#NerdsUnite: Confessions of an Unwed Bride (PT 3 The Messy Middle)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet by buddy Julie! She's my roomie, we met on Craiglist, and she is 1,000 flavors of everything awesome sauce. The reason why she had a room in her apartment however is a mighty long story. See, Julie was dating a duderino for 8 years. Yep, they were engaged to be wed and all that snazzy jazzy stuff. Now the engagement is off and Julie is attempting to heal from her loss; these series of posts are her best attempt. HIT IT JULIE! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Julie Wilson

At the BiltmoreRead my reservations about writing out this story and here's Part I and Part II of our ending.

Early November

The sad person that picked me up on November 1st quickly went away. The, cold distant person came back. If you are going to get cheated on (hey, it happens) at least the person can get down on one knee, beg your forgiveness, tell you it's a mistake, that will not happen again, apologize profusely, etc. He didn't do this.

November 7, 2010

It's a Sunday and we plan a trip to Venice Beach with a couple of his coworkers. The whole time I kept looking at one of the other couples hanging out that day. They acted like a normal couple, holding hands and walking next to one another. My ex was in no way acting intimate with me. Barely talking to me and certainly not holding my hand or even walking next to me.

The group decides to go into a bar and sit down for a bit and grab a drink. My ex gets up to use the restroom and then the server came over to take our drink order. I order for myself and then I stare blankly at the drink menu for a moment. My ex and I could always successfully order for one another. His coworker looks up at me and says, "He probably wants a hefeweizen." I ordered for him and felt my heart sink. This dude knew more about my fiancé then I did. I couldn't fucking take it.

I excuse myself and go downstairs to call a friend. "Hey, do you know of anyone who is looking for a roommate?" The week prior I had filled her in on what had been going on with us. Her and I spoke briefly about apartment options and then we continue to text back and forth for a bit for the next hour. I had to excuse myself at least 5 times from the group to continue to speak with her. He never even asked me what I was up to. Later he said he thought I was just going to the bathroom. Anyone who gave half a shit about a person would have been like, “What’s wrong with you?”

Venice BeachI've never felt as invisible as I did on that day. I've never been made to feel so unimportant. When we got home I explained this to him and he was clueless. I was totally overcome with sadness and told him that I needed to get away. I planned a trip to visit my friends in Asheville, NC. Los Angeles can be lonely since all of my family and at the time, all of my friends, lived on the east coast. I just needed to be around people that knew me and that loved me. Well, if your partner has just told you that he and his coworker have made out a couple of times in front of a bar, leaving the state might not be the best idea. But I wasn't really thinking clearly at this point. I was distraught and I just knew that I needed to get away.

November 11, 2010

I head to North Carolina. It was so great to see my friends. They were in a long term relationship and had dealt with cheating in their relationship so they were great to bounce things off of and talk with. "If one person cheats do you automatically throw in the towel? Do you give them a second chance? Do you take some responsibility? Maybe they felt you weren't paying attention to them." The trip was a great distraction at first, my friend and I toured the Biltmore estate, it was so beautiful in the fall. The yellow and red leaves were breathtaking. Then Friday night came. I got a phone call from my ex. He informs me that he is going out to the bar after work with everyone from work. I beg him not to. He argues that I am not home and what is he supposed to do tonight? I tell him that he is just asking for trouble by putting himself in this situation. But this version of him is obsessed with going out and partying (This is also part of his attraction to her, she is super outgoing and they rally everyone to go out together. He sees her as a partner in partying). More begging on my part. He goes out that night anyways. I am sitting on my friend's couch thousands of miles away, unable to stop him, and crying. I fell asleep while watching Arrested Development that night. I lay there until my eyes just wouldn't, couldn't stay open any longer.

