<editorsnote>Hi, I'm Jen Friel, and we here at TNTML examine the lives of nerds outside of the basements and into the social media, and dating world. We have over 75 peeps that write about their life in real time. (Real nerds, real time, real deal.) Sit back, relax, and enjoy some of the stories!!</editorsnote>
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Megan. She recently just graduated from SDSU and is now entering the world with a fresh pair of eyes in a stinky economy. In these series of posts she will discuss her thoughts and discoveries as she ventures out into the real world. Hit it Meg!!! </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @MegCorbs
Here is the 2nd installment of what I loving call: Anxiety is an asshole that I kicked to the curb. First installment can be found here. I'm hoping that by sharing my story I can somehow help anyone dealing with anxiety and show you know that if I can beat it so can you! *****
Leading up to college was a nightmare anxiety wise. I was about to leave my family, friends, everyone I knew and loved to move to a new city. I found out later that my parents actually didn't think I'd make it. I kept it together but was SO scared about what was to come.
That changed once I actually got there and realized that I could be ANYTHING I wanted to be. I didn't need to be the shy girl anymore. I mean, I could at least FAKE confidence, they didn't know what I was like in high school.
The distraction worked for a little while. While of course the anxiety was still there I could at least distract myself with the newness and excitingness of it all. Parties, boys, new friends, etc.
Then came that fateful night.
It was a typically party night on campus. I pre-gamed (aka took lots o shots) with my 2 partners in crime (L and M). I was inseparable from these girls. We did EVERYTHING together, not to mention that M was my suite mate in the dorms.
We set off to an apartment party that was only a 2 min walk. When we got inside all the furniture in the place consisted of a couch, stripper pole and kitchen table and the whole apartment was decked out in black lights. Classy, huh?
I got trapped talking to a guy that was also on our floor and having issues with L and their hooking up arrangement. He was saying some pretty awful things about her so of course I came to my friend's defense. He ended up getting pissed and storming away with some random girl.
I got up to look for M and L and could't find them anywhere. I strolled through the kitchen where there was a huge group of guys. They started pulling me and pushing me, being really suggestive the whole time. I freaked out and hightailed it the hell out of there.
As I was fleeing the apartment back to my dorm my heart started racing. I called one of my best friends at the time S and she tried to calm me down. Tears were flowing down my face and my hands and feet were getting all tingly. On the way back I see L and M who tell me that they were just dropping off M's sweater and were on their way back. They didn't say anything because I had been talking to L's duderino at the time.
I just screamed "YOU LEFT ME!" at the top of my lungs and ran away. By the time I climbed the 7 floors to my room (because waiting for the elevator sounded horrible) I was a complete mess. I started hyperventilating (and not because of the stairs) and had to stick my head between my legs to help with dizziness.
By the time the girls got there and started pounding on my door I felt like I wasn't in control of my body or my racing mind. It feels like you are being sucked into some dark hole and are trying to claw your way out.
In the midst of this I was screaming obscenities and saying absolute horrible things to the girls about leaving me. Even though looking back they obviously thought I was fine and didn't know about the creepers in the kitchen, at the time I blamed them for everything.
It took me awhile to realize that I had a panic attack. My first of MANY to come. M is still one of my closest friends today but this incident created a wedge between us that took A LONG time to overcome and I can honestly say I don't blame her for that.
Next up: Lots and Lots of panic attacks and realizing I needed help...
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Megan. She recently just graduated from SDSU and is now entering the world with a fresh pair of eyes in a stinky economy. In these series of posts she will discuss her thoughts and discoveries as she ventures out into the real world. Hit it Meg!!! </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @MegCorbs
I'm sorry TNTML community but there is a big part of my life I have been keeping from you. While insanely open about it in person I've been hesitant to put it out into the inter webs because it is so deeply personal to me (and I know how trolls work haha). But with the new year I want to start fresh and hopefully help people that are/were/might be going through the same thing as me.
So here goes nothing: My name is Megan Corbett and I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder with underlying Depression, Panic Disorder and ADD.
I'm a big bag of fun, huh? ;)
While the depression was a HUGE part of my life (most of high school) I want to focus on the anxiety aspect because I know it hasn't been touched on too much here. If you have any questions about my depression though, feel free to tweet me (@MegCorbs). I'm ALWAYS here to help.
Anyways, back to my story. I've always been a little….skittish, for lack of a better term. I HATED going anywhere by myself. My family used to make fun of me because I would start crying if they made me order pizza (I hated talking to someone I didn't know and was constantly afraid of making an ass of myself).
This was all little stuff and because I was relatively sheltered it was never really noticeable. When my depression came on it my made my anxiety explode (the two usually go hand in hand…fun huh?) This was shown most in my STRONG opposition to getting my license.
