#NerdsUnite: 13 Tips to Last Longer in Bed

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Fabio. Yes. Real name. We're friends in the digispace and he owns and blogs at the fantastically awesome site LetsTalkSex.net. He's here today to share one of his latest and greatest tips on sex, and I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT FABIO!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Fabio Black

If you last longer on the toilet than in bed, you CAN do something about it and it's not shortening your poo time.

Let me introduce you to 13 unique tips to last longer.

Some of these techniques are a kind of training, some of them are last minute techniques, others are a mix. Try them all, starting from the one you like best and have fun.

1. Squeeze it up

So you're having sex, you're thrusting away and you start feeling than your warrior is on his way to "spread the word"... When you're just about there (even if it's only after 9 seconds) withdraw your sword from the cave and squeeze the bottom of the head with a couple of fingers. For better results, and to avoid screaming surprises in 9 months time, you'd better use a condom and try with masturbation first until you find the right spot.

2. Take a piss with style

On planet earth everyone pees. Since you have to do it, we' d better make peeing more interesting and useful. Here's the exercise: pee, interrupt the stream for a second, then keep peeing, then stop it again, then keep peeing... Do this a few times. Have fun, give it some rhythm. Think of your favorite song and keep the rhythm with your pee. Stopping between 3 to 10 times would be cool. If someone is next door and can hear you singing and keeping the beat with your pee, tell them you're practicing for your X-factor audition.

3. Get cheeky

Instead of making the head of your warrior too excited by moving it in and out her cave (whatever cave you happen to be analyzing) be cheeky and alternate thrusting with a circular motion, make your key explore all around the key-hole, clockwise and anticlockwise... This way all of it gets stimulated and his head can rest a bit. Side effect: the cave gets larger and larger and ready for your next dildo "play time" experiments.

4. Choose the right positions

Your partner is your ally. Take some days off work, tell your boss that you need to discover your ancestor's hidden gold, and devote yourself to full-time experimentation. Have as much sex as you can and look for the positions that make you last longer. Sometimes letting her flower climb your tree while you lay on your back and she goes for a ride, will make you last longer. But not everyone is the same, so you'd better adopt an adventurous stance and discover what works for you. Buy an Indiana Jones hat if it helps.

5. Stay in control

Watching a James Bond movie isn't enough. You need to change your mindset. Try it sometime, it's pretty cool. You usually have sex (cue soft music) because mother nature gave you this incredible urge to come in order to secure the recreation of your species and keep the flow of nature moving... You are a tool in the hands of nature (end soft music). Tell nature to f**k herself for once and take back control. Today you're gonna have sex and not come. How? Keep your level of excitement low... Withdraw your straw from the coconut if you need to, change positions and use your hand or tongue while your saber is out... Keep your excitement level "in control".

Then if you feel bad for mother nature, let your warrior sow its seed around.

6. Leave your gun in its holster. It's time to use your tongue.

Buy a fireman's outfit, get a notepad and a pen, and write down what makes your partner scream (besides turning the shower cold while she's washing herself) and when you have a list, spend time applying it during intercourse. If she needs you to create some origami, run the New York marathon, touch her nipples with 0.452g pressure in order to come, and for you taking off your underwear is enough, then at least you know what to do.

Get patient, use your hands and tongue on her body as Michelangelo would use his paintbrush on his masterpiece, and put your biscuit in the tea cup just when it's at the right "temperature". In this way, you'll Come Together just like in the Beatles's song.

7. Work Hard

Do you remember when you were a kid and trying to learn how to make your Transformer toy punch Gozilla in the face? You used to make a lot of mistakes, even silly ones, like letting Gozilla fly higher than your Transformer (shake head in disappointment). The same thing applies to boogie-woogie. When you get older you'll become more masterful with your ejaculation, and when you get even older you'll be so good that even if the hottest porn actress on earth starts licking your lollipop you won't come, it won't even "stand up" probably.

