#NerdsUnite: What Does Fight Club Teach Us About Dating?

Editor's Note: Jordan is a dating coach. But not like "a" dating coach ... lemme rephrase that, he is THE dating coach. He has a show on SiriusXM called "Game On" and he's a super smarty pants when it comes to examining social dynamics. No ... like for real.

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

"This is your life and it’s ending one minute at a time.”

I watched Fight Club recently on BluRay and re-asserted the awesomeness of it in my personal movie universe. This isn’t just a killer movie, it’s a piece of cinematic literature. It spoke to me. Some of the great themes: throwing off the corporate chains. Embracing our nature as animals and our need to be violent. Our need to screw like animals. Rebellion. The internal battle of good vs. evil. Being an insider and being a part of something that makes us special. Living a life of passion. Pushing the edges and finding our limits. The bad boy versus the nice guy.

Everyone knows that Fight Club makes a great metaphor for game. Check it out.

1st and 2nd rules. You DO NOT talk about Fight Club. We actually talk about dating and game ad nauseum online, so when we’re out in the field socializing, we DON’T TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB…I mean, don’t talk about game. This is a great rule. Don’t analyze your interactions mid-set, don’t debrief in the club, do not get out of the moment. Instead, live in the moment and fill your interactions with passion. Revel in the closes and laugh at the blowouts. The time for breaking down interactions is after you’ve had sex with a chick, or when you’re back at the house at the end of the night.

3rd Rule: If someone says “stop,” goes limp, taps out, the fight is over. If you get blown out, eject from the set and move on. If you get broken up with or you do the breaking up, don’t linger in the relationship, move on. Next.

4th Rule: Only two guys to a fight. This is a good wingman rule; don’t move in on your buddy’s target. I also see this in another way. I see this as an internal battle, the alpha vs. beta, chode vs. player. When you’re out socializing, the challenge is always one of you versus yourself, not you versus the chick, versus the club, or versus other dudes. You are the one who makes game happen, and you are the one who defines a good night versus a bad night. In the movie, the true battle is actually between the unnamed narrator (Ed Norton) vs. Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt), or the protagonist versus himself.

5th Rule: One fight at a time. Live a life of abundance, but stay focused on who’s in front of you.

6th Rule: No shirts, no shoes. Go into your interactions unadorned and exposed as a true man of character. Let people see who you truly are.

7th Rule: Fights will go on as long as they have to. Run your sets to their natural conclusions. Give it your best effort and fight to win, but don’t be afraid to lose either. Take chances. Plow when needed.

8th Rule: If this is your first night at Fight Club, you HAVE to fight. This is the most important rule on the list. If it’s your first time out, you HAVE to open sets. No excuses. Treat every single social opportunity in the same way, even if it’s approach 1 or approach 1000.
Here’s a great Fight Club quote:

“A guy who came to Fight Club for the first time, his ass was a wad of cookie dough. After a few weeks, he was carved out of wood.”

When you’re beta and suck with chicks, you’re that wad of cookie dough. After you go into the field enough and do hundreds of approaches, you’re carved out of wood. Your entire reality is different. Everything else in your life gets the volume turned down. You turn into a fucking warrior.

Remember, don’t talk about Fight Club!

To learn more from The Art of Charm about how to meet & attract women, visit www.afterhello.com And, if you're an LA local, you can stop by The Art of Charm office and meet the crew!

#nerdsunite

Pick Up Line O'El Dia

You can fall off a building, you can fall out a tree, but baby, the best way to fall is in love with me.

Pick Up Line O'El Dia

Is your last name Gillette cause you're the best a man can get. 

#Question: Can your one night stand do this?

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

There’s a certain irony I’ve noticed in the world of men’s dating advice these days that amazes me.  And it’s this:  

While most guys, when polled, say they really want to find a great woman more than anything else, the vast majority of material I see out there focuses on how to get the quick lay, and pretty much leaves it at that.

The craziest part? I don’t think I’m offering a groundbreaking announcement here. I think most people, even in the Seduction Community, know this.

It’s like an elephant in the chat room.  All across the fruited plain, guys do a Google search to the effect of “How do I find a girlfriend?”  and end up training to be a pickup artist.

How does this happen?

Well, the first contributing factor is what I believe to be a major disconnect between what guys really want and the kind of marketing that they respond to.  Time and again, it has been proven by the Internet marketing gurus that certain types of web designs, certain copywriting tactics and even medium-red Tahoma Bold headlines beginning with “Who Else Wants To” are what cause people to buy.

Admittedly, even on my own websites I’m compelled to fall in line with proven design themes because they flat-out work.  And likewise, for better or worse, two of the most historically effective memes in marketing are “sex sells” and “immediate gratification rules.”  Said differently, even if a guy truly wants a great girlfriend, it’s going to be the promise of sex, as soon and as often as possible, that’s going to be what gets his attention first.

Second, it’s a matter of what makes the Internet tick in general.  Most of us in this space tend to disclaim what we do as being “for entertainment purposes only.”  Our intentions, of course, are to ensure the kind of legal protection that makes most of what you see out there branded as “dating advice” possible.  The wild part is that in many cases, it’s the truth. Stuff really is “for entertainment purposes only.”

