#NaughtyMommy Happenings - Poison Control

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @JenSquard

So...I'm lifecasting.  Like for reals, it's happening.  And since my kids are basically the biggest part of my life (I literally just had to stop typing to go get the baby's legs unstuck from the crib, change a diaper, put a toddler down for a nap, get a book dropped on my foot, remind the preschooler to go potty before she pees on the floor and make a juice cup) I am going to start documenting my adventures with them.  Let me take a big drink of my rich chocolatey Ovaltine and we'll get started.

I have some really frickin funny kids.  Anika is crazy smart (she's 3 1/2), Tucker is big, quiet and funny (he is almost 2), and Cadence is all smiles all the time (she is 5 months).  I work from home so I am with them ALL THE GODDAMN TIME...basically I am considered a stay-at-home mom that works.  Luckily I am a damn good mom because they are really well behaved most of the time, and we don't have too many problems. 

That being said, they are still kids.  They destroy things in the blink of an eye.  I can't watch them every second of every day (I could try but we would all be completely insane after about 3 days), so sometimes it gets a little wild up in here.  Todays adventure: poison control.

This is my fourth time calling poison control (oh my god, right?), and luckily each time it has been a really mild thing that didn't affect them at all.  The first time Anika drank massage oil when she was 1.  Then she ate an old benedryl at 1 1/2.  Then she gobbled down some of my grandpa's potassium pills at 2 (she fought me for more even, what a freak).  This time is was Tucker.  Oh, Tucker, so dumb. 

We used to have hermit crabs, like forever ago.  For some dumbass reason we still have the concentrate that you use to make their drinking water safe for them.  Anika found it somewhere in the house today (I honestly have NO idea where it came from, I thought it had been thrown away), and I didn't think anything of it.  She put it down and I continued getting them ready for their day.  I heard Tucker yell "MINE" (not a big surprise since apparently everything in the entire state belongs to him), and when I looked at him he was coveting this little bottle of hermit crab water treatment.  I took it from him...and it was empty with the lid unscrewed.  Shit.  See, I'm one of those mom's that thinks their kid is completely incapable of doing something until they do it.  I didn't know he could open it, he's not even 2.  Dumb mom.  So I look at the label and of course it says not safe for humans, keep out of reach of children.  Like in BIG letters.  I checked out the ingredients and they look mostly harmless (I'm not just guessing, I am a trained scientist) except the magnesium chloride.  Not a good one. 

Meh.  Poison control people are soooo super nice, they really are.  It was in a low enough concentration that I just gave him milk and he was fine.  What a tard we both are.  I guess if he is going to drink potentially poisonous things on a regular basis it is a good thing that he is way bigger than he should be.  Aaaah, a day in my exciting life.  Try not to be too jealous.

Hear about more adventures on Twitter or Facebook!  And check out my album of asshole things my kids do to me!

Why I named my #daughter Anika

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @JenSquard

I knew I was having a girl from early on in my pregnancy, I could just feel it.  And I had NO idea what to name her.  Not even a little bit.  I liked the name Pearl, but apparently I am in the minority on that one.  We got pregnant on our honeymoon in Fiji, so we threw some names around about the local culture, and things that we loved about our honeymoon.  The most awesome thing about Fiji (besides it being Fiji and amazing) is that they sing-talk.  Instead of just saying "Bula, Jen.  Bula, Brian." which means hello, they kinda sing it.  But Bula...not a cute name for a baby girl.

We did meet an amazing couple from Sweden, which is where Brian's family originated (hence the weird last name of Swedhin).  Their names were Anica and Bjorn.  Bjorn was in a diving accident in his 20's and was confined to a wheelchair with no use of his lower half.  Anica was amazing with him, she lifted him when he needed it, stayed back when he couldn't participate in an activity, and was incredibly patient and supportive.  They were on their honeymoon, too. 

I wanted a name that conveyed kindness and strength, that was unique but not made up, and was easy to say.  Well I got some of those qualities since no one can pronounce Anika right (try this - Aunicka).  For a middle name we went with Piper.  In Ecuador, the birthplace of our lovestory, Brian and I studied the caterpillars that fed on Piperacea, a beautiful plant with heart-shaped leaves. 

So there it is.  Anika Piper.  She is fiesty, bold, emotionally receptive and incredibly expressive.  She is also stubborn and smart.  And I sweet ass dancer!

You likey what I say-ey? Why not follow me on Twitter? @JenSquard