#RealDeal: I lived a true life @MTV "Catfish" story (an update on My Fake Internet Boyfriend)

MTV premiered their new show Catfish this week (the TV version of the popular documentary on fake internet relationships). Over the summer I had been contacted by some of their production team to tell my story, but because it happened back in 2007 it was no longer relevant enough for them. (This is such a hot topic too, btw. I also got contacted by the Jeff Probst show last week to be a guest.) 

Either way, I finally watched the episode just a few minutes ago, and I COMPLETELY broke down. 

Sunny's story was my story, and watch her confront her "online relationship" - it blew me away. I immediately started balling. I TOTALLY know that feeling. 

There is only one song I can listen to while writing this ... 

Alrite, so I've written about this story before, but it was now almost two years ago (and frankly not my best writing), but either way back in 2007 I started working for LiveVideo as a "lifecaster." We were a handful of "charismatic and interesting" kids in LA that were plants on the site to create engaging content and all that fancy stuff. Basically, I was paid to sit there, host a live show from my apartment (fully clothed), and I got to talk to people from all around the world. Having grown up on the internet and literally living my life in chat rooms you have to understand how truly SPECTACULAR this job was to someone like me. I'm naturally a total goof ball so entertaining people for 4 hours at a time was easy, but the fact that this was all online - I mean COME ON!!! This shit was my JAMMMMMM!!!! 

Either way, my channel was instantly one of the most popular ones (obvi since I was a plant), but almost immediately one of the regulars in my chat got my attention. 

His name was Dare, and his avatar was drop dead gorgeous. Look at that face!! 

In the land of "SHOW ME YOUR BOOBS!!!" Dare was a conversationalist, and COMPLETELY respectful. Even with sometimes hundreds of people in the chat he always always always stuck out. 

I don't remember exactly when it was when we first started chatting on the phone, but almost immediately he was nagging me to date him. I remember once even spending 4+ hours on the phone with him, and this was AFTER I had just hosted the show where we ALSO chatted for that same length of time. This person just became a part of my existence, and became this thing ... that was always there, and that I could always call or text. I had just gotten out of a relationship at the time so while I wasn't necessarily looking to date anyone, it was a refresher to have that intimacy and connection with another person. 

Post after post on my Myspace wall drew further attention from other LV fans. 

Are you two together? They would ask in the chat. 

No, I kept saying. I'm very single, I would admit over and over. 

Dare kept pushing to change that, of course, but I stood strong. 

I want your address, he said one day on Myspace. 

Logically I should have been freaked out at the notion of giving some random person my address, but again we had been talking at this point for MONTHS hours and hours and hours each night. I know him well enough, I thought. 

I then gave him my address and the next day I had two dozen red long stem roses with a beautiful card. 

As I called to thank him for the flowers, I then officially became his "girlfriend." 

Get on webcam, I said that day. I want to show you the flowers!! 

I can't he pressed. I don't have a working one. 

Go get one, I would say. They're SO cheap and we can finally look each other eye to eye. 

Later, he would say changing the conversation. 

Weeks turned into months and suddenly Dare was a daily fixture in my life. From texts in the morning, to visits in my liveshow - this man. was. everywhere. 

I told all of my friends in LA about him.

Wait, you met this guy online? They would ask. 

No, I said not wanting to seem like some crazy craigslist creeper (amazing how quickly and how much social norms of meeting people off the internet changed). I saw him at a friend's party once, but we never connected. THEN, he just happened to become a fan of my live show, I said in an attempt to cover my tracks. 

<tangent> My friends at that time, btw, were COMPLETELY convinced I was doing webcam porn. 

Soooo, you get paid to sit on a cam in your apartment? they would ask.

Yes, I said happy and perky. 

Weird. </tangent>

Absolutely NONE of my friends thought he was real. 

He is, I kept saying. He is!! 

Dare and I then started talking about taking vacations together, what it would be like to meet for the first time. It was oddly never sexual and considering we were "boyfriend and girlfriend" I never even sent a naked picture, nor did we ever have phone sex. 

