#RealDeal: Baiting for Success (Closing A Cute Clothing Store Clerk in 2 Minutes)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jordan; he's a dating coach. Wait, not like "a" dating coach ... lemme rephrase that, he is THE dating coach. He has a show on SiriusXM called "Game On" and he's a super smarty pants when it comes to examining social dynamics. No ... like for real. HIT IT JORDAN!!! </editorsnote> 

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

You’ve probably made this mistake 10 times this week already.

You go to pay for something you picked out in a store and the clerk is absolutely gorgeous.  While your mind races to find the “right” thing to say, you wind up missing the opportunity.

I witnessed a textbook example of a guy doing it wrong, immediately followed by a guy doing it right.  Here is how it happened:

I was waiting in line behind two guys, both about the same age and both with average looks.  The clerk ringing us up was stunning.  The first guy approached the checkout counter and placed a few items next to the register.  The clerk initiated the conversation:

Beautiful Clerk: “Hi, how are you” (relatively dead-faced, because she greets 1000 customers per day the same way)

Guy1: “Fine…how are you?” (his mind racing, probably trying to remember a good clerk routine or how to do the cube game)

BC: (still relatively expressionless) “Fine”

Silence.

BC rings up the items, places them in a bag and hands them to Guy 1.  He leaves, wondering what he could have said to get something going with her.

THEN, the second guy approached the counter.  This time, before she could even address him, HE initiated the conversation.

Guy2: (with a relaxed smile and sincerity) “Hi – How are you?”

Beautiful Clerk: “Good – how are you” (smiling and looking G2 in the eye)

G2: “Fine…(long pause) annnnd a little bit tired.”

BC: “You too huh?” (her tone is suddenly animated) “I went to this concert last night – it was awesome; they played 3 hours straight and we wound up getting home at 2AM.  THEN just 10 minutes ago my girlfriend called up to say someone just gave her a pair of tickets to tonight’s show at Red Rocks (a gorgeous local amphitheater).  We’re gonna ride our bikes there tonight.  I can’t believe it – I don’t know if I’m going to make it – my friend is nuts!”

G2: “You’re BOTH nuts!  But not for biking – I could never go out with a girl who doesn’t love biking.

BC: Laughs

G2: “Ok, enough chit chat – ring me up, Armstrong – I’ve got to go, but I’m texting you tonight to find out if you made it.  (pulls out his phone) What’s your #?”

BC: “That’s forward” (smiling, pauses, then tells him her number)

G2: “I go biking every Thursday afternoon – its great conditioning – wait for my message and maybe you can try to keep up with me sometime” (laughs, takes his bag and leaves)

What made the difference?  Guy 2 did two made two important things that led to his success:

By initiating the conversation, he interrupted a pattern of interaction that the clerk has thousands of times every day.  When he interrupted her pattern, he got her to notice him as different and not just another customer.

He BAITED the conversation.  When she asked him the very mundane “How are you?” question, he answered “fine” and added the BAIT “…annnnd tired.”

By BAIT, I mean he added something to the conversation that the clerk could, if she were interested in interacting with him,  ‘bite’ on and use it to continue the conversation.  Notice how G2’s addition of “….annnnnd tired” was not funny, brilliant, or anything too hard to come up with.  It was simply different, and honest, and something that she could have asked him about, elaborated upon (as she did), or ignored, depending upon her interest level in him.

He also made some other good moves including assuming her interest in him, behaving confidently, taking the lead in the conversation and telling her what he wanted her to do (not asking her anything like “would you like to go biking sometime?”)  Basically, he treated her like he would a friend.  But even if you’re not yet at the level of confidence to pull off the rest of his pickup, ANYONE can put some bait out there.

Next time you’re about to have one of those conversations we all have 1000 times, BAIT your answer, and watch what happens.  At worst, nothing happens.  At best, you’ll connect with someone you never thought you would, effortlessly.

#nerdsunite

If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm team, then visit http://www.theartofcharm.com.  You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook.

#RealDeal: What MOST Girls Want?

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jordan; he's a dating coach. Wait, not like "a" dating coach ... lemme rephrase that, he is THE dating coach. He has a show on SiriusXM called "Game On" and he's a super smarty pants when it comes to examining social dynamics. No ... like for real. HIT IT JORDAN!!! </editorsnote> 

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

I get asked many questions that start with, “How do MOST girls...” They want to know how most girls feel about relationships, how do most girls think about sex, how do most girls feel about one night stands, how do most girls feel about being approached, what do most girls look for in a guy, how do most girls like to be kissed, how do most girls like to see a man dressed, where do most girls like to go on a first date, why do most girls go to the bathroom in pairs or groups” the list goes on and on.

