#ShitGotReal - I got caught stealing

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @JenSquard

When I was a kid I would steal everything.  EVERYTHING.  For no reason, either.  Not because I needed it.  Not because I really even wanted it.  Just because I could.  Maybe I wanted to get caught on some level.  I never stole from anywhere I worked, just retail.  And never anything huge, just small stuff.  Cheap jewelry, candy, pens, body spray, lip gloss...anything and everything that would fit in my pockets or bag.

I will never forget the rush of it.  Being sneaky is one of my favorite things (isn’t illicit sex the best?), and I would plan things out in advance sometimes.  At one point I was even keeping a little journal of the things I had taken.  It made me feel powerful when my life was a bowl full of shit. 

Sooooo, one day I bought a couple of nice hiking backpacks for my boyfriend and I, and was heading out of the mall through JC Pennys.  I stopped and looked at some jewelry, and found some that I thought my sister might like for her birthday.  Looking back, there is no way she would have liked it, but I always wanted to have a reason for taking things.  I saw an employee eyeing me, so I wandered around for a while, talked to my mom on the phone, looked at some other stuff, and grabbed some clothes to try on.  While I was in the changing room I took all the tags off of them, and shoved them in my new backpacks.  I left the tags on the seat and took off.  I got to the parking lot before the “loss prevention” guy caught me.  OH MY GOD, talk about fucking embarrassing.  He walked me back through the entire store into his office.   There were people from school in the store, and they totally could see what was going on!  

He started talking to his co-worker about how he knew from the minute I walked in that I was going to steal something.  At the time it totally pissed me off, but now I guess I understand.  He wrote up a report, called the cops, and took my picture to hang on his wall of idiots.  I was 18.  

I was late to work and had to explain to my boyfriend, who worked with me, what happened.  Totally lied my ass off, too.  I was soo embarrassed I thought that anything was better than the truth.  I told him that I didn’t steal, but I was going to just plead no contest in court just so I didn’t have to deal with it, since I didn’t have money to hire a lawyer.  Riiiiiiiiiiiggghhtt....that makes perfect sense.  And he totally bought it.  So did my mom (sorry mom!).  

Court was a nightmare.  The judge totally called me out on what an asswipe I was.  He sentenced me to community service and a huge fine, and I was on my way.  The whole situation just made me want to die.  In a pretty serious way.  But it worked.  I haven’t stolen anything since then.  It’s not that I don’t think about it...it’s just that getting caught now would kill me.  What a dumb dumb dumb thing to do, but I really think it is all about power.  When I started stealing I had a pretty rough life.  My dad was abusive and controlling, and I had no power over anything.  I was also a pathological liar.  I’m glad I was caught.  It sucked nards, but it broke a cycle that very well could have continued into adulthood.  

This is my big secret.  The thing in my life that is so embarrassing that I didn’t tell my husband about it until a few days ago.  I grew up poor, and the fact that I would steal makes me feel so super poor.  And so white trash - not something I'm okay with.  And while I have enough confidence for three women, I used to be so scared of being judged.  But I’m not now.  And damn, it feels good.

Like what you read? Why not follow me on Twitter: @JenSquard

#TheSummerSoundtrack : Yummy Colorado Band

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @JenSquard

Checky check out this amazeballs new band that I found!  @TheSummerSound  They are local boys from my smallish town of Grand Junction, Colorado.  And they are REALLY good!  I found them panhandling for cash for their upcoming national tour.  LOVE that can-do attitude, boys!  I'm totally unwilling to try new music, and I like what I like.  And I likey likey!  To me they sound like a great cross between Paramore, Fall Out Boy and Plain White T's.  Maybe I'm way off, but I don't care.  Just listen to them, like their Facebook page, and support some up and comings!  

 I couldn't find a video to embed, but I definitely think they are worth checking out!  Good luck on your tour, guys!

#TrueStory: I GOT A FRIGGIN MAC!

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @JenSquard

Now Stop - Cause I'm about to ruin, the image and the style that you're used to.  Yeah I look funny, but yo I'm making money, see, so world you best get ready for me.  Humpty Dance = Psyched out of my mind.  Check out the navigation bar to your left <---------  .  Yep, there I am.  In all of my glory.  Jen and Jen will be lifecasting.  Right?  Right?  RIGHT?!?!?!?  So excited and so honored.  

Anywhoozle, down to business.  My queermo Asus laptop decided to stop doing basic functions, like burning discs (not so great for a photographer), so it has to be sent off.  Lame.  So I talked the amazing hubs (he really is the besterst) into letting me get a new Mac!  My first Mac evvvvaaaaaah.  Like ever ever.  So I have no danged clue what I'm doing.  Except peeing in my pantalones over how badass it is.  

So, nerdy friends, I need help!  Tips?  Suggestions?  Anything?  Can I open more than one internet window at a time, like I could with Tabs?  How?  What else?  What do I absolutely need to know that I might not (more like probably don't at all) know already?

By the way, got the Magic Trackpad = fucking genius.  Loves it.  So cool.

Thanks and thanks.  And thanks some more!  

Send me your tips on Twitter : @JenSquard

or on Facebook: www.facebook.com/jenswedhinphotography  

In return I will send you a year's worth of good juju.  

#TNTML gets real ... like really real ... prolly TMI type real

Alrite, so after great debate all week on how exactly I want to launch this project - I have come to the decision that I only want 1 other lifecaster to start in stage 1.

I follow the KISS mentality of keep it simple stupid - and honestly, this site keeps me so busy as is on the day to day, launching 4 lifecasters just doesn't make sense right now. I have to follow my gut, and training 3 other people to do my job is just going to stress me out. Jen stressed is totally not kosher for anyone's passover! Plus, I need to see how you all react, and tweak things here and there - and tweaking one other person is way easier.