So, getting old isn't enough, you need to practice! Have as much sex as possible! The more sex the better.

8. Don't think of a naked pink elephant wearing a white bra and rubbing her ass on a streetlamp

Surprise! When thinking about stopping your ejaculation you are actually going to make it happen sooner! We'll never know why mother nature made our brains that way, but if you want to use the grey stuff in your skull to help you last longer you'd better focus on the pleasure you're feeling in-the-now everywhere else in your body and "forget" about the ejaculation (note: if you have a short memory and tend to forget too much, listen to a friend, use a condom).

9. Yeah! It didn't hurt

Finished early? Did you come as soon as you opened your bedroom door? Or didn't you even make it to the car park?

No worries! There's always round 2 (enter hot, half-naked girl with round 2 sign in her hands). Put on some Rocky Balboa music, and start again! The second time you'll last longer. Even if it's just for being able to take off her underwear, you will have improved a little and this experience will increase your personal best for next time. So remember, if you come too quickly the first time, go for the second one. Don't get depressed, chimpanzees' intercourse lasts 3 seconds, that's what our ancestors were like, we are learning new shit here.

10. Become a Prophet

Take some time for yourself and your favorite hand. Be romantic, take your hand out for dinner, buy her some cream and oil for her skin, tell her how sexy she is... and put her to work! Practice becoming aware of your level of excitement, your clairvoyant skills will improve and you'll be able to see the rise of your ejaculation - just like Nostradamus predicted the rise of Napoleon.. Basically what I mean is: this awareness will put you in control, and give you the choice of withdrawing your plug from her socket when it's time. Rest. Start again.

11. Test it on a (Minnie) Mouse

For once don't be an animal, when some nipples are in front of you, put your natural instinct back in your pocket and use your mouth - to talk. Ask her to collaborate in your laboratory research. That's the first step.

Second step: Buy some geeky glasses for you and a sexy minnie mouse dress for her, and get in a testing laboratory for a week or two of experimentation. Your goal is to discover what positions make you last a good amount of time, neither too much nor too little. For example, by sitting next to each other without touching you' ll last for days - so that's not a good one. Having her on her knees and showing you her beautifully round birthday cake while you rush to plant your candle inside it will make you come faster than Bolt in the 100 meters final.

So, take your time, and experiment with some other positions, you'll probably find that positions like side-by-side, reverse cowgirl or her on top will give you more control as your excitement will grow more slowly.

Be aware of your sensations, have fun and if your geek glasses get steamy, you know what to do...

12. Wait a minute!

This is the best technique. I know it may sound complicated and time consuming but this will really give you the control that you're looking for.

You're drilling her cave with your jackhammer and you feel like you're going to spill some oil soon... STOP, totally stop and wait 60 seconds to allow your hammer to cool down. You don't need to become weird and not blink or not move your hands and stuff like that. Don't take what I say too literally. Just stop stimulation. I know what you're thinking: Hey, and what about her? Take the opportunity to tell her how much you enjoy her flower, how sexy her boobage is and keep touching and caressing her, then after 30 seconds or 1 minute start your road works again...

13. Mind your Mind

Last tip. Go slowly. Pleasure is the goal. Try to change from a mindset of having sex because I-have-to-come-now-otherwise-my-nuts-will-explode! or, even worse, she-has-to-come-now-otherwise-she-will-be-disappointed-and-she'll-leave-me! to a mindset of I-don't-give-a-shit-about-my-ejaculation-or-her-orgasm-all-I-want-is-to-go-slowly-and-to-feel-this-pleasure-for-as-long-as-I-can.

This winning mindset will make all the difference.
Use these 13 tips to kick your sexual stamina in the ass and call me when you have the opposite problem and last so long that she can't handle it anymore... At that stage I'll probably be on a beach somewhere in the Caribbean drinking coconuts and "making friends" with the local beauties...

