#NerdsUnite: The Ramblings of a Raconteuse (Universal Balance)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Helenna. We met on twitter not too long ao, and she's totes mcgotes one rad chiquita banana with a flare for all things flair! That's right, Helenna here is what we call an artsy fartsy nerd. She's a poet, into all things dramatic arts, and she's going to come on board to write each week about her love of said drama. Well not like actual drama drama, like some cat fight shit - but you get the idea. I only have one thing left to say ... HIT IT HELENNA!!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Helslevy

So, this has been an emotional week, a week that proved to me that the universe likes to balance itself out with a equal amount of positive and negative, good and bad, right and wrong.

I often feel this weird emotion when things are going really really well; that I’m looking for something to go wrong, for the negative to creep in.  That’s more of a habit really I’ve had my whole life that I’ve been working on breaking.  I’m doing pretty well at it.  For me, it’s more that I used to worry (actually I’d spend a lot of time worrying) about something going wrong when things were going very very well in my life.  I’ve since learned to enjoy all of the good things to their fullest, and instead of looking for a negative event to occur, I simply observe them as part of the balance when they do happen.

This week started out being exhilarating. Barry and I went to our first Comic Con ever and holy crap, I was in absolute HEAVEN.  Comic Con truly feels like home, a place for all of the passionate geeky wonderful people of this world to come together and feel a sense of belonging and camaraderie.  My heart was so full and warm with happiness the entire time we were there.  Seeing Wookies walking around brought tears to my eyes.  It was amazing and wonderful and overwhelmingly awesome. 

I can not thank my fellow Geek Girls Create ladies enough for including me as a sister on this geeky journey.  Thank you Kristen Nedopak, Stephanie Thorpe, Leah Cevoli, and Cricket Lee.  Also a big thank you to the amazing Alan Sizzler Kistler and Patty J Robinson, both of whom, along with the geek girls, helped guide me through my first Comic Con.   Barry and I are already planning next year as a full week excursion where I’ll even be cosplaying and fingers crossed, perhaps on a panel as well ;)

I left San Diego after two days with tears in my eyes and longing for 2013 to come even sooner.  Although…we’re starting to save money now cuz holy nuts does that event make you bleed out money LOL!

After that we flew up to my nephew’s wedding in Seattle.  It was a lovely wedding and it was so wonderful to see my Filipino family. 

Now, these awesome events came at the same time that one of my best friends is in the hospital after having a bone marrow transplant due to the Leukemia that she has been fighting for the past few months, another good friend of mine’s father is very ill with lung cancer causing her to fly back east for an unknown period of time to be with her family, another friend’s grandmother passed away, and there was a death in my husband’s family.

Yah, a lot of different emotions circulating through me right now.  So many different energies in the air, and I always find that as an artist, Barry and I are much more tuned in to those energies.  Or, in a way, I often feel like I’m easily affected by them and it feels like that movie “Fallen” where the energy somehow passes along to us in weird ways.  For example, we had a very bad customer service experience with the Alaska rep and then a very strange run in with a Sea-Tac Airport TSA agent who was incredibly rude to Barry and made some seriously racist remarks.  So, so strange.  Oh, plus the weird solar flare activity starting up this weekend… But when I started to look at all of the difficult things happening at the same time as these amazing things, it all makes sense.

The universe seems to like to balance itself, keep itself in harmony, and I’ve learned to see it all as two sides of the same coin. Both are important, both have weight, and both are the currency of life.

#xoxo hels

tweet me at: @helslevy

browse me at: helennasantoslevy.com

email me at: contacthelenna@gmail.com

#NerdsUnite: The Break-Up

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jordan; he's a dating coach. Wait, not like "a" dating coach ... lemme rephrase that, he is THE dating coach. He has a show on SiriusXM called "Game On" and he's a super smarty pants when it comes to examining social dynamics. No ... like for real. HIT IT JORDAN!!!  </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

There is no easy way to end a relationship with someone you care about. Someone usually gets hurt and the other usually feels a new sense of freedom. I have ended a few in my life, but usually my girlfriends, after dealing with my bullshit for so long, would finally just end it for me. For the most part, there are easier ways to deal with a breakup.

Perhaps if you would have kept your social circle, you would not have been dumped in the first place. Guys, try to keep in touch with your friends. When you ditch them for your new girlfriend, they will remember that. The minute you have devoted your entire life to your girlfriend is the minute you are swimming at sea. If and when the relationship fails, who is going to be there to get you hammered? Who is going to be there to help you make a fool of yourself while chasing new girls around?

