#NerdsUnite: An Analysis of 103 #OkCupid Dates in 9 Months

AHHHHH ... where to begin with this post. I don't even know. It still blows my mind that I've been out on that many dates in less than a year, but whatevs, I'm going to own it.

So, last summer ... my buddy told me I was working too much and not socializing enough with duderinos. Fine. Fine. I get it ... I work a lot ... She suggested me getting on OKCupid as it is the nerdiest of nerdy dating sites and they use math to get you dates.

Rad ... you had me at algorithm.

ugh - I'm trying to be funny, and it's failing miserably. I am fucking pissed that I went out on ONE HUNDRED AND THREE DATES in NINE ... NINE MONTHS ... and I am still single.

Fuck me in the mother fucking goat ass.

K ... I feel better; the being honest part helps a lot. Here lemme get a song up to write this ...

Maneater? Mehhhhhh ... I'm not a maneater. Well, not intentionally. Hold on, changing.

WHOMP THERE IT IS!!

So, I created my profile in July of last year - and was IMMMEEDDIIAAAATEELLLYYY inundated with messages. Like straight up, apparently being a chick that runs a website is like uber hot to dudes because I very literally maxed my inbox out in just a couple days (that's over 500 messages, kiddies). Bat shit. I had no idea what I was looking for in dudes, so the filtering process proved to be a bit challenging. My record prior had been a bunch of GQ looking boys that were dumb as fucking rocks. The ONE thing I loved about dating the mentalist was that for the first time in my life I felt like I was dating someone as smart as me. (Well, technically speaking, I am actually smarter than him. No, like in a very literal sense - I have a guaranteed higher IQ based on the ability to execute alone. MWAHAHA!!! Suckkaaaa!)

I digress ... so now I had all of these messages sitting in my inbox, but I had no idea what I was really looking for. I've never, ever had a type. Even if you look at the boys I've dated in the past - they were all attractive in their own right, but not a ONE looked a like. Hey in math randomness is a pattern, I'm owning it.

OKC rates each users compatibility based on being a Match/ Friend/ and Enemy.

The problem with me is that I think way more like a dude than a chick. I was literally a 75% match or more with 90% of my inbox. Do the math, that's 450 messages - that is a LOT of dudes.

If 75% is my "norm" based on the boys that use this site - I guesstimated that "higher than average" would suffice and be at around 85%. I decided that to conduct this experiment I would only go out on a dates with guys that I ranked 85% with or higher in the match category. After all, I wasn't on this site to look for friends or enemies - clearly ... mama wants to get some, and get it in while she's young!!! RAWWRRRR!!

85% it was.

I started filtering through the messages, and replied back to all of the guys that were 85% and higher. Attraction to me is based on a sense of "owning it." If a dude is so comfortable in his own skin and owns every bit of everything he has, he becomes that much more attractive. No, like literally, a 5 can be a 10 if he can own it. It's about embracing what makes you unique which is unbelievably counter intuitive to the way we were raised ... in high school standing out meant people picked on you. As an adult however, and particularly in regards to dating - it's an aphrodisiac.

How can I filter through guys that "own it" on a dating website? It all starts with your pictures ...

We reveal a LOT about ourselves in social media. Like I've said in the past, even your default speaks VOLUMES about who you are as a person. Are you alone in your picture? With other people? Do you use photo filters? Are you wearing hats or glasses? How frequently do you change your default? All of these things come into play ... and I can read all of these things about people. Albeit, you have to take a lot of their profile into play as well - there is no real science to this, but it's proven more accurate than not that I can get a feel for someone and filter the messages down even more.

I was looking for pictures that told a story. TELL ME THE STORY OF YOUR LIFE IN YOUR PICTURES!!!! A series of webcam pics with various expressions totally blow. No, like straight up. Here, look at my pictures ...

My twitter avatar, but I also took this picture myself (literally, my left arm is extended and it's zoomed in) before a really great night out with my friends. I used this specifically as my default so people from twitter could identify me.

This one I just really liked. I had just started the site, and loved my old room.

This was purely for shameless self promotion. Like period. End of sentence.

Riding cross country with Billy Gibbons of ZZ Top. Hands down, top 5 favorite moment of my life.

