#Randombling: @JenSquard

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @JenSquard

Randombling: A 5 minute long unedited random stream of consciousness produced by a nerd for nerds.

#nowplaying: Candy Man - Christina Aguilera

Dang.  So I totally used back into some girl's truck.  I dented the bumper a bit.  Then end.  You would think I slapped her grandma with the way she was acting!  I know it's not cool to have someone hit your car, but it isn't like a took off or anything.  When she came out I was looking for the insurance card so I could leave the info for her.  I gave her all on my numbers and junk, apologized like fifty times, and she was still acting like a bitchy beyotch.  Whatever.  You know what?  That's exactly what bumpers are for.  And insurance.  Don't be rude.

On to something less obnoxious.  So I've been working out for a while now, and this is the first time in my life that I am actually okay with it!  I like it!  Maybe it's because Gold's Gym has a sweet cardio cinema, and its super dark in there so no one is staring at you - and I get to just watch a movie so I don't get so bored.  Normally when I work out I get tired of it after like two times.  Results aren't fast, and I feel like a loser, but this time I'm doing good with it.  Good thing, too - 3 kids fucks you up.  For reals. 

And I'm not hanging up Christmas lights, that is just crazy.  Christmas lights are expensive, our electrical bill is way high enough already, and I don't think you need to decorate the outside of your house to enjoy the holiday.  I don't even get the whole tree thing, but we are doing that at some point.  I'm tired of the silly inflated snowmen and crap, those are just lame.  Seriously, stop it middle America, you are making yourself look like tards.  And buh bye.

I'm on Twitter and Facebook...lonely....looking for friends!

#Randombling: That Nerdy Chick

Randombling: A 5 minute long unedited random stream of consciousness produced by a nerd for nerds.

#nowplaying: Trust- Eric James & The New Century

*waves* Hello again from the Corner Bakery!! Goodness gracious I get SOO much more work done when I am at coffee shops. I just lose too much track of time when I am at any sort of home base. Super grateful too that again, @maniacalmorgan works for Coffee Bean - so before each work session I get free coffee. HAHA!! I will die milking the system as much as I can, man. Loves it. Dude, I have sooooo much SEO work to do today. I'm gonna fly being this caffeinated. BAHHH!!

Crazy time ... I got the breakdown last night for the lead in the "Talk Nerdy To Me, Lover" pilot. My life rights are tied into it - so I was asked some pretty personal questions before things began and it just got me thinking that it never occurred to me that none of this was normal.

I've never fit in ... anywhere. I was too cute to be a nerd, and too nerdy to be cute. I say that of course as humbly as possible, but incredibly incredibly matter of fact - that as a model, I couldn't have a brain. Kicked ass in sales, but never felt fully satisfied with anything I was doing because I was too young to succeed at something like that so quickly. I know right, *worlds tiniest violin* but it's so true that you can only be so attractive and so smart to succeed in a "normal" environment. Having this super trippy story was prolly the only way I was every going to find personal satisfaction. Which is just such a trip ... Hindsight is always 20/20. It just cut out so much of the bullshit and got things done SOOOO quickly. In LA everyone talks up a big game about, ohhh I can help you with this acting gig, or you know, you need to meet this agent he can do this. I don't have an agency, or a manager - I just have lawyers. That just doesn't happen ... but maybe with social media this is the NEW story ... this is the NEW way to get things done ... just do it yourself! I wasn't waiting for someone to call someone, or for someone to discover me ... I tweeted!!! So nuts ... so so nuts. Seeing it on paper as a character breakdown is even nuttier!!!

Oh la la ... and I'm wearing my sexy boots today. Back when I donated everything, these shoes were stuck under my seat ... so I inadvertently kept them. Super grateful now, cause today I feel sexxyyyyyyy!! RAWRRRR!!

HA! So much of the last year was removing the vanity. I had to figure out who I was aside from the looks department. Dude, I have been a scrubby motherfucker for an entire year. For reals ... for a chick that received so much validation on looks - that was a shift in consciousness. However, super super super grateful for it. I was just always so in my head wondering what other people were thinking about me and yada yada. It was horrible. Dude, being of a certain attractiveness is an INCRREEDDIIBBLLYYYY lonely existence. For reals ... guys I've dated over the years have always said the same thing, "I thought you were out of my league." No wonder why I dated douchey guys, they were the only ones that ever approached me!! Spending the last year wearing the weirdest clothing, almost no makeup taught me so much. Oddly enough the more that I recognized that my awesome was organic, and the less I even cared about my looks at all - the MORE dates I got. I swear to you, I have never been asked out more in my entire life. Every day I get asked out. It's incredible. I'm APPROACHABLE!!! THANKKKK GOOODDDDD!!!!

