#Randombling: That Nerdy Chick

Randombling: A 5 minute long unedited random stream of consciousness produced by a nerd for nerds.

 #nowplaying: Wonderful - Everclear

Alrite ... I totally need this right now. I am just BAHHHHH!!!! Pins and needles!! Pins and needles!!!!!!!! I am literally waiting any minute to hear some important news regarding the TNTML film. Like literally ... any hour, any minute, any second ... I am like literally going mad.

The thing is, there are SO many fires going, that again, I know if for whatever horrid reason this weren't to work out with this specific person ... there are like a bajillion trillion other options. But it's also really hard, because I just genuinely dig this person. He's super bitchin. HAHA! No really ... totally not even kissing ass. A friend of mine worked for him, and like LOVEEDDD him. He's just awesome apple sauce all around. For months it has all been two big steps forward, one step back. We have this like fanschmastically awesome package and all. I'm pretty stoked ... but it's no longer in my hands. I've never been a "wait by the phone" kinda person. I just do. I break things down and figure out how to execute a goal on the path of least resistance. See, the universe is all one. So the more you're able to actually go WITH the flow and WITH the grain, the more you can actually get done.

Dude, I've learned so much about that this last year ... its insane.

It doesn't mean you don't act upon things, or expect that the universe is going to give you something because you're this gift, and it's destiny .... blah blah blah. Dude, you MAKE your own destiny. I MADE this happen. I was also incredibly present, and saw all of the opportunities before me ... but yeah. This is good shit here. I stand by it. And that's pretty much all I have to my name.

I know there is something here. I felt it even before there was a friggen script. And I feel that this is going to work. I don't know how, I don't know when, I don't know ... really anything ... but I know I really dig this person. And I just kinda have to put my faith in that.

Dude, he ended our last meeting with a hug. Hollywood gods don't hug. The funniest part about this though is I never, like ever ever ever viewed him as that. No for reals, even after I got his card after our first meeting .. I was like ... hmmm that sounds important. He's just my buddy. He tells good stories, and we're friends on Facebook. He asked me if there was anything he could ever help with, to let him know ... so I asked for help. It really was that simple.

So yeah ... there ya go, that's bouncing around in my head right now. Grand, aint it?

#Randombling: That Nerdy Chick

Randombling: A 5 minute long unedited random stream of consciousness produced by a nerd for nerds.

#nowplaying: Nada Surf- Popular

BAHHHHH!!!! What a weeekkkkk!!! Heard back from the studio big wiggie today. Some shiznat is goin down over yonder, so he said he wants to finish getting through our script. Meaning, he's reading it. Which is just awesome sauce. Dude, its so funny hearing what this el duderino is telling me ... and then googling it, and going - oh, that's right! lol ... the truth is better than fiction. You just can't make this shit up!!! It's all RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT here. With the film, this brand as a whole, dude - I'm skyping with Playboy tomorrow. Are you fucking kidding me?!

I'm not interested in the politics of Hollywood. Very honestly not interested in dealing with the bullshit. I'm just doing my thing. This is part of it. I felt it, I felt it before there was even a damn script. I just assumed it would be how I can have access to all these people without having a dollar to my name. Had no idea it would like be a way bigger deal. I just go with the flow, and I have a freakish ability of being able to just feel EVERYTHING. Down to, a friend of mine from the LA Galaxy, posting on my Facebook wall not 30 seconds before I started thinking about him. And dude, I haven't talked to him in like a year. So weird.

Just so much of life is cause and effect. I'm just learning so much more about this process. But I find it so fascinating. Every day I am just having more and more fun which so many people are just attracted to. Its kinda freaky. Documenting this entire journey has made these like little check points that I can refer back to, remembering my state of consciousness, and then being able to draw specific lines to it. So fucking nuts. I would be doing everything that I am doing if not a single person was reading us. But the fact that so many people do means it has to succeed that much more.

I will tell you this, when I get my first check from the flick, there are going to be some serious changes on TNTML. I want to create a community of lifecasters. Only a handful. I want to do like MTV's True Life for the nerds of the web. I haven't processed exactly how I want it done yet - but I am FASSCCINNATTEDDDD by this notion of lifecasting. I'm a lifecaster, I know it works - I just have to find enough people willing, and free enough in their own skin to test an experiment like that out. There's something magical there. I know it ... just have to process it all.