Hands down top THREE favorite moment of my life. I was on The Price is Right in March of 2005.

The moment I got a response back from Foursquare saying they liked my site and they liked my idea that I had for them. Love me some Naveen, snapped this literally as I was reading his email (LG external monitor on top shelf).

Me facing my biggest fear. Clearly it was a scary moment ... hahaha!!!

Took this in when TNTML hit a record amount of uniques. Was so fucking rad!

So, yeah - that's my life. These are things that all mean something to me, and represent who I am at my core. You can tell a LOT about who I am based on these pictures alone. I looked for the same in guys. I don't care if you have a commercially attractive default, a guy that shows a sense of adventure and has a bit of a playful side will win HANDDDSSSS down every time!

Tangent: I personally tried to stay away from guys that had dogs (as I travel so much, and was looking for a partner in crime in that regard), but hey, I wasn't mad at dudes with 'em either. Love me some animals; I kept that limitation in mind without it being a disqualifier.

After I looked through the users pictures, I would move to the profile. Like your pictures (it's not how attractive you may appear to be in them, it's the pictures you choose to say yes, this is how I represent myself to the world), it's not necessarily what someone says in a profile, but how they say it.

I am a deeply deeply sarcastic human being, and I very rarely take myself seriously; that bleeds from my profile.

"I enjoy talking like Robin Williams in Mrs. Doubtfire when he picks up the phone and does the horrible Indian-like voice of "I ... am ... job." If you ever call me and answer the phone like that, I might have to have your baby."

I don't say hey, I'm fun and I'm adventurous ... no, you can tell that I'm fun based on the weird shit that I write, and you can tell that I'm adventurous clearly because I went skydiving. Anyone that blatantly put, I'm fun immediately got the ax. If you're not witty or sharp enough to actually find something funny to put in your damn profile we are not at all going to get along. Like period. End of sentence.

That narrowed the results down even more.

I wasn't interested in having dinner with everyone (dinner takes too long. I'm very efficient and very ADD - if I'm not feeling it, I will leave.), so I agreed to grab a beer with willing participants. Again though, I put a disclaimer on my profile indicating that I was in fact conducting a social experiment, and if they had a problem with potentially being written about, I was not the person they wanted to date. Bottom line, the dudes knew what they were getting into, and were pretty cool about it.

All of the dates were a total blast. There were less than 5 that I can honestly say I didn't enjoy, and only 2 that I actually wanted to walk out from. The OKC algorithm is AMMAAZIINNNGGG at matching people, but chemistry is intangible. I was curious to find the organic root of attraction. What are the butterflies we say we feel when we meet that special someone? If I no longer believe in this notion of there being a "one" or a "soul mate," - what is the "it" then? And how can I solve for it?

It took me 96 dates to find out that the "it" was me. Life is reflective. What I was attracted to in dudes was something that resonated deeply in myself - I am emotionally unavailable.

Out of 96 dates, I had found that there were only 4 that I wanted to pursue something more with (there were 10 second dates ... but 6 of 'em got the ax). Of those 4, the only common denominator in each of them was that they were all emotionally unavailable. They had all recently come out of something with someone, were in a time of transition - just were not 100% able to give themselves to someone. (See this post for the breakdown)

FUUCCCKKK me in the goat ass, again.

Having that as my constant, and not fully aware of what my next doable action was - I decided to face said emotional unavailability within myself with the understanding of life's reflectiveness, that something would change. I then wrote the epic saga, This is a story about #love, but this is not a love story. It addressed how I had my heart broken, and how that was the catalyst for starting this site - etc. It's a really fucked up story to be honest, and definitely a lot to read ... but peeps dug it, and for that I am grateful. Felt great to release.

While I was writing those posts, I had a few more dates. 99, and 100 were weird. 99 was pretty rad. Really really really cool dude, but his timing was horrible. Also too, he's latin. Latin men are very protective, seductive, and like to be close to females. I do. not. like. to. be. touched. Don't touch me unless I touch you. Period end of sentence. So, his timing was horrible for taking me out on a date during that series of posts, and the fact that he can't help but organically be a very expressive lover meant we totally weren't a match. Anyway ... it wasn't until I hit 101 that I truly had an amazing date. Really really really nice boy. Is into psychology, reading body language - kinda freaked me out actually. I wondered how much he had read up about me, but then I very genuinely read on his face that he didn't know much.