#thatisall

Fabio Black writes about sex, sex and sex. But not necessarily in that order. Read more about him here.

#TipsForDudes: Take Charge!

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @JenSquard

First off, this absolutely does not mean: be chauvinistic, be controlling, be demanding or be rude.

What it does mean is to be aggressive.  I know, I know, it is 2011, and as women, we know that we don’t need you to take charge.  I’m sure some women don’t want it at all.  But for a lot of us, we do.  I know that I make decisions ALL.DAY.LONG.  Stupid decisions, hard decisions, whatever, but I am always making the final call on something.  So it really turns me on to have someone make those decisions for me.  Where to eat, what we are going to do, sexual positions...I don’t care what it is, but just to have someone take a little bit of control is awesome.

If you are in the mood - initiate.  If you get turned down, who cares?  Try again tomorrow.  And if it works - amazing!  Take charge and own your chance!  Don’t, I repeat, DO NOT just kiss and kiss and have no plans for a middle or end game.  Don’t leave it up to your lady to make the next move every time.  You are the one that initiated, you are the one that should lead this sexy dance. 

Having said all of that, don’t start ordering for us at a restaurant.  Don’t tell us who we can hang out with.  Do tell us that you are going to give it to us from behind before...well....whatever you want to do.  Just make a decision, and leave it up to us to veto it if we need to. 

Oh yeah, and use those man muscles to pick us up by our butts and toss us on the bed from time to time.  You won’t be sorry.  

#TipsForDudes: The Bermuda Triangle of Dating

 #TalkNerdyToMeLover's @JenSquard

Okay, this one is actually for chicks, too - really it's for anyone that is dating, whether it's serious or new.  Now that we are into the meat of December, we have entered what I like to call the Bermuda Triangle of Dating.  It is a tough time of year, especially for relationsips.  Here's the thing - once you have reached mid-December, you tend to be stuck in whatever relationship you are in.  If you aren't happy, it is now going to be really hard to get out of.  At this point you have probably already bought a gift for your datee, and even if you haven't there is a solid chance that they have gotten one for you.  Now that we're just a week away, it's hard to want to either spend the holidays alone, or back out on the prospect of that new watch you've had your eye on.  And who wants to be the asshole that breaks up with someone right before Christmas?

Then right around the corner is New Year's Eve.  This is a tricky one, too.  While it isn't a traditionally romantic holiday, it seems to be the one that everyone wants to be paired up for.  The new year is a time to start things out right, or at least be in someone's arm so you feel like you are heading in the right direction.  So you are stuck for another couple of weeks. 

That takes us just a month away from Valentine's Day.  You have a very small window of opportunity here - if you want out, early January is a good choice.  Wait too long, and you are the douchenozzle that breaks a heart right before the big love day.  Valentine's day is a tough one anyways, and everyone loses their damn minds about it.  If you want to psychologically damage someone, especially a bleeding heart, break up with them in this time frame.  Yikes.

So with Christmas just a week away, now is the time to decide if you want out, or if you want to wait until late February to move on.  This isn't just an emotional commitment, this is a financial issue as well.  I personally think that if you aren't happy you should get out whenever you need to.  I don't care if it's Christmas morning with everyone in their footie pajamas.  Cut it off, do it nicely, and save them from wondering if you stayed because of the season.  You only live once, and you have to own it.  There just isn't time for silliness.  I just wanted to warn you that it gets complicated.  So be careful.

And follow me on Twitter.  Like now.

#TipsForDudes: Masturbation

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @JenSquard

Aaah, the sticky subject of masturbation (yeah, I had to go there).  But for reals, it really is a touchy subject, right?  It's so universally taboo that we have TONS of names for it: whacking off, choking the chicken, tickling the pickle, spanking the monkey, beating the meat, wanking it, double clicking your own mouse...I even dated a guy that called it rubbing one out.  Ew.  Masturbation seems so...organic.  But it is soooooo soo so different for men and women. 

