Fun with #OkCupid: A dude in the OKC corral (Is Not Trying, Trying? And Why Does It Work?)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Kenny. We e-met through OKC and although we've never gone out on a date, he was inspired by my documentation of my online search for love, that he wanted to come on board and provide male insight into OKC. So here you go ... and now we're here ... HIT IT KENNY!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @KennethArthurS

"Love always finds you when you're not looking for it."

"People want what they can't have."

"A bush in the bed is worth two in the bar."

These are sayings.  Well, the first two are sayings and the third thing is something I just made up but then I also think that it has relevance when it comes to people having more luck with the opposite sex when they're in a relationship.  People are more attracted to the less attainable and sometimes that lack of attainability is related to a person’s relationship status and other times its related to the "les affaires attitude" of a person that truly does not care if you are into them or not.  Desperation is not attractive.

I am rapidly approaching the age of thirty as a single man.  Maybe at certain points in my life this would have bothered me, but as of today I do not care, but I think that there's a catch when people say "don't look for it" or "just stop caring so much."  What exactly is a person supposed to do with that advice?  What if a person's favorite band was Aerosmith and then you just said to them one day, "Man, if you really like Aerosmith, stop liking Aerosmith."?  How exactly is a person supposed to handle that advice and what benefit does it have to them?  You can't fake a lack of care or a les affaires attitude just like you can't fake confidence.

You can't have confidence unless you are confident.  A person that is told "you need to be more confident" doesn't just wake up the next day and say "That's it! Today is the day that I will start to become more secure with myself!"  You just have to be more secure with yourself.  There is no faking it, there is only being it and if you are faking it, your efforts to try and be more confident will reek like a $12 cologne by Ray-J.

The same goes for not trying and not caring.  Something has to push you to that point or pull you away from where you were before.  I guess what has pushed me to this point would be something called "hitting rock bottom" but I don't think that's a bad thing or a desperation thing.  It's a "Why am I exhausting myself over this?" kind of thing. 

I went into 2012 with expectations that this would be a banner year in the love department and got off to a great start, having met three interesting and diverse women one right after another.  High hopes turned to low blows one right after the other.  I got punched in the gut with Manny Pacquiao force but somehow did not win the fight.  I kept battling though and used these experiences as life lessons that would help me in the future but then I hit a dry spell of boredom and false hope worse than season two of The Killing.  The last girl that I "dated" was the straw that broke the giants back, and this Fezzek crawled back into his cave.  What's a brother got to do to get a peanut? 

But rather than crawl and sulk or crawl and be angry at a vengeful God, I just crawled and said "whatever."  I'm just at a point where I can focus on other things and instead use this opportunity to do some things on OkCupid that are experimental or make me laugh.  My recent overhaul of my profile did just that

Rather than write about how awesome I am or write about my dreams, passions, and goals, I decided to write the worst profile ever.  I described myself in the most unflattering light I could possibly think of.  Under "What's the first thing people notice about you?" I wrote: "Probably that I smell because I'm always pooping my pants."

That's funny to me.

On OKCupid Locals, I am starting to set my Broadcasts in the same vein.  Last night I broadcasted this message: "I have never had sex.  Is it true that it's almost as good as Game of Thrones?" and also: "Good news! I'm infertile." 

Now I ask you, what do you think has changed in responses to my profile since I turned it from a serious one of a guy tryin' to get a peanut into a complete joke of absurdity and laughability without revealing anything true about myself?  Do you think that it is a turnoff?  Do you think I get blocked all of the time?  Actually, without sending out a single message in the last two weeks, without putting any effort into it, and with only having a single picture up, I've had more activity, messages, "four or five star ratings" and "Someone wants to meet you!" than I had in the last three months combined.

Do people want to get to know the real you online or do they just want a laugh?  Do they want to see the person you actually are or are we all just having a bit of fun?  I'm certain that it's probably a combination of both but I can't help but be shocked that this is what it really takes for me.  To remove care and replace it with having a bit of fun for my own amusement because it wasn't me faking it.  It was me honestly not giving a shit what you think about me or whether or not you want to meet.  I'm just as happy doing my own thing and living my own life without another person right now. 

