#Category: YAY LIFE!!

DUDE!!! He totally texted me back saying he'd love to go out on a date! Woahh ... I have such a crush on this guy. We've been friends for years and years and years ... and he's incredibly nerdy ... we just reconnected when he came to my birthday ... wow ... im totally blushing ... stop being such a chick Jen. Stop being such a chick. Be more like the dude, be more like the dude ... totally could use one of these ...

*whew* MUCH BETTER!! Font is now biggeerrr!!

I only have one thing left to say ...

HIT IT POINTER SISTERS!!!!!!

#nerdsunite

#Randombling: That Nerdy Chick

Randombling: A 5 minute long unedited random stream of consciousness produced by a nerd for nerds.

#nowplaying: ‪Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch - Good Vibrations

OOOHHHH my goodness gracious, way to be an awesome awesome awesome christmas! dude, finally saw the fighter, and if you haven't seen it yet ... I suggest going now. Like right right now. Like go ... it was amazing. Christian Bale's performance was one for the books - for sure. What a character!!!

Having a blast with the fam. It's hard at times for them to not understand how I get SO FRIGGEN EXCITED about social media, just like its hard for me to discuss politics. I literally sit there, and smile and nod - similar to how I think they can be with me at times ... its just different levels, different lives. I think politics is just the most boring boring boringest thing on the planet, but my brother works at the Pentagon ... and I love my brother, so I gotta deal.

Dude, YAY LIFE & YAY SOCIAL MEDIA (since I know you all will get this ...) today, my parents told me that they've been trying to figure out the CD player in their new Ford Escape, and asked me if I knew how to operate the SYNC as I was a Ford Fiesta Agent. I said I'd try, and dude, I literally tried everything ... sat with it for about 15 mins before I decided to call in for backup; I sent out a tweet ...

And BLESS your guy's hearts!!! Thank you for all the replies, but yes - it looks like they do in fact have a single CD changer. I explained to them that the number 1-6 at the top were for the radio stations, and they weren't disc holders. Dude, my parents went through the manual, AND google - and couldn't find it.

Social media got an answer FROM A REPRESENTATIVE FROM FORD IN LESS THAN AN HOUR ... ON CHRISTMAS DAY!!!

When I say this is the GREATEST time to be alive I mean it from the DEPTHS OF MY SOUL to the TIP OF MY TOES!!! If you people don't see the INCREDIBLE opportunity before us all RIGHT NOW, IN THIS SPACE, then you never will. I sat there and cheered up and down left and right to my family, and they were all "that's great, Jen ... yayyyyyy." Again, awesome, if it was politics, I would have had the same reaction ... but you people get it. BAHHHHHHHHH!!! Amazing. Amazing. Amazing. I totes mcgotes lost my mind that even on CHRISTMAS DAY, I got an answer.

I'm just so so so grateful for you all, you just have no idea. Way to take an idea from ONE person and turn it into a platform that has a very very very powerful voice. I will go to my grave knowing that this was the year that changed my life. Thank you all so much for being a part of it.

Merry Christmas

xoxo #nerdsunite

PS. Thank you @scottmonty. You hold down the fort with the most incredible online reputation management that I have ever seen. Friggen love you guys!!! whoop whoop!!!

P.P.S. Moving back to Hollywood on the 3rd!! Santa brought me my gift of a new home!! Fuck yes!! The story continues ... thank you Santa! =) =) =)

P.P.P.S. I totally asked a boy out today. Let's seeeeee what he says!!! =) =) =)

Dear #Vans, I love you

OMMMGGGG, got my new shoes today!!! LOOK!!

Yep, checkered vans. Dude, the shock absorption in the padding on my polka dotted Roxys wore out MONTHS ago. I totally forgot what shoes are supposed to feel like. AHHHH!! I feel like I am walking on clloouuuddsssssssssss ... well maybe not clouds, but I do feel like little magical elves are massaging my feet with each step that I take. Feels. Sooooo. GOOD!!

So now I am rocking a striped sweater, with my leopard spirithood, with checkered vans. YAY for being the most AWESOMELY unmatched person on the planet!! JIGGA JIGGA JIGGA!!!!!! =) =) =)

#nerdsunite

thx mom and dad for the early christmas gift!! whoop whoop!!!

