Fun with #OkCupid: Dude, date 100 ... did that really just happen?

Omg omg omg omg omgggg I just had the worst OKC date. Like the worst.

Alrite, I won't say the worst out of all the 100 I have been on - because, good lord there have been a lot of bad ones, but this one was just the most socially awkward out of them all.

Met up with this dude tonight at The Dime - didn't even Foursquare checkin, cause he got there before I did - didn't want to be rude, and be on my phone ... and dude, this kid was just weird. Like weird weird.

We were an 87% match, 87% friend, and 7% enemy on OKC - but his pictures were kickin and this dude was cute. That honestly should have been my biggest sign that this prolly wasn't a good idea. I don't date cute. Cute does nothing for me. In my current OKC experiment, the dudes that I have hit it off with are quirky at best. They are uniquely unique in their own bit of awesomeness. There is no type, there is no theme other than the fact they each owned their shit and rocked whatever it was that they had to rock.

This kid looked like he walked out of an Abercrombie ad. UUGHHHHH no bueno. Commercially attractive people are alarmingly uninteresting, as they've never had anything other than their looks to get them by in life. He was way more attractive IRL than in his pictures.

He's studying law at UCLA, but he's one of those super super super book smart people, but socially just not there. I'm not book smart - at all. Dude, I didn't even bring a calculator to my SATs - academics never did anything for me. All I did was learn how to hustle the system to get the grade that I needed to not only graduate early, but with honors. I didn't actually absorb anything. Everything that I learned, I learned through my travels and through just talking to people. This kid was just uncomfortable in his own skin.

Dude, even down to the beer he ordered. Again, I got there 5 mins after him, so he ordered me a PBR, and he goes - this is only my second time having a PBR, I dunno how I feel about it. It's like, then why order it???

OMMGGGGGGGGGGGGGG and we talked tech, and he was just out to lunch ... and THEN! Oh yes, and THEN!!!! He goes, what does your necklace say? I go, oh! It's #nerdsunite, our official hashtag on twitter. I was like its super cute, I love it.

He goes, well I dunno about cute. It's a bit too blingy for my taste. Really, did that just come out of your mouth? OMG OMG OMG OMG!! This site is my life - twitter is my thing. I would KILL someone for less. Did you straight up just knock my brand??? Thank GOOODDD he said he had an early class at that point, because I was literally about to excuse myself and not return. HAHA! I cannot believe I was just about to walk out on a date. That is not my style. Tolerance and patience are everything to me - I think you can learn so much just by sitting with people and asking them things. UGHHHHHHH!!!!

WTF OKCUPID!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?! How was that an EIGHTY SEVEN PERCENT MATCH!?!?!?!!?!?!?!

Lesson learned: New qualifying question for each date is, what kind of phone do you have?

#UGH!!!!!

Live in LA and wanna date me? Hit me up on OKC over yonder!

Pretty please ... like with a cherry on top ... cause like, I'll make it worth your while. I swear, just ask your brother.

OMG OMG OMG PS. ANNNDDDD he asked me, why I would even bother to have an ipod and a smartphone?!?! I was like what?! Seriously?!?! I was like I have different ipods for different things. I was like my smartphone is more for streaming music, I don't download music onto it - my ipods are my life. I always listen to music, just depends on the music that is stored on each one.

Must. Clear. Cache.

Fun with #OkCupid: Way to jam my mailbox!

HAHAHA!! What an amazing day on OkCupid. I'm currently up to my eyeballs writing this post called "This is a story about love ... but this isn't a love story" (a disection of my last relationship that caused my heart to be broken so badly) and holy moly guacamole, the emails keep coming in!! Some of these are so effin rad! Read read read ... 

This was hands down the best written email ever. So direct - this guy MUST be in sales. He's totally got a way with words. Amazing. Amazing. Amazing. 

Yeah, no dude. There is no "application" process. I'm actually dating these peeps. I just so happen to also be documenting it as an after thought because this is what I do with my life anyway. No bueno. And FTR, totally fill out your personality profile as well. Super lame profile. 

