#Randombling: That Nerdy Chick

Randombling: A 5 minute long unedited random stream of consciousness produced by a nerd for nerds.

#nowplaying: Born This Way- Lady Gaga

Bah. What a week. Lots lots lots going on. Again, making a conscious effort first and foremost to get more out of my own head and be more of service. Very serious about that, since goodness, that is not how I want to come across AT ALL. Appreciate the community calling me out on it. I just see these things so INCREDIBLY black and white ... how to make this work, and that work, and what trend this is going to be. It freaks me out, when I tell these suits what I see and their jaws drop. It's like wait, you can do that?? So much of Hollywood just has NOOOOOOOOO idea what we are capable of in the tech world. It's so rad. BUT, again, out of your own head Jen. It's entertainment, we're not curing cancer.

5 lbs down and 1 gym rat badge earned. I've started jogging in the morning just to be in nature, followed by hitting the gym almost every night. It's a lot, but I love it. I'm DEFINITELY getting more stamina and can feel my body again which just feels AMAAZIINNGGGG after sitting for a year. I've just never felt so physically unhealthy. I was raised a very active kid, and never really stopped moving ... until last year. Great for the site, bad pour moi. Balance. I gotta have some balance. Balance is the hardest thing for me to ever have. I am just such a balls deep person. When I get into something, I am INTO IT, and work my ASSSSSSSSS off for it. I love being so passionate, but I think part of maturity is figuring out how to still find balance with the rest of your life as well. HAHAHAHA maturity ... wtf is that??

Speaking of balance, taking things uber slow with the new boy. He's not on a "break" from that chick in the traditional sense (ala Ross and Rachel). I can't explain it to you all without revealing details of their relationship that is frankly no one's business but theirs ... I respect it, and it makes sense to me - so I'm going with it. I have to let logic dictate this one. Which is so hard for me, since I constantly want to romanticize situations, but those unrealistic expectations are what get me in trouble. Fuck you, Disney. Never liked you anyway. I'm just at the same time a FIERCELY loyal creature. If I like someone, like I like this dude, I very literally cannot even fake something with anyone else. Even a date! Dude, not a SINGLE date this week. I can't message any of these dudes back. It's compounded by the fact that I can't afford shit, so I'm not gonna go out with a guy, have him buy me a drink and be like oh yeah - peace out homeslice. I can't do that. If I let a guy buy me a drink, dinner, whatever, I'm interested in him. My brain doesn't want to be interested in anyone else right now. I also recognize that competition is incredibly healthy ... but then all I have to do is look at my twitter feed, or Facebook wall. That shit must drive a dude nuts! I KNOW through and through though he can handle it, he OWNNNNSSS his shit. It's such a turn on, ugh. I'm just scared ... I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO scared. But I am incredibly confident that mental sanity and logic can still be maintained even while letting your own walls down. I'm trying man, he's definitely chipping stuff away, but there's no friggen guarantee in anything on the other side! That is BAT SHIT! Then again, what are guarantees ... I didn't have it with this site - risks keep you on your toes; I'm just not used to taking a risk with my heart. Calculated risks ... I'm ALLLLLL about the calculated risks!! I'm stoked to have a new friend in my life, and I have to keep reminding myself that both feet stay firmly on the ground. Again, bless this site and stuff we're doing with the pilot, I can at least drown myself in mountains of work ... ugh, he's so hot. Stop thinking about him, Jen.

Got invited to another party at the Playboy Mansion later this month. Thinking about going to livestream now that I know from Halloween where I can and can't get feed; and worst case scenario, I'll take out my Flip and ask a friend to film. Love me some Playboy.

Speaking of parties going to a singles party in downtown for Valentines day, btw!! WAHOO!!! Bringing my friend Leslie too, since I know she just broke up with a boy ... I'm like GIRLLLL this party = bananas. Lots of cute boys, but incredibly chill, not normal LA dudes ... and this loft is just baller.

But yeah, lots of meetings about the pilot next week, we're pretty much in full throttle mode at this point - and I am onnnneeee happy camper. You have no idea how much I am looking forward to getting out of couch surfing. I love it, and am CRAZY grateful that I haven't paid rent anywhere since April of last year, amazing adventure, but really fucks with you psychologically. I need an off switch.

