Fear #2: Not Being Accepted
Friday, January 21, 2011 at 9:36PM#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @JenSquard
Even though I have discovered the basis of my fears, I think exploring the manifestations of my insecurities will be a helpful thing to do. It is going to be a crappy thing to do, but I’m gonna do it.
I know that fearing not being accepted comes from not feeling good enough. My need for acceptance isn’t something that I have ever shared before - I have always put out up a front of not caring, not needing anyone’s acceptance...but it’s true...I crave acceptance. I try hard to get it, I am a closet people pleaser.
It’s really only people that I respect or admire that I want that acceptance from. Smart people, funny people, cool people...I hate being judged, and if I’m not accepted I’m obviously being judged for some reason. I don’t bend or conform, so I just want to be accepted for who I am. Totally unfounded, by the way. I have been accepted most of my life. People like me, and I have something to offer. But it’s not enough, I’m needy as hell apparently. I want to be everyone’s favorite, too. I love to be loved, and love to be appreciated, and I want to be special.
What the hell? People don’t have time for crap like that. I am so very aware that the only lives I am important to live with me. I’m not needy, so this is stupid.
I am just going to say I don’t care if I am accepted into the TNTML community. I want to connect with people, but I don’t need anyone’s acceptance. I don’t care if I am accepted into the TNTML family. You are all amazing people, and I am honored to be on the same level as you, but you don’t have to accept me. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. So failing to accept that is your problem.
What’s that you’re smelling? Is that what the Rock is cooking? No, that’s the stench of a murdered fear.
#IAmEnough
Reader Comments (6)
another awesome post my dear. You grabbing the bull by the horns and saying "Fuck you fears. it's awesome to see that
Thanks!
awesome! the country song Check Yes or No came on just when I opened up the page! Love me some TNTML in the morning!
Baaaah! That is awesome! Thanks for reading!
For so long I insisted I wanted to be this perfect corporate bitch like Amanda on Melrose Place but not as skinny and with lower hair, longer skirts. Definitely as cunty though. I'm not that person!!!! I'm no longer pretending to be that person - not to anyone else and not to myself. I greatly dislike those people and have never consiously wanted to be one. It's taken me a lot longer than you and Jen F to recognize my own inner awesomeness I am years ahead of both of you and still taking baby steps in being comfortable enough to embrace it. Of late, for a handful of months, I am way more comfortable with the awesomesauceness of me than I am uncomfortable with it. For a little while I have super envied both of you - your writing your open expression your vivid aliveness. I'm now starting to feel my own and it's the best. Keep doing what you're doing so my own creative motivation stays up. You are totally a great inspiration - go play yourself some Chicago my friend (=
Fran, thank you soooo so much for that!