Men masturbate.  It's just what they do.  Their sexness is all physical and up in their face and can make them sick (not to mention beyotchy!) if they don't take care of business. 

Women are kinda split on the subject.  Some do it, some don't.  But some women are totally cool with their sexuality while some...not so much.

But here's the thing about the gender crossover thingy - masturbation for the other sex is hard to understand.  As ladyfaces don't really get why men feel the need to do it so often.  And men don't understand why we don't do it more.  Or why we get pissed when they do it.  Following all this, friends?

Here's my take on it.  I think that women tend to feel super insecure about every singe part of everything anyways, so throw something like a man needing extra stimulation just comes across as a huge ego blow.  It makes women feel inadequate, like our sexing isn't quite enough.  Or maybe they are imagining someone else's naughty parts while they do it.  It's a whole tangled web of insecurities.  Some ladies want to know every time it happens.  Some don't want to know about it at all, like it doesn't exist.  And some are just okay with it, and get that it's just part of being a dood.  I look at it a little differently - I'm just super curious about it. 

I honestly don't masturbate.  People always think I'm lying about that, but I don't.  I own toys, but the hubs is the master of those things.  Don't get me wrong, I have.  Like twice.  I'm not into it at all, and it just didn't do anything for me, like at all.  It's a mental thing, not a phsyical thing, so, yeah, not my thing.  And why in the world would I ever do anything for myself that I have never ever had a problem getting someone else to do for me?  Anyways, I am curious about the manbraindingle (Sarah Palin can make up words, so can I), so I always want to talk to him about it.  I want to know when he does it just so I can pick his brain and look at all the facts surrounding why and when and where and factors leading up to it.  And he doesn't mind telling me, because there is usually a big chance that I'll crash the party - give some material, help, or take over completely. 

So doods, don't lie about it.  It happens.  But also try not to make it more frequent than showers.  No one wants a weiner addict, and whether you are single or coupled, you aren't doing anyone any favors by sensitizing yourself.  I'll lay it out for you nerds:

frequent masturbation = brevity. 

brevity + sex = fail. 

Send me your thoughts! Twitter.com/JenSquard

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#TipsForDudes: Foreplay

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @JenSquard

Aaah, sex.  So important.  Should be fun, but unfortunately it isn't always as great in practice as it is in theory.  Why?  Because men and women are wired sooooo differently. 

For most men sex is a sensory adventure - physical, visual, auditory, the whole thing.  Whatever it is that turns a man on (boobs, butt, nakedness in general) will always turn them on.  Something naughty whispered in their ear or sent over text = ready to go. 

Women, not so much.  For us sex is mental.  Show me your wiener all day long, and it's just not going to prime the pump.  I need some brain action first.  That is what foreplay is all about for the ladies (I am speaking in general, of course).  Don't grab my boobs, move south, then expect me to be ready.  Instead, start earlier in the day.  A couple of calls or texts to say you are thinking about your lady.  A token to show you actually are thinking about her, like a drink from her favorite coffee shop.  Stimulating conversation is always a good one - talk about what turns you on, a secret fantasy, something from your sexual bucket list.  Compliments may get you some play with some girls, but in general "you're so sexy" doesn't mean much.  And unless it is in the major heat of the moment, something like "I'm so hard" is likely to be a buzzkill.  Instead try, "You make me feel so alive".  

Seriously, every woman is obviously different, but it is going to start upstairs.  Make my mind race and the body will follow.  Having said that, I am in NO WAY excusing you from physical foreplay.  Nice try, sucka.  Take it slow, but don't draw things out.  Some ladies like to kiss for hours.  I get bored with that after about 4 minutes.  And keep in mind that if play to the point of exhaustion, you will likely be finishing solo.  What I'm trying to say, is foreplay is essential, but don't forget that it is leading to something.  Hopefully.

Have some tips of your own?  Or questions?  I'm here to help!  @JenSquard