Oh yeah, I have tests I give dudes throughout the night to spot the fame seekers. I can tell if a dude knows a lot about me and what I do based on a series of questions I would ask them throughout the night. It was dependent upon whatever was posted on the site at that time, but I would repeat myself often and wait for them to cut me off saying they had read it. If they didn't and pretended like it was the first time they heard it, I would be able to tell they were lying based on certain facial reactions they had. That part I got - I am DAMMNN good at spotting that shit.

Had 3 amazing nights with 101 (one night he just stopped by to say hi and dropped me off at a coffee shop), but alas after our second date - dinner, he got weird and sent me a text saying that he couldn't believe he just boned an internet celebrity. Yep, we totally got it on after dinner in an alley in Venice (dude, I'm such a classy broad) - and when he got home he texted that to me. I was like NOOOOOOOO!!!! Way to ruin it. That's a total dealbreaker for me.

I'm a lifecaster. My job is to live life and report back what I am experiencing in the form of stories told as close to being in real time as possible. If some guy is going to be a part of my equation and be conscious of me writing about it, etc - it's not honest or organic; I very genuinely want someone who isn't phased by it. I even tell dudes, don't read the site while we are going out on dates because I'm going to be able to read on your face that you are reading it, and when I say something to you and you've already read it - I'm going to know that you've read it based on your reaction and then I'm going to have to pretend that I don't know that I know that you know, and it's going to get weird. (HAHA did any of that make sense? OMG my head hurts - but I hope you catch my drift)

He hasn't stopped emailing me. Bless the dudes heart, but not gonna happen. Whether it's a joke or not, I don't care. Disqualifier. NEXT!

I can honestly say there were less than 10 that I knew of that were fame seekers. I filtered them out pretty quickly. There were only a handful that straight up petitioned to go out on a date with me, and one of them I wound up living with for 2 months in a completely platonic way. He's literally family to me now, and we were off the charts on Match and Friend. OKC really really really knows their shit.

I was a bit taken a back by how many people were genuinely intrigued by what I was doing. No, like literally - it was not my intention to get buzz from this thing, just post honest reactions - and occasionally have a post or two chiming in from our dating coach, The Art of Charm's Jordan Harbinger, on what guys can do about these problems that I am addressing.

Like for example, one dude I dated totally friended one of my best friends on Facebook without ever meeting him. COMPLETELY creeped me out ... and is a HUGE faux pas. Here's what Jordan had to say about it:

It was my intention to date, be brutally honest, but at least not leave guys hating me - but having next doable actions on what they can do in the future to not be labeled a "creeper" or be put in the "friend zone."

Here are some frequently asked questions:

Answer: None were completely different than their profile. You can't lie in social media. Even if you think that you are, I guarantee you, you are not. I scoped out Facebook profiles, twitter feeds (when applicable). I knew all of the guys I went out on a date with before I even met them. Gone are the days of anonymity online and being able to put up a "front." I knew what I was getting into with each one.

Answer: Guys that owned it. Period end of sentence ... but see above for more of the breakdown.

Answer: OMG almost all of them!!! I very literally found some amazing friends through OKC, and a LOOOTTTT of business peeps. Literally, so many dudes just wanted to pick my brain and still call me for various things. Absolutely incredible. I don't regret a minute of it, and I never got sick of it.

Answer: First nighter? I think you mean people that I slept with on the first night? Only one! That was the dude I went out on a date with in Culver City and woke up in Santa Barbara. I didn't sleep with that many guys to be honest. Out of the 11 second dates, I'd say I slept with less than 6 for sure. I know I slept with all 4 of the ones I wanted the relationship with, hence why I wanted the relationship ... the sex was good. I'm sure I just threw a few a bone because I was horny.

Answer: Almost immediately, but I would for scientific purposes definitely measure it within the first hour. I'm also a very cut and dry kinda person - I have no problem making up my mind, and my gut has never proven me wrong (although I look forward to the day).