Is it fair to reward a les affaires attitude?  Would you promote the person at work that cared the least?  Do you want to be with a person that wants you or one that does not?  These are all questions that I might have struggled with at some point but that point is in the past.  Because honestly... I just don't care what the answer is anymore.  I'm just going with it.

#thatisall

Want some more from Kenny? Follow him on twitter over yonder!

and don't forget to check out his blog!! <----- good shit!

#Adventures in Randomness and Rock & Roll w @leah_cevoli

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Leah. She's pretty rad and has an INCREDIBLY random life. Like, no - for reals ... did you know she has an obsession with vampires, psychics, and tarot card readers ... and she had more sex as a teenager than in her 30s ... anddddd she even had two ex boyfriends die violently - one from a heroin overdose, and the other was murdered. Holy moly roli poli oli - that shit be cray cray. Either way, she's now here to write about her life, love, and all things nerd. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT LEAH!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Leah_Cevoli

I have now entered month TWO of Gypsy Mode.
I first announced my upcoming journey on Easter Sunday; and then posted an update during month one..

It's been about 5 weeks since I officially became "homeless". Homeless meaning without a home of my own, no lease, no landlord, no address outside of my PO Box.

In the past five weeks I have had some awesomely incredible freelance/thrival gigs working for many top-notch musicians (Coldplay, Mike Diamond, Sugarland, and LMFAO). I was also up for consideration to be a full-time personal assistant to a Grammy award winning musical genius and his family. The job was a salaried position, with benefits, and even possible housing down the line. I did a trial run with this family but alas I got offered the "back-up" position and not the full-time one.

Which is perfectly A-OK.

As much as I crave stability, and a regular paycheck, and the ever elusive medical insurance, my heart was already crying (after only a few days) out that it could not give up the freedom I have struggled for so long to have, to be someone else's assistant. I just can't do it. If I was in my 20's maybe, but I am not.

I'm great with temporary gigs like that, even short-term assignments, I had no problem at all, and enjoyed being a supervisor for a few months for the 2010 Census, but at the end of the day... I have given up so much, and struggled for so long, to be able to live the life that I want to live... to be able to visit family/friends when I want to, without having to worry about a boss, that to change everything for a full-time gig doing someone else's grocery shopping and errands would literally crush my soul.

However, to be on the back-up, occasionally needed list... PERFECT.

This of course, still does not solve the fact that I have no real income currently, and no deposit or rent money when I find a new spot to call home. And after losing my Hard Rock Gig... things are a bit shaky.

On the other hand, it does sort of feel really liberating and free to NOT have a rent/mortgage due, and no longer have any utility bills in my name. I literally could go and do anything at all that is presented to me at this moment. My things are already in storage, and my mail is going to a PO Box.

I feel like this would be the perfect time in my life to go on tour, either with a band, or a promotional job, and have been submitting resumes to every tour opportunity I see. It would be amazing to just get out on the road for a month or two. Cut all living expenses completely (outside of car payment/cellphone), and breathe in the air and culture all across the US, or even better overseas, all while doing something really fun, AND pulling in a great paycheck.

So I'm focusing on that, and hoping within in the next week or so, I'll have some solid leads.

I've hung out with 2 cute/interesting guys as well, and it's really funny, but no one seems to think it's a big deal that I'm "homeless." It's like, everyone's kind of like, "don't stress, you'll find something". Luckily for me, I have a solid group of long-term friends out here, and no shortage of crash pads.

Month one I spent in a spare room at a friend's apt in West Hollywood. And now month two, I have moved to a friend's apt in Sherman Oaks. I think a month is a good time-table in my situation, I don't want to overstay my welcome, and at the same point, shake it up a bit, I'm getting to experience life in different neighborhoods.

Unfortunately, for me, I have decided to leave my kitties with a friend in Gardena, CA. It's not fair to drag them all over the place right now, and it's easier for me to be able to quickly mobilize without them. I haven’t seen them in 4 weeks, and it's killing me. They've been my only constant companions since moving to Hollywood in 1999.

