#Question: When can you tell that she wants to be kissed?

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

Hey guys - I’ve got a huge topic to discuss with you today.  I can safely say it’s something you’ve wondered about, (if you’re like most of the guys I meet) and that you’re still probably a little confused by it.  At the end of this message is a tried & true technique that will ALWAYS give you the answer to the question:  Is she ready to be kissed?

You never want to make your move too soon, of course – but you also never want to wait forever, closing the door on the sexual tension that is flowing.  I got an interesting question from a guy named Darren a few weeks back, which gives me the ideal path into this topic:  And hats off to him, because he honestly admits his shortcoming.

Most guys won’t admit it, but they fumble this moment like a rookie running back.  Want to be Walter Payton?

Listen up:

 

Dear Friend,

Recently, I was out on a date with a great girl I met at a party. A number of times in the evening, she would look at me and hold the stare a bit longer than usual. I kept thinking, “she wants me to kiss her”. was so nervous though, that I never went for it! What is the best way to set up a kiss with a girl? I mean, I know how to kiss her, I just wonder if there is a cool way to make the move.  Help!

Thanks,

Darren

Darren, Darren, Darren…I feel your pain, man.

First of all, don’t worry – this is by far the TOP question I get from guys. “How do I smoothly go from talking to kissing?”

Surprisingly, even the most skilled guys I’ve come across are constantly looking to handle this tricky situation a bit better.

So, here we go – the step-by-step guide to being super smooth when it’s time to smooch:
In my estimation, this is where most guys blow it. They know the girl is ready to be kissed, yet they freeze up and pass a bunch of good opportunities to make a move,waiting for that perfect one.  Even worse, they’ll wait hoping the woman will make the first move.  (Don’t do that Darren…please)

If you’re the kind of guy who hesitates, I got news for you… There are no perfect windows of opportunity, just many good ones,and 99% of the time she will not be the first to initiate any form of intimacy. If she does, consider yourself lucky. How do we handle this highly charged moment?

Very simply (as always with me).

Here are some steps, because I have a hunch you like structure (like me):

1) The first thing to make sure of is that you’re both having a good time, getting along well and physical contact has been established. It could be anything from holding hands, to a playful push on the shoulder. At this point, it is important that she has touched you in some way indicating interest on her part.

2) When you feel you have reached this point, start slowing down the energy of the interaction.  Start subtly moving a bit closer to her, slowing down your speech, and take longer pauses between sentences. The thought here is SUBTLE.

3) Now here’s the secret, the one move that will assure you to be remembered by her as the smoothest guy ever…  During each of those pauses in your conversation,stare at her lips. You can even start talking again, though slowly, still staring at her lips. Start slowly moving in closer. The words you’re saying at this point become irrelevant; the sexual tension in the air will be too thick.

4) Slowly move your eyes from her mouth to her eyes and back again. If she has not moved away, or shown any sign of unease, you can place a hand on her hip and bring her in closer.

5) Usually she will lean in the rest of the way and kiss you. After all, at this stage, your lips should only be an inch or two away from hers.  Congratulations!  In her mind, you are now the world’s smoothest man.  Now, I realize that may be a bit of a “high dive” for some of you.

Let’s lower this a bit, and give you one more technique to know if it’s on.  Women always wear perfume, right?

It’s safe to say that a woman will usually head out with a fragrance and it will usually be featured around her neck area.

Say this:

“Mmmm, you’re wearing a nice fragrance tonight – what’s the scent?”  Then, lean in and subtly sniff her neck.  Meanwhile, observe her body language – does she flinch when you get closer?  Or, does she stay calm or even move in to you, inviting you to get closer?  If it’s the latter, then it’s TIME – no question about it.  All you do next is simply move back a bit (but not back to where you were before you leaned over), and do steps 4 & 5 from above…

Oh, and take a deep breath…you’re going to need it.

#nerdsunite

 

To learn more from The Art of Charm about how to meet & attract women, visit www.afterhello.com And, if you're an LA local, you can stop by The Art of Charm office and meet the crew! 

The Flow of #Seduction: A Game in Which No One Loses

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

I’m sitting in the middle of the stairs right below the cathedral in Cologne, Germany. It is one of these days at the end of spring when the sun burns really hot; dark, grey clouds hang miles above your head; and the strong wind tells you that it will rain in a few hours. I flip back the pages of my notebook as the wind turns them over again. I write down a sentence “talk about stuff that get her into a flow”. Wind flips over my page.

I am happy. It was a very good weekend; I met new people, thought new ideas.  The  sun shines and wait a second. She is cute. Pitch black long silk hair, a ponytail that you want to pull, her mouth wrinkles in a relaxed smile and she fights against the wind that flips over the pages of her book. I watch the scene for a second. Would I like to talk to her? Yes. Would I like to love her? From what I see so far, yes.  So I go.

I get up, take slowly the few steps towards her and sit down next to her and say the first thing that
comes to my mind. “Hey, you’re cute. What do you read?"  She blushes a bit, but as I opened the
escape road to respond to what she reads, she only gives me a clue that she is enjoying that
compliment. In this moment I realize that she is attractive and that we should come together in a physical way. In this moment I feel the flow in which our emotions can spread. We can both play the game of seduction; we can allow ourselves to play without having to win. Seduction is not a competition where one moves his army across the other’s battlefield and burns every village on the way so that there is no place left but sex. Seduction, as I think of it, is a game for adults.

A game where no one fights, but players entrance one another, where worlds collide as both share their world with the other one, no one gets hurt and no one can fail. At one point in time the game will be over and the memory will stay behind. This point can be reached after 5 minutes, 5 days, a kiss, sex, a year or 50 years. It will come when one of the players figures that the game is over. But until then it happens what happens.

