A Nerd Reviews the #FleshLight

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @SaintPepsi

It seems an unspoken rule that women are allowed to have sex toys. We don't talk about it. We don't mention it in groups, but no one is ever that shocked to find out that a girl has a vibrator. Maybe it's because the sexual imagery or porn have made it easy to think of a girl and a vibrator.

Four years ago I didn't even know they had male sex toys. It wasn't until I caught a few episodes of Kevin Smith's www.smodcast.com and the DVD's they did with him called An evening with Kevin Smith. He started talking about how it was such an amazing experience. In my head I thought but he's married- turns out his wife was totally on board because he was a morning boner and she liked to sleep; the sex toy fulfilled a carnel morning desire.

It was a toy called the Fleshlight and ever since Kevin Smith bought it, he said it was worth every penny. Always skeptical I did my own research. Going to their site www.fleshlight.com, you quickly realize it's the #1 selling sex toy for men on the market. Its use of a patented real skin material make the pocket pussy feel like a real vagina. Still at this point just speculation. They had all sorts of different ways you could customize your man sleeve. With 3 obvious and different orifices you can buy, those being the ass, vagina, and mouth. Depending on just what you wanted from your purchase you can also get the insides changed up with different textures. Bumps, ribbed, waves and many other unique patterns designed to get you off faster than you do when the boss says you can clock out. The whole aperture is about 10 inches tall. This doesn't mean you need a 10 in donger to use it. It's mainly suited for an average sized man to fill respectably. The bottom length the last 4 or 5 inches is used to create a kind of vacuum effect. Holding you manhood in as you try and pull it out. At the base of the fleshlights case is a turnable piece of plastic. You can loosen it or tighten it. The looser it is the more air gets in allowing for less of a vacuum feel. Twist it as tight as you can and the pressure becomes insurmountable. Add a bit of water based lube on the opening and you have yourself a good time.

So story as old as time I asked for one of these for Christmas 3 years in a row. I never really expected anyone to get me one but wouldn't it be comical if they did. Was just this last Christmas when I wanted to give back to my roommate for all his kindness and gift giving. He gets me pretty rad stuff for Christmas and Birthdays. So I got him one of those legit FX lightsabers. A pretty penny I know but well worth his friendship. He wasn't about to let my kindness go unmatched and set out to get me a gift he knew I wanted. Yes folks my roommate whom I am very proud of took me to a sex shop and had me pick out my very own fleshlight. There are many off brands but fleshlight was the only one that had that rare for real feel. So we got the thing and I brought it home.

The fleshlight was pretty big I remember thinking and he got me one based off a real pornstars girly bits. It had a list of things you had to do to prep the little bugger. Soak in warm water to mock body temp, apply lube to whole insert and repeat. So I gave it a go. It didn't feel like the real thing. Obviously nothing can match the dark secrets that lay between a lady's legs. However this did grant you about as close as you could come without having the real thing. Cleaning it can be slightly awkward but nearly as awkward as drying it as sometimes company will use your bathroom and finding an unsheathed pocket pussy is hardly proper dinner conversation. I will attest that yes it's worth trying and keeping. It helps build stamina in the real bed. It grants you a sweeter release than you hand could have ever hoped to achieve. If you are a single man and have no means for copulation then by all means spind a few dollars and whisk yourself away to a fevered land of awesome ecstasy. If not keep tugging away with your tired and over used hand.



#nerdsunite

#Facebook hype will fade? Not so fast ...

I am currently having a very interesting chat on Facebook ... it references this article on CNN ... so totally read it first. It's kosher, I'll wait for you right here ... doop dee dooo .... lah dee dah ....