So weird now that I think about it looking back ... 

Either way, one day he surprised me again with a present at my door. 

It was the book Love in the Time of Cholera with two tickets sticking out. 

I pull out the tickets and see that they are floor seats (third row) to see New Kids on The Block for their comeback tour. 

Growing up I was the BIIGGGEEEESSSTTTT Jordan Knight fan, so these tickets meant the WORLD to me. 

OMG OMG OMG OMG! I screamed into the phone thanking him. You are SO amazing, I said!!! I love you so much, this is extremely generous of you. 

Yep, did I admit that part as well? At this point we had told each other that we loved one another. Strange, since again, we hadn't ever met at that point, but again, this was my honest constant. 

I vivdly remember at that point though starting to question Dare and his legitimacy. Are these real tickets? I wondered. 

I invited Dare to come along.

Come with me!! Come with me!! I'd LOVE to take you as my date!! 

I can't, he said, I have to work. 

Alrite, I said a bit disappointed. 

I then invited my neighbor Katie, and on October 8, 2008 we went to see NKOTB at the staples center. 

As we were walking in, I handed my tickets to the guy at the gate. 

My hands were visibly shaking. 

Please please please be real, I thought. 

The guy then takes the tickets, scans them, and says ... go right ahead. 

I exhaled the biggest sigh as my friend turned to me and said, I was hoping those were real. 

I said nothing. 

We then had an AMAZING time at the show!! Here were some of the videos I took ... 

When I got back home, I BEGGED to see Dare. 

Please, I said, you've given me this AMAZING gift. I really need to see you and thank you. 

Soon, he would say, soon! 

We then went back and forth on dates to meet up and EVERYTIME he cancelled moments before he was supposed to arrive. 

I cried everytime. 

But I REALLY wanted to see you, I would say. 

I know, he said with whatever excuse he created. I just can't right now. 

We then got into a fight one night and I finally just said ENOUGH!!! I'm getting in my car and I'll be in AZ (where he said he was from) in just a few hours. (I had his address since we had been sending each other packages.) 

Those few hours were of course 7 and the time that this journey started was midnight.

I then drove through the night in my beetle convertible with my little dog Rocky Balboa and a 2 liter of Pepsi Max.

I was high on passion, dedicated, and FINALLY wanting for once and for all this to just all be over.

I NEED to meet him!! RIGHT NOW, I thought.

His phone was shut off for the entire drive out, but fortunately because of Google SMS (466453 via text) I was able to text and find the listing for his home phone number. 

I called. 

I'm in your town, I said. Please meet me. 

No, he said hanging up the phone. 

At this time it was almost 9am so I figured he would go to work. Knowing the name of where he worked, I google SMSed it again and found the address. 

In my PJ pants and t-shirt, I walked into the front reception. 

Hi, I said, is there a Darien Walker that works here? 

The receptionist looked confused. 

Who? 

Dare Walker. 

A man then approaches from behind the desk, we don't have anyone by that name here, he said. 

I stared back, shocked. 

Uh, alrite. Thank you. 

I then got back in the car and headed over to a Dennys confused on what my next move was. 

What do I do now? He won't see me, and now apparently he doesn't work where he said he worked. 

I don't know in that moment why I didn't go to his house directly, but I felt it was "too invasive." 

I was literally insane at that moment, but still not entirely sure what was going on. Still SOMEWHERE in the back of my mind I wanted to admit that he wasn't a fake and that I was maybe somehow just really confused. 

I then drove back the 7 hours and cried all the way back to LA. 

You would think at that point I would have had enough evidence to call his bluff right? 

Wrong. 

Dare and I still "dated" for a while longer. 

I had finally let someone COMPLETELY into my life, and I was ABSOLUTELY unwilling to just let all of this time spent together go to waste. 

The ego does wonderful things kiddies. 