Answer: UMMM tough one! My favorite date was one at Griffith Park Observatory. I had never been, and that place was SOOOOO coooolllll!!!! Jones on Santa Monica is also awesome. I took most of my dates to Dillons in Hollywood, because they have shock top on tap haha. I'm a dive bar kinda chick - I don't dig the loud music, just give me good beer and a quiet nook and I'm a happy camper.

Answer: That I have a lot of healing to do from my broken heart, but I am super super super proud of myself for at least trying. You can't fail if you just try, at least you'll get experience. I can now say, I am a VERY experienced dater. HA!

Another question I get asked all the time is how I could sit through all of those questions of ... "so, tell me about yourself ..."

That's the thing about OKC though, you can find all of that out already. I also just adore people and hearing their stories - so I was absolutely never ever bored on a date, and was only asked a handful of times for me to tell them about myself ... these guys knew what they were getting themselves into, and were intrigued.

So, bottom line - out of all of these dates, I learned the truth of life's reflective nature; people just are and we are all just being. It is how you interpret those experiences and tell the story to yourself that dictates your state of consciousness and your state of being.

I assure you, I am not taking any pride in this, but this is just part of my story. Of course I am angry that the 4 dudes that I liked didn't feel it back - but again I am taking responsibility and ownership of that in saying what in me was attracted to them?

I have recently addressed that I do not like to be touched, and clearly online dating is not going to get me over that - so for my next leg of the experiment I will be going offline (albeit documenting online), and putting myself in situations at bars where I can be touched in the hopes of conducting aversion therapy to get through my issues.

I'm stoked man! The next social experiment is sponsored by Effing Gear - and at least by wearing their shirts out at bars, I KNOOOOOWWWW guys are going to talk to me. They're super soft!! BAH! Can't stand it - love 'em! Tune in next week for more of my findings. Really really really curious what is going to attract me to random dudes at a bar - I've never. ever. been a bar chick, but hey, it's something new to try, and will hopefully help me get over my aversion to being touched!!! Maybe all my experiment proved is that the "it" I was trying to solve for really is a mystery, and cannot be solved. You can have all the compatibility and all the matches in the world - but what makes you have chemistry with someone?? At least by isolating as many of the variables as possible I can say with more of a definitive answer ... BAHH!!! So exciting!!!

I'm just going to stop focusing on looking for a relationship in one capacity or another and just enjoy every night of the experiment. Just let it be, and let it organically unfold.

I'm not going to post in Hollywood what bars I will be hitting up and when, but feel free to follow me on FourSquare, and you can at least stop by one of my checkins.

Thanks for the interest, and thanks for reading!

#nerdsunite

Did I mention that one of my 103 dates was female??

#Question: When can you tell that she wants to be kissed?

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

Hey guys - I’ve got a huge topic to discuss with you today.  I can safely say it’s something you’ve wondered about, (if you’re like most of the guys I meet) and that you’re still probably a little confused by it.  At the end of this message is a tried & true technique that will ALWAYS give you the answer to the question:  Is she ready to be kissed?

You never want to make your move too soon, of course – but you also never want to wait forever, closing the door on the sexual tension that is flowing.  I got an interesting question from a guy named Darren a few weeks back, which gives me the ideal path into this topic:  And hats off to him, because he honestly admits his shortcoming.

Most guys won’t admit it, but they fumble this moment like a rookie running back.  Want to be Walter Payton?

Listen up:

 

Dear Friend,

Recently, I was out on a date with a great girl I met at a party. A number of times in the evening, she would look at me and hold the stare a bit longer than usual. I kept thinking, “she wants me to kiss her”. was so nervous though, that I never went for it! What is the best way to set up a kiss with a girl? I mean, I know how to kiss her, I just wonder if there is a cool way to make the move.  Help!

Thanks,

Darren

Darren, Darren, Darren…I feel your pain, man.

First of all, don’t worry – this is by far the TOP question I get from guys. “How do I smoothly go from talking to kissing?”

Surprisingly, even the most skilled guys I’ve come across are constantly looking to handle this tricky situation a bit better.