Amazing. Amazing. Amazing. There can't be a coincidence on an energy level with the fact that I am in the middle of writing this supppperrrrrrr deep post about having my heart broken on the same day that I literally had to clear my inbox from too many emails. Bat shit!! Bat shit!! Bat shit!!! 

Keep on keepin on! I'm reading, and scoping out your profiles.

#nerdsunite

Live in LA and wanna go out on a date? Hit me up on OKC here.

Fun with #OkCupid: Boys are smelly let's throw rocks at them.

I have to vent for a minute ... because if I don't I'm going to have a sour puss on my face all night, and I'm like totes going to this super fancy pants thing in Beverly Hills ... and I can't have a sour puss on. No one likes a sour puss. Stop being a sour puss, Jen!! Stop it!! 

K ... so my week of dating has been horrid. Like absolutely, positively, the worst thing ever. My date Monday was god awful. Like horrible horrible horrible. So horrible I didn't even want to post on it to give the dude some weird complex. Nice guy I'm sure deep down ... I ain't hatin, but he told me to slow my brain down ... twice. I very literally was going to get up and leave but I was stuck at the Staples Center. Ugh. Was just literally the worst, and most awkward date I have been on in a while. The guy has ADD and short term memory loss - literally. So he'd get stuck on his own tangents and then forget how the hell he got on them in the first place.

Yeah no shit. Was high-larious.

Dude, I have ADD ... but I also meditate - so if I'm talking tech I can't help but let my brain explode at 200,0000 mph - otherwise, I try and focus my energy in one place to not be such a wackadoodle noodle. I'm not a fan of hating on people in general, or ripping them apart - but we did not hit it off ... at all. He tried kissing me - twice, and kept touching me. OH AND I totally almost fucked this bitch up in the bathroom. Totally not kidding. I'm such a lover not a fighter, but this chick really got my Irish up. (I'm sure too if I had this incident alone isolated, I prolly would have just laughed it off and kinda moved on ... but after my evening - this was just the icing on the cake.)

K, so I was in the restroom as the game was over, we were just chillin at Hyde - and I find this bank card on the floor. Not even a credit card, a bank card - and I ask hey is there a XXXXXXXX in here? This chick that was clearly sloshed comes out and goes ME while ripping the card from my hand. I was like um, can I see some ID please? I'm not just about to give this to you - I have no idea who you are. She hands me her ID and it's a fake. I'm like, sweetheart, I'm not the cops. I ain't gonna bust you, but please show me another credit card or a Facebook or Twitter profile. She gets PIIIISSSSEEEDDDD and starts literally screaming in my face saying I need to back the fuck up and leave. Again, she's drunk. I said, well I'm not leaving without that card. You have two options, show me the Facebook profile, or I'm leaving with the card and you can explain this to the officer outside. She then pulls up her Facebook profile and says - SEE TTHHIIISSSS BIIIITTTCCHHHHHHHH!!! Like literally, I cannot stress this enough - this is like 4 inches away from my face. Don't fuck with a chick with personal space issues. Either way, totally kept my composure said alrite babe - get home safe ... and moseyed on out. She then proceeded to scream obscenities and I was just over it. Literally, like worst evening I have had in a while.

Wednesday, I had a super super super awesome date. Like for reals - this dude was the tits, straight up DD. We met at Dillons, as I was celebrating my super awesome meeting with the suits - and we hit it off so well that I asked him for a ride back home. Normally, I manage my own transportation - bus ... subway ... walking ... something. But I really liked this dude, figured he couldn't be that big of a creeper. We def made out as he dropped me off ... and away I went. Amazing kisser, totally felt sparks like CRAZZYYYYYYYY!!! He texts me the next day - I tell him I can't play anything cool, but if he's game he should come out to Big Wangs as I was going to be consuming copious amounts of beer and wings to celebrate. We text back and forth for a bit, cute, flirtatious ... then he says hes not sure he can make it out - dude, I get it. He works a normal human being job, has shit going on. THENNNNNN ... on Friday he texts me again asking how things went yada yada ... he's now initiated the contact twice. I don't ever call or text boys. Honestly, it's just out of lack of interest. Contact me via social media since that's where I am anyway. You're more than welcome to enter this world, outside of that - I'm not really interested. I type over 110 wpm - I literally type too fast for my Droid to process when I text. It sucks ASS!! So, bottom line, I don't care who you are - I fucking hate texting. We go back and forth again, asking how my day is, what I'm up to later ... so, I invite him out to The Roxy. He said he had this dinner with some work peeps but would def try to make it out. Wait, wait, wait - nothing. Dude, The Roxy was literally on fire (posting more on that tomorrow) - and one of the only things he texted back was, literally on fire? I said, yep! We're standing outside.

