#NerdsUnite: Dispelling the myths of pick up and taking steps towards a happier life

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Eric. He is a MAASSTTEERRR social dynamics expert that will be talking about his experiences in the field from both an expert, and experience perspective. He's not just saying "this is how to get the girl" he's here to share his actual life stories and lessons learned from them. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT ERIC !!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Redolpho

When you think of pick up what comes to mind? For most it’s the image of outrageously dressed former dorks using magic tricks and manipulation to seduce women. I however found something very different. It is unfortunate that the industry has moved further and further into douchbaggery, only focusing on who fucked the highest number of the hottest women. There is so much substance that has been lost.

Yes I have slept with a lot of very attractive women but if you ask me what I value from the process, the bedding of women is not it. I value the self-esteem that I garnered, the comfort I feel in my own skin, the friends that I may not have met had I not known how to display my value to them and the list goes on and on. The truth is that the exploration of social dynamics is an exploration of yourself. It is finding your inner awesome, determining what makes you unique, discovering what you value in others, being able to find that value through social interaction and holding yourself to higher standards.

I recently had a discussion with my Mom about where her life is at. After some digging she confessed that she doesn’t feel as though she has any real friends. I then asked her what she saw her life looking like 10 years from now if she didn’t fix this problem that was obviously causing her distress. Her answer was that she saw herself becoming my grandfather who lives in the country alone, volunteers at a golf course, prays and reads in solitude. To each his own, but this was not what my Mom wants for herself. There are three areas of our lives that we must keep healthy; our psyche, our body, and our heart. If one of these things is lacking then it’s time to ask yourself the same question, What will your life look like in 10 years if you don’t augment your life? And even more importantly, what will your life look like if you DO make changes? Comfort does not birth change but on the other side discomfort does. So no real change happens until you decide to get out of your comfort zone and do something.

If love is one of your deficits than I am excited to say that I can help but if you are overweight or depressed I urge you to take action. Start by grabbing a piece of paper and when we’re done filling it out tape that shit to your bathroom mirror so that it stares you in the face every morning. On that piece of paper ask yourself;

Is there an area that is lacking in my life (psyche, body, love)?
What will my life look, sound and feel like 10 years from now if I don’t fix it?

What will my life look, sound and feel like 10 years from now if I do fix it?

What is my macro goal?

Ok, so now that you’ve reflected on your life and determined an area that you’d like to improve it’s time to look at micro vs macro goals. Remember that time you started a new workout plan and didn’t finish. We have all done it. Here is where most people falter, they get through the early stage of determining an area that they want to fix then they jump in. Well the problem is that without the celebration of small successes the long road to the big (macro) goal seems to drift further and further away. It is important to set tactical micro goals on a daily basis ESPECIALLY at the beginning of starting something new. Every morning you should ask yourself, What can I do today so that I can go to bed feeling like a success? Stay present and take it one day at a time.

For my friends out there that want to be better socially here is a micro tactical goal that I propose you start taking now. Look everyone in the eye and hold that contact for at least three seconds. When you look them in the eye stand tall and smile. If you are feeling self-conscious, fake it. Just the act of standing tall, smiling and holding eye contact with make you feel more confident. It’s kind of backwards but it works. For guys that have little experience talking with women that could be defined as a 9 or 10 (out of 10) make a conscious effort to engage with them in aforementioned way.

#thatisall

If you’d like to share your stories please feel free to tweet me at @redolpho or email me at eric dot rudolph dot carrillo at gmail dot com

#NerdsUnite: The secret life of a veterinary technician

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Lindsay. She and I met ... well, somewhere in the social space. I think we might have started talking through this site directly, then through facebook - maybe ... I'm not sure. But she's awesome. I talk to her on twitter almost every day, and she's really rad and TOTALLY a big huge animal lover. Like crazy huge!! In these series of posts she will be talking about her life and random adventures with sometimes more than two legged creatures. I guess there's only one more thing left to say ... HIT IT LINDSAY!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @TheCraftafarian

Thankfully the last week has been a little less dramatic than normal for me, so that's good. I'm getting a little run down because I'm doing a lot at one time and I don't quite have a set routine/schedule (still! I know, naughty Lindsay, I shall write that up as soon as I'm done here). Lately I've had a lot of my plate and with school starting August 20th it's only going to get more hectic if I don't have a set routine. This is what I've been up to:

Work: At my veterinary clinic I work 5-6 days a week depending on the week. That is usually between 35-40 hours a week. My commute to work is between 30-45 minutes one way. Alternating weeks I have Thursday, Saturday afternoon, Sunday off. Or Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday afternoon, and Sunday--but this week I have kennel duty and have to go back to work to feed, walk/let out into yard/medicate the animals as needed Saturday evening, Sunday morning and evening. This week we had a very long day where I ran anesthesia for two surgeries back to back. I was in surgery for about 6 hours from start to recovery. For some reason having so much focus on something like that can be very exhausting.  

