Fun with #OkCupid: A dude in the OKC corral (Sex, Love, Or Dating: What Do You Want?)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Kenny. We e-met through OKC and although we've never gone out on a date, he was inspired by my documentation of my online search for love, that he wanted to come on board and provide male insight into OKC. So here you go ... and now we're here ... HIT IT KENNY!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @KennethArthurS

Do people really like to get in the bone zone or what?

This week on my blog I experienced an unusually high spike in activity and page views.  I had posted an article on Monday about casual sex on OKCupid and I thought to myself “Yep, people really seem to like this whole penis-into-the-vagina or however-you-prefer-to-do-it business!”  I mean, it makes a lot of sense.  People enjoy sex, they enjoy thinking about it and talking about it but because it can be a taboo subject sometimes it’s best to just read about others experiences on the internet.  I have basically no qualms talking about my sex life, as embarrassing as it may be, so I hope that my honesty can help others too and realize that you may not be the only pathetic one.  (Even though the majority of my readers are female, and I think that has its own effect by giving the opposite sex a male’s honest perspective.)

However, when I dug deeper I realized that it wasn’t my casual sex article that was giving my page views graph a boner.  It was an article I wrote weeks ago about Love and Science.  I guess through the Google, people were searching hard for love this week.  It was not sex that they craved but a more in depth retrospective on love, chemicals, and romanticism.  I guess that surprised me somewhat.  Why now?  Why love?  Why not the other articles where I talk about boobies and dongs?

Not that I’m complaining.  I’ll write about Bieber Fever if it triples my page views.

What I found myself pondering however was “What is it that people want and do they even know what they want?”  Do you want to find someone to date and not have it be serious?  Do you want to just rub sensitive parts against someone else for 5-15 minutes at a time?  Or are you “wookin’ pa nub”?  (Reference that maybe makes me sound very old.)  I think that’s part of the reason that people have such a hard time in the world of romance, because you either don’t know what you want or you’re lying to yourself.

Can you have casual sex if you’re desperately looking for a life partner?  Can you date someone if you don’t want to get serious right now?  Can you love someone that only wants to have sex?  The differences between dating, loving, and sexing are immense and confusion over what you want and what your partner(s) want will only leave you in want.  We can’t lie to ourselves and hope that people will change or that we will change because in the end you’ll be left with perhaps a broken heart or with someone else’s beating heart in your hand.  This is how people get hurt.

And then I have to ask myself that most important question: What do I want?

Do I just want to lay in the boneyard?  I think most men want that on some level, spending much of our adolescence thinking of nothing other than sex and then feeling like we’ve got some mission to do until we get married.  What happens after marriage, well, I can’t speak to that.  But do I only want to get it in or do I want to find love?  If I want to truly find a special girl, I have to stop thinking like a deviant and start thinking and feeling like it’s time to find the right girl.  People can see right through you if you pretend like you want to be in a relationship when in the back of your head you’re thinking “I wonder what she’ll look like naked.  And I wonder what the waitress will look like naked.  And I wonder what my boss will look like naked.” Until she finally stops you and says, “Hey, are you paying any attention to me?” because you’ve been staring into space for fifteen minutes.

You’ve got to be focused, you’ve got to be true, and you can’t lie to yourself about what you want.  Figure out what it is and stick with it and when it’s time to change, your heart will tell you.  Until then, stick with what you feel and go with it and that’s where you’ll find peace, serenity, and success.

Oh shit, this article just got super serious so I’m going to end with this:  Butts.  That is all.

#thatisall

Want some more from Kenny? Follow him on twitter over yonder!

and don't forget to check out his blog!! <----- good shit!

Fun with #OkCupid: A dude in the OKC corral (The Phone Game I Didn't Ask For)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Kenny. We e-met through OKC and although we've never gone out on a date, he was inspired by my documentation of my online search for love, that he wanted to come on board and provide male insight into OKC. So here you go ... and now we're here ... HIT IT KENNY!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @casetines

The Phone Game I Didn’t Ask For

These days, there’s just about nothing you can’t do on your smart phone. I mean, shit, that’s why they
call it a smart phone. It knows more than you, it can do more than you, and that’s why it’s so damn
handy to have with you at all times. Arguments have become moot.

