Understanding #Love and Intimacy Leads to A Healthy Relationship

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

A friend asked me this very interesting question: “Do you believe it is possible to love more than one person at one time?"

Before I share my answer with you, let me tell you a little bit about my background. I have been “in love” several times so far in my 39 years on this planet. Each breakup was very difficult because of something I noticed about the nature of women.

One of the bittersweet things I noticed about my relationships with women is that I could never fully replace the emotions and experience I had with any of them, once the relationship was over. Perhaps you can relate to the emotion of longing to replace something with a woman who is now long gone from your life, and being unable to do so no matter how many new women you meet. I have felt that sort of pain too many times to mention.  However, there is a flip side to this that is much more positive: with each new relationship comes a brand new set of experiences and emotions that could not have been had with any of the previous women!

In spite of the fact that in significant ways, every woman is unique, I have also noticed that all women have enough in common with each other that we can make some useful generalizations about them, including specific personality categories. Some of these categories include high self-esteem (HSE), low self-esteem (LSE), Materialista, Good Girl and Adventuress, and so on. I won’t get into detail with these categories today, but I need to emphasize that making such distinctions is in no way  making a moral judgment for or against certain women or their behavior patterns. Rather, these categories are very useful tools when it comes to screening.

Screening is important because your time and your energy are finite resources that should be spent wisely. I’ll have much more to say about screening in the future, but suffice it to say for now that if you are not wise when it comes to choosing your female companions, you are essentially robbing time and energy from women you would be more compatible with.  So then, do I feel it is possible to love more than one woman at a time? Absolutely I do!

Many people view love as a fixed sum, finite entity. In other words, they believe that there is only so much love that one can offer to the world. Those of us who are parents know how preposterous the idea is that loving one person means you need to shut it off for someone else.  Of course, there is the issue of time and resource management. However, I have a daughter whom I love more than anyone else. When I have a second child, I will love that child as well. To say that this means I will by necessity love my daughter any less, is preposterous.

Love is not a finite resource. Time and energy are finite; love is not.

The word ‘love’ in itself means a lot of different things to different people. For me, I feel all sorts of different emotions with every friendship and every romance. Many of these emotions overlap with each other, but the complete emotional experience is never identical from one relationship to the next.
You can and should be aware of what types of love you feel for which people, because this will enable you to set standards and manage your time and energy. More importantly, it will help you to select the right people to receive your time and energy.  In all my experience I see no limits to the nature and types of love you can feel for any number of people. As far as I can tell, the only limits are your imagination, your time, and your energy.

Success = preparation + opportunity. I can help you to acquire the skills to meet and attract lots of women, to select the right ones for you, and then to maintain those relationships for as long as you want and circumstances permit. You will need to be proactive in meeting these women and escalating any relationship towards its logical outcome. If you are willing to do this, you will have more opportunities for passionate love than you would otherwise; indeed, more than most men alive today will ever have.

To learn more about how to meet & attract women, check out the Toolbox over at the Pick Up Podcast!

#Fact: Sex and human contact are needs and not something we should be afraid of

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

What: You’re about to approach a woman and suddenly you’re overcome with a creepy, paralyzing feeling.

Emotion: The feeling is a blend of irrational fear, disappointment, and frustration. Often there’s a little anger in there too.

Inner Monologue: You believe that if you approach her, she’ll KNOW you’re interested in her even before you open your mouth, because you approached. And after you open your mouth and try to start a conversation she’ll be CERTAIN that you’re interested in her, because you’re trying to start something up with her. THEN the worst will happen: your cover will be blown. She’ll know you’re interested in her and probably think you just approached her because you want to have sex with her, just like all the other guys.

Are you a closet heterosexual?

Believe it or not, your inner monologue has some very useful elements in it, so let’s break it down, keep the good stuff, and remove all the crap that keeps you holed up in your studio apartment eating spaghetti with chopsticks surfing the internet for porn.

Let’s throw it in reverse.
The last thing you felt was “She’ll know you’re interested in her and probably think you just approached her because you want to have sex with her, like all the other guys.”

Well, you wouldn’t be considering approaching her unless you wanted to have sex with her, would you? This is actually a good thing. The fact that you saw a woman you wanted to have sex with and you decided to approach her to find out if those relations would be a possibility is exactly what you should be doing. A sex drive is built into every healthy man and woman and is nothing to be ashamed of. Without it, the human race would die off. There are many ways that this fog of fear, shame, and embarrassment associated with your sex drive might have been created. One possible explanation is that it happened early in life, before you had the proper reasoning skills to understand that NEEDS are NORMAL.

A long time ago, when you were very small and your life was centered on your needs (primarily your needs for love, company, and food), you probably felt a moment of inevitable disappointment. It happens to all of us. It might have been because you did not receive a feeding exactly when you needed it, or you might have been left alone to sleep when you didn’t want to. At some point, your immature brain drew conclusions that have stuck with you to this day. Your undeveloped sense of reason made you believe that the discomfort caused by not having your needs met was CAUSED by the fact that you HAVE needs. You might then have drawn the conclusion that needs are bad because they can lead to discomfort. You then decided that the best thing to do is NOT TO HAVE NEEDS AT ALL, or at least not to show them, and not to act on them.

How can you tell if you made these connections between NEEDS and BAD early in life? Pay attention next time you catch yourself thinking “I don’t need a woman” or “I don’t need anyone” or “I don’t want her to KNOW I’m interested.” We all have needs and wants. Some of those needs are sexual, and that’s okay.

So how do you come out of the closet?

1. Don’t try to hide or stop having sexual NEEDS.
2. Transform your NEEDS into WANTS. A baby has needs. A man has WANTS.
And when a man wants something, he goes out and gets it.

If there’s some part of your wants you don’t know how to get, congratulations. You’ve already taken the first step by reading this post.

To learn more about how to meet & attract women, check out the Toolbox over at http://www.pickuppodcast.com/best

#nerdsunite

#TNTML on Sirius and XM Radio Friday!!

DUDDESSS!! So stoked to announce that I'll be headed to Sirius and XM Radio on Friday for

The Art of Charm presents: Game on!

I'll be on for the second half of the show, which runs from 5pm - 7pm PST, talking about how social media changed things for relationships and businesses ... dude, totally up my alley!! HAHA!! YAY LIFE!!

You can listen on Sirius Channel 108, and XM channel 139 ... annnnnddd you can also follow one of the hosts, Johnny on twitter: @Dzubak as he tweets out the show before it goes live.

So RAD!!! Special thanks to Jordan Harbinger, our dating coach ... not only for his awesome advice, but for this opportunity. Superly duperly appreciated.

I only have one more thing to say ...

HIT IT POINTER SISTERS!!!

Friday January 21, 2011

5-7pm PST

Sirius Channel 108

XM Radio Channel 139

Want more info on The Art of Charm? Check 'em out here!