#ShitGotReal - I got caught stealing

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @JenSquard

When I was a kid I would steal everything.  EVERYTHING.  For no reason, either.  Not because I needed it.  Not because I really even wanted it.  Just because I could.  Maybe I wanted to get caught on some level.  I never stole from anywhere I worked, just retail.  And never anything huge, just small stuff.  Cheap jewelry, candy, pens, body spray, lip gloss...anything and everything that would fit in my pockets or bag.

I will never forget the rush of it.  Being sneaky is one of my favorite things (isn’t illicit sex the best?), and I would plan things out in advance sometimes.  At one point I was even keeping a little journal of the things I had taken.  It made me feel powerful when my life was a bowl full of shit. 

Sooooo, one day I bought a couple of nice hiking backpacks for my boyfriend and I, and was heading out of the mall through JC Pennys.  I stopped and looked at some jewelry, and found some that I thought my sister might like for her birthday.  Looking back, there is no way she would have liked it, but I always wanted to have a reason for taking things.  I saw an employee eyeing me, so I wandered around for a while, talked to my mom on the phone, looked at some other stuff, and grabbed some clothes to try on.  While I was in the changing room I took all the tags off of them, and shoved them in my new backpacks.  I left the tags on the seat and took off.  I got to the parking lot before the “loss prevention” guy caught me.  OH MY GOD, talk about fucking embarrassing.  He walked me back through the entire store into his office.   There were people from school in the store, and they totally could see what was going on!  

He started talking to his co-worker about how he knew from the minute I walked in that I was going to steal something.  At the time it totally pissed me off, but now I guess I understand.  He wrote up a report, called the cops, and took my picture to hang on his wall of idiots.  I was 18.  

I was late to work and had to explain to my boyfriend, who worked with me, what happened.  Totally lied my ass off, too.  I was soo embarrassed I thought that anything was better than the truth.  I told him that I didn’t steal, but I was going to just plead no contest in court just so I didn’t have to deal with it, since I didn’t have money to hire a lawyer.  Riiiiiiiiiiiggghhtt....that makes perfect sense.  And he totally bought it.  So did my mom (sorry mom!).  

Court was a nightmare.  The judge totally called me out on what an asswipe I was.  He sentenced me to community service and a huge fine, and I was on my way.  The whole situation just made me want to die.  In a pretty serious way.  But it worked.  I haven’t stolen anything since then.  It’s not that I don’t think about it...it’s just that getting caught now would kill me.  What a dumb dumb dumb thing to do, but I really think it is all about power.  When I started stealing I had a pretty rough life.  My dad was abusive and controlling, and I had no power over anything.  I was also a pathological liar.  I’m glad I was caught.  It sucked nards, but it broke a cycle that very well could have continued into adulthood.  

This is my big secret.  The thing in my life that is so embarrassing that I didn’t tell my husband about it until a few days ago.  I grew up poor, and the fact that I would steal makes me feel so super poor.  And so white trash - not something I'm okay with.  And while I have enough confidence for three women, I used to be so scared of being judged.  But I’m not now.  And damn, it feels good.

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If I paid for it?

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's  @saintpepsi

I was thinking today that all this scuffle over internet pirating and stealing via the web is completely ridiculous.  We who use the web steal nothing.  If I have to pay 60 bucks a month for high speed internet and I have paid that sense I knew about high speed internet. Then really I'm paying a lot for music or movies gained via the web.  With sites like hulu that give away video for free, Netflicks where you get up to date DVD releases for like 10 bucks a month, and you tube where you can hear any music you want for free.  it makes little sense to me to say people are stealing music from big music and movies corporations.  The smaller musicians and movie creators rely on the viral effect of their media being ripped and circulated because they need people to have seen and heard it so they can get people to their events.  Shouldn't big business take a cue from the little indie people and just give us their stuff for free and by free I mean 60 bucks a month.  Buying a DVD or a CD should be made as an option for the real collectors.  I know people who still buy vinyl because they love to collect their favorite musicians. Truly, these people are where you will find most of your DVD and CD sales.  What really offends me is having to pay 10 bucks to see a movie in the theater and then turning around and having to pay another 20 to see that movie at home multiple times.  That's 30 dollars and we all know it only costs like 30 cents to make a DVD. Now a lot of companies have caught on to the whole internet buzz and started releasing their music and video for a buck a song or something like that on the internet.  That's cool but I'm still paying 60 dollars a month just to use the internet.  On top of that there's internet radio so if I really want to hear that music I can just que up pandora or once again go through Youtube. There is no longer a need to buy anything on the internet and most internet savvy people know that.  I will still support movies by seeing them in the theater, i'll support bands by going to their shows and seeing them live and buying their merch. I still support and buy video games because that's where I truly am a collector, but I could get those for free from the net just as easily as music or movies. I will when I have the chance watch hulu to give the shows I love the ad support the viewers it needs to keep going. Sadly, TV is about to become extinct. Sorry cable even if you offer 3000 channels it doesn't matter it's too much now and I can't fit my day around trying to see a certain show when I can just as easily watch it online. Not to mention it takes 30 mins to go through TV guide just to see what's on. This is what has become equally scary in that major phone and cable companies are starting to jack up internet prices because they know this is where people are watching the things they promote.  As I mentioned in a previous article getting a ton of adds during a show you like sucks and is why we watch TV on the computer in the first place. These corporations that gave us all this wonderful free media have started spamming us with an equal amount of commercials via the web now and it's turning people back to pirating again.  You are making money off ads and from monthly fees.  How do you make us feel better about this. Allowing the sites that have people generated content to put commercials in their own creations and on top of that those people still get a very small amount of the generated money from these ventures.  So I will say once again why are we called internet pirates when we PAY for the internet. If your going to charge me every month for an alloted amount of bandwidth, for me it 250 gigs then don't call me evil when part of that pre-paid for download is media.  I have paid for everything I have ever downloaded from the net through their ridiculous monthly fees.  So stop calling us thieves.

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