I am a 73% match with Julian Assange on #OkCupid

Seriously ... insert screen shot:

OMG OMG OMG!! STFU!!!!

Per ValleyWag: Discussion of Julian Assange's sex life of late has focused on the rape and sexual molestation charges filed against him by two Swedish women. But he was once a nerdy Australian posting on OKCupid under the pseudonym "Harry Harrison".

That is, if this profile is to be believed. It certainly demonstrates the self-mythologizing Assange prefers, casting himself as an enigmatic, globe-trotting nerdy sex god. The first thing most people notice about him is that he is "often carrying mystery brown paper packages tied up with strings." And he boasts that he is currently "directing a consuming, dangerous human rights project which is, as you might expect, male dominated." The last log in on the account was December. 2006, the same month Assange launched Wikileaks with a handful of volunteers. It seems unlikely that someone would have faked the relatively-unknown Assange's profile before Wikileaks had even gotten off the ground.

Anyway, take a look. Did you know Julian Assange has "Asian teengirl stalkers?" (What is it with nerds and Asian girls?) One line proves oddly prophetic, if you consider Assange's recent alleged predatory behavior: "I am DANGER, ACHTUNG, and ??????????????!"

@MayorPete just posted that on my wall on Facebook, so of COURSE I went and found his profile to view how compatible we are. Here's the breakdown:

BWAHAHA!! Really? Really?  I do not know how to process this right now.

Did you all at least notice that he has a clear picture of his face as his default!!?! Eh!! Eh!!! Ehhh!!! =) Hence why he replies selectively ... I'm sure he gets a lot of the punana.

Oh my gatossssssssss this made my life. Thx Pete!

#nerdsunite

How to get a response from a female on #OkCupid

*waves* Hi, I'm @JenFriel ... and I've been on OkCupid for the last 5 months. Yep, 5 months .... every day ... I've seen a lot of profiles, and read a lot of messages. Here are some of my top picks on what will get you a response from a female on OkCupid.

First off, lemme just start by establishing the female constant on OKC, and dating sites in general ... chicks rule. We don't have to go searching for guys, they come to us. You're constantly the hottest chick at the bar. It's amazeballs. So that being said, going in, you're going to have to do some leg work to pick us up. Get over it. We're worth it.

* Rule Number 1: Have a CLEAR shot of your face set as your default. *insert exhibit A*

Screw the filters, the expert lighting, just use photobooth, or set your phone on 5 second delay, place it on your desk, and smile. It is that easy. The set size for a thumbnail in an email is so small, and your number one job is to have your face take up as much of it as possible. I messaged a guy once that I wasn't even attracted to, and thanked HIM for having such a beautiful default picture. It was composed entirely of his face with a genuine smile. So beautiful.

All I want to do is see your face. I will judge your attractiveness. Be as neutral as possible while sustaining all of your already endearing genuine qualities.

That being said, remove all hats, sunglasses, spirithoods, or whatever from your default picture.

This makes me so irate, you have NOOO idea how many profiles that I see where the dudes are wearing sunglasses. Again, the thumbnail is so small, and your job is to pick me up. How can you do that if I can't see what you look like? You can still upload the pics to the album, but set your default as just one clear shot of your face. Period. End of sentence. This is as black and white as it comes. My first instinct looking at someone who has hats and sunglasses on in their default is, this person is hiding something. Is that the message you are trying to convey?

Didn't think so.

* Rule Number 2: Fill out the personality profile. I literally cannot comprehend why anyone on a dating website would not do that, but again - I've seen it multiple times, and they did not get a response. How am I supposed to know if I have anything in common with you? I have hundreds of guys messaging me everyday ... I will absolutely not even entertain the notion of even CLICKING on your profile if you haven't filled out the personality portion, let alone actually messaging you back. HAHA! No fucking way. Get over yourself. I suffered through it, you can too.

* Rule Number 3: Do not cut and paste the same email to all the girls on OKC that you think are hot. I get so many generic emails on OKC, it blows my mind. Here's one ...

I'm a LIFECASTER that quotes the Matrix and The Big Lebowski because I dig brevity, and I explain that I travel the country in celebration of Unapologetic Awesomeness ... the only adjective that came to mind was "interesting?" REALLY?!?! ... REALLY?!?!?! Furthermore, I state VERY CLEARLY in my profile that I am NOT looking for a relationship. You're saying that you're not the kinda guy that wants a one night stand when I'm flat out telling you its not off the table. This just makes no sense!!!