He never said why he wouldn't see me that day. He claimed he was just "mad" but either way, by the spring of 2009 we did finally end things. 

It was yet another devastation in the form of him not making a trip out to see me, and I just lost it. He came up with this INSANE story about a family member getting hit by a car driven by another family member. Obvi, being a nerd, I IMMEDIATELY googled his story and NOTHING checked out. 

I asked a series of questions about everything, which he took as offensive and then said he couldn't be with me anymore. 

Yep, to make matters worse, I was DUMPED by my fake internet boyfriend. 

I then put Dare out of my mind, and made a conscious effort to just start dating and get back in the game. 

I hadn't actually even thought about Dare until September of 2010 when I got this email on Facebook ... 

I was floored when I got that email. There's another one, I thought. I'm not the only one. 

I then wrote out the post explaining the story.

I remember SHAAKKIINNNGGG as I hit publish. I couldn't believe I was exposing myself on something SO personal and SO shameful. 

Who does this happen to? I thought. I'm theoretically speaking SO smart!!! How could I EVER be so dumb!! 

I then received a series of threatening emails from Dare, and I stood my ground. 

If you're real, just take a picture of yourself holding up a sign with today's date. If I am wrong, I will admit it and remove the story. Until then, I am STANDING MY FUCKING GROUND!!!!! 

He then went as far as to contact Squarespace (where I host) and tell them I was in violation of their TOS. 

I laughed in my email back to them, as I briefly went into the story. 

I am exposing someone who has created a fake identity and is deceiving people. If he is who he says he is I will IMMEDIATELY take it down. All that I am asking is for photographic evidence. Provide that and I will have NO problem admitting I am wrong. 

What happened? 

He stopped.  

He entirely went away in fact. 

Through some internet sleuthing though, you guys were able to find a picture of my ACTUAL internet "boyfriend" and a name.

Meet Sarah, aka Dare ... 

It's pretty gnarly that this chick went into THAT much effort to create a fake phone number listing as well, AND when I talked to her on the phone she always used a voice device. This entire situation just creeps me out. 

When I talked to the producers last week, she asked me one question in particular that stuck out, "what would you say to anyone who is in your shoes now?" 

I immediately said, I just hope they understand that one they are not alone, and that two they should not be ashamed. I played a big role in this dynamic as well, and that was something that my self work with my Shaman has presented, but this experience shaped me for sure. To see that woman tonight get the chance to confront her "boyfriend" (in the episode it was oddly enough also a female to female dynamic) it really touched me. To see this woman place NO wrongdoing on herself, and never even apologize for it was so ... heavy and disassociative. I'd actually love to study the psychology of people like this. I feel like if this girl could just take all of her storytelling talents and translate them into a more healthier medium she could have quite the career on her hands. 

Either way, this story sucks and I'm not proud of this life experience. I can proudly say that I am a wiser person and can genuinely spot a fake now from a million miles away. 

Rock on nerdy peeps! And here's to knowing you're not alone in this world!! 

#NerdsUnite

#Randombling: That Nerdy Chick (here's to the night)

Randombling: A 5 minute long unedited random stream of consciousness produced by a nerd for nerds.

#nowplaying: Eve 6 - Here's to the night

Hi friends. 

So, this was a pretty big week for me on a lot of levels. 

1) I had a friend staying with me all week, @internetsabrina, and she might be one of my new favorite people ever. It's been SO fun having someone to play with around the house and out and about. I love love love the idea of living and co-working together. Co-working spaces are the bomb, obvi, but there is another level of intimacy and connection you can have with someone when you're in the same field as them AND you have a Jersey Shore and Ru-Paul Drag Race viewing party before your first cup of coffee. It's again, this jarring reminder of how important intimate relationships are in general. I'm SUPER proud to say as well that I TREMENDOUSLY built out my friendships in the last few months. I actually talk to people on the phone now, and make.an.effort. to talk to people and not just catch up with them in social media. So much of my job is to be out and about meeting new people, so it's genuinely hard to allocate even MORE time to the personal stuff, but again, it's important and my happiness depends on it. 

