#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @JenSquard
For me, life is all about opportunities. Either opportunities taken or missed. I try hard not to miss opportunities, big or small. I have missed a couple, and those stick with you - I had the opportunity to go to Broadway with a class in 8th grade, and France in high school. My dad said no way - opportunity missed, and it still breaks my heart. I will never again be in 8th grade, and when I do make it to see a Broadway show I will view it totally differently. If I do make it to France, the experience will be entirely different as an adult with kids than as a high schooler with a heart too big for her body.
So when I had the opportunity to fall in love, I took it. It was fast and hard (that’s what she said - oh!), and it was beautiful. It wasn’t always perfect, and I had to fight for it (more on that later), but it was passionate and fulfilling. I never thought of my relationship with Brian as anything unusual - we love each other like crazy, would do anything for one another, and are a perfect fit. That stupid “you complete me” saying actually makes sense for us. He made me a more sane, level headed and even tempered person, and I taught him that it’s okay to be who he is, let him come out of his shell, and gave him the chance to be a strong, independent man.
Our first few months together were wild - and I would have married him that first summer, he just didn’t ask. Once we settled into our life together things just worked. We lived together in a tiny 500 square foot house with our two nutty cats. He both went to college a few blocks away, and took as many classes together as we could. When his appendix burst I worked 60 hours a week on top of school to get us through. He cooked and cleaned and brought me dinner every day. Things were stressful, but we got through it well together.
After about a year we started looking at rings. I wasn’t one of those girls that always dreamt of my perfect wedding and all that junk, I honestly never wanted to get married. I was wild as hell in high school, and a hubby and kids just wasn’t part of my plans. When we started looking at rings it just felt...right. Not like the next step, but like something that would round out our relationship. We picked something we liked, and we left it at that. A few months later Brian asked me to marry him (in a frickin awesome way, but more on that later, too) and I said yes yes yes yes yes.
We got married the fall of 2006. Our marriage has been just about as close to perfect as you can get. We have bought a house together, had three kids, started a successful business and career, and strengthened our bond. This marriage wasn’t about what we were supposed to do. I didn’t marry him because I was 22 and needed the validation. Even though I was young, I have never felt like I am missing out on anything. I did it for the right reason - because I have loved him from the first week I knew him, and thought it would be a fun adventure for us to go on together. The opportunity to unite myself with my perfect match presented itself, and who was I to pass that up? And contrary to popular belief, the pressure to get married and start procreating when you are 25 don’t exist anymore. Most people told us we were too young, to wait, and that marriage is no different than living together. We were supposed to date for five years, travel while we were young, and make sure we actually loved each other before we got married. Bullshit. Time is not going to make me love him any more or any less. And I would love to travel, but I don’t know many 22-year-old college kids that can afford to travel any more than we already had.
Do I ever miss the days when I could do whatever I wanted and sleep with whomever? Not so much. I miss the easiness of being single, the freedom of not having kids or a husband, but that is because that all happened when life was a breeze - money was all mine, no one to answer to...but I wouldn’t trade the support or companionship for anything. Has it been easy? Hell no. It’s been hard, it always is when you live with someone else, especially when money gets tight. Sometimes I wish our life was a little more exciting, but then I look around - it doesn’t get much more exciting than watching three kids that you made with your best friend grow and learn. Our friendship develops more every day. He appreciates me as much as I appreciate him.
So before you assume that anyone married under thirty did it for the wrong reasons, consider that maybe they did it because it was a good opportunity to broaden parts of their lives that you haven’t discovered yet. If you want to be single, party it up, or sleep with a new person every night, do it. But don’t judge me for choosing to spend my nights next to my favorite people. Don’t feel bad for me being married with kids - I feel lucky, and might even feel a little bit bad for you.
What's your story? Tell me! @JenSquard
Tuesday, December 7, 2010 at 8:13AM