The next day I distract myself by going zip lining. It was an epic adventure (I believe in Zen through adventure, btw. Life gets tough, do something crazy). Later my ex and I talk on the phone. It was a pretty normal conversation. We hung up when he said he needed to get something from our neighbors Danny and Ellen and he’ll call me right back. 15 minutes later he called me back and it was as though I was speaking to a completely different person. It sounded as though he was crying. I asked him what was wrong and I told him everything was going to be okay. He told me that I needed to stop being so nice to him, that he didn't deserve it. My heart sank into my stomach, making me nauseous. He's feeling guilty. Oh no, what happened last night? He tells me that he needs to talk to me but doesn't want to do it over the phone. Well, thanks, but by saying that, I can kinda figure out where this is going. After drilling him for a few minutes, I don't think he intended to do this but he then basically breaks up with me over the phone. Aside from obviously breaking my heart, this really pissed me off. After over 7 years together I deserve much, much better than getting broken up with over the phone! He should have played it cool until I got back into town. I had to go and wake up my friend because I was hysterically crying. She stayed up and talked to me. She gave me a Xanax to help me calm down and I spent another night crying myself to sleep while watching Arrested Development.

November 14, 2010

At this point, I really really did not want to go home, but I needed to be at work on Monday. My ex picks me up at the airport and it was one of the most uncomfortable moments of my life. When I saw him I didn't know what to do. I can't even remember if we hugged or not. The luggage from my flight took an extraordinary amount of time to actually make it onto the conveyor belt. We stood like 10 feet away from each other in silence. It was beyond weird. I couldn't even believe that this was what we had become. Big Boi was standing right next to me and I didn’t even care. (LITERALLY! Big Boi from Outkast was on the flight as we had connected through Atlanta.)

That night he offered to sleep on the couch but I asked him to please sleep with me in the bed. We talked for a bit and finally I remember asking him, "Can you just give me another chance?" (side note: this dude cheated on me because we had grown so far apart and I am asking HIM to give ME another chance. What the fuckity fuck?) I held my breath. "Yes", he said quietly. We proceeded to have super hot, passionate make up sex.

I had no idea that by the end of that week I would learn a whole lot about what had gone down on Halloween and while I was out of town in a crazy night comparable to an episode of Cheaters.

----

That was my past, but here's my present: I am doing great right now. Life is amazing. I look back at my posts from only a couple of weeks ago where I recognize that there is a small chance that we could get back together. I don't want that anymore. I've been dating and it's been fun. I'm excited for the future and I don't need to relive the past.

#nerdsunite

 Click here to follow Julie on Twitter

#GeekSpeak: The sometimes random misadventures of @Abby_Cake

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Abby. I met her in Chicago at the #20SBSummit, and this chick is raaaddddd!! She considers herself more of a nerd than a geek - but I think she's just all shades of random and awesome. Oh and FTR, the TNTML stance on nerds versus geeks are that nerds are products of a genetic predisposition, and geeks are raised. BOOH-YAH!!! I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT ABBY!!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Abby_Cake

When I was in junior high and high school, I spent my evenings in chat rooms, forums, ICQ, or AIM conversations. I would talk to my classmates, but oftentimes I would talk to people I didn’t know. I made some great friends, some of whom I still talk to, during that time. I was never alone, because I was always talking to someone. Always sharing a nerdy laugh or surfing the internet together. However, we referred to what we were doing offline as IRL activities and our offline friends as IRL friends.

Some people found this to be offensive, especially on forums, because IRL we are sitting at a computer exchanging words with other human beings. How is that not real? It denigrated our friendships and hobbies. Many a 2AM squabble erupted in the chat box while we discussed the parameters required to dictate what IRL truly meant. And although online we were highlighting the key points of our arguments, offline we were eating cheetos in our underwear.

IRL, for those who don’t know, means “in real life.” In real life, I was a student, I played video games, I hung out with my friends, I read books. Online I participated in forums, met new people, created and discussed digital art, and was most often represented by an anonymous avatar.

Now, things are different ...

A meme, IRL. The internet is escaping.

We use our own pictures as avatars, putting our faces out there for everyone to see. Even in our Gmail inboxes we see the faces of the people contacting us. There is no anonymity. Social networks are no longer underground rooms on the Palace Chat. They are mainstream, things like Facebook, Google+, LinkedIn, Twitter. We are a digitally connected world.

The idea of separating your digital life from your offline life is nonexistent. IRL no longer exists.