Here's one that got a response:

Total awesome sauce. Flattered without being fanboy, he clearly read my profile before emailing, and ended with a cutesie "ciao bella." Me gusta. Simple. Simple. Simple. I will email this guy back.

Put time into an email. Read the chick's profile before, glance through her pictures ... find something that you can relate to and bring it up.

I have a picture of me skydiving on my OKC profile. Here's a good example email a guy could send in response to seeing that ...

Hey Jen, I saw that you went skydiving! That's awesome! I'd love to go, did you do it around here?

It's literally that easy. One line, two lines, no more than a paragraph.

* Rule Number 4: Have a variety of pictures in your album.

OKC is great, you can have an entire album to lure a potential mate with. My pictures up there are some of the best moments of my life ... spinning the wheel on the price is right, flying cross country with Billy G of ZZ top, skydiving, and the moment I heard from the creator of FourSquare. I'm weird, but shit like that just happens to me. It's my constant ... what is yours?

Do you run around and play with monkeys all day? Are you an athlete? Yoga guru? Show me all the different sides of you!!!

I LOOVEEE it when I flip through a profile and see a skydiving pic, because I know if you were crazy enough to skydive, you could definitely be crazy enough to at least be my friend. I want to see you in your default picture, in the album I want a glimpse into your world. Don't judge it, just let it be! Do you work at Coffee Bean? Awesome! Show me how hot you can look in that apron, or how much fun you had that one time you and your friend juggled bags of beans in the back. I don't know! It's your life! Tell your own story!!!

A couple heads up though for dudes, limit the drinking pictures. A beer in your hand is fine in one pic ... a beer in your hand in all of them and the default is you doing a keg stand ... that's prolly not gonna happen.

Also, limit the amount of girls in your pictures. You might think it's cool to throw up a picture of your BFF Jackie, but some girls can be intimidated by it and not message you back. It's a handicap. It's guys that care about the hot chicks you are with ... we ARE the hot chick, we honestly don't care.

Alrite, so what did we learn to sum it up?

1. Have a clear default picture set. No sunglasses, hats, spirithoods, or filters. Just you.

2. Fill out the personality profile as much as possible. The metrics increase your chance of finding a good match, dude, come on! Just do it!

3. Can the generic emails, keep it real, and keep it simple.

4. Your album should tell the story of your life in pictures. Own it.

If you guys ever have questions too, or want me to look at your profile just hit me up! I'd gladly help!

Twitter: @JenFriel

Facebook: Facebook.com/JenFriel

Find me in a coffee shop via FourSquare: Foursquare.com/JenFriel

or drop me a love note on OKC: Okcupid.com/profile/JenFriel

#NerdsUnite

Update on Sunday, December 12, 2010 at 6:38PM by Talk Nerdy To Me Lover

Follow up from @donstugots: 

Jen,

It really is simple.   The K.I.S.S. method.   Keep It Simple Stupid. I see friends sending that initial email to a chick that is their whole life story or they sit and try to come up with a 4 line email that makes them sound like Tony Stark. The truth is a fast, lite hearted email saying "hey there groovy chick. Yes, I did just quote Greg Brady" is all you need to do. Its important to remember that it isn't a game and it isn't life and death. Its dating. Regardless if you are looking for a one night stand or to get married (why anyone would want to behooves me), it is important to remember that it is still supposed to be fun. Pics should all be clear and free of other chicks, unless it is your grammy. Props like a dog help.  Your profile should be filled out but not in depth, ie "I like comic books" but a pic of you in your Superman snuggie is a bad idea, unless you wore it on a bar brawl of some kind. No drunk photos. You don't need to be dressed in a suit but it wouldn't hurt. Be clear, be confident do not over compensate or beg.   

What am I leaving out?    My class would be called PIMPin' on line is easy   (but dont tell anyone I said that, it was a joke)

Don

#OkCupid: There's a scroll bar??

Wow ... I've been on OKC every day for the last 5 months, and today ... as in like 5 seconds ago ... I JUST noticed that you could scroll through your potential matches on the main page via that gray scroll bar. I just assumed there were only 4 top pick matches.

Again though, you have to understand ... I haven't actively sought anyone out on OKC. Dude, totally not trying to sound full of myself, but on that site ... my punana = gold. Its so rad. So yeah! I guess I never had a reason to actually have to search but bad end user experience if it took me that long to even notice it being there.

#OhWell

#OkCupid: Worst first impression meets a pretty gnarly first meeting

This picture is completely unrelated to the post. It just made me smile. Wow, so I just got back home from my meeting with the worst first impression guy.

