#HowTo: Find out the identity of a fake internet boyfriend/ girlfriend

Every.single.day.now. I wake up to an email, comment, or tweet about someone telling me their version of a "catfish" story. (read mine here) 

Having a fake internet boyfriend/ girlfriend is an extremely, extremely shameful experience. We all think we are too smart to have something like that happen to us, but you have to remember, these people are EXPERTS at pulling at the heartstrings.

Particularly, when they attack you for questioning them when they can't meet you for "whatever dramatic reason." 

My guy (who was actually a girl) told me I was heartless for not feeling empathy when his dad died. 

Here's an exerpt from his blog on Myspace that he posted when I wrote out our story on this site: 

I have not had any contact with you for a year, even though you presumably constantly stalked me here. I've looked the other way when you talked shit about me to one person, because frankly I don't care to get back in contact with you. Especially after you told me to "Get Over It" when I wouldn't give you my full attention due to my dad being in the hospital at the time. To which you then denied ever saying and conveniently responded you "blacked it out" when I confronted you about it.

It sucks. 

Nothing about this life experience is pleasurable or something anyone should ever strive to have. The problem is knowing where to go and what to do after you've experienced something like this. What are your options? 

Well, first take as much info as you have on the person and head to the google!!! 

In my case, I had his myspace handle No1Uknow00. 

If you put that into a quick google search this is what pops up ... 

The top hit is a photobucket account. 

From there, I clicked on the photos and as you scroll down you can see one of the photos has the title "me." 

I then went through the album and saw the other photos of this person and one of the titles had this ... 

The name Sarah. 

That was all I needed to know that no1uknow00 (which is not a common handle) was connected to this person who is not a guy named Dare, but rather a woman by the name of Sarah. 

My story happened years ago, and by the time I had written about it (after being contacted by another victim on Facebook) I was absolutely and utterly over this person. 

I knew Dare at that point was a phony and while I hadn't connected the dots in the search quite yet, I had let all of it go and moved on with my life. 

I've never spoken to Sarah, nor do I know her last name. (In writing this post though I did conduct a reverse google image search to see if anything came up, and nothing did.) 

Who knows if it really is "Sarah" or if this is some inception-type Catfishing with a story inside a story. 

All of that karma belongs to "Sarah" and not me. My next doable actions in this scenario were to identify what in me attracted this into my life. 

This was pre my ah-ha moment of emotional unavailability courtesy of the 103 dates in 9 months, btw.

My suggestion to anyone looking to find out more info on their Catfish is to work with what info you have. This is obviously a case by case basis, but let's say you met them in a chat or forum, why not google the handle and see what info comes up on other sites? 

In my case, his fake name also had an address linked to it. In my frustration I drove to AZ once to see him, but felt showing up at someone's apartment was a bit "next level." 

I don't suggest showing up at someone's door since it could put you in harms way (maybe your catfish is a Dexter type), but that's your call. 

At the end of the day though, again, you have to understand that there is no "winning" in this type of scenario. Even if you find them, and track them down the answers aren't really going to solve anything. (Although it does make for good TV on the Catfish TV show.) In most cases this experience isn't even personal. These people talk to 15-20 other people at a time and show very little remorse for their actions. 

The best course of action is to employ a lot of self love, and lick your wounds darling. No answers will ever solve the pain and it can actually impede in your emotional growth and healing process. 

My suggestion, food for thought. Oh look a kitty!!! 

#NerdsUnite

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#NerdsUnite: Confessions of an Unwed Bride

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Julie Wilson

Editor's Note: Julie Wilson recently endured an agonizing break up with her fiancée after being together for 8 years. She is now in her late 20s and confused about what to do next. These are some of her frustrations, and ways she is attempting to heal from her loss.

These Are The Unbelievably Fucked-Up Things I Think About.

I’ve already written about day dreaming about my wedding that never was. But when I’m sitting at my desk and my mind starts a wanderin’ there are many other completely delusional scenarios involving myself and my ex-fiancé that pop into my head.