2) I'm not sure "where I am at" dating wise. I'm so confused right now. I'm dating all these super fancy pants dudes that are flying me around, taking me to nice dinners, I'm staying in the poshest hotels - and it can still be like watching paint dry. I had a REALLY great first date a few weeks back, and then the dude just dropped off the face of the planet. I TOTALLY felt sparks with that guy, yet like with the 103 dates in 9 months, did I only feel the sparks because he too is emotionally unavailable? What the fuck does that even really mean?!? It's like my brain censors are in reverse. What I recognize as being hot is actually cold. Every.single.time. I get burned because of it. This all comes back to self, like everything in life, but I'm just going to cool my jets a bit. I need to stop seeking a relationship and instead grow and cultivate intimacy first. This, for a workaholic, is never easy but who knows. 

3) Speaking of workaholic, I have a new manager who is a POWERHOUSE. Holy fucking shit, this dude scares the shit out of me in every awesome way ever. We became friends on Facebook a while back, and like with everyone, I snooped and checked him out. Very quickly I found out he was super fancy pants.

Flashforward to just a few weeks ago, I was seeking advice on what my next career step should be. I asked if I could talk to him for just a few minutes to pick his brain, and then the next morning we talked for about a half an hour and he gave me a ton of great advice.

Everyone keeps telling you you're wonderful, he said, but what are they all doing about it?

I know, I said. I then asked him to connect me with anyone he thought could help, and after a few minutes he responded back via Facebook saying he wanted to meet with me.

Our meeting was just last Tuesday and by the end of it I was lightheaded in the best way ever. This guy knows his shit, and already had two TV show ideas for me by the end of it. This is what you're already doing, he said. This is already on the table, but to do this we have to be in a COMPLETELY co-dependent relationship. If you break up with your boyfriend, you tell him and then call me. Get it?

I smiled, and realized we were going to get along quite well. It's going to be a hard adjustment getting used to having someone else inside my brain, but this guy has proven himself EVEN BEFORE I SIGNED THE CONTRACT!!! I already have meetings set up, and he's already talked to a bunch of different production companies about what I want to do. That's more than I've gotten done in the last year, even WITH all the pitching we've been doing to the networks for the first scripted TV show. It's fucking nuts, man, and all a crap shoot. Right place, right time, right network. Just gotta keep on hustling and establish out the right team. This.Guy.Was.My.Missing.Link. 

I've had various management for the last 10 years and I've never seen anything like this dude.

We shall see ... 

4) My high school reunion is in exactly one week. It's such a strange, bittersweet process to experience. On the one hand, it's a definite chapter closing. I no longer have family in CT and genuinely have no reason to ever go back. As stated in a previous post, my graduation from high school was the hands down worst day of my life. I wasn't even bullied in school, I was stalked, and that entire process was horrid. I have a lifetime restraining order against the four girls, but I just need for my own psyche to put a period at the end of this sentence and wish everyone well. I don't wish a single person ill, even the stalkers (although if any of them do show I will be enforcing the order), I just want to be done done done with all of this. I never fit in in CT so I moved to LA almost 9 years ago and now I'm doing damn well for myself. I don't need to prove my worth or anything to anyone (nor will anyone even care since we are all such insular beings) ... I'm more or less just looking for a solid party with these people, and then I peace out Sunday to head to Colorado. 

I'm as usual very confused. I have a series of next doable actions in front of me based on stuff my new manager wants me doing (which is GREAT for me because my brain gets so over-stimulated on so many shiny things and then I end up getting nothing done). I just need to let go and let the process take me over. It's going to be scary, but I really really know my shit and I'm a great writer and producer. Now with such a powerhouse in entertainment in my corner, shits gonna get dooonnnnneeeeee. 

I'm grateful. Very very very grateful. 

Bring it, Hall High class of 2002!! Stoked to see those faces!! =) 

#love

Oh yeah and ... 