Speaking of dating, I totally asked a boy out on Facebook the other day and am taking him to this event tonight. Super exciteddddd!! It's actually a big deal. Variety is throwing this shindig downtown with all these comedians ... I'm really excited. This is a boy I met IRL, not on OKC ... thought was cute, and asked out. Period end of sentence. I am sensing some serious growth with my intimacy issues. #SCORE!!!

#Randombling: That Nerdy Chick

Randombling: A 5 minute long unedited random stream of consciousness produced by a nerd for nerds.

#nowplaying: Angel- Jack Johnson

Wow, crazy emotional day ... SOO!! I have a shit ton of meetings that I've been juggling for the last month or so - today, I'm just taking up shop at the Corner Bakery by the Beverly Center in LA, and just asking people to meet me here. It's weird not having a car. But super super super grateful that @maniacalmorgan works at the Coffee Bean and was able to give me a ride into LA. Dude, the valley = middle of noooowwhhheereee ... bahhh! I digress ... 

Today's a big day. We're getting our first batch of notes on our marketing outline and pilot script. So so so much just blood sweat and tears has gone into this thing from day one. It's so rad to watch it all just kinda click now. At the same time, I'm meeting with another team today to talk to them about documenting the next leg of this journey. I dig lifecasting so so so much - but I can't keep doing it all myself. It's not only exhausting, it's not really the whole objective truth. I want to have someone, somewhere document it a bit more objectively than I can. 2011 is going to be a trippy, trippy ride ... and I want it done right.

I emailed AOL again the other day too ... I love those people, I really really really do ... but they're all just too big for their own good. It's taking SOOOO long! And I don't have any more time. Dude, I met with them at the end of September!!!! Come on, man! I know I'm not your priority, but I'm my priority - and I will absolutely figure out a way to execute this goal. I have a team in place, and we're ready go ... I just don't know if my expectations are skewed being in this space or what - but we're all about getting shit done. I haul ass every.single.day. It's just what we do ... we all thrive off of each other's energy, and I love that at any hour of the day, someone somewhere in my social media network is working too. Keeps me going ... 

On top of all of that today, the person that doesn't want their name or illness mentioned but is incredibly incredibly incredibly close to me, had to go in and get their first round of treatments today. So trippy. It's not even that this person has this disease, it's that this person is like MY person. That rock, that constant. This person is crazy stupid young to have this happen, and - wow, I'm totally tearing up in the middle of the coffee shop even thinking about this ... I just, can't believe it. *Whew breathe Jen breathe* 

So yeah! Talk about a CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY emotional rollercoaster. I'm so excited and so anxious for this afternoon, and this person just had to go through treatment. Are you kidding me?!? Just gotta compartmentalize as much as possible, and focus on the here and the now. This person has this happening ... awesome sauce. Buddha says, to live is to suffer. We're all dying, some just sooner than others. And again, this person isn't dying any more than you or I ... just has to go through some pretty gnarly shit over the next year or so. Crazy. I won't let it take over my life, and TRUST me this person won't allow it to either. We're not even calling it the actual disease name ... my family made up a nickname for it, which is super cute. But yeah ... crazy time. I should be celebrating and all that, but all the only emotion I can really conjure up is gratitude. I am grateful from the depths of my soul in my last 4 lifetimes. I could kiss the sky, it feels so good to be alive. But man ... what a ride. 

And yeah ... that is all. K ... thanks ... bye ... 

PS. the guy on the laptop in front of me is totally trying to figure out a way to pick me up. It's pretty funny actually. OMG he totally just did the arm stretch. HAHAHAHA!! He's a PC user ... so its totes mcgotes never going to happen. There's no way I'm going to let him access my hard drive with that kinda software. Sheesh ... 

#Randombling: @JenSquard

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @JenSquard

Randombling: A 5 minute long unedited random stream of consciousness produced by a nerd for nerds.

#nowplaying: What's My Name - Rhinanna

Wow, for reals.  This weekend went GREAT!  So super great.  The inlaws that I was nervous about seeing (checky check out the reasons here) were really nice to me.  Like way nice.  It was great, and they acted like nothing ever happened.  I got a little bit of an apology, and they thanked me for even coming.  I think they just appreciated that I was willing to come and put it all behind us and wasn't just a total doucher. 