I can understand potentially not wanting to come out to a venue because it almost burned down a few hours prior, haha - but for reals, why the fuck wouldn't you text me back to meet somewhere? There was CLEARLY an attraction, CLEARLY like crazy chemistry ... all we did was kiss so there was no, pu-na-na-nah ... but what's the story morning glory? If I like a boy, I can't help it. I feel really really really sorry for boys that I have crushes on - because I will go after you. It's tragic actually. I don't play it cool, I make no fuss about it, and definitely never apologize. I go after every.single.thing. that I want in life. It's who I am. Like period end of sentence. Plus too, he was asking me what I was up to indicating that he wanted to hang out?! Two nights in a row you don't hang out?? There are 86,400 seconds in the day. I am the QUEEEENNNNN of maximizing them - so don't tell me you're busy. I have no problem telling you that you are full of shit. No one is ever that busy. It's a fucking trip for me too because I wonder if dudes just play it cool because of my OKC experiment and shit in general. Like, they get such a rise out of it, but aren't really interested in dating? I dunno. I'm so confused. I'm trying to document this all as honestly as possible, and I really don't know if that's possible because when you add in the public component to it, that dudes are genuinely intrigued with in general, it equals a complete clusterfuck.

Dude, it wasn't even him, just my week being so unbelievably awesome, but so totally overwhelming that I started crying at the Roxy. No like, a solid stream of tears escaped my eyes in the bathroom. Again, greatest problem in the world to have - whoops, your website and life are being made into a TV show ... aww poor baby ... but I was so hurt, man. Again, not really by him, since to be honest there is no emotional investment, but it was a culmination of a lot of shitty dating experiences in the last 8 months. Why is it that I can create this really trippy reality, and create this life that I just am so completely head over heels in love with - and yet every time I sit there and find someone I like weird shit happens. Great for this site, really really really sad for the lifecaster behind it. Pisses me off. Worst dating week ever.

Life is reflective, there's something I clearly have a block with inside of me when it comes to boys. There's no coincidence in this happening, I'm just trying to formulate my next doable action ... and I'm clueless. Ugh.

K ... now I'm off to this party. It may be at a super nice house in Beverly Hills, but I'm still wearing my vans. So ... suck it - beyotch!

#kthxbye

Fun with #OkCupid: 25% sweet - 75% creepy

Looky looky the email I just got on OKC ...

PPPFFFTTTT - naw man, not creepy at all.

*footsteps heard running downstairs*

*door opens*

*door closes*

*footsteps heard running to car*

*car door opens*

*car door shuts*

*engine starts*

*tires screech*

HAHA!! I loved the #BJDiet. It wasn't hard at all.

oh the "that's what she saids" ... pun after pun, its never done!

Dude, I was just stoked to have some sort of grocery something for a month. Swallowing a ton of Benefiber was the least pleasant part about it - but Jeds Jerky sent me like 20 different flavors. Wasn't bad at all! For reals!

But thank you ... that was incredibly sweet of you. And creepy. Alrite, 25%/ 75% creepy.

So yeah - I'm single and looking to mingle. Live in LA and wanna date? Check out my OKC profile over yonder! And uh, let's get it on.