Click the screenshot to comment on Facebook

Unkie Chuck Norris Says ...

Sometimes we complain without thinking much of it, but the frightening thing about complaining is that every time we do, a cloud descends over our heart, and our hope, appreciation and joy gradually wane.

Oh yeah and The Great Wall of China was in fact created to keep Chuck Norris from invading, not the Mongols.

#NerdsUnite: You Had Me at V-Lookup

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Gary. He and I met on the interwebz not too long ago, and he wanted to come on board and document his journey to find love through online dating. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT GARY!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Gary Pinsky

Some combinations seem so obvious, so natural, so perfect that it is hard to imagine there was a time when the individual components could exist separately without automatically being linked.  Let me give you an example.  You are craving a snack that will satisfy both your sweet tooth and your rumbling belly so you open the doors to the secret cabinet where you hide the good stuff from your roommates.  Your impulse is to grab the dried mango but deep down you feel that you deserve more.  One quick sweep later and your brain has indulged in an orgiastic fantasy of Sour Patch Kids, Sourdough Pretzel Nubs, Snickers Minis, a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch all washed down with a delicious glass of Strawberry Quik.  The point is…you love all those snacks but they are all distinct from each other sharing the Genus “Yummius Snackus” but nothing more.

Then it happens.  Overwhelmed by choice you decide to simply reach for the simple classic.  A bar of Hershey’s pure milk chocolate.  As your trembling hand stumbles through the obstacle course of awesomeness, you are momentarily distracted by the ding of your nearby cell phone and as if guided by the threads of fate, in your peripheral vision you see the open jar of Skippy Extra Crunchy left on the counter by your roommate despite his countless promises to be more conscientious of your mild neurosis.   In that moment you are no longer the pilot but rather the passenger.  Before you know what happened you have straddled your Vespa and are hurtling down the highway towards the closest 7-11.  You see, your brain has done the math and when presented simultaneously with thoughts of Chocolate and Peanut Butter, it is clear that life as you know it cannot possibly resume without first consuming a delicious pack of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.  King Size.

I give you this background because you need perspective before I reveal the tool you have been waiting for to satiate both the cravings and the hunger you experience missing in your love lives.  I am about to irrevocably, irreversibly and irreverently alter the course of your existence.  Your first thought will be that I am a genius.  You will be correct however that is simply a coincidence.  Your second thought will be that making love to me would be the most extraordinary experience you could have on the planet but could risk dropping you into a malaise from which you might never fully recover.  Again, refer to point one.  What I want you to know is that what I am about to reveal will seem Revolutionary but really is just Evolutionary.  If a chimpanzee banged away on a typewriter for a hundred years it would arrive at the same place.  I am just speeding up the process and accounting for the fact that no one has typewriters anymore. Okay. You have earned access to the future.  Behold.

Per earlier allusion, the solution will become obvious upon being presented.  Matter of fact all I have done is combined the two most powerful forces known to humans.  Love…and Spreadsheets.  Your salvation lies in LoverofMyDreams.xls.  Please, don’t kick yourself for not seeing it sooner.  It’s like Verbal says in the Usual Suspects – “The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist.”

Let’s get down to business.  You can see that I’m on to something but not yet sure how it works.  Here’s the beauty.  You need to say focused pilgrim.  The dating scene is a circus these days.  Despite all the pain and misery we’ve all experienced out there we still keep reaching for the shiny objects.  Admit it…you have at least one online dating app on your phone and you just can’t help yourself from checking who is online even when you are on vacation and know that the “locals” live hundreds of miles from where you call home.  First step, admit you have a problem.  Second step, back away from the smart phone.

To give credit where it is due, the template for my personal repository of relationship-related data was developed by PAX Programs but I know nothing about their actual programs.  Just happened to meet a feisty Filipina Zumba instructor who shared a passion for all things geek with me and passed it along.  The idea is simple in concept, slightly more demanding in development.  At a moment when you are not distracted by the topsy-turvy, tumultuous tornado that is dating, take the time to outline your ideal relationship. 

