#NerdsUnite: My name is Alicia and I'm doing 50 dates in 50 states (Illinois #1)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Alicia. She's about to embark on a 50 dates in 50 states dating documentary. She's here today to talk about her views on life, love, and all things through her nerdy little eyes. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT ALICIA!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Alicia Ostarello

I figure it’s almost my civic duty to have multiple dates when Megan and I sleep on the same floor twice in a row, so as we spent two nights in Chicago, I went out with two wildly different dudes.

Up first was Danny. We picked him up from school (community college, yo, he’s what the academic world calls a “returning student” as though somewhere in life he got lost from the college path and wandered into some bramble, but now he’s shaken the berries off his jeans and ready to learn learn learn!) and it took about 45 minutes of driving to figure out Danny was just not the guy for me. While he had a unique and drama-laden upbringing, his monochromatic style of discussion made even the most colorful story challenging to listen to. Though he was obviously intelligent and passionate about his education, he seemed to lack a good sense of a social IQ (admittedly, this is the Californian in me who was taken aback when Danny hand-rolled a cigarette and smoked it without asking if it was okay). And finally, Danny was not interested in having a conversation where two parties bounce ideas, stories and thoughts back and forth as much as he was interested in a running monologue occasionally interrupted by himself as he switched topics. 

So I’m on a date that I really don’t want to be on, a scenario not unfamiliar to those who hit the datingverse with a vengeance. And here’s what galls me in retrospect: not once did I consider pulling a Houdini from the date. I noodle around with the idea of fibbing my way out of it. I ponder how miserable my face looks (I’m known for expressing how I’m feeling a little too well) and if I’m doing a good job of hiding it. And then I ponder if I should be attempting to mask my displeasure. And then I check out entirely and literally began thinking about how I might wear my hair the next day (this from the girl who wears her hair one of three ways. It’s not that tough of a choice).

Somewhere in the middle of all this we went up in the Sears Tower (yeah, it has another name, and no, I won’t refer to it by anything but this). The view up there was really neat, but you’d never think you were in one of the world’s tallest buildings. Is it weird to not have been that impressed by the tower?

And all this has me thinking that I have to learn the art of gracefully backing out. There’s nothing wrong with deciding how to spend your time and with whom you spend it. And that “you” goes for “me” as well. In true She-Ra fashion, I have the power. The power to hold my hand up and honestly say, “You seem nice but I have to tell you, I think I need to go now.” Or maybe, “Golly, I must be going now.” Or maybe, as my friend Sea suggests, “I’m sure you’re a nice person, but I have to tell you that I don’t think we’re right for one another.”

The point — the one I keep having to hammer home to myself — is that this is a first date. I don’t owe this person anything. And they don’t owe me anything. I don’t even owe him an explanation. I literally could have just stopped the date — and so could have he — and neither one of us would have had just cause to complain. Yet we’re trapped in the social convention of this being a date. And a date signifies you should be on our best, most polite behavior; that you should be nice regardless. But when are we being nice to save face for someone else, and when are we being nice in contradiction to your own self respect?

I’ll get the hang of this eventually … right?

Anyway, Danny talked and talked and talked, and eventually I stopped responding to see how long he’d go without asking me a question or needing a reprieve. Answer: over an hour. As we said goodbye he sort of tried to lean in for a more-than-hug ending. I dodged, shot Megan a look of abject horror, and she snickered. Ah, producers.

#nerdsunite

Alicia Ostarello has combined her talents in talking to strangers with degrees in English and Sociology and is currently taking a road trip across the country with one goal in mind: to go on a first date in every single state. Follow her trip and the documentary film being produced about it, 50/50: A Dating Documentary on Facebook at facebook.com/5050ADatingDocumentary.

 

<editorsnote> Hi, I'm Jen Friel, and we here at TNTML examine the lives of nerds outside of the basements and into the social media, and dating world.  We have over 75 peeps that write about their life in real time. (Real nerds, real time, real deal.) Sit back, relax, and enjoy some of the stories!! </editorsnote>

They're talkin about us .... boooyyyy!