I ended up waiting until I was 18 and absolutely HAD to because I was leaving for college in a matter of weeks. I used to get into intense screaming matches with my mom who didn't get why I didn't want to drive. To this day, nothing gives me more anxiety than driving, which is good times when you live in LA and have no choice but to drive everywhere.
At this time I had not experienced the loveliness that is the Panic Attack (that is to come in my next post) but definitely felt the physical aspects this disorder was taking on my body.
I was tense ALL THE TIME. I remember at 10 years old, my aunt who was a pediatrician was freaking out when she felt how tense I was in my back and this was at freaking TEN YEARS OLD!
WIth the tenseness comes the stomach aches. It feels like you have food poisoning that you can't get ride of. I would literally double over in pain and was too unaware of the situation to put two and two together. This also led to sweating issues. Sexy I know. I ALWAYS had pit stains so I would wear sweaters over everything. Which you know is needed when you live in sunny Southern California ;).
But the bitch of all the physical issues was definitely the insomnia. I cried multiple multiple times because I was exhausted but couldn't fall asleep due to my racing mind.
The physical issues had NOTHING on the mental ones. Worrying all the time, stressing, expecting the worse, etc. You can't shut your mind of or focus on something else if your life depended on it and there was ALWAYS something to stress about. Not just normal stuff like tests and fighting with friends but literally EVERYTHING. Even things I had no control over like random stuff going on with family or scenarios I would create in my mind. I was the queen of What If's.
Oh and then there were the tears, because of everything I just mentioned I was always on edge and easily set off. Basically, I cried a lot. Not at school or in public but man could I unleash when I got home. I would dive deep into my bed under tons of blankets and cry out my frustrations.
I didn't talk to anyone about what was going on in my mind because honestly pre-college I didn't know how to put it into words and more importantly know and understand that having insane anxiety can actually be a disorder.
The only thing that comforted me during all of this was burying myself in a book (hence my love of reading today). I could escape into someone else's world and drama even if only for a minute.
Next up: It gets REALLY interesting during my college years and the drama that was my very first panic attack.
Ahhhhhh… the end of a year. 2011 was filled with so many epics wins. (And some epic fails we will just pretend didn’t happen. Move it along…nothing to see here…)
With video games such as Modern Warfare 3 receiving budgets bigger than most Hollywood movies and reading tools and gadgets such as the Amazon Kindle and iPad making being well-read and tech savvy “cool” again, the revenge of the nerds is taking place, one epic moment at a time. Since 2009, TNTML has provided social commentary of technology, pop culture, dating and everything else relevant to nerd culture. This year the staff at TNTML chose their tops picks of epic nerdy wins.
We loved all these moments, so in no particular order TNTML presents:
TOP 10 EPIC NERDY WINS OF 2011
Z) Boyfriend Proposes by Hacking Zelda
When two nerds find love it’s a beautiful – and ridiculously geeky thing. After meeting in college, Bay Area gamer Amber Mani (AKA Amani2) got the surprise of her life when her boyfriend of six years proposed to her via video game. The dorky duo were playing the original Legend of Zelda together on an emulator, when suddenly something very strange came up on the screen. During the part when you enter the cave there is typically an icon of an old man who says “It’s dangerous to go alone. Take this.” Instead, her wily boyfriend hacked the game and replaced the usual generic words with a marriage proposal of epic proportions. When she looked up to react he was kneeling and holding an 8-bit heart container made out of Legos with a ring inside. The answer, of course, was yes. Will there be a Zelda themed wedding? Geeky Gamers everywhere are holding their breath to see the outcome of this union.
Y) Video Game is Released: People Go Missing. The Release of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3
We were hesitant to put a “product” on the list, but trust me – the second one of our friends got their dirty little mitts on this game they would go missing for days. It’s like: Want to see your gamer boyfriend/girlfriend disappear for a month? Give them a copy of Modern Warfare 3. MW3 sent Call of Duty fans into a frenzy when this updated version of the multi-player video game was released in November 2011. At an estimated $200 million, the launch budget was bigger than many A-list Hollywood blockbusters. According to sales figures the investment was well worth it. Activision reports sales for the game grossed over $400 million in the first 24 hours, and eventually reached in the billions, making it the biggest entertainment launch of all time. When mainstream Hollywood budgets start getting funneled into geeky stuff like gaming – it’s gotta make the list.
(And this was SOOO tough to choose between COD and Skyrim! But feel free to talk about who had the "bigger" year in the comments)
X) Nerdy White Kid Kills “Look at Me Now”
When the Kansas City comedian and rapper David McCleary Sheldon AKA “Mac Lethal” posted a You Tube video rapping to Chris Brown’s “Look at Me Now” while cooking pancakes in his kitchen, he had no idea he would become an overnight internet sensation. Now with over 14 million views, interviews on CNN and several offers for record contracts, Mac Lethal helped build street cred’ for goofy white guys everywhere.