Start with the Dealbreakers.  Any profile I come across in either all upper case or all lower case for instance.  Time to move on.  Obviously this will include things like smoking if that matters and desire to breed an entire football team if you were planning to spend your mid-life crisis in ways that don’t really suit having children.  Next look at what you absolutely need to get out of a relationship and what you want but could overlook if everything else was in place.  Yes on the surface I know you think that a girlfriend who could pull off a convincing Princess Leia role play is mandatory but when you do some soul searching I’m sure you’ll find that indeed you could trade this one in for other more important matters.

Lastly, the part that has been most important to me any time I’ve felt like giving up on dating and donning the robes of a Trappiste Monk in the Himalayas.  What are you hoping to give and what are you willing to give in a relationship.  We often forget about our own role but I tell you it is the surest way to turn things around.  First of all, when you get clear about what excites you about romance and the ways in which you come alive then the actual process of dating becomes fun again.  As a side bonus, not trying to be mystical or anything but it’s just common sense that when you are being the rock star you know can show up to the party you attract the kind of partner/lover who appreciates you.  The real you.  The you that doesn’t take work and effort.

One of the most important elements for me in a relationship is that I am a total cheeseball.  I can’t even stop at traditional romance like bringing flowers.  It’s gotta be over the top to the point that it is ridiculous but to the right one, also charming.  I’ve had some women say that maybe it is too much for me to be that way at the very beginning of a relationship.  Many women like to feel like they’ve earned your love and it’s not special if it seems like I would be that way with anyone.  I thought about it for a while and in the end, well I am going to be that way with anyone.  And I’d rather find out early on if my goofy antics don’t jive with the object of my affection because a life of being traditional to me would be a jail sentence.  I’m not looking for a companion or a bridge partner.  I’m looking to create an epic, legendary love story that will span the ages.  Chapter 1 doesn’t start, “Once upon a time, the dude didn’t offend the chick so he got a second date.”

Well that’s what is on my mind.  You don’t know me and I guess I did sort of just say hello by grabbing your ass and shoving my tongue down your thought but don’t pull away just yet.  This is going somewhere.  I’ll try to play by the rules and tell some fun stories along the way but like I said…I need to spread my wings a bit before I settle down and ride the currents that already exist.

Why do I care about this and think you might too?  The short term favors the superficial.  Good looks, witty profiles, well-lit photos and catchy titles.  But the future for us is bright.  We’re smarter, more creative, have depth of emotional experience and the logic to process how we can be the people we want to be.  The long term favors those of us who are willing to embrace our inner nerds…well those of us with spreadsheets at least.

Until next time, you’ve been learned.

G-Lover 

#nerdsunite

#SPON: Bond phone meets wanna-be bond babe!

Thanks to my loverly friends over at AT&T, I have been gifted with the BRAND new Sony Mobile Xperia TL phone! 

This thing is legit, dude! It's heavier than my iphone but the sceen size is MASSIVE but it has a 13 megapixel camera. As someone who is constantly taking photos this has a value add for me. 

I'm curious to play around with it, and document adventures for the rest of the month. 

I love that the default wallpaper is Skyfall. I feel super secret agent every time it loads. 

Friel ... Jen ... Friel ... 

It's a pretty sexy phone. I'm not mad at it. Now let's take this bad boy into the field and see how it can handle such a heavy tweeter. 

Are you ready, Sony? 

Let's dooooo itttttt ... and obvi go see Skyfall. Apparently I am one of the last people on this planet that has yet to still see it. I can say though that all of my friends genuinely loved it.

(They're not paying me to say that part) 

Here's the trailer ... 

Oh yeah and ... 

click the screenshot to comment on Facebook

#nerdsunite

Special thanks to AT&T for the phone and for the sponsored post. This just bought me lunch!! Just kidding, I don't eat - I only inhale with my mind and absorb all remaining particles and calories telepathically.