Fun with #OkCupid: A dude in the OKC corral (This Year On The Fatchelor)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Kenny. We e-met through OKC and although we've never gone out on a date, he was inspired by my documentation of my online search for love, that he wanted to come on board and provide male insight into OKC. So here you go ... and now we're here ... HIT IT KENNY!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @KennethArthurS

This Year On The Fatchelor

The Fatchelor: Kenny Stein

Stats: Kenny is a tall one at 6'6", 230 lbs

Occupation: Fixes computers at a major shipping corporation by day, writes about sports, sex, dating, movies, writing and whatever else he wants to write about at night... also sometimes at day.  Not a "writer in Hollywood" like every other person, I get paid for writing, just not very much yet.

Strengths: Good sense of humor, good at mingling with strangers, not afraid to go to a movie or an event by myself and make friends, personable, smart, creative, has seen every episode of almost any show that’s worth watching, and while I wouldn't say that my movie quoting ability is "endless" I would say that it's like saying that the Grand Canyon isn't technically endless. 

I smell good, I'm tall, and I'll fight anyone in the honor of my family, friends, and loved ones that deserves a fight even though I have only been in one fight in my life and I lost.  I work hard at my passion and my passion is writing.  Confidence was always an issue in my life but when I knew that being a writer was what I am, I gained a supreme amount of confidence in my writing.  For example: I think that I'm going to travel to Thailand someday but I KNOW that I will be a well-known professional writer and my main goal is to create my own television show.

Weaknesses: I clean my room even though I know that I should just pick up after myself in the first place.  When I was at a restaurant one time meeting my (now ex) girlfriends friends for the first time, I overheard one of the dudes say "He's kind of a weird-looking kid,"  I told her what he said and she didn't believe me and it became a huge dramatic ordeal.  All of a sudden I am pissed at her and not the guy that called me weird looking, though he can still go fuck himself.  What's the weakness?  Yeah, I might be a bit weird-looking and also, I turn into the hulk if someone questions my ability to be good, to be normal, and especially when they don't believe me because I'm very honest and terrible at lying.  I don't even try to lie anymore because I'm so bad at it.  Sometimes I get lazy and put some weight back on but I'll never be obese again.  I smoke but I'm going to quit this year.  I drink but I don't "get nuts" anymore like I did in college.  I'm probably a sex addict or something.

The Fatchellorettes:

Comic Book Girl: Voluptous, she was not typically the kind of girl I go for "lookwise" but she seemed cool, smart and nerdy.  She was only 21 but acted much older.  We laughed about comic books and because she works at a comic book store, she knew a lot more about that area of media than I did and I was impressed, but she lived a bit too far away.  Even still, I gave her a rose and we went on a second date.  On the second date, we had a few beers, debated about some serious topics like women’s rights because she is a feminist and I said that was cool and that I liked a strong woman.  She said other feminists disagreed with her because she liked to show off her cleavage (she had big boobs) and like to dress that way, and who had the right to tell her not to?  I thought things went pretty well and I walked her to her car where we made out for approximately 2-4 minutes and we agreed to go out again.

I texted her once, maybe twice.  Never heard from Comic Book Girl Again.

Dr. Sexy: She was three years older than me and in her residency of being an ER surgeon.  She literally would see people die (lots of people) right before we'd see each other.  We met at a nice restaurant near her place and drank some beers, talked about what it was like to be a doctor.  She was really hot.  I was more intimidated with this girl than any girl I've ever gone out with before.  I thought that maybe she made a mistake because she's like an 8 or a 9 plus she's a doctor and I don't make very much money and on a good night I'm a hard 6.  I gave her a rose and she actually accepted.  She was impressed that I was a writer and that I am a voracious learner, always trying to be better and to be smarter. 