Some guys will get a girlfriend and all of a sudden, they put on this holier than thou attitude and begin to blow their friends off. Yeah I know, your girlfriend thought they were immature, right? Well I have news for you. They are. They are your friends. They make up a part of your world that she is becoming a part of. If you think chasing women with your friends has to end when you have found your special sweetheart, you don’t! You can be the ultimate wing man for your buddies. You never know what is going to happen in your relationship so don’t write-off your boys.

If you were the one who was dumped, you will need to wash all existence of her off of your mind. Drop all contact with the ex. You can’t call her. You can’t ride past her house to see what she’s doing. Go ahead and get her off your twitter, facebook, etc. You will always have the urge to see what her status is or her latest stream of tweets, and you will justify it by saying that you are worried about her. Fool, she is moving on and you need to as well. One look at a status update about her recent date or visit from an old friend, and it is meltdown city.

You might have to visit some new bars or hangouts for a while. You don’t want to run into her on her night out with friends, blowing off steam and making out with random dudes. This will cause you to do something stupid. Trust me, I know. What you will rationalize is that you are an adult and you can handle it. “It’s totally cool.” What you will end up doing is about 14 shots of tequila to show how cool about it you are. All the while, you are puking your guts out in the restroom and she is crying about how much she is sorry. Sound fun?

The best thing that I can say to do is to channel that anger and energy into yourself. Get yourself back to the gym, buy some new clothes and try and sink into a new hobby for a while. You might just find yourself doing some things you never had the chance to do before and you might learn something new. The best part is, if you disappear for a while, she could think you are doing better than she is and will begin to want you back. If you succeed in moving forward, you might not want to have her back in your life so fast.

If you are the dumper, I recommend being honest with both yourself and her about why you are doing this and letting her know that you do care for her. Make sure that breaking up is truly what you want because if you are the one crawling back in two weeks, you are going to be one miserable man. She will own you and make it very tough on you. The message you could be sending is, “I felt I could do a lot better than you, but now that I was out there, I saw that I couldn’t and I am settling for you.” This is something no one wants to feel.

#nerdsunite

Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach.  He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company.  If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm team, then visit http://www.theartofcharm.com.  You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook.

Weird Al Says: #WTF

It would take one person 1,700 years to watch every video on YouTube.

This has been a moment of ... WTF?!

#NerdsUnite: The Italian Job (Birthday Wing)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Eric. He is a MAASSTTEERRR social dynamics expert that will be talking about his experiences in the field from both an expert, and experience perspective. He's not just saying "this is how to get the girl" he's here to share his actual life stories and lessons learned from them. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT ERIC !!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Redolpho

One of the said benefits of speed reading is a better holistic understanding of the text. This field report (FR) is a succinct account of a sexual encounter shepherded by me as the "wingman" for a female. Times are estimates...

The bar is closing and I have made new friends with a wide smiling bohemian sculpture and Monroe-esque singer. We exchange numbers, part ways and I am rejoined by my friend.

"I want a birthday kiss Eric."

Mind you we are the family type of best friends so this is not directed my way. I asked her what she was going to do about it and her response was less enthusiastic than was needed. A good looking gentlemen was searching for a lighter, I had one.  This was used as the opener so from here I'll move into a step by step format.

Opener: Me - "You need a lighter." He does.

Transition Statement: "How's your night going ma friend." We exchange stories of our night. (3 min)

Comfort Check: I look to my friend and give the "Do you approve" look. She approves.

Rapport building: We engage in banter and I invite him to sit on the window ledge with us. The sitting order is: me, my friend, the Italian. This order was intentional and led by my hand signal directing him where to sit. (3 minutes)

Sexual Escalation: I reply to a statement my friend makes with "That's when you need to slip it in." We all laugh and agree. I continue to bring sex up comically and reiterate the fact that it's my friends birthday. At points where I identify a commonality between them I push that thread of conversation. (3 minutes)

Isolation: I ask the Italian to introduce us to his friends. After our introduction I start a conversation with one who is a scientist. I immediately get up and leave my friend and the Italian sitting on the ledge. (10 minutes)

Forced escalation: I text my friend and tell her to close.

The Kiss: He walks with her around the corner they make out. Romantic, I know.

CLOSE close: They return and she says she's ready to go home. I ask with who. She chooses him.

Summary: Open, transition, banter/rapport build. Escalate investment and sexual tension. Isolate and close. This took less than 20 minutes.