So, here we go – the step-by-step guide to being super smooth when it’s time to smooch:
In my estimation, this is where most guys blow it. They know the girl is ready to be kissed, yet they freeze up and pass a bunch of good opportunities to make a move,waiting for that perfect one.  Even worse, they’ll wait hoping the woman will make the first move.  (Don’t do that Darren…please)

If you’re the kind of guy who hesitates, I got news for you… There are no perfect windows of opportunity, just many good ones,and 99% of the time she will not be the first to initiate any form of intimacy. If she does, consider yourself lucky. How do we handle this highly charged moment?

Very simply (as always with me).

Here are some steps, because I have a hunch you like structure (like me):

1) The first thing to make sure of is that you’re both having a good time, getting along well and physical contact has been established. It could be anything from holding hands, to a playful push on the shoulder. At this point, it is important that she has touched you in some way indicating interest on her part.

2) When you feel you have reached this point, start slowing down the energy of the interaction.  Start subtly moving a bit closer to her, slowing down your speech, and take longer pauses between sentences. The thought here is SUBTLE.

3) Now here’s the secret, the one move that will assure you to be remembered by her as the smoothest guy ever…  During each of those pauses in your conversation,stare at her lips. You can even start talking again, though slowly, still staring at her lips. Start slowly moving in closer. The words you’re saying at this point become irrelevant; the sexual tension in the air will be too thick.

4) Slowly move your eyes from her mouth to her eyes and back again. If she has not moved away, or shown any sign of unease, you can place a hand on her hip and bring her in closer.

5) Usually she will lean in the rest of the way and kiss you. After all, at this stage, your lips should only be an inch or two away from hers.  Congratulations!  In her mind, you are now the world’s smoothest man.  Now, I realize that may be a bit of a “high dive” for some of you.

Let’s lower this a bit, and give you one more technique to know if it’s on.  Women always wear perfume, right?

It’s safe to say that a woman will usually head out with a fragrance and it will usually be featured around her neck area.

Say this:

“Mmmm, you’re wearing a nice fragrance tonight – what’s the scent?”  Then, lean in and subtly sniff her neck.  Meanwhile, observe her body language – does she flinch when you get closer?  Or, does she stay calm or even move in to you, inviting you to get closer?  If it’s the latter, then it’s TIME – no question about it.  All you do next is simply move back a bit (but not back to where you were before you leaned over), and do steps 4 & 5 from above…

Oh, and take a deep breath…you’re going to need it.

#nerdsunite

 

To learn more from The Art of Charm about how to meet & attract women, visit www.afterhello.com And, if you're an LA local, you can stop by The Art of Charm office and meet the crew! 

#Fact: Talk to Women as if Nothing is At Stake

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

The three easiest women to talk to are usually the women you find unattractive, women who are married to friends of yours, or women who are paid to be friendly to you like waitresses, clothing store clerks, bartenders, etc. Why are these women easy to talk to? Because you don’t want ugly women, you know that service people are being paid to be nice to you, and married women are unavailable. There’s nothing to gain by talking to them.

There’s nothing AT STAKE.  So what’s the big deal? This information gets you nowhere, right?

Wrong.

Because the concept of what’s AT STAKE is a key to your success with the gorgeous, healthy, fit, smart, sexy, wild, funny, sweet women you WANT.  How does this help you with the women you WANT?

In the spirit of the green trend that’s sweeping the nation right now, what you need to do is REMEMBER the mindset of there being nothing AT STAKE when you interact with gorgeous, healthy, fit, smart, sexy, wild, funny, sweet women you want and RECYCLE the mindset.

You don’t have to change your approach. Change your REASON for approaching. Your game will improve NATURALLY. Women are drawn to a man who doesn’t covet his opportunities with women.
Instead of approaching women out of a desire to get something for yourself (love/affection/approval/etc.), approach because you find women interesting. Be curious about how they see the world, how they feel in the moment, how they perceive other people, and how they interact with their surroundings.

Most importantly, don’t ever consider what’s at STAKE (your ego/your happiness/your urges/etc.) and just approach, engage, and cut ‘em loose. Consider it a grand experiment to find out more about women.  If you find that women who turn you on make you nervous and blow your mindset, try this. It is an easy, practical way to recycle and re-install the “nothing is at stake”  mindset. I call it “high concept.”  High concept is a simple concept usually used to explain a film. I use it to explain the concept of having a whole conversation about a simple idea.