Argument from 1995:

“Dude, I’m telling you, Elisabeth Shue was not in the first Back to the Future.”

“You’re retarded. She totally was, but only just for a moment!”

/Friends argue for 45 minutes, nearly get into fistfight, ask other friends who are split on what the right
answer is, go to Blockbuster, get answer 3 hours later.

Argument today:

“Dude, I’m telling you, Elisabeth Shue was not in the first Back to the Future.”

/Grabs phone, Imdb.

“See idiot! She showed up as Jennifer Parker for the first time in part two!”

/Argument instead becomes berating and humiliation of friend plus 30 other facts about Elisabeth Shue.

Thanks to phones of today, we can know so much more and do so much more, plus we can waste so
much more time with games and apps that flood the marketplace like girls to a Twilight premiere. I’m
not much of a phone-game player. I’ve got Angry Birds. I’ve got… some… other… games. But I don’t
have the attention span to keep up with it for longer than 30 minutes before I get frustrated or bored.

My phone is for texting and Back to the Future/Full House trivia. I’ve basically turned my smart-phone
into a “reads at a third-grade level” phone. I’m okay with that. What I’m not okay with is the other
kinds of games we play on our phone and they’re not available on the app store: The dating games.

As daters with cell phones, we’ve come to this whole new arrangement of what’s okay and what’s not
okay, and the worst part is that everybody has a different set of rules. That’s like playing Monopoly in
a different house every week… eventually you’re just going to forget when to fucking put money in the
bank.

Rule 1: DON’T TEXT WITHIN THREE DAYS!

Let’s say you meet a girl and hit it off really well. Things are flowing nicely and you say “Can I get your
phone number and we can hang out sometime?” You get the go-ahead.

“Sure!”

The dynamite has just gone “BOOM!”

Then depression sets in as you ponder when it’s okay to first use the phone number. What if you both
were pretty drunk and you say your goodbyes at the bar? Should you send a “It was nice meeting you.
Hope you got home okay! Wfregr4” text? Now you’ve just demolished rule #1. Or have you?

Some girls find it sweet, plus now they’ve got your number too. Some will say that it’s incredibly too
fast.

Okay, so let’s say you didn’t do that. Do you text the next day and say “It was nice meeting you last
night. Good luck on that thing.” Text? Or do you make a person sweat it out, keep them in suspense,
and let them feel like you’re not worried about it?

Do you wait a week and say “Yo, Imma let you come over tonight” because it ain’t no thang?

Rule #2: DON’T TEXT UNLESS TEXTED TO!

This is my favorite in the way that Face/Off is my favorite Nic Cage movie. It’s so bad it’s good.

So you text her. And she texts you back. And you text her back. And she, back to you. And nothing…
And nothing… And nothing….

Oh fuck, I guess it’s MY TURN? I’m sorry, are we playing Crazy Eights? Since when is texting a card
game? I don’t need to have turns in a conversation. Texting should be nothing more than a sharing of
thoughts, ideas, or feelings in the form of words on a screen. I don’t want to be in a competition. I’ll
sign up for a dodgeball league when I want competition.

Did you ask me a question? Did I ask you a question? In these cases, sure, a response is warranted. But
in the case of “OH GOD DAMN IT, IT’S BEEN FOUR HOURS SINCE SHE TEXTED ME!” I’d rather have red-
hot forks placed ever-so-gently into my eyes.

Rule #3: NO, DON’T TEXT AT ALL! CALL FIRST!

Remember 2005? Yeah, I know, it was a long time ago and you’ve smoked a lot of pot since then, but
try to think back. I remember 2005. I was in college and I do remember sending some texts, but that’s
when texts were for “Meet me at the theater at 5:00” kinds of messages not, “I HATE hot dogs!”

Now, don’t get me wrong because I have text conversations all of the time. They pass the time and
they’re a good way to get to know a person without having to push it all at once, but it’s interesting how
fast we’ve evolved from not texting at all to texting everything.

However, I think that it’s better to make first contact with a phone call. Texting is so non-personal to
me that I would rather set up a first date with a phone call. Show that I’m not afraid to do it like our
grandparents did it back in…. 2000.