#NerdsUnite

MyMelodie @JenFriel my friend did something similar gave a dollar to friends each time they caught him saying anything negative. yesterday · reply · retweet · favorite

MyMelodie @JenFriel I also want in on the girly slumber party! If you and others want to come to SD I'm happy to host! yesterday · reply · retweet · favorite

ilovegarick RT @mayhemstudios: GR8 time #eatsNgeeks w/ @ToddZebert @stephbelsky @JenFriel @cyuskoff @DvinMsM @ilovegarick ++ #geeks j.mp/XwQXE9 23 hours ago · reply · retweet · favorite

moids @JenFriel you came and went? Or coming soon? 23 hours ago · reply · retweet · favorite

themayorpete @JenFriel @TNTML support! you'll rock this. 23 hours ago · reply · retweet · favorite

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Entries in Alicia Ostarello (10)

#NerdsUnite: My name is Alicia and I'm doing 50 dates in 50 states (Wisconsin)

  | Tuesday, January 8, 2013 at 6:00AM | Post a Comment | Share! | Email Article

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Alicia. She's about to embark on a 50 dates in 50 states dating documentary. She's here today to talk about her views on life, love, and all things through her nerdy little eyes. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT ALICIA!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Alicia Ostarello

Fine, I’ll say it. I went on a date in Oshkosh,

#NerdsUnite: My name is Alicia and I'm doing 50 dates in 50 states (Wisconsin)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Alicia. She's about to embark on a 50 dates in 50 states dating documentary. She's here today to talk about her views on life, love, and all things through her nerdy little eyes. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT ALICIA!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Alicia Ostarello

Fine, I’ll say it. I went on a date in Oshkosh,

#NerdsUnite: Now hiring web designer

Heyo! 

So, I'm working on this completely baller start up right now and we are in need of a good web designer. I've interviewed a bunch of peeps, but haven't found that "it" factor yet. 

I want you to dazzle me. 

Either way, I can talk to everyone more about it offline, but I need to bring someone on board this week so lemme see whatchoo got. 

Please send portfolio and rates to JenFriel at TalkNerdyToMeLover d c. 

And for everyone else that isn't a web designer? Oh look a cat ... 

I'm currently writing this from the SF airport. Dudes, Virgin America has been delayed going to SF and coming from. WTF is up with that?!?!?! 

Sad Panda. Sad Friel. 

#thatisall

#RealDeal: You're killing me smalls (30 day dating detox)

Wow, going to that brothel really had an effect on me. In talking to the girls, and the madam I felt like I was staring into this mirror. The girls were so open and candid, but were obviously completely guarded. I am doing the same thing with my life as they are except I have corporate sponsors instead of tricks, and I seduce with words and not sex. (not that there's anything wrong with that) 

I need a change in my life.

A drastic one.

I've been "dating" now on an extremely consistent basis for 3 years and I am STILL single. All that I know about life and energy is that we are in a constant state of like finding like. I am VERY good at attracting a lot of people but my issue is all the guys that are SUPER into me I am not into. After the 103 dates in 9 months there were only 2 guys that I genuinely clicked with right off the bat. One I fell in love with, and the other I scared off. (That's a DUDE A YEAR BTW!!!! It's been 2 years since the 103 dates.) 

Totally get it, but what in me is STILL attracted to that kinda guy? 

Got me thinking about my lifestyle. 

What am I currently doing? 

• Hustling every day. 
• Drinking like a fish. 
• Dominating slaves. 
• Eating garbage. 

Another thing I learned at the brothel actually is that the tricks use sex as an escape, and I use domination. It helped me TREMENDOUSLY come into my skin, but now I am using it as a crutch. I'm saying I can only be confident in my personal life when I wear my domme shoes. WTF is that about?!?! 

My confidence in business is off the charts. Period end of sentence. My personal life however is just plain disastrous. 

You can't be truly "happy" or truly "successful" until both of your houses are equally balanced. My houses are so skewed right now that I'm limping. It's REDIC. 

My manager has been telling me over and over that I have to be more of a lady and pay attention to the little details for the guys that he knows I want to attract. 

My immediate impulse when I am in that scenario is to burp in his face (which I can do on command, btw) and call myself a classy fucking broad. 

The medium is irrelevant (jewish singles mixers, or online dating) - if I'm not taking care of me, the rest is all just shit. 

Here is my plan of action: 

Objective: Cleanse soul for 30 days with a personal love, and self awareness project. 