#rawr

Fun with #OkCupid: Hasn't really been all that fun

oh goodness gracious acious, what a weird couple of weeks on OKC. Alrite, so first, last week, I went out on a date with this nerderino on Opaque in Santa Monica - which is dinner ENTIRELY in the dark. No, like seriously - PITCH black; I sleep with a sleeping mask on and blacked out curtains, and this was literally the darkest state I have ever been in. My eyes took a solid 5 minutes to readjust from the lights, it was bat shit.

First off, it was honestly an incredibly awesome date. Super cool dude, but he kept touching me. It was weird. Albeit we were in the dark, so hahaha - anything was possible, I just don't like to be touched when I'm getting to know someone. I'm not a hand holder, arm caresser, any and or all of the above unless I am dating someone - I just want to do my own thing, so let me sit there and analyize you as much as possible. I'm pretty much a professional dater, so if I kissed caressed every guy I went out with I'd have to dip myself in some hardcore anti-bacterial soap every night. Mama no likey. So, right off the bat - that wasn't cool. Mind you too, I kept trying to find reasons to pull my hand away and that fucker kept grabbing it right back. EEP!!!

I will still totally have your babies, Billy. Either way though, the entire experience was absolutely incredible. It took me a while, but my brain actually started to visualize a restaurant. I forgot that we were in the dark a couple of times since my imagination took over. Was AWESOME! ANNNNDDD, I actually remembered a lot more of what was coming out of his mouth since my brain actually absorbed it, instead of staring blankly at someone's face and analyzing their reactions to things I was saying. It made it a lot easier to get to know someone, AND it was a pretty rad bonding experience. Major kudos on the date as a whole, but I think the guy was just misreading all of my signals. I enjoy people - a lot. He had killer taste in music (dude, we totally rocked out to Mellon Collie and Infinite Saddness ... OMMMMGGG), was super super super sweet, but I wasn't feeling it. I was totally shocked after dinner when we got in the car and he kissed me. I was definitely a bit surprised. I just so happen to be that open with pretty much every single person I've ever met ... haha best question anyone has ever asked me on a first date, "what kind of porn do you watch?" AWESOME! Totally not kidding either, this kid was rad. It just wasn't there, can't really say anything more about it.

I still have such a crush on that boy that I went out with in Culver City and woke up in Santa Barbara. The 2 weeks are now up, (he was just getting out of a relationship with someone, so I told him that we shouldn't talk to each other for 2 weeks just so heads could be clearer) and I'm still not sure what to do. I don't know how to not go after what I want. Seriously, it's a problem. When it comes to ANYYYTHHIINNNNGGGG in life, all I have to do is look at a situation, spend a bit of time analyzing it, and then I can figure out how to break it down into doable actions, and get it done. Literally - anyone can do ANYTHING in life as where there is a will there is always. always. ALWAYS. a way; that is true of course, except for people. It pisses me off, life is too short, and at times my heart can be too big - hence why I am such a guarded individual, I am FIERCELY loyal. I'm a very calm person, but getting my Irish up is ill advised; you fuck with my friends and family - I will google the most heinous and cruel deaths imaginable, and will proceed to smile sweetly as my body rots away in jail for the rest of my nerdy little life. My INTENSE and ABSURD passion for social media doesn't even come CLOSE to my passion for my friends and family. They're my heart. For reals. It also takes a lot to get to that place with me, but once you're there - it's a lifetime membership. I like a lot of people in this world, but love very few. Anyway, long tangent, I just hate being in a space of unknown. I'm a black/white, go big or go home-er, and shit like this just gets under my skin. I'm trying to look at other boys, and trying to put myself out there ... but I'm just not. I can't even fake it well.

This dude that read my foot the other night just called me for a date. Literally, he took off my boot, and gave an oddly accurate reading of my life. Freaked me out a bit, not gonna lie. Not into the psychic shit, but UTTERLY adore exploring palmistry, and now reflexology. I'm half tempted to text him back and ask if he's on OKC just so I don't waste my time with anyone less than 85% of a match. Is that too mean? I just don't believe in wasting peoples times if your bottom lines are too different.

OOOOHHHH life. What am I going to do with you. Dating is so fucking exhausting. Can I just FF to being a cougar already?

Live in LA and wanna date? Click here to send me a message on OKC

#fail