#Randombling: That Nerdy Chick

Randombling: A 5 minute long unedited random stream of consciousness produced by a nerd for nerds.

 #nowplaying: Girl Talk - This is the remix

I am still nursing my slightly unhealthy obsession with Girl Talk. DUDEEE! This album gets me so stoked to be alive, yes even MORE so than usual!! BAHHH!!!

Got the most fanschmastically awesome email last night on Facebook from the Hollywood god. He asked me to call him today to discuss the best way to proceed with the TNTML script. There is an interactive component to the feature, and the god thinks that it would be better suited for TV. I'm a total go with the flow kinda chick. At first, this WHOLE THING started off as just an idea for a web series. I didn't even remotely plan for any of the awesomeness that has been the last 5 months to even happen. That was all just going with the flow ... there's just something about this dude though that just makes me trust him. I know he's a big deal and all - but I can sniff out bullshit in 20 seconds. He's just genuinely on top of his shit. Clearly, one would assume you would have to be to be in his position, but remember this is Hollywood we're talking about. If this duderino says its best suited for TV, then that is what it will be.

I just want to tell stories. I'll leave it up to the uber big wigs to figure out the rest of all that snazzy jazzy stuff. It's crazy how much you have to let things be when it comes to the creative process. I just saw a trend, said this would work - the person I was going to have do it was roomies with a screenwriter who said no this isn't a web series, it's a movie. It then got turned into a treatment, was then presented to me, I totally dug it, about a few weeks later we had a meeting with a big director, he dug it, 4 drafts and re-writes later we had a story ... and now it's going to be reformatted for TV, and who knows where its going to stop and how many more incarnations its going to have. It's not that I don't care, it's that I care SO much that I'm letting it all happen. I know my bottom lines, and I'm incredibly stern where I want to be because frankly, I have nothing to lose ... so yeah! I just want what makes the most sense for the project as a whole. That's all that I really care about.

Watching all of this unfold is just so fascinating to me. Documenting it all just makes it that much more real. Wow!!

greatest.time.to.be.alive.ever.ever.ever.ever.

And that's all. I'll keep you all posted. Just kinda can't believe this is all happening. The fact that this man is even helping me is just wow ... awesome sauce! This doesn't normally happen!! BLESS BEING A NEERRRDDD!!!! BAHH!!!

So so so grateful. #Namaste

#Randombling: That Nerdy Chick

Randombling: A 5 minute long unedited random stream of consciousness produced by a nerd for nerds.

 #nowplaying: Girl Talk - Triple Double

Wow. I didn't think it was possible to cry while in a spirit hood, but alas - I was proven wrong.

Just got off the phone with the fam, and the family member who still doesn't want what they're going through public, had to have surgery today to put in this little thing that allows easy access to this other thing to make the thing all better. Get that? K ... cool.

It sucks a monkey's butt. I just kept saying, I feel like you are telling me the weather - which was incredibly true. This person doesn't sound "sick." They haven't adopted the "I'm sick and dying" mentality. Frankly, we are all dying ... so you're not special, just awesome. This person gets that. They kinda remind me of Buddha. "Life is suffering." This is just something that we all have to go through. Eventually people in our lives die. It sucks. Even people you're incredibly close to. And trust, by NO means is this person dying any more than I am, or that you are ... it was caught early enough, and a little lovin here and there is going to make it all better. Just so hard to process.

When I was 14, I sat with someone in my life through a series of things, and it scared me. Really badly. What this person had to go through was insane, and sitting in that room watching it all go down - will haunt me for the rest of my life. That being said, knowing that this person has to do it, is literally earth shattering to me. It immediately brings me back to be 14, and terribly scared and completely freaked out.

Wow, I am totally tearing up now even just recalling that. I don't think life is horrible, and life is cruel, and these things shouldn't happen. They do - so what, get over it. It just IS! You can't judge it, but holy fucking shit it is so hard to process. I'm so terrified when my family gets together next month that I am literally just going to burst into tears. Not that there would be anything wrong with that, as I spent many years as a blubbery mess ... but I just don't know how to process it. I'm like crazy stupid emotional right now. I've been crazy stupid emotional. BAHHH!!!