Seduction is a game that flows, it is not to be seen as mechanical it also does not end after sex. Seduction is a lifestyle, an emotion and an idealistic goal.

Now I have got a different view on seduction than most of the people in the seduction community.  What I do is in flow. Many call it “natural.” It sure feels like “natural” but then again it is just one way of many to talk to a person. It might be a bit romantic or sleazy” but then again: “There is no girl who wakes up and says to herself: I definitely won’t get swept off my feet today.” In my experience almost everyone looks for a little bit of dreaming, fantasizing, and romantic in his life.

Seduction allows us to open up our bad sides and our good sides to create a tension that flows right
into a sea of passion. A sea where people can just let go and enjoy themselves as they are and enjoy
the moment they share.

Seduction starts when she seduces me. The very second that I think thoughts about her she seduced me. She seduced me in a way that I think: “Uuuh, cute little girl” ... “ I love that skirt on her.”  I let her seduce me  so far. I allow her to get me into the flow of seduction. The flow in which she plays with my thoughts and I play with hers. “That black dot right above your lips, I find that really sexy.”  The second she makes me think dirty thoughts, the game starts. I want her to think dirty thoughts too. So I walk up with her. I don’t know what I will say; it will appear the second that I stand before her. Most of the time I already know what to say: She seduced me. She made me think something about her.

What is better than this to start a conversation with than that something I just thought about her?
That little thought that she made me think. I want her to know that she seduces me. She will love it! Most of the girls do. If she does not, well, she is good for sex and a one night stand but this girl has no heart in communicating with people. I want passion and love in my life! I do not like girls that are too eager to play out their cards or their bitch shields. I am into girls that realize that there is a flow in a conversation once you let happen what comes up. This flow is seduction; it is passion; it is heart.

On this flow the two of you can glide into an unknown future, and yes we are adventurers of our own stories. Who knows what future you will find with her, sliding deeper on that flow. Maybe one day you will wake up next to her in your bed and think: What a cute little girl. I loved to pull her ponytail and see her pupils widen in ecstasy.

This is a bit of a different view on seduction maybe. It is one that is very successful for me and moreover, it is full of passion and heart. This way is a bit different and it follows different rules. I invite you to join my way and have a look at how I do it. Stories like this cannot be unraveled in one article, as a way does not unravel itself with the first step. Be patient, we are going towards seduction, and yet we are already in between.

To learn more about how to meet & attract women, check out www.afterhello.com

#nerdsunite

#JustDoIt: Embrace Your Humanity and Let Her See Your Vulnerability

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

Have you ever had that situation happen to you? You know, the one where you are with someone you are really into, and you do something RETARDED? You know, falling out of bed while trying to be seductive; pushing so hard she actually falls when you’re playing around; stuttering when you first meet her until you get your head together. I’ve heard this happen so often, and it always makes me laugh when I hear it. They’ll get all flustered and red and ask why I’m laughing when they just messed everything up. But the reality is, it could have messed everything up, but more likely than that, it made the girl fall just a little bit more for them.

I had a friend who told me that every woman wants a man who has a side that only she gets to see. A side that only she can unlock, like there is something special about her that opens a door her man keeps painfully closed to everyone else. And then there is the flip side of that, the man who is calm and collected, smooth and powerful, and loses it all because of her stunning beauty and personality. You can see this in any movie where there is a guy who is amazingly attractive, where he is reduced to a stammering mess in his love interest’s presence. Think Hitch, where he kicks the girl on the Jet-ski, or walks around drunk on medicine spilling his life secrets.

So what is it that makes these embarrassing, powerless moments so appealing to a woman? The answer is humanity. Women know when they see a man, especially a well dressed, confident, well spoken man, a perfect man, that he must have flaws. Then when that man expresses interest, they feel like he is too good for them, until something happens that exposes his humanity, something that shows them that their Achilles is mortal after all. This then allows them to connect with the man on a deeper level, because he is now human. To women, it is endearing, and builds a stronger connection.

Vulnerabilities or weaknesses are not, in and of themselves, unattractive. It is the way a man reacts to exposing his vulnerability that determines the attractiveness. I always consider it to be like a knight exposing the chink in his armor because he knows that even if it gets hit, he will be all right. If you are comfortable showing your vulnerabilities to your woman (from a place of power), she will connect more deeply with you. It gives you more in common; it shows her that you too can be shaken, just like her, but that it will never make you topple. But even more than that, it’s something special that not everyone gets to see. For 99% of your life, you are totally put together, in charge, a social powerhouse, but only she gets to see the moment where you stand with your mouth open watching your flambe  explode all over your freshly cleaned kitchen, and the subsequent smirk on your face afterward, when you suggest the new Tappas restaurant you found.

Most guys think they have to be perfect, say the perfect lines, have the perfect witty retort, stand with perfect poise, play the perfect game. But, what they are missing is that strength is not the absence of vulnerability, but rather the ability to stand in spite of it. So they ruin things with amazing women by running perfect robotic game, or by stressing themselves out when it does not all go as planned. But then some realize the power of letting your true self shine through when their lover tells them that she fell in love when she saw the look on his face when he saw that the restaurant he was taking her to had been replaced with a Wendy’s.

I guess what I am saying here is don’t be afraid to let her in. Give her the gift of seeing who you really are, in success and failure, so that you can truly connect. Most guys miss this step, and keep women out of their inner circle and wonder why they never feel connected. Try it, and you will see just how deeply you connect when both of you are present to the other’s humanity.

To learn more about how to meet & attract women, check out www.afterhello.com 

#nerdsunite