The second date we went to a place, Rush Street, that was closer to me.  We talked again, continued to bullshit.  She was cool.  She wasn't at all what I expected a doctor to be like.  She was smart but kind of immature and real.  I went to her car and we made out for 5 minutes and I gave her a second rose and she accepted.  On the third date I took some wine over to her place.  This is usually the sign that I'm about to put on a hospital gown and get examined by the Dr. Sexy.  We watch a movie and immediately it kind of seems like she's not having a good time.  Things don't click anymore.  We make out for a little while.  I feel up a doctor and she has big boobs, which I wasn't expecting.  Thought we might get to the bedroom but no luck.

I give her a third rose, which she seemed to accept.  A few days later she says that we aren't compatible or something.  No more Dr. Sexy.

Boring Girl:  How quickly can I put this?  This chick was 39 or something and a casting director.  We met and I didn't give her a rose.  But she contacted me again and I went over to her place to play Scene It.  She invited me over.  Seemed obvious enough.  I went in for the kiss and she rejected me.  Needless to say, I don't talk to her anymore.

The Speed Dater:  This story is 100% real.  A girl hits me up on OKLocals.  She looks cute but can't meet right away?  She's very confusing.  Has two phone numbers that she's contacting me with.  I hear nothing from her (this is Sunday by the way) for eight hours until I wake up the next day.  She called me twice at 4 AM.  I thought, what the hell?  She explains a whole lot of drama to me about how she's been abused, used, forced to do a porno, won a blowjob contest, has no money, living on some random dudes couch, doing webcam shows.... she wants to smoke speed in my room.  

Can I just say this right now?  THIS IS MY LIFE IN DATING IN 2012!!!

I wish that were the joke. Now ladies, which one of you wants to date The Fatchelor?!?!  Is there anyone out there that could possibly be a good match out there and they don't have to be from OkCupid.

#thatisall

Want some more from Kenny? Follow him on twitter over yonder!

and don't forget to check out his blog!! <----- good shit!

#NerdsUnite: Comfort zone be gone!

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Chelsea. She's a newbie to our loverly state of California and is currently trying to find her own voice and find her own way. Gosh, aren't we all??? She's here today to talk about her journey in life, love, and all things nerd.  I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT CHELSEA!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @chelofthesea

Dating is a totally new thing for me. But before I dive right in to my current situation, let me give you some background…

Growing up, I was always the girl dudes wanted to be “just friends” with. Time and time again, I helped boys I was hopelessly smitten with figure out the right things to say to the girls they liked, who were usually my friends. As much as it totally sucked at the time, it helped me develop a thick skin, and learn to deal with rejection. So I’m thankful for it!

When I was 16 though, I got into a pretty serious relationship that consumed me for the next 3+ years. After that, not knowing how to deal with the fact that my ex had already moved on, I rebounded with a dude who was NOT the right fit for me. Once I managed to escape that situation, and trust me, it felt more like an escape than a break-up, I entered what I like to call the “Perfectly Lonely” phase. (Anyone get the reference?)

For the next two years, I was totally content being single. I went through college without even having a crush on someone. It was a period of focusing on myself, and trying to get over all the relationship baggage from my past. First loves aren’t easy to let go of….as we ALL know.

So, when I moved to California, I hadn’t even thought about dating. It wasn’t until some of my friends proposed the idea of online dating that I realized… Hmm, I might actually enjoy spending time with a male in non-platonic setting! So, I set off into the OkCupid universe, with my best photo forward and the wittiest description of myself I could muster up.

Dating has proven to be a more growing experience than I ever anticipated. What I expected to happen was: Go out with dudes, not really like any of them, make out at the end of the night, then delete their numbers and move on. But in reality what happened was: I went with really awesome guys, who seemed totally into me, and for the first time in my life I was dating multiple dudes at once, flirting (something I totally suck at), and having no idea how to handle a problem I kept running in to… My “problem without a name.” (Another reference, anyone get this one?)

For the record, I’ve spent the last few months trying to figure out why this keeps happening to me but I have no idea. So nerds, please help! I’d love to hear your insight!

