#xoxo hels

tweet me at: @helslevy

browse me at: helennasantoslevy.com

email me at: contacthelenna@gmail.com

#NerdsUnite: Command & Conquer Goes Free to Play

 <editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Sean. He has a really rad site called Violent Gamer, and he's here today to talk about some of the latest and greatest in the gaming industry. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT SEAN !!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @violent_gamer

Strategy fans everywhere died a little inside earlier this week, when the long awaited Command & Conquer Generals 2 was cancelled and out of its wreckage came free to play Command & Conquer. What has happened to the once massive Command & Conquer franchise? Their last real game was pretty mediocre, you know, the one with space ships, and since then EA has just been throwing around the name merely for its popularity. Free to play doesn't necessarily make a game bad, but few games have done F2P in a way that doesn't frustrate and sever the community. There is hope for F2P RTSs with the upcoming End of Nations, but I can only imagine the horrors that await us with the next Command & Conquer. I don't want to be biased just because it is EA, but look at what they did with Command & Conquer Tiberium Alliances.

Do strategy fans want Facebook in their strategy games?

No, no they do not.

This was just announced on Wednesday and it is following the announcement about Sim City turning into a social game, not so much a deep city building sim. (Check out their newest trailer for Sim City here here.)

They are taking both of these once beloved franchises and turning them into twisted creations that do not represent what made them popular in the first place.

Take a look at this announcement trailer for the new Command & Conquer.

Command & Conquer does have a great engine with destructible environments, The Frostbite 2 engine, which is what Battlefield 3 uses, and it looks visually impressive as a result, but they really need to show off some gameplay so we can see how they are going to handle that.

Are there going to be tanks or jets that are far superior that we have to buy with real money? Or will we have to share things with friends in order to receive energy that we use to build new units?

I hope neither and I hope it is great, but my hope is fleeting and I'm still glad there are games like Company of Heroes 2 in the world.

If you would like to check it out yourself or try to get into the beta for Command & Conquer head on over to their main website. I used to love this series, but EA is showing exactly why a great many gamers are coming to despise them.

#nerdsunite

click here to follow Sean on the twittah!

#NerdsUnite: The What If? (Part 2 - Cherry Popped)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jordan. He was one of the first writers here on TNTML and he's a really rad mofo. I forget how we first started talking - but he lives allllllll the way over in Kansas and wants to talk to you about life from his side of the monitor in the keyword of nerd. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT JORDAN!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @SaintPepsi

I went through a bit of a dark time, that dark time lead me to be more creative than ever. As dark times tend to do. I discovered my style in art and have since pursued it. I discovered a world of artists willing and able to help push me to be better. Better still I discovered Journalling, thus putting me on course to becoming a writer.

Jen always said writing out everything you feel makes it easier to deal with. There is nothing but truth to that. So long as what’s inside of you, comes out in some fashion it stops eating you from the inside out. Something I never even thought I’d try, let alone become known for.  After the church, in so many words, excommunicated me for living with a girl, mind you still a virgin, just living with a girl is cause for talking. Even though another grant student got knocked up, moved back home and now works in my church. Makes perfect sense.

I went on a bit of a bender ate way too much, started smoking, and drinking more, gained a fair amount of weight. So around 25 I found Ophelia again and invited her to a play my brother was in. She agreed and came up. I have never been horribly tactful so when she found out the rest of my family was there, well... she was a little stunned. She got over that to my knowledge fast and we enjoyed my brother’s play. As she was heading out I stopped her and told her how I had felt about her oh so long ago. I asked on a whim and a prayer if there was any chance of trying, “we” out. She told me she only recently got engaged. That was the end of that I suppose.  Still I pushed on never really finding another girl, till I was 26. There were some here and there, but never one I really synced with. Not till a party at a friend’s house where I met Cherry and yes that’s her real name.

She was black and I had never really thought of myself as being attracted to black girls prior to that, but Cherry was a force of nature. I’ve learned since then to never limit your attraction to anyone based on any appearance. You might just miss the best thing you could ever have in your life.

She quickly swept me away.  We also dated for about a year and things didn’t go so well there. She’s asked me not to talk about it because it was a part of her life that she wasn’t happy about. I respect her wishes and her desire to maintain that privacy. It’s quite a story and if you ever meet me feel free to ask. She taught me a lot about myself, life, love, and how to really live in the moment. She also taught me just where my boundaries are, what I can deal within a relationship, what I need in a relationship, and the type of girl I need to find to make me happy. She opened me up to a new world and for that I will always be grateful to her. She more than any other girl in my life prepared me for the girl I will one day marry. Let’s just say we parted ways, having discovered we were much better as friends than lovers. Ah yes, Lovers. There you have it folks, I lost my V card to a girl named Cherry. Oh, life will you never cease to amaze me.

We parted and it took about 3 months, but we finally found our friendship again. Something, I pushed hard for and you may remember a previous article I wrote on it #FML The End of Friendship. See I made sure we fought to stay friends and because we did she is one of my closest friends now. Still a break up is a break up and my go to depression cure seems to be food. I gained more weight after that and smoked a lot more. Started smoking weed as well but that stuff makes me lethargic and unable to create, so I have never really habitually smoked weed.

A few years after Cherry, while I was 28, I tried out OKcupid for a bit and met Simone.  Hence why I wrote this article OK cupid I concede you work. OK, that didn’t work. She was cool and all, but man, were we different. She was very jealous and I had never dealt with jealousy before. I really couldn’t handle it. In my line of work being an artist and writer I seem to work with a lot of beautiful women. Obviously, I had been writing for TNTML at this point and so much of what I went through was documented. That ended near Christmas time. While dating Simone I ate so much food, possibly a side effect of a repressed depression. I gained something like 50 lbs. I mean I blimped and at my height blimping is a bad idea. Also during that time I had started talking with Ophelia again. She had gotten a divorce. So when Simone and I were over I thought what the Hell, I’ll see if she wants to meet up and talk about times of old. A relationship was at the back of my mind, but I wasn’t going to act on it unless I felt it was a tangible reality. She invited me up for her Birthday party and subsequently New Years. I took a trip to Wichita to see an old friend, a lost love, most importantly the biggest, “what if” in my life.

Part 3 - Falling For The 4th Time (Coming soon!)

#nerdsunite

click here to follow Jordan on the twittah!