Pet Sitting: Some months I have no pet sitting but lately I've been averaging 3-14 days a month for the last 3 months. I already have a week (possibly 10 days) booked in July, a few days in September, and Christmas reserved. We don't necessarily need the money but since David is a server as well as manager some of his money depends on business so its nice to have the "extra". Its not really extra as there is always something that needs to be done to a car, pet, ourselves, the house etc. But its good to get things done anyway.

Home: We are slowly getting rid of clutter and organizing our tiny apartment. We are trying to maximize our space but getting smaller furniture and using our vertical space by hanging shelves. The plan is to get a smaller couch, more like a love seat and a smaller table for the "dining area" so we can move our giant bean bag (love sak) out into the living room. Then we will make the bedroom "everyone's" bedroom by setting up pet beds in the newly acquired space.  

Interwebz: Besides maintaining my own social networks for fun and social purposes, writing on my blog/website, and writing for this site; I also maintain two businesses facebook and twitter accounts: Kindred Spirits Animal Clinic (facebook, twitter) and Giovanni's Italian Restaurant in Winter Park (facebook, twitter). For myself I have my website, and a facebook page for The Craftafarian). Oh! And a Facebook page for my pet sitting business. My boyfriend seems to be pretty impressed with all of this as he has recommended to his family that I could help them set up a website or blog and social media accounts. So I may be adding a personal trainer and trainer for real estate sales to the list. I told them: make a Facebook page and start a twitter account. Then we will go from there. I'm not sure if this is going to make me a social media marketer or whatever but it's pretty cool to see that whatever I'm doing is working.

Misc: Sometimes I make jewelry and sell it on etsy, I have a bunch of supplies my mom gave me that I really need to start making but when I'm pet sitting it makes it difficult to do much more than computer stuff as I would have to drag around all those supplies as well.  

I'm a busy little bee! But I can't wait to start school I'm just taking one class due to financial reasons, veterinary medical terminology, I'm hoping most of it is easy for me since I feel like I already know a lot. Next semester I'm hoping to take out evil student loans so I can get started on earning my certification. And I'm leaning towards vet school...maybe on the west coast one day. We'll see, one day at a time :) Now off to write my schedule up and then run to kennel.

#nerdsunite

Click here to follow Lindsay on Twitter!

#GoFurther: Bye bye LA, hello Dearborn, MI!

A hoi hoi mi amigos,

By the time you guys read this I will be flying en route to Dearborn, MI to kick it for the next two days at Ford's HQ driving their new 2013 fleet.

Super stoked mcgote - I'm not sure where exactly in Dearborn or Detroit they'll be hosting us, but if you live in the area and wanna hang absolutely. absolutely. absolutely. tweet me and I'll make sure it happens ... @JenFriel.

Thanks for the trip Ford, and looking forward to kicking it with some of you and test driving some sexy mexy vehicles!!

YAY LIFE!!

Now excuse please ... but I gotz to getz in the mood ...

#nerdsunite

#NerdsUnite: The Dirty Truth About Nerdy Girls (THIS FRIDAY!)

It's about that time again ... time for Talk Nerdy To Me, Lover presents: The Dirty Truth About Nerdy Girls!!

The show consists of dramatic interpretations of OKCupid emails, and the main event - the dirty truth about nerdy girls (a storytelling show with a social media twist!).

Come kick it with some of your favorite writers on the site, and hear all of the shiznat that we'd never want our parental units to read! =)

click here to see photos from past shows

We make an entire night of it btw with a kickin after party at Barneys Beanery in West Hollywood. So come one, come all things awesome and let's HAVE SOME FREAKING FUN!!!

This month's show will be featuring ...

 @JenFriel, @leah_cevoli, @chelofthesea, @meowmistidawn

Dramatic Interpretations of OKCupid emails read by:

@BrianSantaMaria & @Gabriel_Montoya

Friday June 29, 2012

9:30 PM

The Little Modern Theater

6476 Santa Monica Blvd

Los Angeles, CA 90038

$8

Hope to see you there sexy lover faces!!!

#nerdsunite

#NerdsUnite: (How to Approach with the Greatest of Ease & Kill Regret)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jordan; he's a dating coach. Wait, not like "a" dating coach ... lemme rephrase that, he is THE dating coach. He has a show on SiriusXM called "Game On" and he's a super smarty pants when it comes to examining social dynamics. No ... like for real. HIT IT JORDAN!!!  </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

Here’s a question for you:

Have you ever spotted a woman and immediately thought “Wow, she’s amazing” — and then proceeded to do absolutely nothing about it?

And maybe this was at a social event, so you see her several times over the course of the evening, bumping into her two or three times.

And nothing came of it, because you just didn’t gather up the courage to go up and speak to her?