W) Texts from Bennett: That Same Nerdy White Rapper Guy Fools Everyone with Tumblr (Or Does He?)
In addition to being a successful “Nerdcore” rapper, Sheldon is also responsible for a ridiculously funny Tumblr called "Texts From Bennett" where he purports to chronicle text message conversations between himself and his younger wannabe gangster cousin Bennett. While most people say this was just a big prank and Bennett is not even a real person, David Sheldon maintains that the conversations are totally real. Hmmmm…. TNTML calls BS on the authenticity of the messages, but either way, calling Vincent Van Gogh the actor from Old School? Brilliant!
When the #OWS protest was first dismissed as a “rag tag” group of misfits who were just whining about the economy, nobody knew the movement would become a focal point of news stories, political campaigns and overall pop culture this year. So when members of the New City Outpost decided their camp should have an official library, the overall intellectual value of the protesters an educational boost. Or at least it looked like it did. The story of the #OWS library (which has since been dismantled) can be seen on Stephen Boyer’s blog “The People’s Library.” Maybe they should have just all shared one giant iPad or Nook. It is a collective movement, right?
U) Oh Wow: Steve Jobs Dies, Becomes Patron Saint of Inspiration
Steve Jobs knew he made significant contributions to the tech world, but when he passed away on October 5, 2011, even he probably couldn’t imagine how much of the mainstream world would grieve so deeply over his death. From thousands of news stories, blog posts and tweets, to thoughtful tributes and an epically poignant and insightful eulogy from his sister… People. Went. Nuts. NUTS. The outpouring of sympathy showed that he not only changed computers, but he overhauled the way we view these special people who are passionate, brilliant and dedicated enough to bringing us new ideas that change our lives forever.
T) Odd Future Gets Weird: The Year Punk Rock and Hip Hop Met Nerdcore
Odd Future frontman Tyler the Creator has been known to blur the lines of hip hop, punk rock and outright geekery. Wearing oversized glasses, striped knee socks and t-shirts displaying images of evil lasercats, you might say his style is more about channeling Steve Urkel than Johnny Rotten. Nevertheless Tyler, who is straight edge (no drugs, no alcohol), grabbed headlines by winning an MTV VMA, gracing the cover of Spin Magazine and most recently for being arrested at the Roxy for stomping the shit out of the sound board when his music was unexpectedly cut off during his set. In the fall it was announced they have a sketch comedy show in production called Loiter Squad airing on the geek cult favorite Adult Swim on Comedy Central. Promoted almost exclusively through word of mouth and via the Odd Future Tumblr, this genius type of performance art is what you get when you cross early adapters with a punk rock attitude. TNTML salutes you for letting your freak flag fly. Golf Wang!
S) Social Media Goes Hollywood
Ain't it true!
A movie about social media wins and Oscar? So. Much. Yes. Who would think a movie about Facebook would become one of the most award winning films of 2011? Not only did The Social Network win the Best Motion Picture Golden Globe in January, The Social Network also received eight Academy Awards nominations, including Best Picture, Best Actor, Best Cinematography, Best Director, Best Film Editing, Best Original Score, Best Sound and Best Adapted Screenplay and topped nearly every major film critic’s list as the number one film of the year. Now if we can only get Zuckerberg to get rid of that creepy “poke” feature Facebook will have an even bigger win for 2012.
R) Comic Book Culture Evolves with Miles Morales and Womanthology
What’s up with all the white dudes dominating the super-hero market? Hopefully that won’t be the case for too long. Two major graphic novel breakthroughs happened in 2011 and the girls of TNTML couldn’t be happier.
First, this August, Marvel introduced Miles Morales, a half-Black, half-Hispanic American teenager who debuted in the pages of "Ultimate Fallout" No. 4. Nerds of all creeds and colors got to geek out twice as hard when it was rumored that Community’s Donald Glover may be playing the Morales character on the silver screen.
Second, a totally rad chick proved there is interest and support for female roles in comics. Womanthology, a collection of comics by women curated by artist Renae De Liz, raised over $100K on Kickstarter in only 30 days. What’s even crazier is that she only asked for $25,000 for the project, showing that the support was even larger than she thought it would be. Even more bad ass? Celebrity cult film and comic favorites Kevin Smith and Neil Gaiman donated to the project, giving girls in graphic novels even more star power behind their cause. Kick ass!