Here’s the cool thing about women. There are so many different kinds. There are an infinite number of variables when it comes to looks, personality, intelligence, sense of adventure, interests and every other quality. And within each one of these variables is a scale. If she’s adventurous, she could be just a little more so than most, or maybe she plans yearly treks out into unexplored wilderness. She’s fun, but fun can go from a dry sense of humor to outwardly boisterous and silly. She might be all about Monty Python or she might be all Dane Cook. She might be smarter than most, or she might just be smarter than you. She might be a size 8 and five feet tall, or she might be a size 8 and six feet tall.

Here’s the cool thing about guys. There are so many different kinds. When you say you want an adventurous girl, maybe you’re thinking of someone who would want to go on weekend outings with you. Frank from down the street might be looking for a partner for his next Everest attempt. You might want the family and picket fence one day. Joe next door wants to be a rolling stone. You might wear a suit to work but drive home on your Harley. Your friend Bill might consider a striped polo instead of a solid one to be a bold fashion choice. You might be quiet and reserved when first meeting people, but you open up when you’re amongst friends. John might be wild and crazy and charming to all the ladies when he’s out, but if a girl gets him one-on-one, he gets flustered and shuts down.

So now we have the infinite variables of all of the men to add to the infinite variables of all of the women. Your variables color how you see the world and how you rate what you want on that scale. Your own variables will actually define the women’s variables in a very different way than how others will define them. This is why so many questions about what MOST women are looking for or want cannot be answered in any other way than, “It varies!”

Some of these questions do have a straight answer. Most girls are looking for someone to ultimately make them feel provided for and protected. Most girls really, really like sex. Most girls want a man who they can trust to lead them. Most girls are attracted to a man whose body language shows confidence and self-assurance, and whose personality is congruent with what his body language is conveying.

Under the umbrella of those concepts, you have to let go of “most,” and get out there and experience the next layer of variables for yourself. “Most” turns into “some” Some girls like sweet gentle kisses. Some girls like latex and paddles.  Some girls see the world for its potential and its beauty. Some girls see it as a place to be wary and cautious.  Some girls are as pretty on the outside as they are on the inside. Some girls are prettier on the inside than they are on the outside.

Some girls want to be married as soon as possible. Some want to keep things light and unattached.  Some girls like goths, some girls like suits.  Some girls will wait for you to make every move, some will be more forward.  Some will challenge you in a good way, some will annoy you horribly.

Some will be just right.

The greatest fun of this game, this mating game, is that you get to choose how you want to convey that you embody those attributes that most girls are looking for. There are many ways to show that you’re a provider, from simply sharing your food to owning a palatial estate on a private island. There are many ways to show you are a protector, from giving her your coat in the rain to saving her from imminent harm.

There are so many ways to have good sex that there is an entire library’s worth of books, movies and magazines as well as an internet that explain how to go about that. These posts and the Pickup Podcast are fantastic resources, as they are devoted to teaching you how to develop confidence, leadership, proper body language and congruence, so you can provide what MOST girls are looking for!

#nerdsunite

Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach.  He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company.  If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm team, then visit http://www.theartofcharm.com.  You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook.

#NerdsUnite: The Break-Up

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jordan; he's a dating coach. Wait, not like "a" dating coach ... lemme rephrase that, he is THE dating coach. He has a show on SiriusXM called "Game On" and he's a super smarty pants when it comes to examining social dynamics. No ... like for real. HIT IT JORDAN!!!  </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

There is no easy way to end a relationship with someone you care about. Someone usually gets hurt and the other usually feels a new sense of freedom. I have ended a few in my life, but usually my girlfriends, after dealing with my bullshit for so long, would finally just end it for me. For the most part, there are easier ways to deal with a breakup.

Perhaps if you would have kept your social circle, you would not have been dumped in the first place. Guys, try to keep in touch with your friends. When you ditch them for your new girlfriend, they will remember that. The minute you have devoted your entire life to your girlfriend is the minute you are swimming at sea. If and when the relationship fails, who is going to be there to get you hammered? Who is going to be there to help you make a fool of yourself while chasing new girls around?

Some guys will get a girlfriend and all of a sudden, they put on this holier than thou attitude and begin to blow their friends off. Yeah I know, your girlfriend thought they were immature, right? Well I have news for you. They are. They are your friends. They make up a part of your world that she is becoming a part of. If you think chasing women with your friends has to end when you have found your special sweetheart, you don’t! You can be the ultimate wing man for your buddies. You never know what is going to happen in your relationship so don’t write-off your boys.