The people we know on the internet are simply our friends, just like the people we know from work. Online shopping is not any different than IRL shopping (aside from the necessitation of pants), it’s all just shopping.

With the IRL distinction no longer being necessary, we must accept a full integration of online and offline. We are our online personas whether we are walking down the street or posting on a forum. We are searchable. We are defined by the amount of information we share over the world wide web. We are our Facebook profiles. We are our feelings in 150 words or less.

We are all through the looking glass.

xx, @abby_cake

#nerdsunite

Want more from Abby?? Check out her blog over yonder - and don't forget to drop her a follow on twitter!!

#NerdsUnite: I just graduated college!! But um, now what? (I've been called a unicorn. Not once…but twice)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Megan. She recently just graduated from SDSU and is now entering the world with a fresh pair of eyes in a stinky economy. In these series of posts she will discuss her thoughts and discoveries as she ventures out into the real world. Hit it Meg!!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @MegCorbs

This compliment (if you can call it that) was given to me after saying that I was born and raised in Los Angeles.

I'm a "valley girl." A San Fernando Valley girl to be more exact. But it is the very same valley that the likes, whatevers and OMG are said to originate from (think Clueless). It's also the porn capital of the world but that's neither here nor there.

I didn't realize how truly rare I was until I came back from college. Obviously I was surrounded by fellow Angelenos growing up so I didn't think too much about it. But since I've grown my circle of friends post-college, it is very apparent.

One of my favorite questions to ask people I meet in LA is "Where did you grow up?" 99% of the time it isn't here. I love meeting people from ALL over and asking them a million questions about why they decided to come to my city. People's stories are always so inspiring and kick my ass into gear.

So back to why I was called a unicorn…twice.

When these two people found out I was born and raised here they couldn't believe it. 

Them: "Wait, so like you were actually born in this city and spent your childhood here?"

Me: "Yup"

Them: "That is so rare to find, like spotting a unicorn. YOU are like my unicorn!"

Me: "Um, thanks?"

Then come the questions about what it was like. Honestly I LOVED growing up here. There is always something to do or see. I have a built in tolerance to all types of people because you wouldn't survive if you didn't. I never had to worry about if my favorite band or singer were going to come to my town, because they ALWAYS were and celebrity sightings were incredibly common. 

I think all of the LA transplants have given me a better appreciation for this amazing city. If this many people want to change their lives to move here and follow their dreams, how effing lucky am I that I grew up here and have a built-in support system of family and friends.

So if you ever see this unicorn around be sure to say hello and tell me your story. I'd love to hear it :)

#nerdsunite

Click here to follow Megan on twitter!

Meghan's Metamorphosis: How to not be a slob

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Meghan. She came on board months ago to write for us, and then very unexpectedly had her life change. No like for reals - her first email to me was how she was in this relationship ... and how awesome it was ... like literally a week later, they broke up. She hasn't been able to write for months and is now dipping her toes back in the water. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT MEGHAN!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @MsMeghanBrown

1. Hit rock bottom. Come home to a filthy kitchen and no clean clothes. Notice that your Internet's been turned off. Convince yourself you paid the bill. I mean, you remember writing the check, right? Oh, wait, no. You're out of checks. And stamps. Find the unpaid bill under a bunch of beer bottles that have been sitting on your counter for a few days. Muster some righteous indignation (and maybe a lie or two) as you prep to call the ATT&T people to get the Internet turned back on... then remember that you can't call them, because your phone's broken and you've been too lazy to take it in. Go take a shower to calm down. See that you're out of facewash. And soap. Wish for a fresh start. You're ready now. 

2. Do what you can, and do it quickly. Give yourself a half hour to clean as much as humanly possible. A half an hour isn't so bad, right? Clean the shit out of that half hour. Play Robyn's "Body Talk" album, put on a gross t-shirt and get in the zone. Run bags to the dumpster. Throw in that first load of laundry. Make a stack of unread mail. Put things in vaguely organized piles. 

3. Feel better already. Decide that cleaning isn't so bad. Cancel your plans to go to drinks with your friends. This is important. Clean for another hour. Scrub things. Throw stuff away. Go through those piles.