Decide that you will ask the same simple question of ten women in one day. Regardless of their answer, you will not engage but simply accept it, thank them, and walk away. Ask them anything, or borrow one of my favorites: “Peanut butter and what?”  Simply ask, and let them answer. When they do, give them a “Thanks.  Just looking for some new ideas.”  Walk away.

By the time you ask the tenth woman this question, you’ll have heard several ways of answering the question and you should be pretty comfortable asking it. You will be calm and confident regardless of your target. You will have effectively recycled the “nothing at stake”  mindset into being a regular behavior of yours.

When you’ve questioned ten women, start over, but this time start reacting to their answer. Give them a rating from 1 to 10. When you meet a “jelly,”  say “Oh come on, how about a little imagination. Raisins maybe?  Honey? Celery?”  Or if you get something really wild back say “Wow.  I’ll give you two points for that answer. What kind of a woman puts fried bananas with peanut butter??”

 

To learn more from The Art of Charm about how to meet & attract women, visit www.afterhello.com And, if you're an LA local, you can stop by The Art of Charm office and meet the crew!

#nerdsunite

The Flow of #Seduction: A Game in Which No One Loses

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

I’m sitting in the middle of the stairs right below the cathedral in Cologne, Germany. It is one of these days at the end of spring when the sun burns really hot; dark, grey clouds hang miles above your head; and the strong wind tells you that it will rain in a few hours. I flip back the pages of my notebook as the wind turns them over again. I write down a sentence “talk about stuff that get her into a flow”. Wind flips over my page.

I am happy. It was a very good weekend; I met new people, thought new ideas.  The  sun shines and wait a second. She is cute. Pitch black long silk hair, a ponytail that you want to pull, her mouth wrinkles in a relaxed smile and she fights against the wind that flips over the pages of her book. I watch the scene for a second. Would I like to talk to her? Yes. Would I like to love her? From what I see so far, yes.  So I go.

I get up, take slowly the few steps towards her and sit down next to her and say the first thing that
comes to my mind. “Hey, you’re cute. What do you read?"  She blushes a bit, but as I opened the
escape road to respond to what she reads, she only gives me a clue that she is enjoying that
compliment. In this moment I realize that she is attractive and that we should come together in a physical way. In this moment I feel the flow in which our emotions can spread. We can both play the game of seduction; we can allow ourselves to play without having to win. Seduction is not a competition where one moves his army across the other’s battlefield and burns every village on the way so that there is no place left but sex. Seduction, as I think of it, is a game for adults.

A game where no one fights, but players entrance one another, where worlds collide as both share their world with the other one, no one gets hurt and no one can fail. At one point in time the game will be over and the memory will stay behind. This point can be reached after 5 minutes, 5 days, a kiss, sex, a year or 50 years. It will come when one of the players figures that the game is over. But until then it happens what happens.

Seduction is a game that flows, it is not to be seen as mechanical it also does not end after sex. Seduction is a lifestyle, an emotion and an idealistic goal.

Now I have got a different view on seduction than most of the people in the seduction community.  What I do is in flow. Many call it “natural.” It sure feels like “natural” but then again it is just one way of many to talk to a person. It might be a bit romantic or sleazy” but then again: “There is no girl who wakes up and says to herself: I definitely won’t get swept off my feet today.” In my experience almost everyone looks for a little bit of dreaming, fantasizing, and romantic in his life.

Seduction allows us to open up our bad sides and our good sides to create a tension that flows right
into a sea of passion. A sea where people can just let go and enjoy themselves as they are and enjoy
the moment they share.

Seduction starts when she seduces me. The very second that I think thoughts about her she seduced me. She seduced me in a way that I think: “Uuuh, cute little girl” ... “ I love that skirt on her.”  I let her seduce me  so far. I allow her to get me into the flow of seduction. The flow in which she plays with my thoughts and I play with hers. “That black dot right above your lips, I find that really sexy.”  The second she makes me think dirty thoughts, the game starts. I want her to think dirty thoughts too. So I walk up with her. I don’t know what I will say; it will appear the second that I stand before her. Most of the time I already know what to say: She seduced me. She made me think something about her.