Online, one can remain largely anonymous. Therefore, one can basically say whatever one wants, go wherever one wants and partake of whatever one wants, all in “stealth mode.” The tremendous but largely underground popularity of Internet porn sites underscores this concept. People visit in droves, but usually don’t advertise this fact to anyone else.  And while pickup and seduction really isn’t exactly porn, it’s still hella more fun to read about, post blogs about, and watch YouTube vids about than stuff like, oh, how to get a great woman in your life.  But the fact remains:  Most guys really, truly want more out of life than either a “quick and easy lay” or an endless series thereof.  If you really, truly are convinced that a lifetime of one night stands is for you, then my guess is that you’ve already long since stopped reading this article.

But if you are indeed a guy who honestly envisions complete control over his dating life, culminating in a successful long-term relationship with the greatest woman you have ever known, I have a challenge for you.

And that challenge is this:  What are you REALLY, TRULY doing proactively to make that happen in your life?

Have you been swallowed whole by a world that’s purely “for entertainment purposes” to you, or can you see the light at the end of the tunnel?

A couple of years ago, I found some rare downtime and happened to watch the final half hour or so of The Open Championship live from Royal Birkdale, in England.  If you aren’t a golfer, the important part here is it’s one of the most prestigious tournaments in the world.  Padraig Harrington played the final few holes of the tournament brilliantly. When he finally sank that final putt on 18, having shaken the hands of his worthy competitors, his adoring wife made her way out to the green, carrying Padraig’s second son in her arms.

She arrived shortly after four-year-old Padraig, Jr, who had bounded out to his father as soon as he was allowed to and sprang into his arms, fully trusting that he would be caught.  A moment later, the entire family was in an embrace, surely a world unto themselves at that point. They were savoring the moment together. Padraig, Sr’s countenance said it all. He was the happiest man on Earth. Yeah, winning the golf tournament, for the second year running, no less, was a phenomenal feat. But there was no denying that having those who were most important to him around to share the experience was what made the victory most satisfying.

Can your one night stand do that?

If not, why not evaluate where your focus is and how satisfied you are with the progress you are making when it comes to building real, holistic skills with women that can carry you through a lifetime of success. Even if you don’t win a major championship anytime soon, becoming a man who deserves what he wants and making it happen is truly its own reward.

To learn more from The Art of Charm about how to meet & attract women, visit www.afterhello.com And, if you're an LA local, you can stop by The Art of Charm office and meet the crew!

#nerdsunite

#Question: Are You A Closet Heterosexual? Part 2: Showing Interest Without Creeping Her Out

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

Question: Are You Scared of Being Sexual or Flirtatious Around Women?

If you’ve been hiding the fact that you have romantic or sexual interests in a woman or women in general, you might be doing it because you believe that it’s not classy to show interest overtly, or because you believe it is bad to have desires, or because you’re afraid that if you exhibit your desires to a woman, she’ll shoot you down or be creeped out.

In Part I of this post, I gave you some insight into why men conceal their sexuality. In this post, I’ll show you how to let it out without being needy or creepy.

Not knowing how to show your interest in a woman can cause you two different problems:

1. If you ask a woman out BEFORE you’ve shown her some romantic interest or flirting, she will be confused by and wary of your intentions.

For example, let’s say you have a quick conversation with a woman and establish that you both like biking. Throughout the conversation you have concealed that your underlying motive for speaking with her is that you are attracted to her. You then ask her to go biking with you and she seems a little unsure and hesitant. You suddenly feel rejected and ultimately leave empty-handed. 

She wasn’t unsure and hesitant because she didn’t like you;  she was unsure and hesitant because she couldn’t figure out WHY you wanted to go biking with her. If you had shown some interest or flirted with her, she may have been much more receptive to you.

2. If you show TOO MUCH interest or are too overt with it, she will think you’re NEEDY and be turned off.

For example, if you determine that you both like biking and then tell her “I’ve always wanted to go out with a woman who likes to bike and you are very pretty and I’ve enjoyed getting to know you and would you like to go out with me for biking and then dinner?” You’ve given her TOO MUCH interest.  Her conclusion from the above approach will be that you’re desperate for company, and if you’re desperate it must be because nobody else wants to go out with you and if nobody else wants to go out with you, why would she?

So how do you show enough interest, and make it flirtatious?

Get a sheet of paper.  Think about the qualities you find attractive in a woman. Anything is fair game:  physical qualities, her skills, her values, anything. What are the top five qualities a woman MUST have to be interesting to you? Write them down.

Your paper might look like this:

- Pretty face

- Thin

- Healthy/fit

- Creative

- Funny

Now cross out any of the ones that describe physical traits. Memorize your list.  Next time you meet a woman who exhibits ANY of these five qualities, just say “Hey, you’re (a health nut/creative/hilarious). I like that. What’s your number; we need to get together again.

The beauty of this method is you don’t even have to have anything in common to date her. She simply has to meet one of your criteria.  Your tone of voice should be the same as if you are making plans with your best friend. Calm, interested, but totally relaxed.

By telling her you like the quality she exhibited, you’re showing interest, but by staying calm and TELLING her to give you her number, you’re showing her that you KNOW how to take the lead and make new connections with people. Taking the lead without attachment to the outcome of the interaction telegraphs CONFIDENCE and never shows neediness or desperation.

Watch her eyes light up as she gives you her number. Never go back in that closet again!

To learn more from The Art of Charm about how to meet & attract women, visit www.afterhello.com And, if you're an LA local, you can stop by The Art of Charm office and meet the crew!

#nerdsunite