For reals ... myspace and facebook have never ever ever been in the same league. Haha totally need to hold back my true feelings for Myspace. I just really really really believe in the power of social media. Clearly. The ultimate, and most unpredictable variable in whether or not a social site will flourish is based on who is actually running it. I worked for LiveVideo back at the end of 2007, which promoted lifecasters livestreaming to all around the world, pre the big social media boom. What we were doing on that website was friggen AHHMAZINNGGG but was 1) way too ahead of the time. and 2) run by one of the founders of myspace who just wanted to flip it. He just didn't really care. Was by NO means a reflection of the medium as a whole, or any of that other rubbish ... it was just run by a dude that had other things in mind for his life. To each his own, man, whatever people want out of life ... as long as they're happy, I'm copasetic. But for reals, Zuckerberg is not not NOT after the money, not that he doesn't have it anyway ... it just wasn't his intention, or his ultimate goal. He gets people. Dude, look at the shift from "fan" pages to "like" pages. FUCKINGGG BRILLIIANNNTTTTT!!! We were becoming psychologically conditioned because of social sites to no longer want to fan celebs, we wanted to be their friend. It created this rad even playing field ... he got that.

Look at the like button. Sometimes you want to show your support, but can't think of anything to say ... here, just give it a like, and that's good enough, and oh yeah that also shows on your wall and in your news feed to enhance the likelihood that someone else in your network will like it as well, as birds of a feather flock together. The man is a genius. Behind the scenes, I totally expect to see some big OZ like dude totes mcgotes just kickin it.

Facebook is different. Facebook is different. Facebook is different.

Psychology is everything in social media ... and they get it.

#IMHO

Two #Nerds talk #Boobs!

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @ashleighmayes and @SaintPepsi

Ashleigh: Hello, nerdy lovers! It's Ashleigh...

Jordan: ...and SaintPepsi here!

Ashleigh: The word of the day is...BOOBS! I've had this discussion with my girlfriends before, and it always comes back to the fact that boobs aren't that awesome.

Jordan: I'd like to counter with the age old cough *bullshit!*

Ashleigh: Seriously?! I just don't get it. They're...annoying! But before we get to the pros and cons, let's examine them for what they are: an        important part of survival.

Jordan: If surviving means sucking milk it would have to be a pretty well timed apocalypse.

Ashleigh: *rolls eyes* If the first cavemen hadn't discovered that (or had the instinct), for their infant to survive, they needed to place the little shit's mouth by that lump of fat on the female, none of us would be here today.

Jordan: They probably figured it out by watching cows or something. Really the credit should be given to the smaller creatures that really did have the instinct to do that.

Ashleigh: Eh...I suppose so. I'd hate to see the world if people copied more things that humans do. Heh...I suppose we'd save water if everyone used their tongue to clean their own...nevermind. But back to the biological aspects of the breast. Each breasticle is made up of, from closest to the body to the farthest away, the breast wall, the Pectoralis muscles, the Lobules, the duct, the Areola, the Nipple (Heh...Nipple is a funny word), and of course, the skin.

Jordan:That's a good start, i'll admit to liking all of those things together. However, to say boobs have but one purpose is sadly a short sighted look into their many productive uses which may not all be practical.

Ashleigh: Oh, Jordan! Ok, ok. I guess you're forcing me to deprive our dear readers a lesson on the biology of the boob. Tell me, then...WHY are boobs so awesome?

Jordan: Well they are useful in some many different ways. Depending on the size and yes all guys like boobs no matter what size they are. So long as there are boobs there. Boobs have been used in all forms of fashion and design. They mark the giving nature of the mother, they are inevitably the first place the eyes fall for anybody. Girl, gay or guy. Boobs have a way of pooping up everywhere.  In art the boob allows for the woman to be curved and even more sexually appealing where as a mans marks art stern and hard.  In society dresses accenting the boobs properly show status and a determination to keep one's self groomed. You will hardly find a lady dressed up to her best with out spending some time on how her boobs look to assure the proper amount of gawking. There is the natural giving nature of the breast which has been used in religions across the world for centuries as a source for nurturing, and lastly in a sexual sense the cluster of nerves at and around the boobs offer a girl even more areas to be stimulated during the sexual actions she takes on. Frankly I'm jealous.