I'm EXCITED NERDSSSSS!! Good shit, man .... good shit. K, off for a jog. Peace love and lollipops to all!

xoxo #nerdsunite

#Randombling: That Nerdy Chick

Randombling: A 5 minute long unedited random stream of consciousness produced by a nerd for nerds.

#nowplaying: Fortunate Son- Creedence Clearwater

ahhhh bahhh and yahhhhh ... just got back home from another date. This one felt more like a meeting than a date. Bah humbug. Nice guy, in all seriousness ... we're just not vibin the same. I recognize his points of frustration, and definitely understand the shoes that he's in right now ... but just not gonna happen. He was like crazy, stupid, oh holy mother of a goat hot - but he had the saddest eyes. He just doesn't know what he "brings to the table." That's an uphill battle, man. You expel so much more energy wondering what you should be - versus just being what you actually are. Bless his heart, we were already besties on Facebook, so its not like either of us are going anywhere. yooouu arreee stuuuckkkk in my digital life foorreevveerrrrrr ... mwaaahhhh

So, tomorrow I am going to this limo champagne dinner thing with a Laker. No joke, totally random and totally out of the blue. Got an invite to be in Santa Monica tomorrow evening for it. I'm so STOKED! How funny is it thought that I am taking a bus from Hollywood to ride around in a limo for the evening. It's like really? Really? How is this my life ... I love it, so many weird random adventures. There are like 10 chicks going, super rad - and I'm sure a bigger deal than I realize, however I enjoy being adorably clueless. No expectations through and through ... more Facebook friends that I haven't friended yet! SCORE! I'm excited to get a free meal and some free liquor. YAY LIFFEEEEE!!!

Kind of a quiet week this week. Been feeling really loopy the last few days with my allergies. We have a few more days before the Hollywood god comes back from this thing - but then he's going to introduce the rest of the team to this big player ... and yeah, I'm excited. I'm flooored at the team that has been assembled for this pilot. Talk about the most humbling thing ever.

I do need to be of service soon; I need to get out of my head. I've been on the receiving end of a lot of awesomeness lately, I feel like I haven't been giving anything out. I think I'm going to volunteer at this homeless shelter in Hollywood. Pretty fitting since I knew the soup kitchen was always there, but fortunately because of social media, I never had to use it. I am making a commitment to stop by there tomorrow on my many rounds. Gotta keep it all in balance. JIIIGGGAAAAAA!!!

I have another date tomorrow night (er tonight actually) after I get back from Santa Monica. This guy I'm actually SUPPPERRR stoked about meeting. He's a writer, and a total whackadoodle noodle. It's going to be one of those things that is totally going to knock my socks off - or be the worst thing ever. There is no in-between with this kind of personality. Our stats on OKC are 92% match/ 88% friends. I'm hoping for a match on this one, but at the same time, I'm definitely trying not to get my hopes up. He's just so damn promising ... BAH!

We'll see ... We'll see ... We'll see ...I hate dating, I really do.

#facepalm

#Randombling: @JenSquard

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @JenSquard

Randombling: A 5 minute long unedited random stream of consciousness produced by a nerd for nerds.

#nowplaying: Dirrty - Christina Aguilera

Dudes, I totally took this new and all natural energy/appetite suppression pill this morning - and it is AMAZING!  It’s call Zyngular, checky check it out.  Anyways, it is actually working and I have TONS of energy - and I am feeling focused for the first time in years...so I’ll be cleaning my house today as it is a total effing disaster.

Um, yeah, so I have reached my first goal of 2011!  Check them out here...one of my posts made the most popular list!  It’s the one on the truth about pregnancy - bitchin bitchin for sure.  I am feeling pretty awesome opossum right now.  

I am on my way to another goal - booking weddings.  I have booked 5 weddings so far, but not one per month like I want.  I still need one in April and July, but I have 2 in June and two more consultations with brides this week.  So I am on the right track, and I will be filling up in no time!  My dumb dumb website issues should be resolving soon, too, which should totes magoetes helpd a ton. 

Life is good today - and all of this extra energy is not a bad thing for sure.  I don’t even feel like a spaz, which is absolutely unheard of for me.  Yes yes and yes, and, um, yes.  Welp, see ya later!  Oh, and by the way, that picture is how I look when I am turned on.  As you can imagine, I don't need any milkshakes to bring the boys to the yard.  Just sayin.

#Randombling: @JenSquard

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @JenSquard

Randombling: A 5 minute long unedited random stream of consciousness produced by a nerd for nerds.

