The #truth about mother/baby bonds

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @JenSquard

I know what a lot of you are thinking - “I understand it, my dogs are just like my kids.”  I know because I used to be that guy.  And trust me, you don’t know.  And it’s not something that I can really explain or describe fully, either, but I will do my best.  

See what I mean? Ugly and gross.So many women talk about the first time they see their baby - how beautiful they are, the life changing emotions, and the immediate and overwhelming sense of love.  Well, it doesn’t happen that way for everyone.  At all.  

Babies are gross.  Don’t forget that I am a biologist, can dissect a brain without wearing gloves and have eaten guinea pig.  But newborns are seriously gross - they come out of your uterus, first of all, and they are grayish and slimy and covered in a thick layer of white sticky stuff.  When I had my first baby I told the midwife that I really wanted her to be wiped off before they laid her on me, and it was still not enough.  

When they handed her to me for the first time, my very first thought was “she is so ugly”.  You go your entire pregnancy with a terrible fear of having an ugly baby...and babies are almost always ugly.  Especially if they are born naturally...or mine, apparently.  I had a hard labor, and her head was super squished and really bruised - you could barely see her eyes.  We just sat there staring at each other, and I couldn’t help thinking “this is it?  I went through all of that for this?”  The bond was NOT immediate, obviously.  And she smelled like raw chicken, not even joking.  

I felt like such a terrible mom!  You are supposed to cry when you have a baby, and love them so much that you can’t stand to have them away from you.  I mostly A face only a mother could love...eventually. Kidding, totally kidding.felt disappointed and relieved that it was over.  Right after that they took her and my hubby to give her a bath and get her less grossified, and I had to go in for surgery, so I didn’t see her for another couple of hours, which is FOREVER in the land of babies.  Once I got her back the love started growing a little more, and that love hasn’t stopped growing since then (even when she drew on every surface of her room with a sharpie).  

So we are all different, I suppose, but it’s not all roses like it is for some women.  I’ve had three kids, and it has been the same for all of them.  I love them because they are mine, but the deep, kill a person, kill yourself love that you have for your kids took time.  Not a year, but a couple of days. 

Find @JenSquard on Twitter for more Naughty Mommy Happenings.

#ProjectThreeSixFive: A week in review

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @JenSquard

Here are a couple pictures from my 365 Project from this week:

Wanna see more?  I don't blame you!  Check out the photoblog: blog.jenswedhinphotography.com

It's time to get #password smart!

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @JenSquard

I did a photo shoot last night for a bunch of ladies, and they were required to give me a password for their online gallery.  It was amazing to hear how many of them told me that they used that same password for everything - um, hello?  You don’t know me, but now I can get into your email?  Not smart.  

I understand why we do the same password everything - muscle memory is powerful, so it is hard to retrain your hands to type a new word over and over, and it is less efficient.  And we also assume that if we pick a new password we will never remember it.  It’s happened to all of us - you had to pick something new for something obscure, then could never access that account again because you couldn’t remember the right combo of letters, numbers and symbols.  But give yourself a little credit - we can store TONS of numbers in our head with no problem, so today is the day to get password smart.

1) DO NOT use password for your password.  Or one of your kids’ names.  Or your beloved dog’s name.  OR YOUR NAME!

2) Mix it up.  Pick a common word or number, and use that within your password if you really have to, but change it around.  If you have a special number (mine is my lunch pin from high school), add it before your initials and after your favorite football team’s color.  Make it complex...unless you don’t mind identity theft.  

3) Acronyms are everything these days, so make your own!  Think of a sentence that means something to you, and use the first letter of every word.  Here is an example:  I got married on June 1, 2009.  Your password would be: IgmoJ1,2009.  Who is going to crack that code?  Think of a couple of sentences, and if they are things that matter to you, like when you were born, when your children were born, when you lost your virginity, or even a line from your favorite movie, you aren’t going to forget.  How about this one: If you try to hack my computer I will find you and hit you with a shovel!  Password: IytthmcIwfyahywas!  Say the sentence as you type and it really is quite easy.

4) Don’t write your password on a sticky note and stick it to your computer.  If someone breaks into your house, they don’t even have to steal something to screw you over.  They just have to take pictures of your stuff.  Bye bye credit score.  

So there you go - use a different password for your important stuff.  Email, bank account, Facebook, credit cards.  You will remember them.  Bad guys will not.

Life of a #lifecaster - how I'm feeling about things.

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @JenSquard

Lately I’ve been feeling...uh...unimpressed?  I don’t know what the best way to put it is.  I feel kind of like I am floating on my own out here in the lifecasting world.  I haven’t talked to @JenFriel much since I called turned the tables with the calling out shenanigans (here), so I’m feeling a little alone.  Jen and I are so wildly different, which I think is why bringing me on works, but I often feel like a very ill-fitting piece to this machine.  

I am a definite nerd....but a different kind of nerd.  Not a tech nerd like so many seem to be, but a science nerd.  Unfortunately right now I’m not a practicing scientist, I’m a photographer, so nerding out over something that isn’t a major part of my day to day life is a challenge.    

While my posts get retweeted and shared on Facebook a bunch (which thanks for that, by the way!), I don’t get much for response or reach out...I know that shouldn’t be a factor, but it is, and it is hard to know if I am alone or resonating with someone.  I don’t even know if any of this is making sense to anyone, either, it’s just the way I am feeling.

I’m not asking for anything, and I do appreciate the platform and the support, and I definitely am enjoying the blogging...I just feel like an outsider that is trying to squeeze into a mold that may or may not be there.  It seems like TNTML is going in a different direction, and I’m just feeling a little lost.  

Would love to hear from you if you have some input: @JenSquard

#TipsForDudes: Take Charge!

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @JenSquard

First off, this absolutely does not mean: be chauvinistic, be controlling, be demanding or be rude.

What it does mean is to be aggressive.  I know, I know, it is 2011, and as women, we know that we don’t need you to take charge.  I’m sure some women don’t want it at all.  But for a lot of us, we do.  I know that I make decisions ALL.DAY.LONG.  Stupid decisions, hard decisions, whatever, but I am always making the final call on something.  So it really turns me on to have someone make those decisions for me.  Where to eat, what we are going to do, sexual positions...I don’t care what it is, but just to have someone take a little bit of control is awesome.

If you are in the mood - initiate.  If you get turned down, who cares?  Try again tomorrow.  And if it works - amazing!  Take charge and own your chance!  Don’t, I repeat, DO NOT just kiss and kiss and have no plans for a middle or end game.  Don’t leave it up to your lady to make the next move every time.  You are the one that initiated, you are the one that should lead this sexy dance. 

Having said all of that, don’t start ordering for us at a restaurant.  Don’t tell us who we can hang out with.  Do tell us that you are going to give it to us from behind before...well....whatever you want to do.  Just make a decision, and leave it up to us to veto it if we need to. 

Oh yeah, and use those man muscles to pick us up by our butts and toss us on the bed from time to time.  You won’t be sorry.