Either way, big week coming up ... stayyy tunneeddd!!

#NerdsUnite



#Randombling: That Nerdy Chick

Randombling: A 5 minute long unedited random stream of consciousness produced by a nerd for nerds.

#nowplaying: Iris- Goo Goo Dolls

BAHHHHHHH!!!! Still just kinda in lah. Slept for like 18 hours. It's just sort of hitting me in stages. There's just still too much going on, its like I expected this kinda stuff to hit as I got older, but dude - I'm 25. Not now. Part of me really wants to document what I'm feeling, albeit without revealing the person involved as they asked to not be posted on.

But this is like a big thing in life. I'm kind of oddly conflicted. I just can't do it myself. This is when having a production team would be like total awesome applesauce. Is it sick and twisted that everything that I experience, I just try to figure out a way to document? I think its a new art form, but then again - I'm also pretty twisted.

Talked to my brother for an hour last night. That was pretty good. We hadn't spoken in months ... I missed him terribly. His poor girlfriend, I called her at first just to kinda be like, hey really need to talk to my brother. And I just lost it. Like total, blubbery chick couldn't speak a word type lost it. Certain people's voices have a way of just touching you. All it took was for her to say hello - and I was a goner.

Been watching a lot of Netflix. Beetlejuice, Dexter, Californication, Groundhog Day, its amazing how much TV i have been missing out on while working. Part of me still wants to just be curled up in a little ball, but yes - I have showered and am up and going. Today is my last day of relaxation. Tomorrow is game time before this thing that I have Monday. Work keeps me going, work has always kept me going. Fortunately, we have a very big week coming up.

Just feeling incredibly sad. Not really looking to talk about it, just trying to figure out a way to co-exist from a safe distance. Thanks to everyone so much for the love and support. You guys really are my saving grace.

All my love. xoxo

#NerdsUnite

The FIRST EVER Video #Randombling

Alrite, alrite, I listened to your suggestions. I AMMMMM going to step up my YouTube-ness, so no worries. More vids are coming ... its just too tedious for me right now. I just do sooooooo much with this site, that I find ways to be the most efficient so that I expel the least amount of energy. Trust I love love LOVVEEEE me some videos, but editing - not my thing. My fingers hurt too much from typing as is. Am I still talking? Stop it ... here ya go, I trimmed the 5 minute cue down to 3 as this is YouTube. Gotta feed the ADD. ANNDDD SCENE!

#Randombling: I was a teenage Jackass

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @christopherayan

Randombling: A 5 minute long unedited stream of consciousness produced by a nerd for nerds

I laughed, I cried, I almost puked a couple of times…such is the journey of Jackass 3D.  When I first heard

that Jackass was coming out with not only a third movie but also a 3D movie I nearly crapped myself with joy.

People, I grew up on Jackass. When my friends and I were out skateboarding all day, we would pull pranks, and do stupid shit because we thought it was funny. And then the Jackass guys came and made a show about it, and we kind of realized that we weren’t alone; we are part of a culture of, well, Jackasses. 

But to me, this movie kind of marked an end of an era. It’s been 10 years since the show started now, and I am well into adulthood. As I sat watching a giant dildo fly at my face in 3D AND slow motion I realized something: I was never going to be able to relive those days of my youth. Gone are the days where I could skateboard all day, throw myself down some stairs, and then get kicked in the balls without missing a beat. As I age, I realize there are things that could actually HURT me, and I slow down because of things like medical bills, and lawsuits, and police records.

Don’t get my wrong, I still love to pull pranks, and skateboard, I just do so more… cautiously now. Which defeats the whole purpose of it to me. I started skateboarding because I saw it s a way to channel some of my aggression, to be a place where I could go balls to the wall, and didn’t care what happened. And things just fell into place, I made friends, I gained different interests, I picked up a camera, and I learned that goldfish combined with mountain dew makes AWESOME fake vomit.

I want to reclaim the guy that I used to be, I want to still be as hardcore as I used to be. But I know that I honestly can’t. And it is sad. But I still love Jackass, and I can’t wait until Jackass 4D comes out, which will actually be a live play.

I know this randombling seems a bit off, but as it’s says its an unedited stream of consciousness.

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