So glad that Thanksgiving is over.  Now I can go back to just living my life and pretending that things are normal.  The best part of every day is watching my 3-year-old daughter dirty dance in her princess dress.  I swear, I have no idea where she learned these dance moves...some friends from high school say it must be genetic.  I don't know, but damn, that girl's got it going on! 

And yeah, life has just been so good lately that I feel like something shitty might happen anytime.  That's a terrible way to think about things, I know, but that is totally how this year has gone - not much has been right.  But damn, everything has been so good the last couple of weeks!  let me break it down: I ordered my SpiritHood, I didn't have to cook Thanksgiving, Brian got an unexpected vacation payout from his old job, my mom gave me some $$ to buy the sweetest camera EVERRRRRR, and my Grandpa just handed me $200 just because.  Right???  Things are so good!  I am finally feeling like we can actually start to enjoy life and stop just surviving. 

And while I thought I would just die without internet this weekend, it was actually kind of nice.  I zigged and zagged my way through emails and FB on my phone, so I wasn't totally cut off, just enough to make me miss it.  Absense makes the heart grow fonder, and I feeling quite fond of you right now, internet.  Why don't we light some vanilla mint candles, poor a couple glasses of something fermented, and get sweaty on each others faces. 

#KTHXBYE

I cheat on Facebook with Twitter: @JenSquard

#Randombling: That Nerdy Chick

Randombling: A 5 minute long unedited random stream of consciousness produced by a nerd for nerds.

#nowplaying: Kids, Sleigh Bells

AH! So much going through my head ... What a crossroad. These next few weeks are going to say a whole lot about my entire first quarter of next year.

First off, on Monday - I'm going to start making some phone calls to the casting peeps at the Focus Rally. I need to figure out where I am going to live next, as things with the now TV show are picking up (remember, the feature film got turned into a pilot? Yeah! Cool shit man!), and if I don't get the Rally I need to be more centrally located to Hollywood since as of December, I won't have a car anymore either. My registration is up entirely on that thing now. So I've pushed the limit on driving it until the end of November, but for reals ... driving without insurance or registration is just retarded. I am about milking the system, not setting myself up for a really gnarly lawsuit. That being said, I need to plot my next move within the next 2 weeks. If I get the Focus Rally, I won't necessarily need to be in Hollywood - would just need to get a storage unit for a bit to throw all my things in. Maybe I can do another down size and just get a locker somewhere. Hmmmmmm ... Dude, plus I'd get 10Gs for doing the show. Is the experience alone not the most amazing thing ever ... really? You're giving us money too? Epic. I can totally use that to pay some debt.

It's gonna suck to not have a car, but again - if I'm just centrally located enough ... I can figure the rest out. I just can't live alllll the way in the valley and make it to all the meetings that I know I'll have to be taking. You just have to be prepared. That's all luck is, is opportunity meeting preparation. I'm one of the most prepared people alive. FOR REALLLLSSSS. I'm always on my toes thinking 10 steps ahead. I have to be. It's my thing.

I'm also going to follow up with Playboy this week, as I know they were looking to start with their project for first quarter. Working for them would be AHHH-MAAZZINNGGG!!! I know there is some serious cross nerdy loving that we could do. I'm pretty excited.

Either way, I just have to close a few of these open doors just to see what is up. 2010 was the creation of all of this story. 2011 is going to be all about what's next, and explaining the lifecasting formula to as many people that will listen. I know this shit works, but I am sooooo not interested in money or running the financial components of a business. Don't get me wrong, I'm a saleswoman ... HAHA! I am AWESOME at upselling. But after a year of living with $10 to my name, I just discovered none of it means anything anyway. Now having all this money next year STILL won't really interest me, but it will give me a foundation to do some pretty cool stuff that I haven't had this year in a physical sense. My only address has been this domain. Even though I loved it, learned a lot, and told a great story - it has to have better structure to it. I got the attention I wanted ... now I just have to step up to my own plate.

So yeah ... gonna be a busy week. I'm pretty stoked. YAYY!!!!

OH AND before I go, you HAVE to hear this song from Skins, which is this big UK show coming to MTV - its in the :30 TV spot and I'm in LOOVVEEEEE!!

Thanks again for finding the vid @Wibblenut!

Night night lovers!!!

xoxo

#NerdsUnite