Ashleigh: Don't be. While I see where you're coming from, as a breast-bearer, I can't tell you HOW frustrating they can be. I get embarrassed easily, but there's nothing as awkward as trying to squeeze past a crowd and accidentally have someone rub all up in your rack. Or how about hugging short people? Seriously? It's like they're short just so they can fit their face in there! But that's not the worst thing! Clothes shopping, that's what! I get SO pissed off when I find something that's SOOO cute but can't wear. It's either that it makes my boobs look boxy, or flat as a board. If it's not that they don't look right, it's that the top fits around my waist and lengthwise perfectly but doesn't fit at ALL in the chest.

And the fact that some guys (or girls, I suppose) put so much importance on them bugs me. I'm not saying that YOU are, Jordan. You're too awesome for that. I just hate how that's the VERY first thing that some care to even notice.

Jordan: It's hard not to notice them. They are shaped like bullseyes. And that has been frustrating for myself. While I am not a fat person to say I am chunky enough to have "MAN BOOBS!" Dun Dun Dun... a source of endless shame in jr. and sr. high.  You are right finding shirts large enough to not accent my lumps of fat on my chest is a difficult task. One I'd rather avoid.  Boobs on a guy just don't work so well, aside from being brilliant for a pillowish place for a lady to cuddle up on. i still admire and love the time girls to put into them. i know not all guys notice when a girl has taken the time to look gorgeous. There are a few of us that notice the little things, like a haircut, new shoes, or even new clothes. Because lets face it guys will never have to worry about accessorizing or bra's. You can't tell me it's not the greatest feeling in the world to watch a guys eyes bug out because you are a drop dead knock out. KO you sealed the deal with a whimsical kiss and you're out to dinner.  Those things have mystical powers that the kids at Hogwarts never dreamed to use... Stupid wizard robes.

Ashleigh: Haha. Ok, ok. It IS fun to make boys stare. You mentioned bras. That's another pain in the ass! If you're even slightly off of average it would be hard for you (I'm not saying I'm off of average!! WAIT...I'm not average! CRAP!) to find a perfect fit. Not only that, but boobs are the indirect cause of a sore back. I don't know HOW many guys snapped my straps in my years of public school! And what can we do in our defense? NOTHING! And not only that...but if you get hit, it HURTS! I guess that goes without saying, though. But seriously! It's FAR too easy to hurt them when you're playing around. A basketball hits a guy in the chest and it's like..."Eh...whatever". With a girl, it's like "HOLYMOTHEROFDOG!"

Jordan: Oh I know I've been hit in the boob. Still you don't have ball's a dangling so even trade i say.  Also people don't hit you in the tits because it's funny.  You see a guy get hit in the junk it's a riot. You see a girl get hit in the boob it's a show stopper.  Everything ends because everyone trys to comfort that girl.  That's why so many girls just grin and bear it because they hate the sympathy they get from getting hit there. That aside the whole bra shopping thing I totally get. i am a man who isn't afraid of Underwear shopping for my significant other. There's a reason guys buy gift cards because if you get the wrong fit they won't ever wear it except the one tome to show it off.  I usually stick to buying panties for them.  Panties tee hee... another funny word.  You girls and your funny terms for things. So adorable. Frankly i'm surprised yo haven't brought up hard nipples... Or the side term glass cutters.

Ashleigh: Jordan, you read my mind!! That was literally what I had lined up next. It's extremely embarrassing to run outside for something RIGHT across the street in the Winter time and come back inside. People are staring and you then realize why...you forgot to wear a jacket. And it's just as painful to try to cross your arms over them! It's so obvious! Who crosses their arms that high up, anyway?!? And another thing: nip slips! I can't say I've PERSONALLY had this happen, but I once got on an elevator with a girl who didn't even realize what had happened! Who wants to ADMIT that they're looking? Wait!! WHY was I looking?!? I take comfort in the fact that the other girls in the elevator noticed, too. Haha...anyway...poor girl probably walked around all day like that! Sometimes you just can't keep 'em in, I guess. And when they decide to take a look at the world, it causes a TON of trouble!