I’m getting ahead of myself. Before you can understand my problem, you have to understand what led up to it. And what is that, you ask? Oh, it was GOOD DATES. Yeah, I know, how crazy is that? All of my first dates were awesome. Many ended in a goodnight kiss, even! Guess what the next step leading to this problem is? A GREAT SECOND DATE. Yep, you read that right. I found myself going out multiple times with really great dudes, who definitely seemed to be picking up what I was putting down, and who made the effort to contact me each time after our rendezvous.

Now this is where the trouble hits. Two out of three times this has happened after the second date, the third time it happened after nearly a month of seeing each other. The guy will call or text to make plans. Not passive, trying to drop the hint that I’m not into you plans…like…very specific plans! For example, “Let’s go to a movie Thursday night, I’ll call you later this week to confirm it.” But then I never hear back! They never give me a reason why we didn’t go out. I just straight up don’t hear back from them.

I’ve come to attribute this to LA guys being flakey, but c’mon, that’s not a good enough reason. This has happened with three guys who are not originally from LA, but from totally different parts of the country! And while I’d love more than anything to blame it on them all being assholes, who don’t know what they want; the reality of it is that I need to look inside and figure out what this means about me

Why am I attracting these guys? What about me makes me equally as appealing as I am disposable? What can I do to change this pattern? What keeps leading me to this weird place?

Guess it’s time for more reflection. And more dating. Ya know what they say, when you fall of the horse it’s best to get right back on!

#nerdsunite

click here to follow Chelsea on twitter!

Fun with #OkCupid: A dude in the OKC corral (My Revelation on Drinking and Dating)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Kenny. We e-met through OKC and although we've never gone out on a date, he was inspired by my documentation of my online search for love, that he wanted to come on board and provide male insight into OKC. So here you go ... and now we're here ... HIT IT KENNY!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @KennethArthurS

My latest revelation in life has come very late, but that doesn't mean that it's too late.  I mean, revelations don't come to you in the beginning, they come to you somewhere in the middle.  When a revelation comes to you in the "beginning" that's not a revelation, that's just preparation.

I had a revelation and last night and maybe it would have been nice to have thought of this ten years ago, but there is still plenty of time to apply this to my life going forward and I am excited to see the results.  I honestly don't feel like a lot people will be able to relate to this and I can already picture some of you judging me for it, but I don't care because I have already had a revelation about people judging you: It doesn't matter and you shouldn't give it 1% of your attention or energy.

Judge away.

Last night I went out with some friends.  It was $2.50 margarita Wednesdays at Barragon's in Echo Park and I wanted to join in on what my friend called: "Wednesday Buck Buck."  (Buck as in "Buck Wild" but in this case we would actually be going double that... "Buck Buck Wild.")

The name alone had sold me that I wanted to join in on the festivities.  I want to be a part of Wednesday Buck Buck!  The only problem is that it's Wednesday.  And it's in Echo Park.  And that's not close to my house.  And I have to be at work by 8 AM.  What to do?  

I had two choices in front of me: Go Buck Buck and force myself to wake up at 5:30 AM to beat traffic and get ready for work or dial it down two notches, simply go "Wednesday Bu Bu," and drive home.  I opted to just dial it down a notch, keep it cool, keep my wits so that I could drive home in time to get a couple hours of z's and head off to work.

It was a revelation.

Some of you are probably saying "I don't see what the big deal is?" but this is where the part comes that you judge me for.  I don't go half-ass on drinking.  EVER.  I went to Washington State University and that means something.  Maybe its a reputation that some alumni don't like, but people that go to school there go hard in the paint.  They go h.a.m.  That shit cray.  They whistle while they twerk.  We back dat azz up.  

Sorry, I got distracted for a minute.  But seriously, we drink.  There's nothing else to do there, it's a small town in Eastern Washington and the entire population of the town is basically 20,000 college students and seven teachers.