Post-Terror Attack L.A.
After they executed Bin Laden, I got freaked out thinking about a retaliation from Al Qaeda on Los Angeles. I figure they already attacked New York, so it seems probable to me that they could go after LA since it is the 2nd largest market in the country and the source of the majority of our entertainment. Hell, I thought maybe they would blow up the iconic Hollywood sign. Then I melted reality with my sorrow and need to cling to the man I love so much.

This created a scenario in my mind that I’m not very proud of. I found myself actually hoping they would bomb LA! It could be a great excuse for my ex and I to get back together! I was (still am) hella depressed and when you are miserable you want everyone else to be to. Other people’s happiness just doesn’t matter when you’re this sad.

In one version I have just left work to go across the street to pick something up at CVS and as I am on my way back to work, it happens. I look back at the building I work in as it gets bombed.

Seriously Julie? The building you work in?! The one that contains 90% of your Los Angeles friends! Yes, because without them, there’s less people to judge me.

Time stands still as I stand there horrified at what I am seeing while simultaneously realizing how lucky I am to be alive. Then the scene snaps back into real time as chaos ensues: fire, smoke, sirens. The rest is a blur of me getting away safely until somehow, someway (cue 1950s dramatic movie music) my ex-fiancé and I find each other! He wipes the dust and dirt off of my face and then we passionately embrace, and realize how short life is and that we HAVE to be together. We also recognize that it’s the perfect excuse to get back together because no one in our lives will have the gall to call either one of us out for it because the bombing is such a sensitive topic.

There’s a similar outcome in my “One of us gets into a car accident” daydream.

Build Me Up Buttercup

Mallrats was and remains to this day one of my favorite movies of all time. It is also my ex’s. On our first date we went back to his place afterwards and I remember checking out his DVD collection (one of the first things I do once inside someone’s residence. That or their book collection). “Mallrats is my favorite movie!” I said. His eyes got really large and he turns to his best friend who was also hanging out, “Isn’t that also my favorite movie?” and his friend shook his head vigorously up and down. That was a big moment for both of us, especially for him. I guess it’s not often that you come across a girl that says her favorite movie is the one that is your favorite movie, especially when it’s Mallrats (male humor: comics, pot, crazy antics).

We’ve had a couple ‘getting back together’ talks, about what each of us would require of the other to do so. I told him a big gesture from him would be in order. I need to feel that he’s willing to do something crazy to get me back. The crumbling of a relationship takes two. I know what I did wrong, but he cheated and that’s all people see. I told him he would have to win over the people in my life, too.

Hence, this fucked up day-dream: I dream about him recreating the end scene in Mallrats in an effort to get me back.

How he get’s a stage and a microphone, I don’t know! That detail doesn’t matter, it’s for him to figure out and orchestrate.

Brodie (him):”You. All right, I believe you have something that belongs to me.”
Shannon (some random dude I’m dating?):”Oh yeah, what’s that?”
Brodie (him):”Not you, Asshole. The girl. You have my heart.”
Rene (me):”What can I say? I love the retard.”

And then he brings me onstage and making out ensues. Maybe he even has a new engagement ring for me!

Here in Reality
Me at my desk thinking about God knows what.

After having many day-dreams of this caliber I realized that I needed to put a plan into action. You cannot sit at your desk every day crying - bosses and co-workers only have so much patience. I came up with a plan for blocking day dreams. At any given point in the work day I can have any combination of the following programs/sites running:

• Netflix (needs to be something I have already seen so I don’t need to actually look at the screen)
• AIM
• Grooveshark (Do not play Boyz II Men’s “End Of The Road”!)
• This American Life (not the Valentine’s Day episode or the one about cheaters)
• my Hotmail, gmail or AOL (lol, don’t judge, it’s my spam account) email accounts
• Mashable.com
• OKCupid (confidence booster)
• facebook (for stalking and wasting time)
• a notepad doc open for writing posts
• various news websites (MSN,CNN)
• Playing Words with Friends on my phone
• turntable.fm (new obsession)

AAAAnd I have to take a walk around 4-5:00 almost everyday to calm my mind down.

The shocking part is that all of the above actually helps me work more since I’m not getting sad.

Anything to keep me from thinking about non-reality.

#nerdsunite