I have chosen @JenSquard as the other lifecaster. One, just based on popularity. You guys love her ... and two, because she and I are SOOO different!!

@JenSquard was born the rebel, and is currently a mommy and wifey.

I on the other hand, was raised the goody goody, and a year ago said this wasn't the life for me, so I started a website.

Good girl gone bad, bad girl gone good. 2 very different lives under the same name, brought together under the keyword of nerd.

One is in the booming social space, and attempting to balance her IRL social life ... the other is in the baby booming state balancing the duties of being a wife, mother, and photographer. Each in their own jungles, battling their own day to day lions and wildebeests.

I can't deny the angst that I feel for tradition, that's my constant. I just have to figure out a way to add value to that and not alienate the audience.

This is a total dream come true, and I can't think of anyone who could be a better fit for this then @JenSquard. YAY!!

Stay tuned nerds ... it's gettin good!

#nerdsunite

My #life as a #wife...

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @JenSquard

Hi friends!  So it looks like some bunskies got a little puckered over a posting by @JenFriel (I’m talking about this one).  So here I come to show a different side of things.  I’m a young (26) nerdette, I am married, and I have three (yeah, 3) kids.  Here is my story:

I was wild as a youngen.  And when I say wild I don’t mean I was the girl that would get rowdy at parties and maybe flash someone.  I mean WILD – yeah, I was that girl.  Drinking.  Nakedness.  Sexing.  Partying.  Smoking.  I’m sure there is more, but the memories are foggy.  I was smart, active in school, had loads of friends from loads of different social circles, and a rockin bod.  A D cup in high school = trouble.  I also had an abusive turd for a father, a mom that had to work three jobs to keep us in a house, and all of the issues that came with all of these things.  So I NEEEEVVVVVEEEEERRRRRRR wanted to get married.  I sure as shit didn’t want kids.  I had plans, I had goals, and I had a future.  And a husband and kids would just hold me back.  My dad told me more than once that I would marry young, never make anything of myself, and end up barefoot and pregnant.  That was NOT going to be me.  

My last year of high school I was in a serious relationship with a total tool (again, daddy issues), and we moved in together for convenience while I went to college.   It wasn’t anything special, we were mostly friends that just “loved” each other.  Not someone I was going to marry, just someone I was having fun with.  I had plans, and he wasn’t down for them (like moving to another country to work with animals), and that didn’t bother me at all.  My sophomore year of college I got the opportunity to go to Ecuador for a summer to study caterpillars  - I geeked out, worked 50 hours a week, and made it happen.  The first week there I met Brian, he was also a student there for a two week tour with our group.  He had been in a class with me but I was in a relationship (and so was he), so I hadn’t really noticed.  Our connection was immediate.  Just like in the movies.  I made a lame Austin Powers reference and he totally finished the quote – something the tool had never done.  We both secretly did whatever we could to work together on projects, we learned tons about each other and fell so super deep in love that it freaked our freaked.  It took 10 days.  We broke off the relationships at home, he ended up spending the summer there, and it’s been beyond amazing ever since.  We married the following year, and got pregnant on our honeymoon.  Anika came in 2007, Tucker in 2009 and Cadence in 2010 (and they were all planned, believe it or not).  

My life now is so different than high school Jen expected.  Instead of working as a zoologist I work as a professional photographer.  Instead of caring for wild animals I care for….well…wild animals.  I have a degree that I’m not using for anything other than annoying people with trivia.  So the addition of my four favorite people did change things.  I gave up a lot to have this family.  I would love to work in my field.  I would love to be in school.  But it has also enriched my life beyond belief.  The light in my daughters eyes when she tells me the things she knows (she knows that caymans are crocodiles) makes me so proud that I could just die.  Having a husband that supports all of my crazy ideas and is willing to do anything for me is more than anyone deserves. 

I do still have dreams.  I have goals.  I have a plan.  And they are all the same as ten years ago.  The timeline has just shifted.  We decided to get married and have kids early, then do grad school and travelling later.  I get to run around like a crazy person now while I have the energy.  I get to build a new profession that will benefit me my entire life.  And I get to love every minute of every day.  In five years I will head to grad school, get my PhD, and relocate the family to Ecuador.  Or something along those lines.  

So while things have changed, it certainly wasn’t a change for the worse.  Randomly finding my perfect match isn’t settling for something that society deems appropriate, it seems a lot more like fate.  Or good luck.  Or whatever.  When the world presents something like that, you snatch it up.  Not one of my choices has been because that’s what I’m supposed to do.  Actually, everyone wanted us to wait until after college to get married, and spend our twenties travelling.  By today’s standards we were supposed to wait until our thirties to have kids.  And we were only supposed to have a boy and a girl.  Nothing more.  And two dogs.  And a little fence.  Maybe we seem weird to our friends that have chosen a different path, but we are also weird to people living a similar life.  Honestly, how many 26-year-olds with 3 kids do you see lifecasting?  We are rebels, doing whatever the hell makes us happy.  

Our situation isn’t perfect, or easy.  But it’s the life we want, and we are on the track to fulfilling all of the dreams we have built for ourselves as a family and as individuals. 

So if you are in the same situation – LIVE IT UP.  Don’t sit in your cubicle just paying the bills.  Follow your passion.  Find what you love.  Ruts aren’t ravines, you can get out of them. 

I don’t care if you are married with 2.5 kids, if you are the CEO of a major corporation, or if you are a slutty slutty whore.  Do it because it makes you happy, not because your friends, family or society like it.  Settling is for d-bags, and you are not a d-bag.   

You likey?  Tell me about it on Twitter or Facebook.  I'll love you long time.