There are two movie theaters.  The closest town is Moscow, Idaho and it might as well be the more famous Moscow in Russia, which is probably more prosperous.  So we drink and we drink and we drink til we sleep and that habit has been with me ever since.

Some people would say I was an alcoholic but I went two years without drinking after I graduated and it wasn't a conscious choice, I was just in a relationship and I never felt the need to.  You could probably call me some kind of alcoholic though based on how I drink, but I don't know.  And I don't care.  But all I know was that last night felt different.

I drank my margaritas in moderation and I took it slow.  I enjoyed conversations, talked with friends, laughed, broke up fights, and had a good time.  Most of all though, I noticed the behavior of women towards me and that was weird.

It was weird because they were flirtatious and I was holding conversations and I sort of felt like I had this new control.  Not because they were drunk, because they weren't, but because I wasn't drunk.  I was simply myself but with a little kick.  I was like a Bud Light Lime.

For the first time since... maybe ever... I was in control of myself while I was out drinking with my friends and I absolutely loved it.  I leaned over to my friend, a guy that I know has already mastered the technique of drinking in moderation and told him about the revelation I was having at just that moment and he simply said, "Oh yeah.  I've had that revelation and it's fucking amazing."

Last night I had to control my drinking because I had to drive home at the end of the night but from now on I am going to control my drinking because I want to.  I am going to take control of my drinking because it's going to help me take control of my life.  I am going to control my drinking and maybe make less an ass of myself in front of the ladies at the bar and maybe next time get a phone number and not text terrible messages at 3 AM.

I want to mark this moment, May 5th 2012, as the day that I start the "experiment" known as "Kenny's Controlled Drinking" and I will relay my results back as they come.

Wish me luck!

I mean, wish me buck buck!

#thatisall

Want some more from Kenny? Follow him on twitter over yonder!

and don't forget to check out his blog!! <----- good shit!

Fun with #OkCupid: OKC releases bogus admin access to their users for April Fools Day

HAHAHA this. is. fucking. genius. Looky looky what my buddy just noticed ... 

He then sent me this ... 

It is an additional tab in the messages that allows him admin access to read the messages between the profile user he is viewing and other members. 

Then, in an effort to isolate more of the variables to find out if this was a hoax or not, I told him to go to my account and send me my messages. He did, and this is what he sent ... 

This isn't my inbox, confirming that this in fact a prank. 

I don't have the feature, but if any of you do - understand that this is a prank. Well done, OKC and thanks Iman for the heads up!!! 

#thatisall

Fun with #OkCupid: A dude in the OKC corral (sextistics - studying online dating)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Kenny. We e-met through OKC and although we've never gone out on a date, he was inspired by my documentation of my online search for love, that he wanted to come on board and provide male insight into OKC. So here you go ... and now we're here ... HIT IT KENNY!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @casetines

You are twice as likely to have sex on your first date with someone you met online than you are to eventually marry them. However, if the sample size in your experiment is just me, then you are just as likely to have sex with me on our first date than for us to marry. (I’m not married.)

This week on my blog I discussed my ever-growing doubts about the successfulness of Online Dating. As a guy that mainly writes about sports, I am very much in love with statistics. Perhaps your father was a sports fan that you would classify as a jock, but many of the sports fans of 2012 are uber nerds. Like… the nerdiest guys in America. We obsess over numbers, calculations, formulas, and finding out how much of sports is tangible in comparison to what we cannot explain.

That’s why when I asked myself the question “Does Online Dating really work?” I wanted to find out some of the numbers that research has found out about meeting your mate on the internet, while you’re browsing OkCupid between your Facebook and pornography YouTube sessions. What I found out was both interesting and concerning.

I wrote a couple of thousands of words about it earlier this week, but I’m going to just highlight some of the key stats that I came across in my research on TNTML because I like Jen Friel and I don’t want to take up a whole shitload of Jen Friel’s landscape on TNTML today. She’s a really nice lady. If you ever see her in the street, tell her that Kenny sent you. If enough people do that, she’ll think that her life might be like the Truman Show or something and that I’m running the show.