On the career front, there are a few upcoming projects that I am truly excited about. ACTING projects. I'll be putting together an official newsletter/announcement in the next few days with more information on that. If you're not signed up for my newsletter, you can do so here: http://eepurl.com/g7tLc

After that last career burn, I've decided I'm not really interested in helping to produce anyone else's projects. I've paid my dues and have a lot of knowledge and experience to share, including a vast community of friends/fans always willing to help out. I will be more guarded with all of that, it is dear to me, and I'm not willing to put my heart and soul and community into someone else's project, just so they can fire me days before shooting, still reap the benefits of everything I brought to the table, and refuse to pay me for my time and talents.

I will produce again, it's in my blood, but it will be something that I've created or am a partner in, not some random Joe Schmo who finds me on the internet and asks me to help produce while dangling a starring role in front of me.

I have also attended many Kundalini classes in the past 6 weeks, and am really feeling a greater shift in my level of intuition and consciousness. I'm feeling it, but I'm still not actively always listening to it. And that's where the gold lies. Being able to listen and hear the wisdom that our consciousness has for us.

So that's where I am... in Month 2 of #GypsyMode

I am safe. I am loved.

The intensity of people/jobs/projects that have come into my life recently, and then just as suddenly *poofed* vanished, truly signifies that I am on the right path, and opening space up for bigger and better opportunities in all areas of my life.

I'm excited to see what the rest of this month has to offer!

Live Love. Love Life.

#xoxo

click here to follow Leah on twitter!

#NerdsUnite: I can haz funny (one nerds journey around the comedic circuit)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Brandon. We started talking on the Facebook not too long ago, and lemme tell you, this guy can throw in quite the few kneeslappers in his emails. Yep, see Brandon is a comedian who is here today to tell you the real deal on what it's like being "on the circuit." I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT BRANDON!!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @BrandonComedy

This wonderful story takes place in Piqua, KS. (The only bar in Piqua, KS)  with a road comic: I got this show through a booking agent, it was a last minute fill in for another comic, and I didn't have anything better to do. So I went to Piqua, with the headliner, as in we rode together, as in someone else controlled how quickly I could leave a given area. I had to meet the headliner in Bartlesville, a place I had never been, and promptly got lost leaving. The first thing out of the headliners mouth should have let me know what I was in for... "They didn't say you were a black feller... Oh well, let's see what happens." WHAT?! Never mind, I need the money, and I am committed to the show. Let's get this over with, if I am lucky I will get home in time to get yelled at by the girl!

After the smallest of small talk, and several hours of driving, we arrive in Piqua! Not that a sign or anything would inform you of such a fact... We get to the bar and to my horror I see the sign advertising the show, it read "100% pure redneck comedy! "Now I don't know if you've gotten a good look at me, but I am not even 80% pure redneck. I was required to do 30 minutes, which is normally not a problem. But to a group who, by their own admission, had never seen another black person, it was weird... Real weird. Like out of a movie weird. I got some pretty gnarly looks and mostly just talked at a crowd for a half hour. Get me the f*** out of here.

After the show the headliner wanted to stick around and sell T-shirts, you know because his life wasn't on the line. So I got to sit around and listen to all manner of "I didn't like that joke about interracial dating you told...." "Barack is going to take my guns" blah blah blah, get me the f*** out of here.

Another hour of bs and I got to ride home, and hear about other similar gigs the headliner could get me! YAY! I got back to my car, and promptly lost his number. Then my phone died and I got lost for 3 hours. Shows me.

#nerdsunite

click here to follow Brandon on twitter & don't miss his blog over yonder!

#NerdsUnite: Work in Progress

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jordan. He was one of the first writers here on TNTML and he's a really rad mofo. I forget how we first started talking - but he lives allllllll the way over in Kansas and wants to talk to you about life from his side of the monitor in the keyword of nerd. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT JORDAN!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @SaintPepsi

It seems like people want you to believe that what you see is what you get. Inherently, I believe this to be true. In fact, I rarely believe that people can change who they are at their core. If they are evil they can surely suppress it, but those desires will always be there. If they are good, they can do bad things. Still, a part of them will feel great regret and guilt for that. Don't get me wrong, certain events in a person’s life can derail their underlining character, but in general people are who they are and they don't change at their core. So why bother right? If we don't put who we are first and foremost you will only be living a lie. While that may be true, who we are now isn't who we were 10 years ago, 5 years ago, or even 1 year ago. We are now and forever will be a work in progress.