Lemme take a few steps back first to explain what just transpired ...

So, I got a text this morning, asking if we were still on for our date. I am just the worst dater in the world, and didn't even remember that I had a date tonight. Nothing personal against this dude, or any dude for that matter, just kinda spaced on it. This birthday week has really screwed with me - so much going on. He said his name, and for some god awful reason I just did not connect that person with that name. I didn't even remember giving him my number. Not that he didn't warrant it, this guy is impossibly gorgeous, but brain did not connect. Nerd fail of epic levels.

Thinking he was the virgin boy, (this guy on OKC is 26 and a virgin ... yep, that's happening) I just told him to meet me at the Corner Bakery where I was hanging out all day. Again, thinking there's NO way I am going to date a virgin, but lemme just open myself up to this experience and see what I can take away from it.

I posted on it ... and just kinda went about my day. At 7:30, I looked down and saw a text from the guy. He was like, hey, I'm not the virgin boy ... I'm xxxx - I was like oh holy shit. Called out. Lifecaster fail. HAARRDDCOORREEEE!!!

Told him of course that would still be okay ... dude, I didn't even freshen up my makeup or anything. This guy's profile is like stupid. He's hot. Crazy hot. I was like no no no no no no, but bahh! I gotta just go with it. So I did ... and 30 minutes later he arrived. I thanked him for his sense of humor and understanding.

We started talking, and I didn't notice it at first because his skin is so light - but he is latin. Like LLLLAAATTTTINNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!! When I was 7, I used to run around the house proclaiming my love for Antonio Banderas. I used to even love just saying his name ... saying mommy mommy! I wanna marry Antttonnniooooo BANNNNDDEERRASSSSS!!! Down with Melanie Griffith!!! Dude, at this point I'd just negotiate a three some. HAHA!!! Little 7 year Jen Jen did not consider that possibility ... either way, I digress. Love love LOOVVEEE me some latin men. They're so passionate! I've only dated 1 latin dude before, and he was like meh, nice guy, but kinda a sissy ... this dude is just wow ... caliente!! Into MMA fighting, has gone skydiving, is in the industry so he "gets it" ... and yah! Mama likes!

I totally didn't expect to have a date today, let alone one where I was so clearly unprepared, but we went out for amazing pizza and I had a blast. I'm not mad at it. We've already scheduled another date, and we'll have to see where it goes from there.

I will say this, a girl knows within the first 2 minutes if she is going to have sex with a guy. For real, I make my mind up very fast - its just a matter of whether or not he can sustain that ranking for the duration of time. It's incredibly true. Women just know, we just don't say anything about it ... clearly ... and of course there is the mental stimulation and all that jazz. But the bottom line is everything starts off with a very deliberate yes or no. If it's a no, I'm incapable of even playing along. I won't talk about a second date, its just there or not. You can't predict who you're going to click with. The metrics on OKC may be off the charts, but sexual chemistry is an unpredictable beast all of its own.

Right now, he's in the yes category. Like for sure, I don't even have to remotely pretend. Dude, nutella came up in conversation. Are you for reals right now?? Nutella = crack. We'll see how long he can keep me entertained. Not gonna lie, I bore easily. Latin men are funny though, they aren't conversation starters. I had to ask him questions to keep the conversation going, which is weird. I'm used to being asked the questions, but I think its a cultural thing. I've noticed it a lot in even just my latin guy friends. They're not naturally inquisitive which makes for an interesting first meeting. 

Sunday, first official date. We'll see how it goesssssss

#nerdsunite

Fun with #OkCupid: Worst First Impression Ever!

Oh noes. Oh noes. Oh noes. Epic epic epic #nerdfail

I got a text earlier from a guy who asked if we were still on for our date tonight. I've honestly been so out of it the last couple days with my general excitement for life mixed with blah regarding my family. I hate that its happening, and I REALLY hate that I can't talk about it on here. Totes mcgotes understand of course, but its just hard. This is my therapy. Anyywhhooo ... just got a text saying, hey I'm not virgin boy. Just wanted you to know I'm xxxxx user. AH! Dude, this guy is actually hot too. Omg ... I am going to be a cat lady that doesn't like cats forever. Like forevs and evs and evs. I can't even keep track of cute boys asking me out?!?!?!?

He's still coming by in a bit ... but wow, this is going to be an awkward first meeting.

WHO DOES THAT?!?!?!?!?!

#Facepalm

ps. thanks though dude for reading my website!!! xoxo