Jordan: True we guys don't get erections all day long or walk around with bulges.  It would be just as noticeable though i think.  Once again guys don't usually walk around with their hands over there junk.  But as you said you were looking.  Isn't that something you know you would do. even if she didn't have a nipple out for a breath of fresh air.  You still stopped to gander at their gals.  Girls size up girls way faster and more obvious than guys.  As guys we have spent years training our eyes to not look at boobs first.  Girls never took this mental class.  I will almost promise you that the next girl you talk to will look at your boobs before the guy does. Double standard!  So you don't care if the girl does but if the guy does he's a creep!

Ashleigh: Hey now, be nice! I didn't say that the FIRST thing I noticed was her boob! We were actually a few floors up before THAT happened! I do believe that you're right, though. There are a lot of male/female double standards. But we'll get into that another article. What have we decided, anyway, Jordan?

Jordan: I think we agree on a lot of things, I can see valid arguments on both sides and for similar parts of this debate. But my dear Ashiegh I still love boobs and all their mystical powers.  I can't agree with the proclamation that they are only useful for one purpose.  Me thinks you can't say that and truly believe it either. ;)

Ashleigh: Jordan, Jordan. You're so determined, muh dear! I agree that they have magical powers, but I, personally, am not affected by them. Call it a difference of gender, but I stick with my initial claim that boobs just aren't that amazing.

Jordan: Guess we'll just have to agree to disagree. Seems a shame! But maybe in the next episode we'll sway each other to a single side.

Ashleigh: We shall see, huh? Well...that's all we've got on "boobs"! Check back for the next co-written article! Signing out!

Follow us on Twitter!

@saintpepsi@ashleighmayes/ @kryptodies

#WhereAreTheyNow: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society

 #TalkNerdyToMeLover's @ChristopherAyan

We all loved it. We were all scared of it, and watched timidly from beneath a blanket. It was our version of Tales From The Crypt, because our parents didn’t allow us to watch that. And it ruled Saturday night Nickelodeon also known as Snick. It was on during a simpler time of TV, back when Pete and Pete, Hey Dude, and Salute Your Shorts were all still on the air. I’m talking about Are You Afraid of the Dark, if you hadn’t guessed. But I am here to answer the question that has been on all our minds, where are they now?

Ross Hull

We all knew him as Gary, the fearless leader of the first Midnight Society. After Are you Afraid of the Dark, he went on to star as Chris Shepard on Student Bodies, as well as appearing in an episode of Stargate Atlantis. But what’s he doing now? Well he went and got a Bachelor’s Degree in Radio and Television Arts from Ryerson University in Toronto. He is currently working as a weatherman for A Channel London, in London, Ontario.

Jodie Resther

She played Kiki, another member of the Midnight Society. In 1996 she got the role of Francine Frensky in the animated TV series Arthur on PBS. She has also been in Vampire High, Undressed, and Fries With That. And here comes the fact that will really throw you for a loop: She has released two R&B albums!

Daniel DeSanto

Daniel was cast as Tucker on Are You Afraid of The Dark in 1993. He was also in the second incarnation of the Midnight Society that aired from 1999-2000. After the Midnight Society was no more, he went on to have a very lucrative film career. He has appeared in over 30 films to date, including most recently appearing in The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day.

Joanna García

Joining the cast as Samantha in 1993, Joanna Garcia is currently most well known for starring as Cheyenne in the CW show Reba. Other notable appearances included Seaquest DSV, Party of Five, and Freaks and Geeks. On December 11th, 2010 Joanna married Yankee’s outfielder Nick Swisher.

Rachel Blanchard

I had such a crush on Rachel’s character Kristen growing up. Since appearing on Are You Afraid of The Dark, Rachel has gone on to play Cher Horwitz on the television series Clueless. She has also starred in the Peep Show, and played Bret’s girlfriend Sally on Flight of the Conchords. She also appeared in Snakes on a Plane, Without a Paddle, and most recently Daydream Nation.

Jacob Tierney

Jacob appeared as Eric in the first incarnation of the Midnight Society, but only for one season (from 1991-1992.) He currently works as a director, screenwriter and actor. His most recent films include, The Trotsky and Good Neighbours, both of which he wrote and directed. Incidentally The Trotsky starred another Are You Afraid of the Dark alumni, Jay Baruchel.