Anyways, here are some of the interesting stats I came across. The numbers that make me wonder if meeting a girl online is any better than meeting her behind a Wendy’s.

The People That Use The Internet To Date Have Either High Or Low Self-Esteem, But Different Views On Love

One interesting find was that the typical online dater either has a high self-esteem and believes in romantic relationships OR has a low self-esteem and does not. I can’t say that I was shocked to find that out, but it does help make sense of many of the dates I’ve gone on.

Basically, it’s saying that if someone is using the internet to date it’s because they either know that they’ve got “it” and they’re ready to flaunt “it” and want to find love OR they don’t put much value in themselves but aren’t afraid to find someone to have fun with on the internet because love was made up by the Hallmark Corporation. This find helps me look back at the different girls I’ve dated and see them in a slightly different light.

The ones that were interested in fooling around clearly had no intention of taking it further, even though I sort of did want to do that. I do believe in love (DAMN YOU HALLMARK FOR BRAINWASHING ME!) and I have a decent amount of self-respect. I do think that I am somebody worth dating. Unfortunately, my solo dates can only satisfy for so long. I need to find that other half. What I was failing at before was recognizing which girls were looking for something long-term and which ones just wanted to find some dudes to get it on, such as Donkey Kong.

I won’t be ignoring that anymore in the future, and I think it’s going to really help me better understand people in that first meeting and beyond. Additionally in that study, it was found that people who use Online Dating are more sociable, while introverts and people that are sad but believe in love are less likely to use a .com to find a rom.

This is why I love statistics and research so much. Use other people’s experiences, as well as your own, to better yourself. Experiences are basically public domain.

Meeting Your Spouse Online Isn’t That Much More Likely Than Meeting Them At Dave & Busters

Well, not D&B’s specifically, but let me break it down.

Remember those Match.com ads that were kind of shocking at the time: “1 in 5 Couples Have Met Online.”? It wasn’t that long ago that people were very shy about discussing their online dating experiences. It was embarrassing for most and people didn’t want to admit it, even to friends.

Well, we’ve come a long way since then and those Match.com ads actually sort of “broke the cycle” and people didn’t feel alone anymore. It’s always nice to know that you’ve got strength in numbers and I could have never imagined writing about my own Online Dating experiences on different blogs but here we are.

I took a closer look at the study that came up with that “1 in 5” number because I wanted to get a better grasp on how they defined it. Here’s what I found that the study actually said: “1 in 5 – Number of current singles that have dated someone they met on an online dating site.”

Uhh.. well that’s a bit different than how I remembered it. Still, 1 in 5, that’s not SO bad right? What I found was that the actual percentage for finding your spouse on the internet was 17%. Do you know what the % was for finding your spouse at a bar, club, or social event? 11%.

Pretty much everyone is in agreement that “you don’t mean your spouse at a bar,” right? I mean, EVERYONE says that. Yet, the ability to find your husband or wife at a bar or club isn’t that much lower than finding them on Match.com or OkCupid. Of course, this study is two years old and Online Dating has grown a lot since then (Online Dating sites in the US are now a billion dollar/year business) which means we need more updated studies, but what I really want to know is if people are just using this service to bone and not to meet a serious and significant other.

Because while 17% of married couples might have met online, 33% of people have admitted to sleeping with a person on their first online date. It makes me think that a vast majority of people on these sites are just there to get a p inside of a v.

That’s neat and all, but I’m done with my abc’s and I’m ready to find a gf, u c?

I’m glad that I found these studies because I think they’ll help me better understand what I am looking for and how to find it. OkCupid’s blog also has a lot of very interesting stats and information that will help you do the same. To see the rest of my findings, just go check it on my blog if you like. And remember to tell Friel that Kenny sent you.

#thatisall

Want some more from Kenny? Follow him on twitter over yonder!

and don't forget to check out his blog!! <----- good shit!