I have been drawing and in some form or fashion creating for the better part of my 30 years of existence. I look back to the art I did 10 years ago and it looks like a child drew it. I revisit things I wrote 1 year ago and find that not only has my ability to write, but even my use of grammar has strengthened. I have extended my vocabulary to better paint pictures for my audience.  I have many pieces that are still half written, and works or art with only a few colors left in a folder that hasn't been touched in ages. These are all works in progress. With each new article, poem, and painting I do, I grow. I take things I learned from the last one and apply it to the new piece. This is how life should be lived my friends. We are nothing if not works in progress.

With every mistake we make, we should not be disheartened. We should use what we learned despite the set-back and push forward from there. Always moving forward. Taking that solid core we have and using it like a cornerstone in a building. We start as feeble huts. With little knowledge to base our ventures on. We don't know what we like or what we believe yet. With ever great occurrence in our life; we tear down that previous structure and build up something stronger, something that can withstand the attacks of the over-zealous. We arm our hearts home with knowledge, we fortify ourselves with loved ones whom can aid us in troubled times, and we advance in life through the pursuits of our hearts. Creating things we find to be most intriguing.  That cornerstone remains unchanged and still we build upon it. We are ever a work in progress. This should not be looked down upon either.

The fact is as soon as we are content that life is as good as it gets, we have stalemated ourselves. We become lazy and we lose our lust for a life lead to the fullest. We stop being works in progress and find ourselves just being finished pieces. Leaving that as our bench mark for a life well lead. Looking back at that time, as the best time in our lives. For some this is the fantastic football career they had in high school, when they were crowned homecoming king. For others, that beautiful wedding to the one they have distanced themselves from ever sense. These perfect moments we hold aloft in our minds as the best that life had to offer. I acknowledge that there will be times in life that are far more exciting than others, not every moment in life can be filled to the brim with excitement. However, to believe that you have already lived life to the fullest. Well, that's just settling in and getting yourself ready to die. You may as well lie down in bed and lock that one memory into your mind and decide not to wake up, because you have just limited yourself to waiting for death. You become little more than the walking dead. A hollow shell of the vibrant being you used to be. 

We have so little time to indulge in life on this planet, that it seems a sad state to allow ourselves to stop advancing. There is always something new to learn, new feats to falter on and bruise your knees and ego. New heart houses to build. Life should be the pursuit of happiness always. Let me say simply that happiness is not just a distant memory, it is a living thing. Happiness is that beautiful woman that wants to be with you, but still wants you to chase after her. Giving to you and then running ahead forcing you to push past your insecurities and embrace the changes you were afraid to face before. It's there and it wants you to be so happy. It doesn't want you to be content with a memory that fades into the past like so many faces we see as we walk down the street.

So make mistakes. Embrace every failure as the next step towards happiness. Each time you stumble trying to achieve the dreams you have set, know that you are falling forward. Because the moment you are content to just be. That's when life stops and time starts in earnest. The hands on the clock seem to spin out of control as we set our sights on the afterlife at warp speed. Minutes become hours, hours become days, days to weeks, and weeks to years. Leaving you looking back and wondering where it all went. You don't want to Rip Van Winkle your life away, content to dream about better times and things. Not when you are a work in progress. When you die you want to look back at your story and know that death is just the period at the end of the final sentence. Punctuating a story that your friends and loved ones will tell to many and you know with that story you will have been granted immortality through fable.  Knowing as you close your eyes to this world others are opening theirs to the protagonist you became to them. Leading others through your example and leaving behind the blueprints that you had started with just a heart hut; allowing them to build their own happiness and heart enforced sky scrapers. Live life and die with a knowing smile on your face.

#nerdsunite

click here to follow Jordan on the twittah!

Fun with #OkCupid: So, this guy wants to meet with me ...

While my mom is trying to hook me up with the plumber - true story - I popped on OKC and saw this delightful human being who would currently like to meet with me ...

He has not one ... but TWO in the mirror/ myspace/ cell phone shots ... in the SAME mirror ... with the SAME face ... in the SAME pose.

I mean ... what! what! what!

::Sigh:: I might have to re-think recommending OKCupid to peeps in Florida. The selection out here isn't looking so good.

#facepalm