#TipsForDudes: Masturbation

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @JenSquard

Aaah, the sticky subject of masturbation (yeah, I had to go there).  But for reals, it really is a touchy subject, right?  It's so universally taboo that we have TONS of names for it: whacking off, choking the chicken, tickling the pickle, spanking the monkey, beating the meat, wanking it, double clicking your own mouse...I even dated a guy that called it rubbing one out.  Ew.  Masturbation seems so...organic.  But it is soooooo soo so different for men and women. 

Men masturbate.  It's just what they do.  Their sexness is all physical and up in their face and can make them sick (not to mention beyotchy!) if they don't take care of business. 

Women are kinda split on the subject.  Some do it, some don't.  But some women are totally cool with their sexuality while some...not so much.

But here's the thing about the gender crossover thingy - masturbation for the other sex is hard to understand.  As ladyfaces don't really get why men feel the need to do it so often.  And men don't understand why we don't do it more.  Or why we get pissed when they do it.  Following all this, friends?

Here's my take on it.  I think that women tend to feel super insecure about every singe part of everything anyways, so throw something like a man needing extra stimulation just comes across as a huge ego blow.  It makes women feel inadequate, like our sexing isn't quite enough.  Or maybe they are imagining someone else's naughty parts while they do it.  It's a whole tangled web of insecurities.  Some ladies want to know every time it happens.  Some don't want to know about it at all, like it doesn't exist.  And some are just okay with it, and get that it's just part of being a dood.  I look at it a little differently - I'm just super curious about it. 

I honestly don't masturbate.  People always think I'm lying about that, but I don't.  I own toys, but the hubs is the master of those things.  Don't get me wrong, I have.  Like twice.  I'm not into it at all, and it just didn't do anything for me, like at all.  It's a mental thing, not a phsyical thing, so, yeah, not my thing.  And why in the world would I ever do anything for myself that I have never ever had a problem getting someone else to do for me?  Anyways, I am curious about the manbraindingle (Sarah Palin can make up words, so can I), so I always want to talk to him about it.  I want to know when he does it just so I can pick his brain and look at all the facts surrounding why and when and where and factors leading up to it.  And he doesn't mind telling me, because there is usually a big chance that I'll crash the party - give some material, help, or take over completely. 

So doods, don't lie about it.  It happens.  But also try not to make it more frequent than showers.  No one wants a weiner addict, and whether you are single or coupled, you aren't doing anyone any favors by sensitizing yourself.  I'll lay it out for you nerds:

frequent masturbation = brevity. 

brevity + sex = fail. 

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