Pick Up Line O'El Dia

Is your last name Gillette cause you're the best a man can get. 

#Fact: Never Treat Someone Like a Priority, When They Treat You Like an Option

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

I remember when I was young and new to the community, I used to get flaked on quite a bit, and it was a big issue for me and a lot of the other guys I hung out with back then. Nowadays, I get flaked on very rarely, and I think it all comes down to an attitude shift;  changing my attitude toward dates from treating them like priorities, to treating them like options.

Let me explain.

Cool people who have stuff going on in their lives don’t treat dates like priorities. Hot girls don’t pull out their blackberries and writes the date into their calendars when I invite them out, and they don’t expect me to do so either. Even if you’re a really cool guy, and she really likes you, chances are any plans you make together are still options, not priorities. And that’s fine with me, because I don’t expect to be treated like a priority, and I don’t really WANT to be treated like one anyway.

So what is the difference between a priority and an option?

A priority is when you mark a date off in your calendar, cancel your other plans, and start tidying your apartment just in case she comes back to your place. A priority is when you presume that the date is going to happen in a certain way, at a certain time, and you get fixated on that. Implicitly, when you treat a date like a priority, you’re presuming that the other person is treating it like a priority too. And most importantly, when you make something a priority, you get disappointed when the plans change or get canceled.

An option, on the other hand, is much more flexible. An option is simply the possibility of doing something, with real plans TBA. When you have an option open with a girl, there’s no pressure, there are no real plans, and there’s just an agreement that you like one another and will hang out as soon as your busy schedules work together. An option is when you have plans for Thursday, but you call her up on Wednesday and say “let’s grab a pint tonight.” Options are not real plans; they only become solid plans a few hours before the event, when you call up and say “Hi, you still down for some Vietnamese food in the market?”

They are emotionally driven; we will meet up when it feels right, and we will do what we feel like doing at that time. Any plans are really only guidelines for what is going to be an emotionally driven activity.

The great thing about treating dates like options is that they’re low-pressure, comfortable, and make you look like an easygoing, busy guy who doesn’t care too much about the interaction. By treating dates like options, you’re preventing the logistics of the situation from interfering with the emotions of the situation. As long as the emotions are good, as long as she’s attracted to me and wants to meet up with me, then I can be confident that the logistics will work out eventually.

The other thing about options is that they’re easy. Easy come, easy go, easy to reschedule.

Because I never treated the option like it was a big deal, I don’t care if she reschedules or cancels. In fact, I usually have several options on any given night (either with girls or with friends or other activities) so there are always backup plans. And of course, everyone I have an option with is treating it like an option too, so I’m not leaving people high and dry.

If you treat a date as a priority, or worse, try and make her treat your date like a priority, you’re going to damage the emotional momentum that is driving her to want to meet up with you. If you’ve treated the date as a priority, and it doesn’t work out, you’re going to be disappointed. And if you’re disappointed, chances are it’s going to come out in your voice or in something you say, and all of a sudden, the emotions of the interaction have changed. Maybe she’ll think you’re lame, or maybe she’ll just feel guilty for bailing on you, but either way, attraction and excitement has been replaced with something else. Your emotional momentum is lost, and it will be much harder to get her to meet up with you again.

If you try to make her treat your date like a priority, you’re probably going to come across like a tool. Some gurus advocate calling women out on their flakiness. That’s a great idea if you don’t care about talking to her again. Likewise, trying to pressure or guilt a girl into going on a particular date with you is a great way to ruin attraction and ensure she doesn’t answer the phone when you call next. The fact is, unless you have tickets to a Bob Dylan concert or something, it’s really lame and needy to expect a woman to treat your casual date plans as a priority.

Treating dates like options can sometimes be a bit of a pain. Sometimes, you have to wait a week or more between getting a girl’s number and meeting up with her. You can’t plan really complicated dates, and you often need to have some decent phone game to keep the emotional momentum going in between meetups, but in the end, it’s a much more effective strategy.