#nowplaying: If You're Into It - Flight of the Conchords

Oh man, me and technology...not BFFs right now.  I am way struggling.  I spent the better part of the last two weeks completely rebranding and rebuilding my website.  I am changing my blog and site to be all together through one platform.  So I have been MIA from life because I was uploading photos, making galleries, adding content, and my favorite - editing CSS code.  Yuck.

I totally got it perfect a few days ago, but when I tried to redirect my domain name to my new site it totally freaked out.  Totally totally.  After a 2 AM phone call to GoDaddy, he said he reset it and it should go back to normal in a few hours.  Yeah, this was all the night before the wedding expo.  Talk about freaking the freak out.  But guess what?  I didn’t reset.  I called again.  He said it is still resetting.  Could take a while.  He could load my original site on his computer, so it just hadn’t made it to my side of the country.  Um, yeah.  What about the blog site that I just sunk two weeks into?  Yeah, nothing going on there.  

Dudes, I am beyond bummed.  I did the wedding expo yesterday, got my website and blog addresses in front of HUNDREDS of brides...and they have nowhere to go.  It’s 2011, it’s not like they are going to call me.  They are going to go online to see if they like my work, see that there is no online for me, and toss my info aside.  Shit shit shit.  There isn’t a second chance with this one.  I want to start calling people soon to follow up, but without an online presence, is there really a point?  

Aaaaaarrgh!   Seriously, GoDaddy, you are effing killing me!  Like bullet straight through the brain, Bruno Mars style.  Get it together and help a sista out!  I don’t know why I started talking like that, I’ll stop now.

So keep an eye out for my stuff - and if you see it actually work, totes magotes send me a tweet or something so I stop pulling my hair out. @JenSquard

www.jenswedhinphotography.com

blog.jenswedhinphotography.com

#Randombling: That Nerdy Chick

This chick = very cranky she missed naptime.

Randombling: A 5 minute long unedited random stream of consciousness produced by a nerd for nerds.

#nowplaying: Finding Me, Vertical Horizon

Ohhhh my goodness. I need a nap. I had VERY STRONG intentions of doing nothing but staying on the couch all day, but alas - by 2, I failed. Dude, couch surfing is the pits. Given, its better than the car, don't get me wrong ... but SERIOUSLY I miss sleeping in a bed. I love love love just spending one day every couple of weeks in bed. I don't get to do it very often, but MAN it's awesome. You operate on someone else's schedule when you couch surf, and its weird. I'm very much a loner, always opting to live in my own little world and do my own little thing ... its been a strange adjustment. Fortunately though, there is a balcony. SCORE! Naw man, I'm honestly incredibly humbled and grateful for my current arrangements ... just not having any of your own sleep space is weird for me. Another learning experience I guess, and something I will not take for granted again. Oh life, you're just filled with so many lessons for me. RAWWRRRR and ARRGHHH!!!

I'm so exhausted right now. I need to recharge my batteries. I'm going out tomorrow night with a bunch of chicks, and we're totally gonna kick it all girly style. I'm very excited. I just need to decompress. It's been a very emotional week. Albeit, AMAZING, AWESOME, and HOLY FUCKING SHIT worthy ... exhausting none the less. Such a trip trying to process it all ... making my best efforts not to - and just focus on the present moment. So hard. So hard. So hard.

Still no Valentines day plan. Yep, not looking bueno. MEHHHHHHHHHHH I'll get over it. It's hard, I pretend to be a tough cookie, but I'm actually the furthest thing from it. I'm very sensitive on certain issues, and when I let people in my little space bubble; I'm just incredibly incredibly incredibly focused. It manages to pull you through, but doesn't mean that there isn't an initial sting. ball sack. I get so many calls and texts from stupid boys that I don't really like, asking me to do things I don't care about. I'm not very nice to them either - I just don't answer the calls or texts until they eventually get the picture. Sad really, they try and try and try ... yet, I feel nothing.

I just don't care, and apathy is not an aphrodisiac.

I really really really wish I could figure out what I was looking for. Once in a blue moon someone catches my eye, but not many. Actually, only a handful have in the last year; that's sad considering the sheer AMOUNT of dudes I meet everyday. Nuts! I guess I'd rather be alone than ever ever ever settle for someone I'm just meh about. I feel like we should all be that way, but we aren't. Guess I'll just mind my own Ps and Qs. C'est la vie!

xoxo #nerdsunite