Elisha Cuthbert

Appearing in the second incarnation of the Midnight Society, Elisha Cuthbert is another cast member that went on to have a lucrative career. She appeared in Old School, The Girl Next Door, the television series 24, and most recently He Was A Quiet Man, Guns and the Six Wives of Henry Lefay.

Although they weren’t stars of the Midnight Society, here’s a list of some guest stars who went on to great careers.

Jay Baruchel

Starred in the short-lived Apatow series Undeclared, as well as appearing numerous other films including starring in the 2010 comedy She’s Out of My League.

Hayden Christensen

Or as I like to call him “The Butcher of Star Wars.”

Jewel Staite

Went on to do Firefly and Serenity.

Ryan Gosling

All you ladies loved him in The Notebook, or you balled your eyes out at him as an addict in Half-Nelson.

Emmanuelle Chriqui

Also known as E’s wife on Entourage.

Neve Campbell

You saw her boobs, and watched her make out with Denise Richards in Wild Things.

Will Friedle

He was the awesome Eric Matthews on Boy Meets World.

 Well, wasn’t that just nostalgic. It wasn’t all the cast members, but it was the ones that we all loved. Whether you were in your late teens or were just a young kid when Are You Afraid of the Dark was on, you were probably scared at least once by that show. Especially the Dollhouse episode. I don’t know a single person who wasn’t scared of that episode.

Click here to watch episodes of Are You Afraid of the Dark on YouTube!

#nerdsunite

Click here to view Chris' Tumblr and follow him on twitter

How to get a response from a female on #OkCupid

*waves* Hi, I'm @JenFriel ... and I've been on OkCupid for the last 5 months. Yep, 5 months .... every day ... I've seen a lot of profiles, and read a lot of messages. Here are some of my top picks on what will get you a response from a female on OkCupid.

First off, lemme just start by establishing the female constant on OKC, and dating sites in general ... chicks rule. We don't have to go searching for guys, they come to us. You're constantly the hottest chick at the bar. It's amazeballs. So that being said, going in, you're going to have to do some leg work to pick us up. Get over it. We're worth it.

* Rule Number 1: Have a CLEAR shot of your face set as your default. *insert exhibit A*

Screw the filters, the expert lighting, just use photobooth, or set your phone on 5 second delay, place it on your desk, and smile. It is that easy. The set size for a thumbnail in an email is so small, and your number one job is to have your face take up as much of it as possible. I messaged a guy once that I wasn't even attracted to, and thanked HIM for having such a beautiful default picture. It was composed entirely of his face with a genuine smile. So beautiful.

All I want to do is see your face. I will judge your attractiveness. Be as neutral as possible while sustaining all of your already endearing genuine qualities.

That being said, remove all hats, sunglasses, spirithoods, or whatever from your default picture.

This makes me so irate, you have NOOO idea how many profiles that I see where the dudes are wearing sunglasses. Again, the thumbnail is so small, and your job is to pick me up. How can you do that if I can't see what you look like? You can still upload the pics to the album, but set your default as just one clear shot of your face. Period. End of sentence. This is as black and white as it comes. My first instinct looking at someone who has hats and sunglasses on in their default is, this person is hiding something. Is that the message you are trying to convey?

Didn't think so.

* Rule Number 2: Fill out the personality profile. I literally cannot comprehend why anyone on a dating website would not do that, but again - I've seen it multiple times, and they did not get a response. How am I supposed to know if I have anything in common with you? I have hundreds of guys messaging me everyday ... I will absolutely not even entertain the notion of even CLICKING on your profile if you haven't filled out the personality portion, let alone actually messaging you back. HAHA! No fucking way. Get over yourself. I suffered through it, you can too.

* Rule Number 3: Do not cut and paste the same email to all the girls on OKC that you think are hot. I get so many generic emails on OKC, it blows my mind. Here's one ...

I'm a LIFECASTER that quotes the Matrix and The Big Lebowski because I dig brevity, and I explain that I travel the country in celebration of Unapologetic Awesomeness ... the only adjective that came to mind was "interesting?" REALLY?!?! ... REALLY?!?!?! Furthermore, I state VERY CLEARLY in my profile that I am NOT looking for a relationship. You're saying that you're not the kinda guy that wants a one night stand when I'm flat out telling you its not off the table. This just makes no sense!!!