If you were the one who was dumped, you will need to wash all existence of her off of your mind. Drop all contact with the ex. You can’t call her. You can’t ride past her house to see what she’s doing. Go ahead and get her off your twitter, facebook, etc. You will always have the urge to see what her status is or her latest stream of tweets, and you will justify it by saying that you are worried about her. Fool, she is moving on and you need to as well. One look at a status update about her recent date or visit from an old friend, and it is meltdown city.

You might have to visit some new bars or hangouts for a while. You don’t want to run into her on her night out with friends, blowing off steam and making out with random dudes. This will cause you to do something stupid. Trust me, I know. What you will rationalize is that you are an adult and you can handle it. “It’s totally cool.” What you will end up doing is about 14 shots of tequila to show how cool about it you are. All the while, you are puking your guts out in the restroom and she is crying about how much she is sorry. Sound fun?

The best thing that I can say to do is to channel that anger and energy into yourself. Get yourself back to the gym, buy some new clothes and try and sink into a new hobby for a while. You might just find yourself doing some things you never had the chance to do before and you might learn something new. The best part is, if you disappear for a while, she could think you are doing better than she is and will begin to want you back. If you succeed in moving forward, you might not want to have her back in your life so fast.

If you are the dumper, I recommend being honest with both yourself and her about why you are doing this and letting her know that you do care for her. Make sure that breaking up is truly what you want because if you are the one crawling back in two weeks, you are going to be one miserable man. She will own you and make it very tough on you. The message you could be sending is, “I felt I could do a lot better than you, but now that I was out there, I saw that I couldn’t and I am settling for you.” This is something no one wants to feel.

#nerdsunite

Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach.  He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company.  If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm team, then visit http://www.theartofcharm.com.  You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook.

#NerdsUnite: How to Identify a Gold-Digger

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jordan; he's a dating coach. Wait, not like "a" dating coach ... lemme rephrase that, he is THE dating coach. He has a show on SiriusXM called "Game On" and he's a super smarty pants when it comes to examining social dynamics. No ... like for real. HIT IT JORDAN!!!  </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

Here’s a quick guide on how to identify a gold-digger.

First of all, let me distinguish between a gold-digger and a woman who wants you to treat her to dinner from time to time. The difference is the “time to time.”

See, most women will want a man to take her out as a romantic gesture on occasion. Sorry, but it’s true; splitting absolutely everything all the time might be financially practical, but it’s not sexy.

What makes a woman a gold-digger, though, is that she’s made it her job to find a man to pay for everything. And when I say job, I mean that literally—in the same way that most of us get an actual job to make money, a gold-digger has made finding a rich man her means of “making” money.

In other words, for a gold-digger, having you take her out or buy her a gift isn’t a nice romantic treat. It’s her financial plan for life.

You can spot a gold-digger because her questions will be very materially oriented. For example, she will ask questions about what kind of car you drive, or she will comment on your clothing label (different than just a compliment on clothing like “nice shirt.”). A woman that’s genuinely seeking a romantic connection will be much more concerned with finding out about you and your personality.

So, you can screen out a gold-digger right away by finding about her and her personality. A gold-digger will typically be very fascinated with wealth and wealthy people and will talk about all the stuff she wants to have “one day,” but she works a low-paying job and seemingly has no career plans or aspirations to obtain said riches herself.

A gold digger will also throw out the names of expensive places to see if you’ll take the bait and say,“Yeah? You’d like to try that restaurant? I’ll take you there some time…”

That’s the sucker’s response.

A better response is something like, “Oh, I know a place that’s way less expensive but the food is actually better.” A gold-digger will be disappointed and move on to find a sucker. A non-gold-digger will likely be impressed by your knowledge of cool places to get good food without paying through the nose for it.

If you’ve already been on a few dates with her and she keeps dropping hints that she likes jewelry from Tiffany’s, you can respond with a low-budget gesture. Take her to Tiffany’s to get a Cracker Jack ring engraved.

Yes, that’s straight out of Breakfast at Tiffany’s and thus you doing it will probably result in you getting laid—unless she’s a gold digger, in which case it will probably result in her leaving you for someone who will happily fork out for the real thing. Good riddance. Now you’re free to find a woman who is worth you taking her out and picking up the tab–from time to time. 

#nerdsunite

Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach.  He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company.  If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm team, then visit http://www.theartofcharm.com.  You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook.

Here’s a quick guide on how to identify a gold-digger.

First of all, let me distinguish between a gold-digger and a woman who wants you to treat her to dinner from time to time. The difference is the “time to time.”