What is better than this to start a conversation with than that something I just thought about her?
That little thought that she made me think. I want her to know that she seduces me. She will love it! Most of the girls do. If she does not, well, she is good for sex and a one night stand but this girl has no heart in communicating with people. I want passion and love in my life! I do not like girls that are too eager to play out their cards or their bitch shields. I am into girls that realize that there is a flow in a conversation once you let happen what comes up. This flow is seduction; it is passion; it is heart.

On this flow the two of you can glide into an unknown future, and yes we are adventurers of our own stories. Who knows what future you will find with her, sliding deeper on that flow. Maybe one day you will wake up next to her in your bed and think: What a cute little girl. I loved to pull her ponytail and see her pupils widen in ecstasy.

This is a bit of a different view on seduction maybe. It is one that is very successful for me and moreover, it is full of passion and heart. This way is a bit different and it follows different rules. I invite you to join my way and have a look at how I do it. Stories like this cannot be unraveled in one article, as a way does not unravel itself with the first step. Be patient, we are going towards seduction, and yet we are already in between.

To learn more about how to meet & attract women, check out www.afterhello.com

#nerdsunite

#JustDoIt: Embrace Your Humanity and Let Her See Your Vulnerability

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

Have you ever had that situation happen to you? You know, the one where you are with someone you are really into, and you do something RETARDED? You know, falling out of bed while trying to be seductive; pushing so hard she actually falls when you’re playing around; stuttering when you first meet her until you get your head together. I’ve heard this happen so often, and it always makes me laugh when I hear it. They’ll get all flustered and red and ask why I’m laughing when they just messed everything up. But the reality is, it could have messed everything up, but more likely than that, it made the girl fall just a little bit more for them.

I had a friend who told me that every woman wants a man who has a side that only she gets to see. A side that only she can unlock, like there is something special about her that opens a door her man keeps painfully closed to everyone else. And then there is the flip side of that, the man who is calm and collected, smooth and powerful, and loses it all because of her stunning beauty and personality. You can see this in any movie where there is a guy who is amazingly attractive, where he is reduced to a stammering mess in his love interest’s presence. Think Hitch, where he kicks the girl on the Jet-ski, or walks around drunk on medicine spilling his life secrets.

So what is it that makes these embarrassing, powerless moments so appealing to a woman? The answer is humanity. Women know when they see a man, especially a well dressed, confident, well spoken man, a perfect man, that he must have flaws. Then when that man expresses interest, they feel like he is too good for them, until something happens that exposes his humanity, something that shows them that their Achilles is mortal after all. This then allows them to connect with the man on a deeper level, because he is now human. To women, it is endearing, and builds a stronger connection.

Vulnerabilities or weaknesses are not, in and of themselves, unattractive. It is the way a man reacts to exposing his vulnerability that determines the attractiveness. I always consider it to be like a knight exposing the chink in his armor because he knows that even if it gets hit, he will be all right. If you are comfortable showing your vulnerabilities to your woman (from a place of power), she will connect more deeply with you. It gives you more in common; it shows her that you too can be shaken, just like her, but that it will never make you topple. But even more than that, it’s something special that not everyone gets to see. For 99% of your life, you are totally put together, in charge, a social powerhouse, but only she gets to see the moment where you stand with your mouth open watching your flambe  explode all over your freshly cleaned kitchen, and the subsequent smirk on your face afterward, when you suggest the new Tappas restaurant you found.

Most guys think they have to be perfect, say the perfect lines, have the perfect witty retort, stand with perfect poise, play the perfect game. But, what they are missing is that strength is not the absence of vulnerability, but rather the ability to stand in spite of it. So they ruin things with amazing women by running perfect robotic game, or by stressing themselves out when it does not all go as planned. But then some realize the power of letting your true self shine through when their lover tells them that she fell in love when she saw the look on his face when he saw that the restaurant he was taking her to had been replaced with a Wendy’s.

I guess what I am saying here is don’t be afraid to let her in. Give her the gift of seeing who you really are, in success and failure, so that you can truly connect. Most guys miss this step, and keep women out of their inner circle and wonder why they never feel connected. Try it, and you will see just how deeply you connect when both of you are present to the other’s humanity.

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