Here's one that got a response:

Total awesome sauce. Flattered without being fanboy, he clearly read my profile before emailing, and ended with a cutesie "ciao bella." Me gusta. Simple. Simple. Simple. I will email this guy back.

Put time into an email. Read the chick's profile before, glance through her pictures ... find something that you can relate to and bring it up.

I have a picture of me skydiving on my OKC profile. Here's a good example email a guy could send in response to seeing that ...

Hey Jen, I saw that you went skydiving! That's awesome! I'd love to go, did you do it around here?

It's literally that easy. One line, two lines, no more than a paragraph.

* Rule Number 4: Have a variety of pictures in your album.

OKC is great, you can have an entire album to lure a potential mate with. My pictures up there are some of the best moments of my life ... spinning the wheel on the price is right, flying cross country with Billy G of ZZ top, skydiving, and the moment I heard from the creator of FourSquare. I'm weird, but shit like that just happens to me. It's my constant ... what is yours?

Do you run around and play with monkeys all day? Are you an athlete? Yoga guru? Show me all the different sides of you!!!

I LOOVEEE it when I flip through a profile and see a skydiving pic, because I know if you were crazy enough to skydive, you could definitely be crazy enough to at least be my friend. I want to see you in your default picture, in the album I want a glimpse into your world. Don't judge it, just let it be! Do you work at Coffee Bean? Awesome! Show me how hot you can look in that apron, or how much fun you had that one time you and your friend juggled bags of beans in the back. I don't know! It's your life! Tell your own story!!!

A couple heads up though for dudes, limit the drinking pictures. A beer in your hand is fine in one pic ... a beer in your hand in all of them and the default is you doing a keg stand ... that's prolly not gonna happen.

Also, limit the amount of girls in your pictures. You might think it's cool to throw up a picture of your BFF Jackie, but some girls can be intimidated by it and not message you back. It's a handicap. It's guys that care about the hot chicks you are with ... we ARE the hot chick, we honestly don't care.

Alrite, so what did we learn to sum it up?

1. Have a clear default picture set. No sunglasses, hats, spirithoods, or filters. Just you.

2. Fill out the personality profile as much as possible. The metrics increase your chance of finding a good match, dude, come on! Just do it!

3. Can the generic emails, keep it real, and keep it simple.

4. Your album should tell the story of your life in pictures. Own it.

If you guys ever have questions too, or want me to look at your profile just hit me up! I'd gladly help!

Twitter: @JenFriel

Facebook: Facebook.com/JenFriel

Find me in a coffee shop via FourSquare: Foursquare.com/JenFriel

or drop me a love note on OKC: Okcupid.com/profile/JenFriel

#NerdsUnite

Update on Sunday, December 12, 2010 at 6:38PM by Talk Nerdy To Me Lover

Follow up from @donstugots: 

Jen,

It really is simple.   The K.I.S.S. method.   Keep It Simple Stupid. I see friends sending that initial email to a chick that is their whole life story or they sit and try to come up with a 4 line email that makes them sound like Tony Stark. The truth is a fast, lite hearted email saying "hey there groovy chick. Yes, I did just quote Greg Brady" is all you need to do. Its important to remember that it isn't a game and it isn't life and death. Its dating. Regardless if you are looking for a one night stand or to get married (why anyone would want to behooves me), it is important to remember that it is still supposed to be fun. Pics should all be clear and free of other chicks, unless it is your grammy. Props like a dog help.  Your profile should be filled out but not in depth, ie "I like comic books" but a pic of you in your Superman snuggie is a bad idea, unless you wore it on a bar brawl of some kind. No drunk photos. You don't need to be dressed in a suit but it wouldn't hurt. Be clear, be confident do not over compensate or beg.   

What am I leaving out?    My class would be called PIMPin' on line is easy   (but dont tell anyone I said that, it was a joke)

Don