#thatisall

If you’d like to share your stories please feel free to tweet me at @redolpho or email me at eric dot rudolph dot carrillo at gmail dot com

#RealDeal: A New Lemon Rule

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jordan. He was one of the first writers here on TNTML and he's a really rad mofo. I forget how we first started talking - but he lives allllllll the way over in Kansas and wants to talk to you about life from his side of the monitor in the keyword of nerd. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT JORDAN!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @SaintPepsi

I can't remember what season of, “How I Met Your Mother” it was, but Barney suggested a Lemon Rule. So I thought I might attempt to adopt this in a more practical way. You see I am not fond of rushing into relationships. If I am going to commit that kind of time with a girl, I'd like to know that the time will be well spent.

So recently I was going after a girl whom I fancied. She was from what I could gather, pretty normal. That is a break from the type of girl I seemed drawn to. I generally chase girls who are basically impossible. I don't know if I like the challenge, but I just can't help myself. So in a changeup; I went after a girl who wasn't super damaged, who was well adjusted, and seemed on a promising path in life. Things were going pretty well, but I am a slow mover. So when things started getting more serious. I told her, “You know as things progress, if you just don't feel it in your heart or head let me know.” I gave her a Lemon Rule. This caught her off guard at first. I assured her it in no way was me second guessing what I wanted. I still wanted to try a relationship with her. Still, the chances of finding someone suited for you is a hard task indeed. Especially, in this world of some billion people. Are we really so naïve to think that we will be able to find the perfect partner right out of the gates. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, just rarely. So once we find someone we connect with, but we just don't really have our hearts in it: this will save some time.

I think too often you can get caught up in the passion of the moment. Suddenly, the passionate and fun times you are having fall into the categorize section of life. What are we called, what are we doing, or where are we going? We love our titles and defining relationships seems to be the hardest parts of any onset coupling. You know if it isn't Facebook official it isn't official at all... Right? So this was our first distinction. She was about to disappear on a vacation for a few weeks and so I had intended to brooch the topic. She beat me to the punch. She told me, “You are everything I should want in a man. You are kind, compassionate, you treat me so well, and you are a blast to be around.” “Still,” she went on, “I am just not feeling it in my heart, my head says go for it. My heart says no.” Her eyes held concern as she said, “So I think I'll take you up on your Lemon Rule.” I got Lemoned! While it was a little shocking at first. I mean, I really didn't think she would use the Lemon rule and reference it. There it was. I said thank you and told her I was glad she was up front with me. In this one move we saved a friendship and stopped what could have been a long and possibly messy interaction. How many times have you just not been there in the heart or head department, but in not wanting to hurt someone drew the process out too long trying to find the right way to say NO. Sure, it's still a rejection and rejections aren't fun, but we stopped it, with a clean cut. We saved what could have been a week or even a month of awkwardness. Where one person may have been growing more attached, while the other more distant.

This is the most dangerous time of all in a relationships. As one person grows more distant, the other pushes harder to find a way to reconnect. The desire to fix whatever it was that had broken between you becomes forefront and you fight and claw your way to win back their affection. Never knowing it was nothing you did at all. The other person just wasn't feeling it. The power becomes completely one sided. The person looking for escape starts to feel horrible and guilty. Trying to find some way to kindly let you go. Still the guilt keeps them tied into the situation and they begin to feel trapped. Once you feel trapped, resentment begins to fester inside you and you stop caring so much if the other person will hurt.  You just want them to leave. So you cut ties and leave them feeling crushed, alone, and confused. They find themselves lost for confidence and second guessing any new pursuit wondering why the last one went so terribly wrong. All of which could have been avoided if you had just, “Lemoned” them when you first started feeling doubt.

Maybe this could be a real thing and not just the butt of a joke in an episode of a sitcom.  Truly, I think this benefits the guys more than the girls though. Although it really can go both ways. Girls have a tendency to use words that have strings attached to them. Saying things that inadvertently lead guys on; while thinking the whole time that they made themselves abundantly clear on not wanting to be with him. Let’s face it guys suck at taking hints. The lemon rule stops that and leaves it with an abrupt NO! Clear and concise. No more do you have that friend that you had to shoot down: lurking in the background, mean mugging any guy who gave you the eye, and drunk dialing you for a second chance. You are free and so is he. So take a lesson from the man who champions awesome. Use the Lemon Rule! Save yourself some time and heart ache. As we all know time steals everything and if you aren't on the path you need to be, wasting time on the wrong road only means it takes that much longer to backtrack and get on the right path. A path that will be LEGAN... wait for it … DARY!!

#nerdsunite

click here to follow Jordan on the twittah!