Fun with #OkCupid: EPIC PROFILE!

Looky looky the message I just got on OKC ...

First off, great email. I can tell he actually read my profile, and this wasn't some generic mass email.

*Brownie points*

Hello, next level!

So, I clicked his profile. And then this came up ...

HOLY FUCKING SHIT you are hot. Seriously ... mama wants to tap that. HARD! Wow ... wow ... wow.

Good lord, the things I would do to you ... stop it, Jen. Stop it! Examination for the purpose of education. But I can't help it that the specimen is so fucking HOT! Goodness ... wow, hose me down.

K ... feeling better. Kinda.

In all seriousness though, this guy has a kickin profile and is doing all the right things when it comes to having an online dating profile.

First off, his pictures tell the story of who he is ... 1 part adventure seeker (as is evident from the boating picture), 1 part goofball (see below).

Awesome. I can dig. His profile is well written, without being preachy or flat out boring.

This guy just "is" ... he doesn't have to try ... that comes across LOUD AND CLEAR! We're not THAT compatible (82% match, 81% friend), but dude ... I gotta see whatever this is in person. HAHA! I'm such a horndog - RAWWRRRRRR!!!

No joke, great profile! Pics tell a story, clear consise profile without being too over the top or underwhelming. Great job, el duderino!

Want some more tips on what you can do to enhance your OKC profile? Click here!

#mamalikes

Fun with #OkCupid: I backed out on a date ...

... and yo, I never ever EVER back out on dates. Good or bad, I view them all as content - so no matter what I'm totally kosher for passover. This one though, just totally creeped me out.

Alrite, remember the dude that created an entire Facebook profile for the chicks he met on dating sites? No? Need a refresher? Click here.

K ... well he and I have been chatting on Facebook over the last few days, and MANNNNNNN he's a creeper. The worst part is, he's so clueless that what he is doing is SO WRONG!

1. He bought me a belt from Hermes. Literally - never even met this guy, but he told me he went shopping the other day and saw that and immediately thought of me. Really? A patent leather belt from Hermes reminds you of me? Dude, I shop at Buffalo Exchange and am a scrubby ass mother fucker. I don't own a single thing from Hermes, nor do I have a desire to. I can appreciate the sentiment, and appreciate that certain cultures have different ways of showing appreciation and affection - I just wasn't having it. I flat out told him I couldn't accept it, and that I was a minimalist. I can only take gifts if it has value to my journey. If it doesn't, I donate it. I'm INCREDIBLY black and white on that fact.

2. He messaged me on Sunday and told me that he had passes to the new Adam Sandler movie premier tonight. Here ... I can't seem to black out his name (as again, I never name names) - but here is the actual unedited copy and paste from out convo:

See ... here's my dad. He's pretty awesome. Then he went on for about 20 minutes going back and forth on the fact that he wants a substantial relationship, is over the hooking up phase ... the problem with this guy is, HE'S ATTRACTING THE WRONG KIND OF CHICK!!! With the first questions being, what designer do you like? What perfume do you wear? You're going to attract a 19 year old with daddy issues. Dude, me and my daddio are a-okay. For reals, no beef ... sometimes chicken, but never beef.

This man makes my blood boil because he has NO IDEA what he is doing. He is going to continually attract these gold diggers, and at 32 is going to wonder why his life isn't working out the way he wants it to.

I never ever ever use people. I would have absolutely been using this guy. In all honesty, I'm sure within 3 phone calls, or a couple of tweets I could have gotten a pass to this premier. It's LA ... and it's not that difficult to do. We all know each other.

There ya go, I couldn't use this guy for the pass to the premiere. I use social media to get anything I want, not people. I just wouldn't have been able to post on it and not be incredibly honest regarding how I obtained the passes and what not. Just wasn't going to happen; it totally cramps my style.

#UhHuh

Fun with #OkCupid: The shoe is on the other foot ...

Looky looky the email I just got on OKC ...

1. Who says I wear panties?

2. Who says I'm not the one going after them?

HAHAHA! Dude, this is the second email I've gotten today "warning" me that guys on OKC are just looking for sex. I have actually found the exact opposite; the majority of them are legitimately looking for a relationship. I, on the other hand, am looking to get laid. Actually, I'm half serious on that. I can't just have sex with just anyone, because I can't have an orgasm with just anyone. I won't have sex if I can't have an orgasm. I'm pretty black and white on that fact. Racking up sex partners is not only lame, but just not my style. I've had my sexual ego gratified spank you very much.

Give it to me baby ... uh huh ... uh huh!

#OhYeah

Fun with #OkCupid: This man is a GENIUS!!!!

I just had very literally one of the most BITCHIN conversations ever on OKC ... I'm going to break it all down for you bit by bit just so you can understand the awesomeness of this more ...

This will never ever EVERRRRRRR work on me. Really ... you're just getting to know someone and "what's your favorite designer" is in your top questions? Really ... really ... really ... LAMMEEE!!

Plus, "gazing into my eyes over a candlelit dinner" scuse please, Fabio called - he's ready to pose for your next cheesy romance novel. *gag*

Then I thanked him ... because he's in the internetting business ... and actually in all serious could prolly offer some assistance in random internetting ways.

What this guy did was SOOO effin brilliant. He only had like 95 friends on Facebook, 1 picture ... and I shit you not, all 95 of his friends were chicks. And hot ones to boot!! CRAZYY beautiful. Like crazy beautiful enough that it caught my attention IMMEDIATELY!!

Dude, don't mess with a nerdy chick ... haha, I found out he does in fact have another Facebook profile. But MADDDD props for having a fake one to give out to chicks on a dating site. Seriously! I haven't met this guy yet ... I don't necessarily want his creeper creepness all up in my Facebook junk, seeping into my newsfeed ... but why not seem a bit more "open" and "forward" by requesting facebook friendship before a date ... only you do this EVERY TIME with an ENTIRE account devoted JUST to your internet dates.

Brilliant. So so so so so brilliant. For reals though, fill out more of the profile, and have at least 100 pics, even if they're not tagged from other people's accounts - I wouldn't have noticed.

#kudos ... so baller!

 

Wanna date me? Drop me a message on OKC.

I'm single and ready for some nerdy lovin ... RAWRR!

Fun with #OkCupid: First date at a police station

Oh my oh my oh my .... looky looky the email I just got on OKC ... 

Are you kidding me?? THEY HAVE FREE COFFEE AT THE POLICE STATION?!?! Done and done!!! Epic find! 

hahah this guys profile absolutely cracks me up. Here's his self summary: 

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!! Omg high-larious. He's actually pretty cute. Lots of pics with random celebs which is a definite red flag in my eyes - but we'll see! I will DEFINITELY take him up on free coffee at the police station since I'm sure they have those non dairy creamers to go along with it. 

#SCORE! 

Wanna date me? Click here to send me a message on OKCupid!