Execution/ Rules: 

1) No dating for 30 days. (Project ends on Valentines Day. Obvi this includes all online dating. Accounts will not be activated.)

2) No swearing. (I curse like a fucking sailor. It's bad, really bad. I am going to change that and if I do catch myself swearing I will be fined $5 for each offense and at the end donate money to a local charity.) 

3) I must get up every morning and put on makeup. (Working from home means I can wear whatever I want and look however I want. If I am going to love myself and take care of myself I have to look presentable even if it is only FOR myself.) 

4) Get contacts. (I've been wearing glasses for the last year because I've been too lazy and cheap to go to my doctor to get a new contact lense prescription. I am going to change that since I genuinely like wearing contacts sometimes too.) 

5) Get my car back. No more city bus. (Hardcore bitches and broads take the city bus. Ladies and queens drive their own vehicle. I have the money to get it back now, but again, I'm just too damn cheap to pay it. I am going to change that.) 

6) No slaves. (No more domination until I stop using it as escapism.) 

7) No drinking. (This one is going to be hard since everything that I do is so social and drinking is a huge part of it. By not drinking though, it's going to help me clear my head and get to a sounder mind. Obvi, too, I'm not going to let it effect my business, so I will at most have a clause allowing a single glass of whatever but again strictly for professional purposes. ex: a fancy pant happy hour meeting, or when I speak at this conference in Vegas in a few weeks. No DOUBT they are going to want to kick it and toast to a job well done. I'll figure that part out.) 

8) Healthy eating. (I am not going to call it a "diet" but I am going to be WAY more conscious of the foods that I am eating and I am going to expand my culinary skills as much as possible by cooking at home.) 

9) Visit the gym everyday.  (I love spinning and I genuinely need to fill up my time schedule since the social side of things is going to be so closed off. Adding to my exercise habit is going to help me sleep better too and give me a solid routine.) 

10) I must keep my room clean. (Growing up we had a housekeeper so my cleaning as an adult is lacking. I LOVE LOVE LOVE having a clean room but getting me to carve time out of my day to do it is like pulling teeth. Clean house, clean mind. My room must be clean, and my roommate will police it and call me out on twitter if I am not doing it.) 

10) Must do 15 girly things. 

Ex list: 

a) maintain manicure

b) maintain eyebrows

c) bikini wax (never done that one before) 

d) go shoe shopping for myself and pay for my own shoes (I currently only own corporate sponsored shoes or domme shoes that my slaves bought me. I need to buy a pair for myself.) 

e) girly slumber party 

f) buy myself a new outfit for the purpose of impressing myself 

g) buy a piece of art that inspires me

h) take a pottery class 

i) cook dinner for friends

j) visit the lacma 

k) host a chick flick marathon

l) go shopping with girlfriends and try on super girly clothing. The frillier the better. 

m) take a bubble bath

n) visit a spa and pay for visit myself

o) purchase perfume 

p) get a new tattoo (all big life changes require a tattoo) 

q) meet someone that inspires me 

r) make a new girlfriend 

Those are just some examples. I'm not married to any of them, so if you guys have anything you want to add in I'm totally game to hear it. 

I'm going to now Miyagi the shit out of my life and focus on self in the hopes of that changing my energy and the kind of people I am attracting into my life. In Buddhism they teach you that peace comes from within, and you cannot seek it. I am "seeking" a partner when I am really looking to fix something within myself. I don't know what that "lack" is yet, but I know by kicking my own ass I will definitely find ... something. 

Who knows if this is going to work, but my word is my honor and I will not consider anything "done" unless there is photographic evidence. 

Time to be less of a classy broad and more of a fucking lady. (Better get that money ready. I swear so fucking much!!) Starting .... now .... 30 days. HERE I GO!!!! 