Q) Watson Beats Human Contestants on Jeopardy
Are our laptops, cell phones and ipods secretly conspiring to rise up, band together and kill us in our sleep? When computers become smarter than humans it can be scary. Or totally awesome. AI proved to be a real threat when IBM’s artificially intelligent supercomputer, beat both of the human challengers winning more than three times the amount of money as the people. Ken Jennings and Brad Rutter, two of the most successful contestants on the show were left in the dust by Watson. Peeps better start warding off the hostile robot take-over by studying up on their Potent Potables ASAP.
So….
We hope you enjoyed our fun little list of memorable nerd moments for 2011. There were so many things to geek out on that we couldn’t include everything. Portal, Dr. Who, Batman, The ThunderCats revival, Siri, you winning the Florida state chess championship, your 94 yr-old grandmother singing “I Will Survive” on YouTube… blah blah blah… we know. That’s why we want YOU (yes YOU!) to leave your favorite nerd moments of 2011 in the comment section. So have at it! And enjoy the rest of your year.
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Megan. She recently just graduated from SDSU and is now entering the world with a fresh pair of eyes in a stinky economy. In these series of posts she will discuss her thoughts and discoveries as she ventures out into the real world. Hit it Meg!!! </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @MegCorbs
It's officially been a year since I've graduated from college. Here are the few nuggets of wisdom I've discovered:
Time moves insanely fast: and it's only getting faster and faster so hold on tight!
The economy is really shitty: it's hard getting a job right now and I'm watching a ton of friends struggling with that but please don't ever feel that you're just a name on a resume. You bring something that is uniquely yours to the job and that's worth fighting for.
There is ALWAYS something: Life isn't perfect. It never will be. There is always a bill that needs paying, a problem that needs solving, an unexpected illness that needs healing, etc. So enjoy the small victories everyday and stop waiting for that one imaginary day where everything will be perfect.
Hangovers do suck: In college I used to be able to drink INSANE amounts and be fine the next day. I kept hearing to enjoy it while I can because that bounce back rate won't last forever. Well...I'm starting to realize that now. Hello headache! Eesh.
Never Stop Learning: read everything you can get your hands on and if someone is talking about something you don't understand or know…RESEARCH IT! The only way to stay on top of your game is to never become complacent.
If there is something that you like to do…than DO IT!: I like blogging and sharing my experiences with the world so I started a blog as well as writing for TNTML. I don't expect to make this a career but if it's something you like doing than who cares? You never know where it might take you.
Step out of your comfort zone: Some of my favorite adventures have been when I did something that I wasn't entirely sure about. Life is short, if you want to have a crazy story to tell then go out and LIVE.
Take care of you first: I know we want to help everyone out and not be a selfish asshole but at the end of the day you can't help ANYONE if you don't help yourself first. You are responsible for YOU and you only (unless you have a kid….haha) so make sure that you're happy.
And most importantly of all…NERDS UNITE!: I've met the most amazing people because of this website, IRL and through Twitter. I seriously love you all, you put a smile on my face every day!
<editorsnote> Misti Dawn is the nerdiest girl working in porn. In this column she invites you inside of her world outside of the sets, and inside her heart. awwwwwwwwww </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @MeowMistiDawn
Yello Ladies and Gents,
So here we are right before the holidays and I’m about to hop a plane home for two weeks, really the longest I’ve been home since I’ve moved. I’m really excited to drink 50 cent PBRs with people who really drink PBR for years not this hipster crap here. psh.
This week has been another amazing week. Hollywood, I love you. Valley, I’m sorry it’s you, not me. I went to see Edgar Wright’s, "The Wright Stuff" this week at the New Beverly with Michael and Chris. Basically it’s a series of movies that are considered great but Edgar hasn’t seen. I started talking with Edgar a bit over facebook and aim the last couple of years oddly enough but never thought I’d meet him. Well, that changed. He sent me a message on facebook about the series (that’s how I even found out of about) and invited me and gave me a ticket +1. So that was interesting. Michael went with me and I hung out and talked to Edgar a bit after the show. Awesome, really nice guy. Kind of exactly what I expected so that was comforting to have someone be as interesting and nice as you projected on them.
Friday Tim Armstrong and I went back and saw Buckaroo Bonsi that Friday at Edgar's show as well. I can’t lie, they were all pretty terrible movies. Maybe timing is just off.
Saturday night Jen, Julie, Michael, Chris, Ben, Shep and I went to Bar Sinster. Oh and MC Lars came out, too. Finally introduced him and Jen >:) I think they hit it off a bit eh eh :) But the night was awesome. Jen and Julie got tied up for the first time and really had a great experience with it. We all danced and talked all night. Oh friendship, I’m really feeling for the first time since I got out here that I have a group of friends to do things with it. It’s starting to feel like home.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012 at 12:01PM
I got trapped talking to a guy that was also on our floor and having issues with L and their hooking up arrangement. He was saying some pretty awful things about her so of course I came to my friend's defense. He ended up getting pissed and storming away with some random girl. 