And then you proceeded to kick yourself for the rest of the week, month– maybe even to THIS DAY, wondering what could have happened?

I know that feeling. And it totally sucks.

The regret gets even worse when I think of the women I have dated, and how every single one of those relationships started out with me gathering up my cojones enough to say ‘Hi.’

That’s where it all starts, brotherman. Fulfilling, long- term connections lasting several years, involving kissing, cuddling, coed indoor sports, mutual support, and real friendship — and it all started out with a simple howdy.

The point is that I’d prefer that you guys have the company of fine women instead of the sting of regret.  At the very least, I want you to be able to take action and take the step to connect to a woman who interests you. And if it doesn’t work, fine — but at least you can go to bed that night with your mind at peace, thinking, “I did my part as a man, and I’m cool with that.”

And anyway, who are you to deprive these women of your fine company? You’re actually being quite selfish when you don’t exercise your courage and don’t approach!

So here are six tips in six minutes to vaccinate you against regret for ever and all time, world without end, hallelujah and amen:

1) Get in a good state.

Good feelings are contagious. You feel good, she’s going to feel good. Also, you’re much friendlier and open when you’re in a positive state, which makes it easy for you to approach strangers.

It’s incredibly easy to get yourself in a good state. I like to tell myself a goofy joke. Something as juvenile as ‘A man walked in to a bar. And he said “Ouch!”‘ is plenty enough to crack me up and put a smile on my face.

You can also hold a pen in between your front teeth for 60 seconds right before walking into a social situation. You think I’m joking? I kid thee not. Try it. When you do that, you’re activating your zygomaticus muscle (y’know, the one involved in smiling), which reverse feedbacks into your brain, making you feel happy.

So I don’t want to hear any lame-ass excuses like ‘But my cat barfed all over my carpet that day and my boss chewed me out too so I was in a bad mood.’

Get over it! If you don’t control your brain, who does? It’s up to you whether you’re going to be a victim or a victor.

2) Smile.

Not only does smiling put you in a good state, but it makes you less intimidating and more approachable.  A smile is the universal sign for “I come in peace.” And if you’re going to approach a woman who is physically smaller and less strong than you, a smile is the best way to put her at ease and avoid coming off as creepy stalker dude.

The auto-joke technique above is the best way to stick a silly perma-grin on your face. And on the call this Sunday, I will tell a joke that has worked 100% of the time, on hundreds of occasions. If that doesn’t crack you up on retelling, nothing will.

3) Warm up the talking muscle.

Talking is a form of exercise. Larynx, breathing muscles, tongue, lips all have to start working. Also, the whole language and speech part of your brain has to light up as you send oxygenated, glucose-rich blood there to fuel your gabfest.

To go from totally silent in your car to motormouth charm machine as soon as you step into a venue is like trying to do a 100-meter sprint with no warmup. What are you, nuts? Don’t strain your brain — WARM UP.

You can do this by talking to your friend, or bantering with the staff at the venue, or just talking to yourself in the car. Nutty perhaps, but not as nutty as expecting yourself to go from zero to 60 with the engine off.

Once the talking apparatus is warmed up, you’ll be shocked and amazed at how much easier it is to approach women and talk to them.

4) Reframe the situation.

Most guys use the excuse of “Umm  uhh, I didn’t want to bother her” not to speak to a woman.

Listen up, buddy — the ones who don’t want to be ‘bothered’ stay at home and shut their doors. If she’s at a social function, it’s because she wants human interaction.

So provide it! And instead of thinking that you’re going to ‘get’ something from her (phone number, kiss, whatever), think of what you have to offer — which is your superb company. Right? Right.

And who gave you the right to deprive her of that by being a scaredy-cat staring into your drink? Go say hi. Tell her I sent you.

5) Have at least one interesting thing to say.

Cool stuff and interesting topics are all around you. “Hey, what did you think of last week’s controversial New Yorker cover?” is far more interesting than ‘what do you do’ (barf!) or ‘where are you from’ (gag!). Put in the effort of having at least one cool thing to talk about — then run with it.

6) Give without expectation.

The more you’re in giving mode, the more you will receive. And the less you expect back, the more you get back.

So go ahead and give good cheer. Take somebody out of his/her slump. Give compliments early and often. Be the source of fun and positivity, and the rest is easy — because they will flock to YOU.

Now if you implement just those 6 tips, you will experience MASSIVE gain in your ability to approach women. Just like that.

So commit to using at least one tip per day this week. Even the Lord Himself rested on the seventh day, so feel free to take a day off. Notice what works for you, notice what works even better for you, and do more of it, and report to me on your results.

The power is within you.

#nerdsunite

Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert.  He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company, as well as the co-host of 'Go Legendary', a men's lifestyle & social dynamics talk show.  If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm Team, then visit http://www.theartofcharm.com