#thatisall

Oh yeah and ... 

click the screenshot to comment on Facebook

click the screenshot to comment on Facebook

#TrueStory: A lesson on surviving suicidal thoughts

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Eric. He is a MAASSTTEERRR social dynamics expert that will be talking about his experiences in the field from both an expert, and experience perspective. He's not just saying "this is how to get the girl" he's here to share his actual life stories and lessons learned from them. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT ERIC !!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Redolpho

I've attempted suicide multiple times, never talked about it, and by all probability should be dead or paralyzed now. My first attempts were early, when I was between the ages of 8 and 14. I would hit these deep lows and I'd run into the kitchen and grab a knife from the drawer. Quivering, I would hold the knife to my throat and press the blade against my prepubescent skin until I could feel the pinch of the edge. As I stood there I would close my eyes and imagine the release as the wetness of my blood ran from my throat down my chest. I searched for the will power to do the deed but never found it. This is not why I should be dead though. When I was 18 I went to Santa Barbara with a group of guys who hung out with my high school band. We stayed at a beach house that was home to about seventeen girls who were attending UC Santa Barbara. In Santa Barbara there are a series of gigantic houses that line the beach perched on cliffs about four stories above the sand. We had brought a gigantic bottle of vodka and I began drinking straight from the bottle as soon as we got there.  I don't remember much but the people told me that I had begun talking about how I wanted to die. I was rambling about how pathetic I was and how I saw no point. I attempted to hop the banister of the balcony a couple times to get to the edge of the cliffs but my friends stopped me almost every time. The last time I snuck into the neighbor’s yard and hopped over. Belligerent, I struggled to make my way down the steep short hill to the edge. I stumbled, near falling, about half way down before my friends saw me and rushed to stop me but they were too late. I tripped, rolled twice, and fell off the edge. For four stories my body plummeted towards the sand. Of the four people that had fallen before me that year, three had died and the other was paralyzed from the neck down. My friend who chased after me the closest saw the billow of dust and sand that my limp body created on impact. By inches I missed a big log, rocks and sticks that were scattered near the edge of the cliff. Had I been sober and tensed my body I probably would have broken my back, or neck, or something. I landed flat on my back and apparently the sand was somewhat soft. My friends ran around the front of the house and by the time they reached the beach I was waist deep in the ocean, walking into the water to finish the job the cliff and I had failed at. I was yanked by my shirt and thrown onto the shore where I broke into a flood of tears. I was apparently crying in sadness over my life that still inhabited my body, ranting about how badly I wanted to die.  When I woke up the next morning I was sitting in a recliner with only a wet shirt and underwear on. I knew something bad had happened and my hip was sore. My friends surrounded me staring at me in astonishment. I had no memory of what happened until they told me the story, and even then my memory was hazy at best. With my head held low in utter embarrassment, I walked in my ocean soaked jeans and made my way to the car. I spent the ride home looking out at the coast in deep depression and reflection, realizing how real the sadness I was burying actually was. I contemplated my life and why I had been driven to this type of drastic action. This is why I should be dead, paralyzed or a vegetable at this point. Between years 2007 and 2010 I remember being happy. In 2010 I was living in a loft in Downtown LA and I remember thinking that this is what life really is. This is what I'm supposed to feel like. I looked back on how sad I had been and thought about how I never wanted to feel that way again. I had been studying social dynamics for almost two years at this point and was dating multiple beautiful women, had a slew of friends, and was meeting new interesting people every week. I was a successful mortgage loan officer, and was genuinely happy.  It had been a year and a half since I had backpacked Europe and I was planning my next trip to Japan. Then all mortgage loans failed at once, I had to cancel my flight and my trip. The day my plane left without me I sat on the roof of my high-rise and watched the planes flying overhead wondering which one I was supposed to be seated on. That's when I felt it again. I felt something I hoped I'd never feel again. Depression crept on and it scared the shit out of me. The failure of my mortgage business was somewhat out of my hands and I decided I wanted to be an entrepreneur so I was never again out of control of my own destiny. I never went back to mortgage. That was two years ago and before I moved from my penthouse I remember feeling that deep sadness again. It led me to gaze out the window, day dreaming about running, jumping, and flying to freedom. I was determined though and wasn't ready to die yet, even though I was obviously very sad. I dropped out of college my freshman year and so I took any job I could to learn from. I flipped pitas at a fast food restaurant to work for a previously successful tech entrepreneur. I managed marijuana collective in Long Beach and co-produced at art show in Downtown LA. It led me to my most recent business with a serial entrepreneur whose last business sold for over 10 million dollars. For 10 months I worked an average of 16 hours a day, 29.5 days a month. It was an amazing education and what I had been working towards the year prior. Still, during the course of the last 10 months running our business I dealt with serious suicidal depression. This brings me to the point of this whole piece. I have been looking at the tops of buildings, wondering how high it needed to be to finish the job. It sucks. It's not that I feel like this all the time but that feeling is always lingering below the surface, if at the forefront of my thoughts. I must change this, in my short talking about this I have already met people that feel the same way. Everybody's search for homeostasis follows different routes. Some choose music, some art, some writing, some see a doctor, some a bottle and others bury it deep and pretend it's not there. This leads me to why I am choosing blogging.  I have hundreds of friends but not one I'd call my best friend. When I have successes or failures, I am usually left by myself to celebrate or wallow. I am telling you this story because you are the only person I have to tell and because I need to talk about it. I am also telling you because I don't want to die, but I don't want to live unhappily either and so much of my life I've been sad. I'm very good at faking my happiness but what is the point in that? I don't know how long the road to happiness will be and so much of my life has been encumbered by self-loathing so I feel like the road could be long. I believe in the power of being vulnerable and honest with yourself and the world. Social media is so beautiful and brings masses together to share in similar experiences. I think it has the potential to bring out the best in all of us. I think that social media, and blogging in-particular, has the potential help me heal myself.  As I take my next steps I have my primary goal in mind. I just want to be happy. The happiest times in my life are very easy to remember. When I was backpacking Europe every ounce of my soul was elated. When I am exploring myself, people and places I am happy. And when I see the smile on a guy’s face that’s just learned that they can talk to beautiful women successfully and their life can be happier, I am truly happy. I am just going to follow my nose for the most part but there is something that is pulling me like gravity. So I am going to make one more confession I was somewhat reluctant to make. I have a new dream and one that is pulling me to it like a book. I was reluctant to talk about it out of fear. Fear that if I fail, and I've failed many many times, that it would be in front of thousands of people. But fear is never a good reason to do or not do anything. Being uncomfortable is something different, I truly believe that growth begins at the end of your comfort zone, but fear is an inhibitor. So here it is... I want to ride a tandem bike for 10,000 miles across Southeast Asia, finding people to ride with me at every point possible. This trip was inspired by a guy named Dominic Gill who rode from the top of Alaska to the bottom of Argentina. The preparation for this trip will take a lot of work. I have raise and save money for the time I'm there and the gear I'll need for such an excursion. I'll also need a camera and video recorder to document the people I meet and the places I see. I don't know how I am going to do this yet but at this point it feels more like a life or death situation than anything else. I should already be dead, and although I know I should appreciate the life that I do have, I have spent much of it very unhappy. I have a long way to go and this is just the beginning. This is the first time I have talked about my near successful suicide attempt since it happened years ago. This has been a really embarrassing post to write and I am very nervous about posting it. I have another confession that many people, guys in particular, feel but never admit. I am starting to write it now and I am already crazy nervous. I should already be dead though so what else do I have to lose.   