Fuck me in the goat ass.

#Randombling: That Nerdy Chick

Randombling: A 5 minute long unedited random stream of consciousness produced by a nerd for nerds.

 #nowplaying: The Verve Pipe - The Freshman

BAHHH!!! What a time. What a time. What a time. This is very literally the most insane time of my life. I say not to sound remotely cool, but every.single.day. each one of the projects I have on my plate creeps up an inch more. And dude, so exciting - but at the same time ... I also feel like this shit has taken forever. Its horrible, I know - I'm an incredibly patient person ... but I'm just a do-er. This whole having an idea and not doing anything about it is a bit foreign to me.

Heard back from the Hollywood god today. First off, I was BLOOWNNNN away by how long this man's message was, and how detailed it was. He knows I don't follow the LA shit, I honestly have no idea what goes into this stuff. But I know this is a good idea, and it needs to get done. He suggested us looking at it from a different angle in an entirely different medium. Dude, I'm totally game. I just assumed one had to go before the other. This project is my baby, and it is being marketed and promoted in real time. Literally, every meeting every anything for this thing has been documented since its inception. I think that in and of itself is pretty bitchin, so yeah - I'm game. I asked to be set up with this person, as this is more their thing, and hopefully he will be able to help a nerd in need and make some things happen.

I can't describe it other than the fact that I know this is going to happen. It's like knowing your name. It's like knowing I could launch this damn site ... when you just know something you know it. I wouldn't have gone on this journey for the last year and gone to the lengths that I have if I didn't believe. That's literally all I have in life. Its insane, I know - I fucking love it. Hearing that you can't be bought immediately scares the shit out of people.

Spent the last few days with that el duderino. Super bitchin dude, for reals - all kidding aside. I just couldn't leave him last night at the hospital. I felt so bad, lung surgery is no joke. I slept in a chair, and dude!! AMAZING accommodations!! Look at that thing!!! TOTALLY bad ass!!

Yep, nerd eye mask, phone charger, and messenger bag. I came prepared.

I don't know man ... so much going on, it was kinda nice to focus on helping someone else other than just thinking about work.work.work for a few days. Not that I don't love you all, trust me ... I love you more than I love my right hand. And we allllll know where my right hand was the other night. Jigga jigga jigga ... I do strive to find balance with all of this one day, but I wonder if that is ever realistic. Peace of mind comes from within. I get that, but this is my art - living life. Documenting the life that I lead ... where the hell do you draw the lines in that?? Art and being are on in the same. BAHHHH!!!!! What a life, what a fucking life man.

#Randomblings: What to do, what to do

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @JenSquared

Randombling: A 5 minute long unedited random stream of consciousness produced by a nerd for nerds.

#nowplaying - Go Diego Go (morning time = cartoon time)

My first Randombling!  Yay yippee skippee!  So…hi.  Here is what’s going on in my life.  I have three awesome kids (like young kids, the oldest is 3 and the youngest is 4 months).  My hubbard is amazing and supports me in whatever I want to do.  I have my Bachelors degree in Biology.  I am a professional photographer. 

The end.  The thing is, I have no idea what I want to do with my life past all this.  Should I go to grad school?  I would love to get my PhD in Ethology (animal behavior).  Should I go to pastry school?  I would love love love to open my own bakery.  Should I just keep working on building my photography business?  It is getting quite strong and I am just getting better each day.  Frick, I don’t effing know one bit what I want to do.  It is so hard to make decisions for yourself when you have kiddos.  If I decide to go to grad school it will have to wait until they are all in school, so at least five years.  Cause there is no way I will ever be able to afford daycare for three kids, that’s just nuts. 

So anyways, on to a more stable note…LOVE my life.  Thank you all for reading the little nuggets I have been posting for you.  I have been having so much fun doing it, and it is sooo super cathartic for me to be able to just let go, say what I want to say and move on.  Seriously, AMAZING.  I recommend you all get a blog, a diary, or something.  I always have all kinds of shit to talk and an opinion on something, and telling Brian (that’s the nombre del hubbard) just wasn’t cutting it.  So again, thank you Miss Jen for the opportunity, and thank you TNTML community and readers for welcoming me and being so super de duper swell. 