4. Wash your bedding. It's time. Seriously. Don't be gross. 

5. Feel oddly euphoric. It's not the bleach you're using to deep clean your tub (though, good job on that--way to take initiative). That freaky happy feeling? IT'S CALLED GETTING YOUR SHIT TOGETHER. Enjoy it. Clean for however long it takes. Clean til it's done. 

6. Make the scary list. Now that your space is at least halfway decent, commit to the next level of not-slob. Sit down and take stock of every last thing you need to do to make your life work. No task is too big or too small. What still needs cleaning/organizing? What do you need to buy? What annoying tasks have you been procrastinating on?

7. Pick a day to be superhuman. Devote the whole day (THE WHOLE DAY) to your scary list. Get your car smog checked. Buy everything you're out of at Target. Wait in line at the post office to mail that weird annoying thing you've been forgetting to mail (and while you're at it, BUY THOSE STAMPS). Do some preemptive purchasing. Do you always run out of conditioner? Buy two bottles. Call in refills on prescriptions BEFORE you're already run out. Fill up your gas tank BEFORE you're at empty. Take this time to take care of the small annoyances. Does your printer not work? Take an hour and try to fix it. Send every last email. Make those annoying calls. 

8. Take legitimate stock of the worst parts of your life. What's your bank balance? How much do you owe on your credit card? When is your car registration due? Put every scary date into your calendar. Make a plan and stick to it. Not knowing is the world. 

8. Freak out on how good you feel. Make a healthy grown-up dinner. Do your dishes right away. Light a candle. Listen to music and read instead of defaulting to bad TV-on-the-Internet. Realize that the quality of your life is your responsibility. 

9. Accept the fact that this is a process. You're going to have to keep doing the work. A week of not being a slob doesn't mean anything. This is your life now. Make some rules. Now that you're caught up, you want to stay that way. Commit to small rituals. Open your mail every day. Pay every bill as soon as possible. Use Mint.com to track your budget. Remember what shambles your life was in just a week ago and vow never to go back. 

10. Keep that vow. Revel in your preparedness. Smile looking at your spotless floors. Yum. 

xo

-Meghan

#nerdsunite

click here to follow Meghan on twitter

and check out her tumblr over yonder!

#NerdPr0nz: Behind the Scenes with @MeowMistiDawn

<editorsnote> Misti Dawn is the nerdiest girl working in porn. In this column she invites you inside of her world outside of the sets, and inside her heart. awwwwwwwwww </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @MeowMistiDawn

Hello Nerdites.

Well I guess I have some exciting new to share. As of the end of the year I’m quitting porn. I signed a director’s contract with Machinima and have been working on more mainstream things. Which is funny because it’s never where I thought I’d go. I honestly got into porn to have some fun sex and make money, pay off college and work a normal office job (obviously in a field I enjoy) and now this. Not that you’ll really notice that I won’t be in porn anyway. I only shot 6-10 scenes a year. Which makes the whole thing even more funny because I’m more well known that girls that bang daily in porn but it’s never what I wanted. I never cared about being famous, somehow I got a name but not getting laid still in porn? Funny how that works huh?

Maybe now I can bone cute nerdy boys I’ve been wanting to? Being in porn also made sex outside of work suck because every dude was afraid to bang me! They would always be afraid they wouldn’t compare to "porn sex". Let me tell you, I hope you don’t compare. It’s all about what looks good and not a single bit of what feels good. Wow. Sorry what a tangent.

I’m really excited about where things are going sorry. Also, I have been sucked in to Skyrim WAY WAY too much. Like. It’s not healthy, but I can now smelt jewelry. If you haven’t played yet, stop reading right now and go play. You’re missing out on life...er.. another fake life I mean.

Well the dragons are calling to be battled. <3 u all

Nerdily Yours,
Misti Dawn

MistiDawn@MeowMistiDawn.com

MeowMistiDawn.com
DawnOfTheBed.com
TheNaughtyNerd.com
MistiAndMichaelLoveSex.com

Twitter.com/MeowMistiDawn
Facebook.com/MistiMeowDawn

#nerdsunite