New Shoes! New Shoes! New Shoes!!

YAYY!!! I am so friggen excitedddd todayyyyy!!!! I am getting NEW SHOES!!!!!!!! Dude, way to be a minimalist and totally put in perspective just how fucking AWESOME it is to get NEW SHOES!!! I used to be one of those chicks with a 50 pair collection. What a waste. Now, I happily own 5 pairs, which even as is seems a bit excessive, but it's LA. You just need basic pairs for different occasions ... and yeah ... on that note HIT IT PAOLO!!

*HappyDanceHappyDanceHappyDance*

#Christmas isn't easy when your dad doesn't love you...

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @JenSquard

I tend to segment my life into three sections: Nebraska, Hard Times, and Adulthood.  I lived in Nebraska with the family unit until I was 10.  Life was great then - Mom and Dad were still married, and seemed relatively happy.  My sister and I fought like crazy, but nothing outside the range of normal sisters.  I had friends, and life was good for me.  

Then we moved to Colorado.  It was riThis is my nephew, Gunnar - mostly sums up my brain right now.ght at the beginning of middle school, so that sucked but I make friends easily.  Not long after we moved here, like six months, my parents told us they were getting a divorce.  Lame sauce, but not the end of the world.  It was an ugly divorce, and it ended in split custody, basically fifty-fifty, just staggered poorly.  Things were great for a while, then my dad got...weird.

See, my dad is a weird dude.  He thinks that the world revolves around him (he’s totally an only child), and that he can get away with just about whatever he wants.  He is also an angry man.  When I was 11 he started talking to me about crazy things.  One day we were driving around, and he started telling me that marrying my mom was the worst mistake of his life, and how it totally ruined everything.  I didn’t say much - you don’t argue with my dad, his word is the end all and be all.  He also dropped the bomb that him and my mom only got married because they were pregnant with me.

WHAT?!?!  I was 11!  I don’t think that is something I ever would have calculated, there was no reason ever ever ever to tell me something like that.  Of course I took that to say that I ruined his life.  How else could I take it?  He told me so many other crazy things over the next few years that I just assumed that all dads were terrible people, like how he bought a tire bomb to put under my mom’s car.  Or how awesome his new girlfriend was because she was short - meaning she wouldn’t have to get on her knees to give him head (totally said that to me when I was 14).

What sticks with me, though, is the abuse he liked to inflict.  It wasn’t so much physical, although at times it could certainly qualify as that.  It was the verbal and emotional that left the scars.  And totally fucked me up for a long time.  I wasn’t allowed to have friends or boyfriends.  I had to keep everything perfect - chores before homework, always.  I made every meal, and took care of my sister.  I wasn’t allowed to fix my hair or look nice because I would be accused of trying to pick up on guys.  I was 12.  I got grounded if I didn’t like something he bought me, like the super sweet pair of purple Rockies jeans.  See photo.  Not my style then or ever.  Ugh.

I guess where this is all coming from is Christmas.  I’m not really into it this year, for the first time in years and years.  And I think that’s a healthy thing for me.  Christmas was never really a big deal at his house.  We would get bullshit gifts, like shampoo, socks and cans of food.  Like normal needed to survive stuff.  It was just another day, not a big deal at all, really.  So I have spent the last 10 years trying to make Christmas into a supersized extravaganza for everyone.  I always spend too much, over extend myself, make a million things, and try to get everyone into the spirit.  This year I haven’t done anything.  No decorations, no presents bought, and barely anything planned to be made.  I have some ideas, but no real time or motivation to do it.  And while part of me feels bummed to be that guy, part of me feels really good that I can let go of the things I was missing, and just enjoy the things I now have.  I’m slowly coming to terms with the fact that my dad just sucks and doesn’t want to be a part of my life.  I don’t know that I will ever be able to fully accept it, but I am getting there.  And not getting jazzed about Christmas is a step in the right direction.  I’m still feeling way raw, but someday I will be able to celebrate the holidays without baggage.  I hope.

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter or friend me on Facebook - I could use a pick-me-up!