To conclude this new addition to my verbal outlet, here is a little nugget of information:  Hippos are one of my favorite animals.  I know, I know, they are the most dangerous animal in Africa, and some years they kill more people than crocodiles and snakes combined.  Whatevs.  They are magnificent.  The word hippopotamus historically means water horse.  They are so amazingly graceful underwater, like ballerinas.  They also have two sets of ears.  Rad, right?  One for above water, and one for underwater.  Which also means they have two languages.  They are also vegetarians.  Legend goes that the river god was going to ban hippos from the waters for eating up all the fish, so hippos became vegetarians, and began to poo out the leftover greens, which fed the fish, so they were allowed to stay.  BAM – dropped a knowledge bomb on your asses!

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#Randombling: Baby Steps

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @maniacalmorgan

Randombling: A 5 minute long unedited random stream of consciousness produced by a nerd for nerds.

#NowPlaying: Silverstein - Rain Will Fall

Oh em gee, can I start of by saying I am freezing my ass off? I know it's only in the 60's, but it's the rapid change in temperature that is killing me. I'm also recovering from a little 24 hour cold that I had yesterday that was probably brought on by the weather. I've hated them on the past, but what I could really use right now is a Snuggie. That's right... a freaking snuggie.

The more effort I put into relationships, the more pain in the ass it becomes. I got the "let's be friends" talk from the preliminary date girl a little bit ago which I was totally cool with. We just weren't connecting romantically and wanted different things. It happens and she's a totally cool chicka either way. I can't get a read on this other girl I'm talking to. Via text, she's flirty, sweet, and freaking awesome. When I see her irl, she is much more reserved and acts like a totally different person. It's confusing! I know things are easier via text, but yeah. Either way, I do like her, but I've decided to let her come to me when she's ready. I know she has some anxiety when it comes to the whole "dating" thing which is probably contributing to this. When she's ready to go out with a totally awesome guy... I'll call @tGumb. Haha, funny! Ma'am, if you are reading this. It should be apparent that I like you and think you're awesome. When you wanna hang out, let me know! 

The last few times I've talked to my mom have been positive. I love my parents, don't get me wrong, but my mom especially can be... well... a mom at times. She doesn't understand what's going on with this website or what's going on in my life. I love her to death, but sometimes I just need positive support. I'm living my life and LOVING it. I'm going to do what I want to do. I'm a grown man! Well, more like a 13 year old trapped in a 24 year old body.

I finally started working on my resume. FINALLY! Thanks to Jen's loving push, I started it last night and will hopefully finish it today. I've worked for my current employer for nearly four years and have a very love / hate relationship with them. I've mentioned before that I've invested so much time and energy into this job with little to no return. I've accepted this and have realized that this job doesn't make me who I am. At the end of the day, I am still me and still awesome which has relieved a huge load off of my shoulders. I no longer stress about work. I go in, do my job, and go home. No emotional attachment. Despite all of this, I am still not 100% me. I'm working on finding a job in Social Media where I can let my creativity flow. Being free from my current job will help me finally fully submerge myself in the heart and soul of this website. I look forward to it! True, I am "co-editor" of this site, but I feel like getting out of my current job will allow me to give TNTML the 110% it deserves!

I want to finish this by saying how appreciative I am of everything in my life. Jen Friel is an awesome friend and I am honored to work for her. She means a lot to me and I can't begin to express my gratitude to helping me find out who I am. This house that I share with Jen, @tGumb, and Stouty is so amazing. I've expressed my gratitude of Jen, but @tGumb and Stouty are amazing people. I've only known them for a short period of time, but look forward to lots of good times. They are pushing me to be free... to be me! Of course, I have to give a shout out to all of the TNTML family. All of our contributors have been so inspirational and positive throughout everything. You guys are definitely family. Lastly would be all of you guys reading this website. You facilitate our unapologetic awesomeness and I am very grateful for that. Much love!

#NERDSUNITE

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