#thatisall

If you’d like to share your stories please feel free to tweet me at @redolpho or email me at eric dot rudolph dot carrillo at gmail dot com

#NerdsUnite: Confessions of a "catfish"-er (one year later)

Out of all of the stories I have written, and at last count I'm somewhere in the 6,700 range ... hands down my most relatable story has been the one about my fake internet boyfriend (aka a MTV Catfish story). 

It's a horrible thing to experience. I remember writing out the post and shaking. Reading his response and getting threatened with a lawsuit was even scarier. 

All that I knew at the end of the day was that I was going to stand my ground. If I was wrong, and this person was the person they were I TOTALLY would have apologized and taken the post down. 

What happened? 

He went away. 

... and actually I found out it wasn't even a "he" it was a "she."

Last year, I had someone reach out and tell me that she was in fact "catfishing" her best friend. 

Here was her story ... 

You can read my response to her here.

While I was traveling to CES this past week I got an email back from this girl with the subject "a year later" ... 

I was so so so happy to read that email. I am not a doctor nor do I even want to pretend to be one, but people like that genuinely do need to get help so they can find the root of their addiction. 

On the flip side of things though, I truly commend these "catfishes" for keeping up with all of their stories and for being so creative and elaborate. If only these talents were channeled in a more "healthy" manner, but again that is their karma to deal with and none of my business. 

Congrats on the transformation and I wish you well on your journey. 

#NerdsUnite