Eventually, as long as she’s attracted to you, she WILL meet up with you in the end. And the hard-to-get, busy girls are usually the most fun anyways.

Peace out!

To learn more from The Art of Charm about how to meet & attract women, visit www.afterhello.com And, if you're an LA local, you can stop by The Art of Charm office and meet the crew!

#nerdsunite

#Fact: There Are No Quick Fixes for Bad Daters

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

Most men make dating way too difficult.

Bad Daters (BDs) search for the perfect pickup line or opener ... they spend way too much time online researching seduction techniques ... they obsess about women they want to meet ... they search for a magic bullet to make women fall in love with them.

Here’s the paradox of dating: meeting women and creating relationships is relatively easy, but requires something that most men find excruciatingly difficult.

Let me explain. Most Bad Daters struggle with shyness or social anxiety. For whatever reason. . . genetics, family environment, or fear, they find talking with and interacting with people especially difficult.

A second factor compounds this problem.

Most people tend to spend the most of their time doing what comes easiest for them. People who are naturally good at sports tend to play a lot of sports. People who are naturally good at math tend to spend a lot of time doing math. People who are naturally good at socializing tend to spend a lot of time socializing.

It only makes sense that if something comes relatively easily, you spend more time doing that thing. The result is that like most people, you tend to get pretty good at one or two things but lag behind at most other things.

Here’s the heart of your dating problem.

Since childhood, some things came more easily for you than for others. I’m going to guess that socializing is one of those things that didn’t come especially easy. Therefore, you developed your math muscle, D&D muscle, Halo muscle, watching TV muscle, or surfing the internet muscle, and never put much effort into developing your social muscle.

Initially, using a muscle that has never been trained or developed typically results in clumsiness and failure. The first several times you try to ride a bike, shoot a basketball, or drive a stick shift you feel awkward. That’s normal. Social muscles are no different.

Here is the third thing that makes dating and mating way too difficult for most shy guys.  Most socially anxious men want to get laid or get a girlfriend; these are powerful motivators. Because they have never developed their social muscle, these men often go looking for shortcuts and quick fixes. They think they should be able to play like Kobe and LeBron without having to put in hours working on their game. When they do occasionally venture out onto the dating court and miss the first two or three shots they take, they get frustrated and give up.

These three factors, social anxiety, a tendency to neglect developing social muscles, and a desire for quick fixes all combine to make dating way more difficult than it needs to be.

If the scenario above fits you, here is what I suggest: skip the Grand Theft Auto and the search for the quick and easy dating tricks, and work on developing your social muscle.

Relationships are the result of unexpected miracles. Not many miracles happen when you are sitting at home playing X-box, watching television, or surfing the internet for porn. Not many miracles happen when you spend 60 to 70 hours a week at work. Not many miracles happen when you only hang out with other socially anxious men.

To become a natural, successful dater you have to do something that doesn’t come easy; talk to people.  Like everything else, to get good at something, you have to start with the basics and work your way up. You have to start out playing scales before you play Chopin.

Here’s your workout routine for developing your social muscle:

* Get out of the house every day.

* Expand your route and linger in public places.

* Talk to people everywhere you go (not just hot women).

It’s that simple.

If this plan scares you, feels awkward, or seems unrelated to your goal of getting a girl, great;  go do it!  There are no shortcuts or quick fixes to developing your social muscle. Without social competency, you’ll never be more than a “Geek with Techniques” when you try to approach women.

Working on your social muscle isn’t sexy and it won’t produce overnight results, but it will build a foundation for success in dating and mating.

Here’s the bonus, besides giving you the skills you need to be successful with women, it will also give you the skills you need to be successful in every other area of life!  So turn off your computer, get the hell out of the house, and smile and say hello to the first person you meet.

To learn more from The Art of Charm about how to meet & attract women, visit www.afterhello.com And, if you're an LA local, you can stop by The Art of Charm office and meet the crew!  



#nerdsunite