But that’s just me. THAT’S NOT A RULE. That’s just me being me. That’s the whole point of why I hate

these games we have to play on the phone. Honestly, when you don’t know a person that well in the
beginning, you never know what’s going to turn them on or off. Seriously, you have no idea what their
rules are, so what’s the point of playing at all?

I have no set of rules or guidelines. Sometimes I’ll send a text early to make sure they got home okay.
Sometimes I’ll happen to not say anything for five days for whatever reason. Sometimes I’ll send a text
and then five minutes later send another text because I FELT LIKE IT.

My rules are the same rules I wanted for everything when I was seven: THE ONLY RULE IS THAT THERE
ARE NO RULES. If a girl doesn’t like it, then I guess it wasn’t meant to be anyway.

This particular free game that came with the phone… you can keep it.

#thatisall

Want some more from Kenny? Follow him on twitter over yonder!

and don't forget to check out his blog!! <----- good shit!

9 minutes of actual conversation on #okcupid

It's 3:20 am, and what an insightful night of intelligent conversation I am currently having with gentlemen on OkCupid. Here, have a look ...

This one was in reference to my last post ...

It is now 3:29. That was exactly 9 minutes of conversation happening on OKC.

That is why I love me some life!

Click here to send me a message on OKC.

You can't be as bad as these dudes ... or wait ... just shut it jen.

OK cupid I concede you work

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's  @saintpepsi

It's 2 in the morning I sit here in a chair while a beautiful girls sleeps just behind me in an oversized t-shirt caught between pages of some book she was reading for class. Her phone left lonely in the palm of her hand. It's a freeing feeling to be so close to such tranquility. I dare not disturb her, but I will share with you the story of our meeting. I put little to no faith in any internet dating sites. However, recently Jen has credited OKCupid with all kinds of promotional material about her own dating life. My life was not so influential as I wouldn't consider myself famous, so I didn't anticipate great results. At first I just threw up my profile without going out of my way to look people up or inquire about them in any great deal. Slowly, I started checking out people in the area. It was kinda sad; I had been on a few dates already with people in this area that were on OKC. More depressing is the fact that you can see who visits your page and if you don't have a message it means they pass you on. You get over that, I guess. It was by pure chance I came across a girl who had the most amazing self summary.

I dance to the music on my Ipod...while in public.

I wish my life were a musical. Everyone would know all the words, the melodies and harmonies, and the choreographed dance pieces. And in the end, I'll live happily ever after. 

I believe nothing is good in excess, even moderation.

I raise attack butterflies. I hand make water molecules. I rescue orphaned leaves on the ground. I wriggle my toes in rain puddles. During a hurricane, I performed oral surgery by candlelight using only a hairpin, a thumbtack, a napkin, and a piece of twine. I am a professional bounty hunter...of mice and men. I have lunch with God every Tuesday. I learned the meaning of life two years ago, but forgot to write it down. I go backpacking through other people's backyards and hitch hike to the corner of my street. I invented love.

Too many women I know are oval and round; I want to be a thousand corners, a geometric dream of squares and lines, corners never blunted, never sanded. I want to be a line that goes on and on and turns and moves to right and left and up and down and forward; knowing where I'm gong but sometimes going somewhere else, to some new corner, darker, greater; not a circle, softly mincing, this way, that, ending up just where it started.

This stopped me in my tracks and without any open invitation, request to date, or even a decent start to a conversation I just messaged her to let her know I thought it was the coolest self explanation I have ever heard in my life. So much was I moved by her randomness that I felt she really would get my sense of humor and kept my fingers crossed that she would message me back. We talked via messages and instant messaging for a while until we made that always bold gesture to meet in the real world. I know, eerie! Always the back thought is what if this has all been some weird coincidence and everything's about to fall apart. To my now delight it in no way has fallen to pieces. Much like a quilt, it was pieces that started weaving together to form a beautiful tapestry of a new friendship and as it turned out a romance. That first night we stayed up talking till early dawn at IHOP and driving around. I hadn't connected with anyone like I had with her. Each new day brought us closer and closer until tonight I asked her out.

And she said... ;)  

Tell Jordan how much you LOOVEEDD his article on twitter here.