See, most women will want a man to take her out as a romantic gesture on occasion. Sorry, but it’s true; splitting absolutely everything all the time might be financially practical, but it’s not sexy.

What makes a woman a gold-digger, though, is that she’s made it her job to find a man to pay for everything. And when I say job, I mean that literally—in the same way that most of us get an actual job to make money, a gold-digger has made finding a rich man her means of “making” money.

In other words, for a gold-digger, having you take her out or buy her a gift isn’t a nice romantic treat. It’s her financial plan for life.

You can spot a gold-digger because her questions will be very materially oriented. For example, she will ask questions about what kind of car you drive, or she will comment on your clothing label (different than just a compliment on clothing like “nice shirt.”). A woman that’s genuinely seeking a romantic connection will be much more concerned with finding out about you and your personality.

So, you can screen out a gold-digger right away by finding about her and her personality. A gold-digger will typically be very fascinated with wealth and wealthy people and will talk about all the stuff she wants to have “one day,” but she works a low-paying job and seemingly has no career plans or aspirations to obtain said riches herself.

A gold digger will also throw out the names of expensive places to see if you’ll take the bait and say,“Yeah? You’d like to try that restaurant? I’ll take you there some time…”

That’s the sucker’s response.

A better response is something like, “Oh, I know a place that’s way less expensive but the food is actually better.” A gold-digger will be disappointed and move on to find a sucker. A non-gold-digger will likely be impressed by your knowledge of cool places to get good food without paying through the nose for it.

If you’ve already been on a few dates with her and she keeps dropping hints that she likes jewelry from Tiffany’s, you can respond with a low-budget gesture. Take her to Tiffany’s to get a Cracker Jack ring engraved.

Yes, that’s straight out of Breakfast at Tiffany’s and thus you doing it will probably result in you getting laid—unless she’s a gold digger, in which case it will probably result in her leaving you for someone who will happily fork out for the real thing. Good riddance. Now you’re free to find a woman who is worth you taking her out and picking up the tab–from time to time.

Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach.  He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company.  If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm team, then visit http://www.theartofcharm.com.  You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook.

#NerdsUnite: Are you making people smile?

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jordan; he's a dating coach. Wait, not like "a" dating coach ... lemme rephrase that, he is THE dating coach. He has a show on SiriusXM called "Game On" and he's a super smarty pants when it comes to examining social dynamics. No ... like for real. HIT IT JORDAN!!!  </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

Smiling is one of the basic fundamentals of a happy life. Putting a smile on someone’s face is one of the easiest things that you can do as a part of your everyday routine. It’s funny how the littlest things can have the biggest affects in your life. If you can wake up every day and make people smile, the battle is half over. You have achieved some social value.

It has been proven that smiling projects the same emotion in every culture. You cannot be angry and be smiling at the same time. Try it some time. You will most likely find that even the act of smiling while angry, can make you feel happier. You can influence how you feel by controlling your body, and vise versa. Therefore, if you smile, you will begin to feel good, and if you feel good, you will begin to smile. It’s very infectious. You can make others smile just by shooting a quick little smirk. Since it’s contagious, you are actually making others feel good by showing your pearly whites! You will be spreading good vibes throughout your daily journey. If you make someone feel good while they are in their normal daily routine, the good feelings you brought to them will be attached to you. The next time they see you, they will feel good even if they can’t remember why.

It’s not just the mouth that makes a smile successful. It’s the whole face. Have you heard of the expression, “Smiling with your eyes?” When you are really happy and have a huge smile on your face, you get little crinkles around your eyes. A great grin also makes everyone appear more youthful, attractive and healthy. I have seen studies that state that we can become at least 10 times more attractive when we smile. If you want meeting people to be easy, why put people on the defensive right from the beginning? Would you want to approach and talk to someone who looks sad, grim, or pissed off? I sure wouldn’t! In a perfect world, you would be able to spread cheer to everyone. This really isn’t the case. If you are trying to make someone’s day but they are just not having it, move on. You will just have to make someone else’s day!

Here is a quote that best sums up the benefits of smiling:

“A smile costs nothing but gives much. It enriches those who receive without making poorer those who give. It takes but a moment, but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever. None is so rich or mighty that he cannot get along without it and none is so poor that he cannot be made rich by it. Yet a smile cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is of no value to anyone until it is given away. Some people are too tired to give you a smile. Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile so much as he who has no more to give.”  ~Author Unknown

#nerdsunite

Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert.  He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company, as well as the co-host of 'Go Legendary', a men's lifestyle & social dynamics talk show.  If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm Team, then visit http://www.theartofcharm.com